Boring Boring Arsenal Too Good For Irons
Dec 19th, 2017 by 'holic
Arsene Wenger went with all but a couple in the preview, preferring to pair Calum Chambers and Rob Holding in the middle of a back four, and selecting Joe Willock rather than Jack Wilshere in the number ten role. West Ham juggled a few as well but had real experience and ability to call off the bench.
After a slow start the first meaningful attack came in the sixth minute but Olivier Giroud strayed offside and strangled the break in it’s infancy. The big Frenchman was caught again as the clock ticked past nine minutes.
The first corner arrived in the eleventh minute when Mathieu Debuchy’s attempted cross was blocked. It resulted in nothing, much in keeping with what preceded it. A second corner two minutes later sailed over all and sundry to go out for a throw-in on the other side of the pitch. “Is this a library?” enquired the visiting support. I can understand the reason for the question. It was clear that few, if any, of them have ever seen the inside of a library.
West Ham were happy to let us have the ball and defy us to break down their back ten. Gripping entertainment it was not. It said much about our game that Debuchy was probably our most likely creator in an increasingly tedious half. On the half-hour Francis Coquelin sent Theo Walcott scurrying down the inside-right channel but interestingly Ogbonna matched the winger for pace and the chance was lost.
David Ospina was finally able to make a save in the thirty-sixth minute when clawing a header out of the night sky. It provoked Sead Kolasinac into retaliatory action but after a mazy run he blazed his effort into the massed ranks of Irons behind the goal. He then played a glorious cross to Walcott who completely mis-placed his diving header well wide of the target.
As a painful half drew to a close we grabbed the advantage with a suitably scrappy strike by Danny Welbeck. Inevitably it was Debuchy who set it up with a head into the centre of the area and Welbeck outmuscled Collins before stabbing the ball home from close range.
The Arsenal 1-0 West Ham
Before the whistle Welbeck turned provider but Joe Willock, making only his fourth start for the Gunners, cleared the crossbar by some distance. Such a relief to hear the whistle this dead parrot of a half needed. Bereft of life it fell off it’s perch.
The second-half started ominously and late due to the substitution of an assistant-referee with back trouble. An unqualified fourth official was called up to deal with Wenger and Moyes. He watched on nervously as Mohamed Elneny’s chipped free-kick was put behind for another unproductive corner. Six minutes in the unqualified fourth official gave way to a qualified replacement from the crowd, doubtless breathing a sigh of relief.
In the fifty-seventh minute another Gunners corner came to nought. With West Ham sticking resolutely to parking several London buses the second-half was proving as difficult to watch as the first. Then a rare break out ended with Hernandez, seemingly suffering a terrible inner ear infection all night, tumbling spectacularly for the umpteenth time. Did Holding do enough to send him to earth? Doubtful. The Mexican carried on his battle with the force of gravity.
In the sixty-third minute Debuchy upended Masuaku on the edge of the box but Cresswell’s free-kick went a country mile wide of the far post. Cue his substitution by Andy Carroll and Hernandez being replaced by Sakho. Carroll’s first action was to smash into the side of Coquelin without reprieve from the wrongly named Mr Friend. That resulted in a chorus of Bubbles from the hordes at the Clock End.
Twenty minutes left on the clock and finally a football match broke out with West Ham trying much harder to get an equaliser. This would be a big test of the young central defenders. However we had a chance to seal it when Hart brought down Welbeck on the edge of the box and earned a yellow card. Elneny tried to curl a sneaky one in at the near post but it was deflected out for another meaningless corner.
“Same old Arsenal, always cheating,” sang the halfwits in the Burnley colours for the umpteenth time this season.
A quarter of an hour from the end the awful sight of Giroud pulling up with a hamstring problem as Welbeck attempted a break at speed. Reiss Nelson was sent on as his replacement. The out of touch Walcott was switched to the centre of the Arsenal attack. Immediately he was involved in a goalmouth scramble that foundered on Elneny’s poor first touch.
