Life of Andrei
Feb 2nd, 2009 by 'holic
Picture the scene. A crowd is gathered on the steps next to the Armoury, baying for ‘you know who’ to show himself at the window of club level. There is much commotion.
Irena Arshavin, a fifty-something woman plainly dressed in a shawl and tugging at both ends of the scarf that covers her head comes to see what all the fuss is outside. She doesn’t like being disturbed by a throng as she sups her afternoon cuppa.
Alongside her, the suave Ivan Gazidis and a pretty office girl try to explain the furore.
“Your son is a born leader. Those people out there are following him because they believe in him, Mrs. Arshavin. They believe he can give them hope, hope of a new life, a new world, a better future!”
That cuts no ice with the stern matriarch who decides to take a closer look at the crowd and opens the window, and almost immediately is taken aback by their fervour.
“Show us the Messiah! The Messiah! The Messiah! Show us the Messiah!”
You could forgive this lone woman if she chose to withdraw to the safety of the high tea being provided by fawning Arsenal officials, but not a bit of it.
“Now, you listen here! He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy! Now, piss off!”
Embarrassed officials hurry to help her back into the confines of the Diamond Club, but not before she has screamed at the mob one last time.
“YOU ONLY COME TO SEE EBOUE”
With that, I would imagine, the burgeoning aspirations of the novice scriptwriter, ‘holicleese, have bitten the dust. You will forgive me, I hope, for the light-hearted look at the events of the day. As I type it looks as though some sort of a deal is being cobbled together, but there remain the final complicated negotiations about who pays who sums related to Arshavin’s signing-on fee and the agents fees.
Those who have followed the days events on newsfeeds and forums and blog comments will understand why my mental processes are decidedly warped this evening. The near-hysteria that has been whipped up is nonsensical.
I wish the fella luck, of course I do. I want him to be an outrageous success for us if we are at some point in the coming hours able to persuade the Football Association to sanction the protracted deal. I would be less than truthful if I now proclaimed that he was just the player I thought we needed.
We should temper our expectations of the so-called owl. Not least because he is far from match-fit as the Russian League is in the middle of its winter shut-down, he is nearly five inches short of six feet tall, and is not available for the Champions League campaign. Unusually for a Wenger signing, he turns 28 in May.
On the plus side, well, unusually for a Wenger signing he turns 28 in May! Once he is fit he can play across the midfield or as a second striker, and if the deal is ratified he is costing us considerably less than our friends and neigbours were prepared to fork out for him at the start of the season.
I don’t see Andrei solving the issues that many have with the club this season, but I think he could be a fine signing when summer turns to autumn. We will have him while he is at his peak. Next season we may have reason to celebrate the events of today.
For now though I need to calm down, in a corner of a darkened room.
Happy days, ‘holics.
27 Responses to “Life of Andrei”
Chin chin – I’ll have an ice cold Russian please.
A White Russian for me then, ‘holic.
Who is Paddy?
And does he have the memory of a goldfish?
Who is Paddy?
And …..
Pip,
He had a wheelbarrow, and the front wheel went round…
so paddy got up and he sung it again
Nutty day. It seems that those people at the FA have all gone home early because of the weather. His agent was on Talk Sport confirming a 3.5 year deal was signed. Just needs to re ratified in the morning……………………………………Hopefully.
Until then I will have a cheeky glass of red.
A spot in footlights awaits you Holic.
As always, a good read, Mr. ‘holic.
A sangria, please, to go along with the ‘lahn weather.
Holic, holic, where are you leading us, mate? In a matter of just a few elapsed posts we’ve been tinkling the ivories with Les Dawson, in the footlights with Morecambe and Wise and now, here we are, singing along with Andrei Arhavin’s old mother in a chorus of “Roll Out the Eboue”. It’s a barrel of laughs right enough, but I’m not sure i can keep up with this hectic pace! By definition Snail can’t or he wouldn’t be called Snail. Right?
Methinks the standard order of:
1. Write blog
2. Crack open bottle of rouge and reflect warmly
may have become inverted in the holic household tonight?
Your words of caution and wisdom on AA are appropriate. I agree that we should take things one day at a time (I’m assuming he IS coming) when he finally arrives. While the expectation will be that Arsenal will sail high in the charts with a Russian wind at our backs, he’ll need time to adjust to England, EPL, Arsenal, Emirates, Eboue, his mum’s romance with same, and so on.
