Ray Parlour Lets Me Down
Mar 15th, 2012 by 'holic
I have decided that Everton’s progress in the FA Cup is something of a mixed blessing. Of course it is excellent news for the team, and in particular some of the walking wounded who have a nine day recovery period in between the last match and the next. It is probably good for us that David Moyes men face a potentially tough ninety minutes against Sunderland on Saturday while our boys are honing their skills on the golf course or snaffling a free Nando’s before sneaking out without eating it.
For bloggers however it means we are in the equivalent of an interlull at a time when we should be waxing lyrical about the next two matches in four days as the pointed end of the season takes shape. Instead we have nine days of nothingness. So what to do. I know. A review of the season so far. We were poo, then we were good, then we were poo again, and now we are good again. That’s that then.
So what else has been happening? Ah, Cheltenham. We may have Chelsea in our rear view mirrors in the Premiership, but the bus stop in Fulham have extracted full revenge at the National Hunt festival. We had a opportunity to take the lead on day two when The Romford Pele ran in the last race. I say ran. His namesake covered the ground quicker than the poor nag burdened under the weight of a ‘holic pound or two. The Fulham cuckoos were not as wasteful with their opportunity today. Three of their number, loosely connected I’ll grant you, entered the winners enclosure. No ‘holic pound was placed on Sir Des Champs, Big Buck’s, or Salut Flo.
I am delighted to say though that this has been my best Cheltenham week for many a year. I’m in profit going into the final day, and looking for Arsenal-related picks to have a fun LITTLE punt on. That means in the 2.05 we have to be on The Bull Hayes (25/1). Rocky Creek is an obvious attraction in the 2.40 at around 8/1. A little each-way patent will be completed in the Gold Cup with Fawlty Manuel’s favourite horse, Weird Al, a 10/1 shot or thereabouts. I stress that little trio is picked purely for the Arsenal connection. There is a reason none of them are favourites, but a small affordable each-way wager will make the afternoon more interesting.
Have a good Friday, ‘holics.
248 Responses to “Ray Parlour Lets Me Down”
First
Nice one Lonestar, mine’s a guinness π
Alternating poo and not poo. If you’ve established a pattern, ‘holic, can you say what’s next? Oops. I don’t like the sound of that. π
Zico – Everton will indeed thrash Sunderland and O’neill π
Why the long face Holic? π
It seems odd you haven’t gone for Diamond (super-special-geezer) Harry … I’m going for Quel Esprit :-).
Bugger! that was quick lads…
Got a dilemma. Just been called up to the England squad in Become a Legend mode on PES 11 for the first time…but I have to play with Rooney, Defoe, Lennon, Terry (captain) and Cole.
Shall I throw the game on purpose?
‘Holics – My apologies for the banality of the first drink, but one does not often stumble into a freshly-made bar before the drinking has commenced. It’s kind of like how Feo used to react when loosed on goal with just the keeper to beat….
‘Hols – I hope your wagers come good. As long as you didn’t wager on the HBO Series “Luck” to continue, you’d be fine… my apologies again (to the poor horses this time).
I’ll be getting me coat.
BMBD.
Oh god…scored on my debut off a Rooney assist…I feel ill.
Bon Chance Holic .
Cheers, Dr. Z…this round’s on my tab.
CamG – I think you try to take out your own guys. Could you get a straight red for scything-down Rooney, CUNTerry, and Ca$hely?
BMBD.
LG – will definitely give it a go.
Just a fun bet that TaBS. Weird Al could get third in the Gold Cup. I don’t know the other two at all.
Just got an e-w patent on at Paddy Power and got 33/1, 10/1, 10/1.
If they are all placed then a 50p e-w patent (Total stake Β£7) will bring you in just over a ton. That is unlikely, but nowhere near as unlikely as them all winning and over two and a half grand filling your back pocket tomorrow night. π
Heh , sounds good to me Holic .
Don’t think my 50p e/w bets will send the odds tumbling π
CG – You disappoint me…
PES!?
FIFA is so much better than PES.