Ospina paid the price for clawing a far post cross away from the lurking Carroll who promptly fell on the Columbian and took the wind out of his sails. Accidental said Mister Champion on commentary. Hmmm. That break allowed West Ham to send on the loathsome Arnautovic. All eyes now turned to Debuchy. Would he? Could he restrain the urge to get his own back?
The Gunners sent on young defender Ben Sheaf for Willock who had tried hard without impacting the game. The match drifted into the last of the ninety minutes with Coquelin hobbling off with what appeared to be a painful injury that would make males wince. Even more than they had through this dreadful match. On came Josh Da Silva. Nelson and Masuaku became embroiled in a passionate embrace and had to have a bucket of cold water poured over them by Mr Friend.
West Ham launched ball after ball at the Gunners rearguard, but the lads held on for a victory that earns us a two-legged chance of another Wembley trip. Forgettable though the match might have been, the result was a good one with that team.
Well done lads.
70 Responses to “Boring Boring Arsenal Too Good For Irons”
Good game. Good result.
Danny Welbeck must be the only player we have in the squad with the technical ability to head it at goal from two yards and score with the outside of his right foot/shin combo.
Now that’s talent 🙂
Shocking penalty decision in the other game.
Which was amusing.
Well, we’re through.
Thanks for the report GH.
By the sound of it bad game good result. High price to pay with HFB limping off.
I think I made the right choice
GH that is an old one, but I must say highly effective:
“It was clear that few, if any, of them have ever seen the inside of a library.”
Ditto “the wrongly named Mr. Friend.” 😀
The penalty decision made sweeter because it was Kyle Walker who got done, then a cherry was added when he got booked for diving at the other end to try to cheat a penalty of his own.
What fun it is.
Coquelin’s injury wouldn’t have made whales mince their words then?
Passion and cold water never have mixed in my experience.
Thank you very much ATG@53 from previous.
A useful result.
Thanks, ‘Holic.
I wonder if tonight’s team means
Per is under consideration for
Friday?
Bit early to be worrying about
our defence for the next match
I suppose but I am anyway.
And I must acknowledge the
Guvnor called it right on AMN/
Kola tonight. Can’t really see
what Kola’s done wrong.
Excellent wordsmithery maestro. Saw only the goal, elsewhere described as a quintessential Welbeck goal. Credit where due at least he was there to allow the ball to hit him (twice). Onwards.
My mate has texted me that it was dire and Theo was the most dire Arsenal player. He liked Chambers and Holding
?
cheers ‘holic
On the train home now. Quality wise that has to be one of the poorest matches I have ever sat through. I honestly think that back in the day that I’ve actually played in better games than that. The quality from both sides was shocking.
I had high hopes on seeing the line up. I had hoped that a team skippered by his Royal Rustyness and boosting a front line just brimming with international talent, might at least show something. But to many had been bitten by the first touch is a pass bug.
We created very little. They created even less. The introduction of Carrol meant the ball went even higher into the night sky.
The fact we bundled the ball over the line from 6 inches to win sums the game up perfectly.
Still, a win is a win and a semi finals await. Please God make a tad more exciting than that one.
Nice write up H. You were clearly as bored as I was.
He looked rusty TTG. Not his fault.
In fairness he was far from alone in the dire stakes.
More frustrated than bored, Steve. Moyes thought West Ham, WEST HAM, could rope-a-dope the Arsenal. Twat. It made for tedious viewing, I understand.
I love Danny Welbeck’s shin. ?
15 ?
s’like the denis nordern clip of the fucked off bbc reporter
“This is steve T , on the train for goonerholic”
“Cold , bored , oh how so bored …..”
.
.
.
brilliant ?
????
Now seen Feo’s truly shocking header from the first half. The man is an England International paid over £100k per week to ply the trade of professional footballer and has had years to practice the skills of the game full-time without having to do bar work in the evenings. He was unmarked in the penalty area with a perfect cross from Kolasinac (btw don’t Debuchy’s crosses put Hector to shame?) and had the time to take it down, light a cigar and place it in a corner of the goal but…..that. Rust? That’s not rust, it’s fungus.
I’m not sure what Moyes thought or if he actually had any tactics. Apart from lumping it. West Ham were as tedious as any side I’ve seen.