I share your ambivalence (a 50 quid word if ever there was one) on whether or not he is the best signing at this moment in time. Irrespective of that, his arrival may well give the squad a “lift”. I’ve no doubt that we’ll be stronger going into next season with him than without him.
It’s got to be a Vodka and TONIC for me tonight please, barman. Come on you Gunners!
Time says we got him for £10 million, rising to £12 million depending on results, with Arshavin earning £70K/week.
If that’s not a well-bargained deal, what is?
Come spring and we’ll have the shortest midfield of the EPL (Arshavin, Nasri, Fabregas, Denilson, Walcott) with Nasri and Denilson towering at 5’10.
Champagne to that!
Diaby has something going for him that the rest dont. Isnt he over 6 feet tall. That basically guarantees him a place in our midfield. Of late he has been wining tackles.
I totally agree on us being cautious about our expectations of the man from Mother Russia.
Come spring and we’ll have the shortest midfield
Pictures the scene at the Grove as the stadium announcer is calling on the crowd to name the team. He goes through keeper and defenders one by one, then comes the moment he has been waiting for….
“Come on everybody, after me…
Hi-Ho!”
How fitting is it that this most protracted of all transfer sagas manages to exceed the deadline by an entire day.
I do want him to join us, but there have been so many conflicting and misleading reports that I got tired of hearing about it. Yesterday was the day we’d all be put out of our misery, but no! Somehow they still manage to drag it out even longer. Absolute farce.
He’d better be worth it!
“The near-hysteria that has been whipped up is nonsensical.”
Near?
The Mirror have covered themselves in glory, publishing a computer-generated image of Arshavin in an Arsenal shirt – LAST SEASON’S Arsenal shirt!
http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/2009/02/03/what-andrei-arshavin-would-look-like-in-an-arsenal-shirt-picture-exclusive-115875-21094638/
It is official at last – right what’s for dinner?
http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/exclusive-arshavin-his-first-interview
What long a tortuous affair this has been, and its a measure of how far we have fallen that I was praying the whole thing wouldn`t fall through at the death. On top of this we have that prize p***k Durham on Talksport telling the world that this deal shouldldn`t be ratified because it was completed after the 5pm deadline. Also what should the FA do to us if Arshavin`s goals (morally illegal of course) should help propel us into the top four at Villa`s expense? Seriously though, Arshavin is coming at the right time as it looks like Diaby is due for another long spell on the sidelines.
He signed. Hope that he was worth the fuss. Goodnight ‘holic
I listened to Durham on Talk Sport on the way home in the car. The man is a total arse. How he has a career in broadcasting God only knows. I guess he had nothing else that he wanted to talk about today.
Not sure when Arshavin will be available to play. He is going through pre season so may not be match fit for a week or two. That said, the winner in a cameo appearance at Shite Fart Lane on Sunday will go down well.
I must say that I was hoping for other signings in the transfer window as well. However I also want to add a congratulations to those involved in getting Arshavin here. I can not remember a deal seeming to be so arduous and time consuming to complete. I am guessing that those behind the scenes have put in loads of hard work.
I had to turn Adrian Durham off.He was frightening the servants.He sounded completely demented.He was screaming at Arsenal fans to take him on over the Arshavin transfer.
He needs help.I would recommend Erik Satie and Mandrax.
Pleased with the signing.He looks a class player.Lets hope he can show it.
All I can say is to reiterate that I have not listened to TalkShite now in over a year, and recommend you let it go too. BBC are once again better with an offering carefully picked from Radios one, two, five, and six anyway. That wasn’t always the case.
Durham is a complete and utter plum, a poor mans shock jock who is deliberately provocative, and if you don’t turn the tosser off he has achieved his aim. I cannot believe how many people get sucked in by him. TURN THE PILLOCK OFF.
What’s a “Durham”?
You missed out Radio 4 ‘holic. They don’t really do sport; it’s great!
And I don’t listen to it because I don’t have time, Garrett, but happy to endorse your recommendation. 5 for sport and news, 1, 2, and 6 provide great musical coverage which is something the Beeb got sloppy at.
Thanks ‘holic; not sure about 1 (but agreed Beeb got v. sloppy on music) but I know I should give the others a try but there’s only so many hours in the day.
Any news on the late registration of a defensive midfielder and centre half? Oh well . . . .
XFM for music people. The only way forward…….
I may be betraying total ignorance here, but a spuds forum has a topic about an Adebayor chant, which is in their words “more close to the mark and has a bigger racial element than the one about Campbell”. Can anyone enlighten me?
Genius mate. Pure genius.