FIFA is football.
PES is the arcade game you have in the mall where you put a pound and play.
Fuck Konami.
EA Sports π³
Did you have to make a post, ‘holic?
*is slightly confused at having logged into horseholic.com* ;D
Mine’s a Guinness thank.
Nice post ‘holic and I assume that the management’s recovering very well?! π Is it true that a stable-hand won cool 1 million on an accumulator today? Lucky *******! Good on ‘im!
Zico @5, π
SG, I used to like Everton but lost my sympathies for them when one of their former managers, Howard Kendal, reportedly said in the 80’s that “there are too many black players in football”! And he’s still considered a legend! :-/
Camberwell, declare Irish nationality! Oh but wait, you’ll also be playing with cunts like Robbie Keane & O’Shea! Just say that your club is more important than country!
Fuck!!! 10mins to go and the Manc need one more! Yet another shit defence bending over to be ******! Cunts!
DanC – I’m sure I recall that in the early 90s Everton were the only top flight side with no black players (certainly at the time when Nick Hornby wrote Fever Pitch anyway, he makes a reference to it).
Snir, if you insist it’s that much better I’ll consider it next time I buy but are they really that different?
Dan – You can take it both ways.
I mean, George Graham is still considered a legend despite taking a bung, and worse, managing Spurs.
CG – SOOOOOO different.
I was an avid EA Sports fan (had all the games up until 2006, FIFA, NBA, NHL, Madden NFL, Triple Play MLB, everything), and changed to PES 3 when I found out I can just give the ball to TH and go past everybody with pace.
I loved it. But as I got older, I wanted actual football.
FIFA is actual football. It’s ridiculously realistic.
Apologies to those outside the UK who eat horses rather than race them π
I know there will be some of you totally unfamiliar with what I have written tonight. I’ll get back onto football at the weekend.
Wow both Manc teams didn’t go far in the NIT of Europe.
Charlie @19,
That’s what I thought! Shocking statistic
SG @21,
Of course you’re right! But I’d rather have a greedy cunt as a manager than a racist cunt!!!
Manky-oil knocked out!!!! π π So money doesn’t always buy you success does it you greedy cunts! π
Just a quick heads up that the Wolfie clan is growing . Taken from Football365 on 13th March …
Wolf
Given that Wolves seemingly need an experienced manage to led the pack may I suggest they check the availability of the legendary Wolfsburg manager, Wolfgang Wolf.
I have no idea whether he has the ability to lift the Wanderers out of their current predicament but at least his recruitment would raise a smile (on my face at least!)
Wolfie Smith, Tooting (They should also consider signing Dutch forward Ricky van Wolfwinkel)
http://www.football365.com/mailbox/7592664/Managers-Should-Listen-To-The-Neviller
Wolfgang Wolf – All round legend and Head of the Family .
You are right Charlie. At derby games they used to taunt Liverpool with “Hello Hello, Everton are white, Everton are white”.
Bad times.
Dan – but would you rather have someone who managed Spurs as a legend?
I’m sorry, but I can’t, no matter what he did for Arsenal, while he was Spurs’ manager, he wanted them to win, and no Gunner should ever want them to win.
Holic @23 Heh π
Snir @21 – It’s my view that whilst George will always be remembered with a degree of fondness (some fans will have more than others ) , he forsook legendary status for the very reasons you describe .
A canon on your patio counts for f*ck-all if you decide to manage the LWCs .
Haha ‘holic 23 π
‘Holic@23: so what you are saying is that you will stop horsing around?
*bum-tish*
Where did I put that coat of mine?
Nice blog, made me hungry though. π
Interlull, you say?
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/13182360/a-message-from-dr-f
Any truth to the rumor that the Mancs got eaten by rats in the Basque country? I certainly hope so. Just for arguments sake, let’s assume the rumor is true and I’d like to be the first to post a picture of the type of rats who did the business:
http://images.wildmadagascar.org/pictures/piotr/DSCF2518.jpg
33 Zico.
π π π
SG @28,
Legend he may be in some Gooners eyes (but not in mine primarily because of his LWC defection as you and TABS have stated, and because of his bland brand of play and tactics) but at least his self-centred and egotistical values didn’t transcend into a part of human-nature that is clearly disgusting and inexplicable beyond sport!
