Guest Post – A Ramble From La Rambla
Mar 10th, 2011 by 'holic
So the drinkers have noticed an absentee from the discussion that has followed the game in Barcelona. Fear ye not. Our very own Bergkamp the Man has penned a wonderful account of his trip, sent me a snap or two, and so here I give you a unique flavour of a night by one who was there.
March the 8th. I awoke with a start and the last remnants of El Glop’s suckling pig crackling and surging through a chorus of “I huffed and I puffed and I blew” in a delicate underbelly, still acclimatizing to the twin challenges of Spanish time and Catalan cuisine.
Vague memories of a midnight stroll along Diagonal, fueled by more Rioja than I needed, flitted through my mind. A robust chorus of “We won the league at Sh*te Hart Lane” had late night Catalan revelers (and Her Nellieness) looking on disapprovingly. Did I care? No! I was here as a fully-fledged representative of The Arsenal. And I was wearing the official scarf, badge and Number 10 v. Persie top to prove it.
At that witching hour, I was absolutely certain that the BtM crystal ball’s prediction of a 2-2 draw was a hopeless understatement. Ten-nil (or maybe the first ever thirteen-nil recorded by any team at the Nou Camp?), seemed a more realistic proposition altogether. “Bring ‘em on! Robin’s playing, we’re ready”, I thought.
Tuesday started greyer than Monday. The Catalan sky was lead heavy. But, first things first – Goonerholic’s pre-match post, and thoughts on the destination of the Holic Pound. Holy smoke! Holic preaching caution and concern and %-ages and hamstrings and repercussions and leagues lost in the weeks to come? It must be absolutely pissing down hailstones bigger than footballs in Wiltshere. Is the man depressed? Has his Bushmills evaporated? Why is he even drinking Bushmills at all?
Our famous five has grown to seven with the addition of Norway’s Kim and Tina. Ollie should be here. He’s AWOL. Not an Ollie in sight. Where is he? Barcelona harbour, and some more pork and Spanish beer. By now I know pig from the rooter to the tooter.
Lots of Gooners around, and some good humour. The Arsecast quip on “49 year old Ogbafemi Martin’s” goal getting belly laughs all round. And then, handshakes to dad, granddad and two youngsters sporting Xavi and Iniesta tops. “Good luck to you too, Arsenal” the respectful reply from BarcaDad.
All Goonered up, tension rising and time to take the taxi from the hotel to the ground, passing several Barca bars on the way. Gooners are roaring their hearts out there, trying to out-sing those in claret and blue in the pre-match singdown. We draw up at the Nou Camp. It’s a big lump of concrete and doesn’t have The Emirates grace. That’s got to be worth a goal at least? (Well, maybe it’s a smidgeon more impressive than Central Park, Cowdenbeath, to be fair).
An interview by some young Australian lad on “the motivations of visiting fans at big European matches” between the taxi and the ground, for TV apparently, and I’m chuffed until I realize that my 1796 Crail Golf Club bunnet is on squint! Allowances please if you hear a Fife accent and see a squint bunnet on your telly.
Gate 51 holds the path to glory for travelling Gooners but a barrage of metal detectors and a full body massage are the primary hurdle (and was that friendly squeeze of uncle dick and the twins a Catalan custom or just a friendly Barca welcome, I wonder?) We’re in and it’s oxygen masks on for the ascent to the top. Brian’s on the fag wagon but still needs to stop after every ten steps so the ascent is a long one. But it’s going to be worth it.
The GREAT Nou Camp……..NOT! For the first time ever, I’m one mile from the pitch behind a net with so many patches that that my old grandad wouldn’t have been seen dead with his strawberries in it. What kind of recompense is this for the prime position Barca fans enjoyed during the first match? And 70 quid a seat? Never mind. Only 90 minutes till kick-off and we’ve got Stacey Solomon to keep us company “Stacey is a Gooner! Stacey is a Gooner” (Sorry Stacey, I couldn’t resist taking that pic).
Arsene steps out – “Only One Arsene Wenger” and he waves to us in the heavens. Our part of the ground nearly full, the rest empty and remains so until the teams are about to come out. My heart beats like a big brass gong as Cesc leads out The Arsenal. Fabregas, for the first time, leading a team out at The Nou Camp. The last? It’s in the crystal ball but I’m not telling.
We’re off. The minutes are like hours. How can we play if we can’t win the ball? Why do we look so nervous? Too many headers straight to them. Too many passes straight to them, then straight back at us. Wojciech’s off and Almunia’s on and my heart’s in my boots. Then it’s a crazy back-heel inside the D and we’re one down. Not against the run of play, but we could/should have held out to nil-nil at the turn.
So, pretty easy team talk. Go out there and score. And, scratching against the North Star in the night sky, we’re optimistic up there in the heavens. A brilliant run by Sami, a corner and “Get in there!” 1-1. Better than that, it’s now 3-2 Arsenal and we have some momentum. We’re going mental in the heavens.