I had forgotten about Rusty’s header. I only saw it from a long way away but my thoughts were that he had time to bring it down and pick his spot?
Bath, you are right about the crosses from full back.
CBA. ?
Bath
You make a very good point.
Debuchy is a very real option at right back as is AMN. Bellerin has been hugely disappointing this year. But he plays every week and the estimable Tank is being dicked around with.
Didn’t see today’s game but Debuchy played last game like the full French international that he used to be.
And we need him to be pushing Bellerin just now.
And I want to see Debuchy being vindicated and victorious ait Arsenal. Almost as if I were a great script writer, which I am not.
Don’t pay attention to what I want though. I wanted to see Diaby vindicated and victorious ait Arsenal too.
Script writers never think of this kind of stuff.
Cheers ‘h. ?
A truly dire spectacle attempting to pass for entertainment! Was just all about the result! ?
One hopes that our Super-Sub Striker’s myalgia is simply a precautionary warning?! ?
Great to see Debuchy and on his way to getting back to where he should be! Keep pushing-on, Monsieur! You deserve it! Stay on with the Arsenal mate! You were always meant to be the number 1! ?
Bristol or Bournemouth in the Semis! Bring it on! ?
AFCOF!
Not sure how your mate was able to pick a ‘most dire’ out of the many contenders today, TTG. Yes, Theo was in the mix, but as usual, the Kalashnikov feed aside, he wasn’t getting much usable service from an uninspiring midfield. His goal notwithstanding, Danny was equally dire, OG looked like a Percheron on a Percheroff day and there was plenty more direness on display.
The exceptions were Kola and Callum, with the latter comfortably motm.
Just one shot on target (Danny’s shin on target to be exact) in the entire game (none at all for Wham) summed up a really dire experience all round.
Script writers never think of this kind of stuff.
The clever ones do but they always dress it up in metaphors, the over calculating, twist loving, tossrags.
Actually saw the term ‘discarded tossrag’ used in a History book by a top academic recently. I was most surprised.
But he didn’t capitalise the word history, which may explain why he’s a top academic and I’m typing bollocks on the internet on a wet Wednesday morning.
1-0 i said and it turned out to be the same hahha should play predictor more for betting aint legal in India.
Theo Walcott cannot hide anymore, his days are numbered and if Everton want him, sell him.
Giroud injured is not good news but dare i say, we are in december and apart from Santi, we have been largely injury free, does this mean the medics are finally earning their bread? touch wood let there be no more injuries and may Giroud/Ramsey come back soon.
Everyone now seem to believe it will be Niles to start against pool on friday. He will be up against Salah and will the yound man bear the brunt or come out in flying colours? I can see why Kolasinac may not start that game for his performances have dipped over the last few weeks but in a must win game will you throw Niles into the deep end?
What about Bellerin? he has been bang average whole season but having played yesterday, is Debuchy fit enough and more so have the legs to play again on friday against Mane and co?
Arsenal need to win friday, pool have the attack but no defense, if Mesut can have one more of his wonderful games, we should be winning this one.
Finally, Rosicky announced his retirement today, a wonderful player who never played long enough to be valued enough, thanks for the memories Rozza.
I suppose the game was what I expected and I only have myself to blame for spending a miserable evening at what is supposed to be “the home of football”, that it was not last night.
As for Giroud, I’m sorry he picked up the injury but his kicks and flicks made him more of a candidate for Strictly Come Dancing than a striker in a PL side.
A word of praise for the two centre backs who shone through the dross.
The game was so dire and so poorly attended that the Club should consider giving those of us who did attend free tickets for the Semi-Final. Pigs might fly !!
Of course we are all going on Friday, gluttons for punishment.
Re: Cynic @30. 🙂
*puts down “discarded tossrags” as a potential name for my FFL team unless Cynic claims it first*
The Rosicky-Welbeck link you have been expecting (or not):
http://metro.co.uk/2017/12/20/danny-welbeck-pays-tribute-retiring-tomas-rosicky-celebration-vs-west-ham-7173622/
You can have my “discarded tossrags” bt8
Not sure about the proper response to that one. Thank you never has done me wrong though. 🙂
Tomas Rosicky retired today. Most Arsenal fans loved him. He was a very fine player with a body that let him down too often but I relished his time a5 our club. I suspect he might make a great manager one day.