Heh H2H π
Dr. Feelgood on form today, I see. π
Liverpool , as they have shown this season , are probably still the most racist city in England .
I was at that early season game at Highbury vs Liverpool in ’88 . It was one of John Barnes’ earliest games for Liverpool (might have been his first) . The Liverpool fans were pelting him with bananas !! His own effing fans !! Liverpool won and Barnes was unfortunately brilliant . George Graham turned Barnes down . Barnes was desperate to come to Arsenal from Watford after the wheels had been set in motion by Don Howe . That he didn’t was madness . THE player of the late eighties by some margin .
I also sat behind the managerial benches in ’87 at Klanfield for a 2-0 defeat . The abuse Rocky and Paul Davis got from the home support was shocking .
As for Everton , on a par with Glasgow Rangers for the institutionalised racism that pervaded that Club . No black players for many many years at a time when all other big British Clubs had many . I think their first black player since the sixties was Earl Barrett who wasn’t signed until the early nineties , a good decade after black players had made the breakthrough elsewhere .
Supporting Everton will only ever be a position of last resort ie against the LWCs and the Chavs .
Zico @33,
Lol! π Quality!!! π
Behind @34,
π Are those some of Rooney’s hair transplants I see between the ears?! π
Dr Z @33 Excellent π π
Tabs @39,
I remember mate, dark times for sure! That city’s still got alot of problems that I’m not sure the clubs are fully addressing!
When our own Kevin Campbell became Everton Club captain a few years back, I was quite taken-aback! Never saw that coming but then again maybe it was another attempt at football to show that it is indeed inclusive and colour-blind! Yeah right! I’d like to ask a cross-section of the die-hard fans just what they thought?! The cynic in me thinks it wasn’t much welcomed! Abit like when England beat Brazil at the Maracana when John Barnes scored his wonder-goal! Many England “fans” said that Engkand won that match 1-0 rather than 2-0 as they said that Barnes’ goal didnt count as he’s not English! BNP cunts!!! I’m sure those same “fans” are the ones that keep supporting that transsexual, racist cunt regardless of his behaviour! Wankers the lot of ’em!
Rant over!!!
Abbs, think I need more home-made cookies mate! π
Holic @ 23 Apology accepted. Futbol, hmm…ah yes. Would have been lovely if Joe Hart had scored with that header today. Don’t have the slightest idea how much practise keepers receive in regards to offensive tactics. And what about Lukas Podolski, did he indeed have his medical at Arsenal. Mind you, just ruminating out loud.
One thing I will day in defence of the city of Liverpool (well two things, one being The Beatles), at least they boycott the shit rag that is The Sun. If only the rest of the country would follow suit.
Charlie.
That’s no biggie for a Scally, most of them can’t read anyway.
Dan – rant might be over, but out of Liverpool, Chelsea, Spurs, and Everton to win the FA Cup, my choice is easy π
Zico @ 33 Now that’s entertainment!
That Althletic Bilbao team is 33 points out of first place in La Liga. How weak is the Premiership this season?
Apropos of nothing…..
Whatever happened to those great Holics:
Stone Roses
Winston’s Myth
Pires is King
Snail
and the inimitable Clive Waterman ?
There is a host of great posters who were once on here who have dropped off the radar – if you’re reading, drop in for a beer fellas, say hello…..
Or an OJ, Clive π
Stringfellow Hawke
ARSENAL1971
There are many more :\
But most of all, the legendary (love ya mate) – Glennw
Well done, Dr. Z or F (whicheva).
Thanks all for the history lesson. I just KNEW there was a reason I never really fancied Everton or Liverpool. It’s this kind of knowledge you can’t get as an American who never grew up with football.