Robin’s red carded and we curse and howl at the sky and if that ref ever comes to Auchtermuchty on a cultural visit he will be “sans testicules” (as we like to say up there) on departure. It’s over. And we have an hour to wait before evacuation. “Give us a song, Stacey”. “I want to go home – the Nou Camp’s a shit-hole, I want to go home”.
Many are deeply down. We have BBB in attendance. “Sell those lazy B’s who earn a gazillion per week and don’t even try!” “Who’s that then?” “We need to sell ‘em and buy big!” Who are you going to buy? Give me one name. Torres for 50M? Ronaldo for 90M? Berbatoss for 35M?” “Don’t be daft – Suares maybe” “What 25M on the basis of three games for Liverpool?” “OK then – Carroll” “What, Carroll for 30M??” “We could’ve got him for 1M last year, they wanted to get rid of him! Anyway, it’s not our job to find players, it Wengers and he’s hopeless at it”.
I think for a moment that I might start with Wojciech and go through the alphabet backwards of unknowns that Arsene has uncovered – but what’s the point? “Barcelona always spend more money than they’ve got and look how good they are!” Happy logic and who am I to argue? We see things differently but love the same team.
Wednesday now. My scarf around my neck and off through the city. Every Barca fan I meet won’t look me in the eye or, if he does, shrugs as if to say “What can I say?” Into the first bar I come to. Robin’s on the telly. “The ref was a disaster. He killed the game”, I say to six Barca lads. “You’re right. He did. It was a terrible decision”.
They’re through though, and good luck to them. Me? I’m enjoying a week in one of the most beautiful cities in the world – and the people here ain’t half bad either. I’ll be back, but not to the Nou Camp. I don’t do strawberry nets at one thousand paces.
Thanks BtM. Almost like being there, it was. I would be highly delighted to see that biased, halfwit of a cuckoo clock maker “sans testicules”.
42 Responses to “Guest Post – A Ramble From La Rambla”
What timing. Now I’ll read the post.
Great write up.
You can’t go wrong with pig and beer.
Talking of pigs are you planning a quick visit to Madrid?
Noticed the new tag on top of the page now, thanks, ‘holic.
Right, just time to read the magic from BtM (been waiting for it all night!) before concentrating on work again.
(Steve T, dunno about BtM, but I will certainly be in Madrid in 2 weeks’ time for business. Unless I go to Barcelona instead, but less likely).
Must have been quite some lens to take that picture!
The ‘Respect’ thing for the CL is a bit of a joke though, seeing how Barça behaved.
Anyway, i’d better not repeat what I’ve said/e-mailed/arsed already, but life goes on and Bergkamp is still the Man!
As for me, just another strong coffee today, thanks barman!
Just want to register my complete and utter contempt for Alves. For the ref I reserve just pity. It must be hard to do a job you have no idea about.
Great write-up, BtM!
Pint of Boddingtons, please.
Great write-up BtM, and I hope the latter part of your week is better than the first part, at least the part spent in Sh*te Camp.
So we are treated to the wonderful news today that Cesc is injured and out of the FA cup clash.
Now this pisses me off for two reasons.. firstly obvioiusly this means that any remote chances we had of scraping past Man Utd is now quickly disappearing.
But more importantly,he felt his hamstring go in the first 15 min of the Barca game, but continued to play on -thereby worsening his personal game and our chances at NouCamp but more importantly – the rest of our season.
I think its extremely selfish of Cesc – and as much as I love the guy, he is responsible for jeopardizing Arsenal’s campaign.
Afternoon all. Hope you are recovering.
Hello Ollie. Got a nice drop of Douwe Egberts in just for you.
Ollie. I was just wondering if btm was due to say hi to his beloved? I know how close he is?????;
Ade’s meeting me up here for a beer and a bite on Friday night, Steve! We’re going to talk about the good old days and I’m going to warm him up for his comeback at The Emirates. Catalan has recommended a spot where we’ll be well away from ‘Holic’s 150,000 other readers. Many thanks, CG.
Ollie, Nikon 55-300mm. Magic! Sorry, mate. Missed you.
Just about Holic…
BtM Great post I did imagine you would be a mile away from the pitch, they should certainly do something about that net though.
Ollie I’ll join you on that coffee, Barman make that two Douwe Egberts’s
I find it hard to believe that the Camp Nou is anymore impressive than Central Park, BtM.
How much red wine did you actually have?
Great write-up BTM.
I’ll have a pint, thanks
Nice one BtM.
Btm. Enjoy the rest of your stay. More beer and wine. Just remember that eating is cheating.
I love Arsene’s press conference give it to em Boss!
My Sponsors says I have to stop drinking and/or reading this blog so I’ve put down the bottle.
On to Olde Trafford for Tea and Crumpets lads!
Is Stacey Solomon really a Gooner?
AtG, Brilliant stuff by Wenger. It’s about time somebody within the game stated the obvious fact that UEFA are dictators.
Thanks for the first hand report BtM.
