Next Weeks News Preview
Jun 10th, 2007 by 'holic
I have to apologise to a friend in Fleet Street for sharing the contents of a personal discussion over a vat of something fortified and sickly yesterday.
On Monday Arsene Wenger is expected to announce that he has reached agreement with Arsenal over a new twelve year extension to his current contract and that all that remains is the dotting of i’s and the crossing of t’s. A close personal friend will reveal that Arsene is delighted to put all of the uncertainty behind him.
Tuesday will see the unveiling of Florent Malouda as the first of a series of major summer signings as Keith Edelman reveals that Arsene was swayed by the offer of a one hundred million pound transfer kitty. An astute observer will spot Samuel Eto’o arriving at Heathrow airport, sparking a media frenzy on …
Wednesday mornings papers will be full of Eto’o to Arsenal stories. By lunchtime Eto’o will be revealed as a Chelsea player. The subterfuge will be revealed when Arsenal produce Ronaldinho at a late press conference and reveal the Brazilian is now a Gunner in exchange for Alex Song and a five million euro cash adjustment. I hope Barcelona pay up the five million in one hit!
On Thursday the hacks will realise they have forgotten Thierry Henry in this frenzy of activity. Whilst on an advertising jaunt for Reebok in the Isle of Man Henry will reveal his part in distracting the media while the Ronaldhinho is smuggled into the Grove. As he speaks Arsenal will call another press conference for …
Friday, and Liam Brady is unveiled as the new Director of Football. Wenger reveals that Brady has been responsible for the Ronaldinho capture and expects to secure another ‘two or three’ major signings in the following week. Brady is unavailable for comment, but is spotted at Milan airport enjoying a coffee with Kaka.
What do you mean, ‘that’s farcical’. Haven’t you been reading the back pages this week? And you have believed all of that? My friend in Fleet Street assures me it’s already written, and if it doesn’t happen they have a back up plan which involves takeover speculation, ‘Henry off’, and ‘Wenger to leave’ stories, as all of the hacks are on their summer holidays.
One Response to “Next Weeks News Preview”
Actually next week’s news sounds more realistic than some of the crud we’ve been seeing this week!