It’s hard sometimes not to become bipolar when I look at the state of race relations across the world. For every Howard, you have Suarez…for every Obama, you have a “birther”.
When will we all grow up? π
BMBD.
Snir, what’s good, boss? Drop me a note, will ya?
SG @47, if I was to choose any remaining side, I’d go for Leicester for under-dog nature of it! Secondly, I’d go for Bolton cos of Owen Coyle and the work he’s doing with our kinder! Looking from outside in, Everton do appear somewhat of a different side from their unsavoury past, so if I had to choose one; they’re now less cuntish! π
Salut all!
Dan – Silly me…
I immediately wrote off everybody else’s chances because while looking at the fixtures I “built” myself the SF and those 4 were the teams that already qualified in my head π
Yeah, no doubt Leicester deserve some kind of backing π
zico @33 – π π
‘Holic, I still don’t fully understand odds π I get, 10/1 etc, Accumulators and all of that, but Evens???
Snir @ 15, firstly, welcome back mate π
Secondly, You have just spoken my soul in the Fifa over PES debate, every single word. I haven’t touched PES since Pro 5 (the last good one in my opinion, and the point where I was a PES > Fifa fanboy lolz) After Pro 5, it all went to shit, Fifa stepped it and grabbed the market by the balls. Still clutching them tightly today π
DanC/Charlie/’Holic @ 17/19/25, I had no idea about Everton’s history (fair enough I wasn’t born at that point). Won’t bloody be supporting them anytime soon, apart from if the situation mentioned by master tabs @ the end of his 39.
Zico @ 50, thinking of my brief strike partnership with Pires Is King brings tears to my eyes… :'( *steps out of the bar to compose himself, comes back in and orders a stiff apple juice to bolster him up*
I miss Clive’s pearls of wisdom, this entire bar is a great historical archive for me thanks to all you feckin’ oldies… π #FFF
And Zico, I’ll check out your link @ 33 in the morning when I get on a PC.
Till the morning all π
*gets jacket and Arsenal scarf, makes a note to get the latter dry-cleaned before he attends another home game*
Ah ‘Holic, a horsey post as we approach the tail end of the season.
By this time next week, we would hope to be at least neck and neck with Trottenham Hot Spurs, and the team, now less handicapped by injuries will have the bit firmly between their teeth for the upcoming visit of the Villa.
A great performance that day would be nice, but three points will be the mane thing in the chase for third place. Expect Villa, with Alex McLeash in the saddle, to revert to his normal style – the long hoof upfield and the heavy tack-le will be the stable diet of the day.
For Arsenal, Robin reigns with Arsene at the reins, and Villa will not prove too much of a hurdle to him scoring each way for a fine left-foot, right-foot, header hat-trick.
Is it too late to hope we could jockey for second place with ManUre in terminal Euro decline, or even be first past the post as Citeh crumble under the pressure of trying to make the winners enclosure. In any event a win would be vital to stop a reinvigorated Chelsea coming up on the rails.
On current form we will be firm favorites to beat Villa and should win at a canter.
Right, time to sleep now – can’t manage any more of this old pony.
The only two times I went to a horse track were:
1. In about 1988 at Pimlico in Baltimore, Maryland, USA, which at that time was a decaying and on that day a nearly deserted racecourse. Having no other information to go on I placed about 3 $2 bets all of them based solely on the name of the horse. My winnings that day: $0 and my losses that day: $6.
2. In 2011 at Canterbury Park in suburban Minneapolis where I went with the family due to the camel and ostrich races that were being run that day on the horse track. Of the two animals the ostriches were much more entertaining, but I couldn’t tell you who won. And no I did no betting at all that day. End of story. As you were, all. π
Dr. T: That was an excellent, and if I may say so, a BtM-esque drink. π
Trev – I’ve already started thinking about leapfrogging City.
With the momentum we have right now, we could win all ten matches we have left.
If we do win all ten, I think we will finish 2nd but I’m not too sure we will.
City have tough fixtures with Newcastle away, Chelsea at home, Arsenal away and United at home.