‘The Camp Nou is a smidgeon more impressive than Central Park, Cowdenbeath’. Don’t they race stock cars on that ‘ground’ in Scotland?
As always sir, you have a rather unique way with words.
Safe trip home to you and your entourage.
Theo, they do.
“Parking the bus” got lost in translation in Fife 😉
Great post. Agree with much of your opinions. Barca is a great city, but the ground reminds me of a multi-storey carpark in the centre of Slough. Cava?
zico,
I know more about Scotland than the average Kanadian I’d say. I catch as much of the SPL as Setanta is willing to show on a tape delayed basis. It’s mostly just Celtic and Rangers games. The quality is not the greatest but the intensity is top shelf. Especially those Old Firm games.
Last world class Scot (Dalglish). Next? Fletcher!!! 🙂
Thought the humourous jab might be a good segue for the Old Toilet visit on Saturday.
‘holics: Unexpected pleasures are double the fun, and any pleasures we have this weekend may fall into that category to some extent but I’m just saying, based on my latest nerve vibrations it could be Arshavin’s moment to shine. COYRRRs!!!!
Excellent as usual BTM. As much as I love our captain, I think I have to agree with Sajit #9 to an extent. I wouldn’t go as far as saying he’s responsible for jeopardizing Arsenal’s season though. However, I think Cesc exhibited a bit of selfishness in such a big game as I was there wondering if I was the only person who could see that after a few minutes, Cesc could hardly move on the pitch. I sat throughout the game wondering how long the powers that be were going to wait to substitute him, as he was doing more harm than good to the team. Nevertheless, the horse is now through the gate and I hope we can finish the season strongly. I hope he doesn’t rush back again and that when he returns, he can carry us over the finish line. Gunners4life!!!!!!
Ice Cold Heineken for me and all the holics please barman!
Heh! Hope you enjoy BtM….. if I’d known you were staying this long I’d have given you more places to visit!
They do like their pigs over here, don’t they?!
PS – the latest Catalana gunnerette arrived at a nice sociable time last night. I even had time for a celebratory beer afterwards….!
Congrats, Catalan!
Yes! Congratulations C Gun. Cigars and cognac all around.
I don’t normally post on your blog but it is a must daily read, just to keep up the spirits. I compliment you on your regular contributors who keep me smiling. As a Gooner of over 55 years ,disapointments and heartbreaks are nothing new but we do seem to have had more than our fair share of incompetent/biased officials this season.
I fully expect UEFA to throw the book at AW but I do admire his defiance ,which makes me feel a little better.
I fully expect him to play our best available side at OT . Just hope RVP’s overflowing adrenalin doesn’t add to his red card collection!
As always COYRs
Catalan, really pleased for you. Best to missus and the gunnerette.
Delia, thanks for the kind words.
Cheers to Catalan Gunner and the little one.
Catalan – all the very best.
Sleep is over-rated anyway. 😉
Tremendous news Dr. C!
All the very best 😀
Will the new goonette wear Bergkamp’s n° 10 jersey? Or Last year’s RvP’s n°11?
Congrats Catalan make sure the kids got Arsenal DNA!!
Congrats Catalan..
Congrtats Dr C.
Give that man a cigar and a nice drop of brandy.
Evening all,
Back now from my Asian excursion and catching-up with all the drinks and posts. You’ll be encouraged to hear that the Gooner following in HK is very strong. Fortunately, the guys I went to meet were both big Arsenal fans which allowed us to commiserate together. Many others were deeply disappointed on the goings-on at the Camp Pou earlier in the week. The bars in Kowloon will no-doubt be rammed tomorrow with Gooners and Manurites(?) going at it again.
BtM,
Very enjoyable read. Equal amounts of smiles and pathos. May your travels be a tad more comfortable than mine.
Dr. C,
Great news, trust mum and baby both doing well. Are the red & white disposables and babygrows already on order? Get some sleep whilst you can 😉
Steve T @ #17,
Not according to Arnie it isnt….
Steve T,
Sorry the jetlag is causing me to type double negatives. Should have written, “not according to Arnie” 🙂
CG,
Congrats mate glad to hear the gooner masses have been added to- Barman if you will a couple of your finest bottles of Rioja for the new dad and the rest of us scallywags 😉
Wasn’t confident about tomorrow but for some reason I’ve a funny feeling we will turn them over tomoz that may have more to do with an Arsenal supporting mate going before a beak today and getting of in a pretty open and shut case Happy Days unless you were the arresting officer in which case I politley say up yours 😉
3.1 The Arse,
Turns out about 5 seconds of my interview at the Nou Camp is on Arsenal 360 on Arsenal TV, shortly after the Nasri song (11/3/11 version). Trust my bunnet to be on squint. I normally striver for sartorial elelegance : – ).
Interview is in Scottish but a simultaneous translation into English is available from hoiic@goonerholic…….
I think they caught a pretty good quote though – but you guys haver been hearing me say “the next decade is Arsenal’s” for yonks, so there’s nothing new their for you.