Wolfgang Amadeus
Nice to have known you, TR7, your energy and style were a joy to watch. Shame about the body, we’d like to have seen even more of you.
In other ex-gunner news: Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp wants Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain to be involved in more goals, saying there is “a lot of space for improvement”. http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/42430684
Hahahaha Jurgen, so he hasn’t changed a bit then. That’s £35m you’ll never see again!
In breaking news
After a surprise Council inspection,Emirates stadium is apparently overrun by a mice infestation at all 4 levels of the club.
Mouse droppings found in the kitchens of the Diamond VIP section,wonder who will be game to have dinner at the game on Friday.
Pulls will go in at Swansea and they will lose their sense of identity but may stay up
Bristol City moving on ahead of Man United at the mo …
THE ROBins!!!
But wasn’t Moaninho going to drink some expensive wine..?!
😀 😀 😀
@40
I laughed about that one too.
Klippity has had a couple of little
digs at us pre-game.
Bristol City in the semis?
The Chavs instead it seems.
Certainly winnable.
Tomas Rosicky speaking today:
For one last time, I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone at Arsenal Football Club. For me, it’s a fantastic club and it was always an honour for me to play for Arsenal. I always had a special bond with the fans. Every time I played, they knew that I was playing for the shirt. I always played for the shirt because it was an honour for me to represent such a great club like Arsenal. One thing is for sure, I’m a Gunner forever.
American newspapers won’t tell you this stuff:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/dec/20/trump-tax-bill-savings-analysis
“who wouldn’t enjoy watching
Tomas Rosicky play football*?”
AW once said that and it was
true. If it was an honour for him
to play for The Arsenal then it
was a real privilege to watch him.
*or something like that as I can’t
remember exactly.
Newsflash: Huddersfield defender Mathias Jorgensen has offered to buy every fan who travels away to Southampton on Saturday a Christmas drink as thanks for their “amazing” support this season. Count me in as a temporary supporter. He could have offered to buy when the fans didn’t have to travel quite so far though. Southampton or bust.
TR7 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aq4t1eNf5Gs
51 bt8
“round” buying
an alien concept and construct round Here
not ‘hol’s ‘here
.
.
drink at yer own pace
drink what you want
NO
repeated ostentatious exhibitions of fake generosity
cos
every fuckin single solitary soul who does this
mentally tots up
as a running total
how far ahead or behind they are
any outlandish abuses suddenly appearing
(shorts + MIXERS)
only brought up later on
when bath’s carry a stick policy *pings* in
so
if anyone offers you a free pint
give them a festive FUCK OFF
it’s what super Tom
would’ve wanted
.
.
UP THE ARSENAL
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVMCUtsmWmQ
Dennis Bergkamp has been as good as sacked by Ajax, having been suspended as part of a coaching purge.
Get in there, Arsenal.
merry christmas cynic
the convoluted voice of seasons reason
.
.
‘holic
check yer receipts
and order TWO of him
.
.
of them
.
.
ha cha cha cha !
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY
cba @60, lovely….and my two front teeth, please
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-iFsxSNN2c
Might have posted this before, can’t remember. A young Lem, the short lived lineup with Taylor, Wurzel and Campbell, doing a soundcheck a mere 30 years ago.
Probably my favourite Motorhead song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp6APoh8kE8
Although with a squinty peek at that again it might be Gill on drums. Don’t think so though
Lemmy lives!
not the first Scot requiring Santa’s assistance
re. missing front teef
god bless ye , bath (baffffff)
.
FAO yer countrymen
[A bath is ……….]
Is drinking alcohol and smoking like a chimney the only way to develop a rough masculine voice?
Yes
sorry cynic
only one line up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRp9ZiTUQgo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w1gZp6Vojw
Liverpool up next >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>