Add to that a couple of tough fixtures away from home (they have problems away from home) and it can be done.
But, we’ll have to win all ten for that to happen.
Will that happen? Don’t think so.
But hoping is fun, don’t you agree π ?
Well done, Trev. When I need the cavalry, I know who to call…
BMBD.
Zico@33….fuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnyyyyyyyyyyy!!
Trev@60: you have earned your silks. We’ll do it at a canter.
Oh Trev, Just like you to horse around. Leaves us all chomping at the bit for more.
Wind@50: we remember so you don’t forget.
I meant, of course, Wind@58. Must have been a senior moment…
Or did I mean Zico@50. I am confused…
Seriously, where is The Sweeper? Is all OK? Clive, please check in to say it is.
NBN @ 71 Why doesn’t someone just drop him an email…
ABB: good idea. Who has it? ‘Holic?
NBN, Someone should, I would imagine. Do miss him though. Always put a smile on my mug.
Ok.. RvP has 92 PL goals.
Which game does he get his 100th in?
I say he’ll get it after 6 games against Wigan at home.
That would give him 34 for the season in the PL and 41 in all comps.
The most TH had was 30 and 39…
Wow, this kid is special.
Holic follow the Victorian greyhounds in Australia, there is a dog tailor made for you. Racing name is “Van Persie” and it has two starts for a 2 nd and a nothing.
ABB: indeed. Always had a firm hand on the, er, tiller.
Here now, here now, what’s all this horsing around?
Everyone knows that the race to first in the Prem is the only race worth watching π
Hey tabs, great posts as usual. Having quit smoking cold turkey 2 years ago I wanted to let you know about the 4 Ds. Once you identify why you smoke (mental addiction) the next step is killing the physical addiction to nicotine. Check this site out http://www.committoquitsmoking.com/quit-smoking-side-effects-the-4-ds/
What’s everybody else drinking today? I don’t know about you gooners but I’m in the mood for some Polygamy Porter. And not just one!
Hey guys, where’s GT? It’s FFF! Maybe he has a charley horse! Oh dear. Ok here’s a riddle for you. Why couldn’t the pony speak? Because he was a little horse.
Hey abb! Nice joke π
What do you think about this one?
A horse walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Get the fuck out, Van Nistelrooy.”
Hey Cor, Need I remind you I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I’m sure it’s very funny…
Don’t be so hard on yourself abb, you say you’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer but you just might be the best looking in this bar….after Wolfie that is ^ _ ^
abb, our cat had a cold a couple months back, and sounded like a cricket crossed with a frog when she meowed. my son was worried, so I just said “it’s ok, she is just a pony…”. he and my wife looked at me quizzically, and I said, “well, she is just a little horse.”.
“pony” has been her nickname since. π
Good one CoR!
Happy FFF one and all. I’ll pop back in later today with my bad joke contribution.
BMBD.
Ah, Scruzgooner, what a nice tail. Sorry, my bad. Very sweet story mate.
Anyone want to know how to make a small fortune out of horses?
Start off with a large fortune….
Hey Shaft, I got that one, thank god. Took a minute, though.
Don’t mean to be a ‘nag’, but have you guys all trotted off to greener pastures?
I’m still grazing here like a stud…thank the lord for a stable work environment
Shaft, Horse feathers! No filly to say yea or ‘neigh’?
sorry, abb, I was visiting the neighhhbors, just a trot across the way. we listened to some bill withers, then it behooved us to canter home….
and abb, glad you liked the tail… I told my wife we weren’t letting the pony grow her fur long enough to keep her warm (in the mane)…
Hey sruzgooner, Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Nite cowboy. See what you started Holic!
now that is a sentiment that has teeth in it! vaya con dios, vaquera…
Buenos noches, mi amigo.
Heh, I have a wee little filly that says ‘neigh’ a little too much, so it’s really a whoa-ful story :/
Oh man, can’t wait to be out of office and get some Guinness….
Btw holics, did you know that an anagram of “Guinness Draught” is “Naughtiness Drug”? Explains everything….
shaft, it’s only whoa-ful if it’s when she’s not giddy, up in the pole position. then i wager she goes to great lengths down the back stretch.
giddies up the goalline like rabid shetland beast of burden in heat….evading the jockeying jockeys wearing nothing but jockeys…
Heigh-ho Gilberto Silva, awaaaaaay!!!!
hoofs one into the top corner…
Left at the starting gate, but feeling like a stallion…
putting myself out to pasture among the redwoods, to sleep perchance to dream of mares eating oats…
Came to score, but realized that horse had already left the barn… well done, your Shaftiness.
Another long night wrangling with the law (I fought the law, and the law is winning). Scruz- glad to hear you were listing to some Bill Withers… I’ve been on a Nujabes kick lately (CoR – if you haven’t listened to some – you should.)
I guess it’s time to saunter on for a bit.
BMBD.
Hey Lonestar! I’ve been listening to Nujabes for a while, they’re really cool. They came on my radar after I got into Samurai Champloo some years back. I like their style….
I’ve actually been going real old-school this week, nothing but Stone Roses’ “I wanna be adored” and “Come on you Gunners” on repeat….
If carlsberg made headlines;
http://i.imgur.com/JMRjs.jpg
All the patients appear to be, ahem, stable this morning.
Apart from Mr Gan Goolie of course π
I’m always stable.
It’s you guys that aren’t π
OG laughs horsely and sets of to work.
High ho high ho
I have hay fever….
Yosh, beer o’ clock here now. And I want to be drunk by beer fifteen.
See you lovely chaps and chapettes later π
I take it Roxette is inclined to nag you this morning, zico? π
If it’s a day of the week that ends in a “Y” then that will be a yes. π
Just popping in to be the first(I think)to wish all you holics a happy st Patrick’s day from all us Irish holics.off to drink a gallon of milk to line me stomach this is going to get rough!
Oh well in that case, Garsguns, I might have a pint of guinness after work tonight.
Maybe….
How are the ‘horsics?
You are a bit keen, Gars.
It’s tomorrow π
I like your style.
Hellolie.
I know holic but typing to wish the guys all the best tomorrow could be messy not the Lionel type either:)
Damn,
That means I will have to some more guinness tomorrow……
Er Ollie – see 107 (and 108) π
Zico 119. I wonder what the missing verb could be. π
Pun-time? Lunch in 45 minutes though so I won’t be here furlong.
Obviously, ‘holic’s 112 set the bar rather high. And I know it doesn’t take much to spur him on.
Cue Wolfie and something about silks…
Some interesting news
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/mar/16/arsenal-park-chuyoung-military-service
Thanks lurky, perhaps that means we can actually get more money for him. Though I guess knowing what we knew then, we only signed him for 2 years?
Cue contract extension coming soon, and moaning galore π
We’ll sell him to….Derby, of course π
Morning chaps.
A white horse walks into a bar, The barman looks surprised and says;
“Wow, what a coincidence, we have a whisky named after you.”
To which the horse replied;
Really??? Fred???
He scores when he wants,
He scores when he wants,
Robin van Horsey
He scores whinney wants.
Heh H2H π
Makes a change from the classic
‘horse walks into a bar, barman says : so why the long face?’
Heh Ollie @ 121
“Refuse”?
π
So, Cuntsky vs Benfica, I was hoping for more difficult draw for them. Decent side Benfica though.
Chelsea champs league route (probable):
Benfica, then Barca (heh), then Madrid.
Interesting to note that if we’d beaten Milan we’d have had Barca for the third year running.
Much as I hate to see us lose any tie, that second Milan game arguably worked out pretty much perfectly for us.
Piss-easy for Cuntski then: Benfica.
lurky oliva
Perfect draw for Chelsea, I reckon.
They should have four extra games to play (two of which will be exhausting, humiliating and demoralising) and they’ve next to no chance of winning it.
The only thing that could have been better would have been Apoel next round for the extra travel.
Happy days.
N7, I share that opinion. We are so unluky with the draws, and seems not to have big and fit enough squad for CL and Premier league battle. So losing from Milan is maybe blessing in disquise.
Ollie – there are harder draws but are Benfica piss easy? They did pretty well against Man Utd this season. Besides Barcelona are hopefully lying in wait for Chelsea should they win anyway.
They can fluke a win, folks. The better option was them being out this week, I’ll stick to my guns.
I was forcing the trait a bit, true, Charlie. But I’m not sure at what level Benfica are now. They seemed to have a good start for their season, but for instance in the Portuguese league, they were many points ahead of Portocunts, and they are now behind, they’re having a mini-collapse.
Whichever way, well, fuck’em, hope they suffer.
I hope Bayern win the CL.
I’ll give a miss to a Real vs BarΓ§a final.
Well forget all that Champions League, chaps, and raise your bat to Sachin.
Well done fella, quite an achievement.
Sachin Tendulkar.. \m/
I assume Ryo can play against the Cocks tomorrow?
Would be nice if another Gunner could add to their pain…..
OK Snir (and Wind), I’ve done a bit of research into the differences between PES and FIFA and the results are inconclusive. I guess I can’t make up my mind by just watching a few youtube vids and trying to work out which one looks more playable etc.
One thing I can say is they both look as fluid as each other and the graphics don’t seem that different (dunno if I’d change that opinion if I played both of them on my HDTV at home).
I guess what would sway me would be if FIFA can address the gripes I have with PES:
– Refereeing seems random and sometimes even biased against you. Two blatant pens for my team not even noticed by the ref last night. Also, offside: if you pass to an onside team member who’s anywhere near an offside one, it’s invariably given offside. Which is lame.
– Become a Legend ratings bear no relation to manager’s comments about your performance. He can say “Impossible to rate. Given too little time to do anything” if, for example, he tells you to play counter attacking and you don’t seem to do much of it. But in the same game you could get an assist and/or a goal and generally keep possession well etc and still get a rating of 7 out of 8! This is dumb because you can be man of the match but your standing in the manager’s eyes might not improve if you don’t carry out his instructions really, really well.
– Generally the passing engine works well except when you have two players near-ish to each other (one near, one further up) and the computer can’t work out who you’re trying to pass to so even if you play a GENTLE pass the ball goes halfway up the pitch, resulting in loss of possession.
All in all, I love PES but I did use to be into FIFA until about 5 years ago when I switched. If FIFA can fix the above I’ll definitely consider getting it next.
I have a question on PES/Fifa:
Does the Tony Pulis character look like a real penis? Is he the Grade A Boner on the playstation that he is in real life? The people deserve to know…..
Zico, haha, I haven’t seen that cunt on the playstation but if I was one of the developers I’d secretly switch his head with a bellend wearing a cap (hang on, that’s what he actually IS).
π
What is all this Fifa/PES stuff ?
Subbuteo’s the only game for me .
There’s another way of choosing which horse to bet on other than their name???
Who knew? π
I assume from the above that Sachin has notched his ten billionth century . Well played that man !
Reckon Benfica will beat Chelsea comfortably , but even if they don’t , Barca will be lying in wait to humiliate Terry et al in the semis . Good draw .
H2H@46 – π
Wind @58 Evens ? Bet a fiver to win a fiver . Bet a pound to win a pound . Comprendez amigo ?
Trev @60 – Heh π
Hey Canons , Cheers for the link re smoking . My own 4 D’s are somewhat different – Drink , Drink , Drink and err Drink . π
Lots of good Horsey stuff up there today . Good stuff all .
A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness.
He downs the lot and says to the barman: βI shouldnβt really be drinking this with what Iβve got?β
βWhy, what have you got?β
βAbout Β£2 and a carrot.β
That Black Beauty , eh , she’s a dark horse .
Today I shall mostly be wearing Silks (thanks Holic :wink:) and using the whip excessively .
That’s ok Wolfie,
We can wait π
Heh Holic π
Gonna have a cheeky nostalgia bet on Kauto Star today ?
Cheers bt8ball @62 –
CoR @80 – π
Tabs @149 – heh, that old chestnut π
abb – nice horse joke – can’t find the number now . .
Poor Joe,
Addicted to flavoured milk…… π
I wish I were outside, weather is soooooooooooo brilliant.
I want to drink pints by the river.
heh tabs, good horsebarjoke.
And good shout out to Sachin above.
From Mediawatch:
Said Jon Champion during Manchester City’s win over Sporting Lisbon:
“Ricky van Wolfswinkel…lots of Vs in that name.”
Erm…
Misleading Non-Football Headline Of The Day
‘Alleged Iranian bomber explodes during hearing’ – The Star.com.
Fucking heh at the earless rabbit story too.
And they’re OFF!!
Some a little more than others, of course, but I’m not sure any of the ‘holics is out of the starting gate. π
Oops a daisy, Martin Hayesy π
‘holic pound not bringing in the goods, ‘holic? π
CoR @105 – I’ll backdrink laters, but I had to give you a shout out regarding Samurai Champloo…AWESOMEST. SHOW. EVER.
Unfortunately, Nujabes (he was a Japanese DJ) died a few years ago in a freak car accident. The good always die young, or, as Goodie Mob would say, the good die mostly over bullshite.
Roll on Everton. Let’s smash it (hat tip – Richard Keys; not really, the sexist c*nt)
BMBD.
Is it 5pm yet?
I need some of that naughtiness drug.
Going to a wedding reception tonight – Roxette will be wearing her big bum. And I bet the (choice of) beer will be awful.
Plus, no Arsenal this weekend.
Woe is me. π
Doomed, I tells ya, Dr Z.
Zico @ 33, its good to laugh. Its better to laugh very hard π
CoR @ 80, the same applies to you good sir, brutal humour = the best 8)
Trev @ 60, heh! π
Snir @ 63, resounding agreement, we can finish on 82 points this season by winning our last 10 games, and 80 won the league last season. One can dream… π
And @ 75, RvP a kid @ 28 years old? Beautiful wife & 2 kids mate, unless you’re older than I think you are dude… π
abb @ 74, I have to agree.
CoR @ 82, I’m sure abb would give Wolfie a run for his money π
Shaft @ 100, first past the post! And what an assist from the jockey wearing CoR π
CoR/Lonestar @ 105/164, Samurai Champloo? Hearing a lot of good things about that anime from my mates lol.
Fellovergen @ 106, I can’t stop looking at it… Should I be worried? X_X 8)
Lurky @ 124, my take on it = let’s see what he can fully do (Like against Bolton in the Carling Cup). I fear for Chamakh though, that there’s no hope for him. Better for both parties if he moves on to get more playing time.
N7 Gooner @ 132, I was discussing that very fact with some friends in College today, I feel like we were expected to beat Milan, so the draw was made in advance. Maybe I’m a cynic, but a potential 3 times in 3 years is a correlation that can’t be ignored.
@ 134, yep, maybe they’ll beat Benfica only to come up against B*rca, get smashed at home and come up with a pitiful response away, and come back to a 5th/6th place position π
Ollie @ 139, hopefully a Bayern vs Benfica final, as slim as the odds are π
Camberwell @ 143, Refereeing is pretty solid. A foul on the keeper by the forward is a yellow or a red, haven’t had a bad offside call since Fifa 09 in my opinion, penalties are a bit shifty but only because of tactical defending which is where you make the tackle yourself using ‘Square’ or ‘X’ after using ‘X’ or ‘A’ (PS3/Xbox 360) to press the opponent. Passing Engine is tweak-able, if you leave the pass settings on assisted where the computer basically does it for you, you might have the PES problems but Semi lets you pick the direction and Power with minimal assistance from the CPU (what I use) and Manual lets you do it… Manually π
On the Become a Legend side, you’ll have to ask Snir, not much experience on my part lol.
Zico @ 144, thankfully, there is no Tony Pulis *phew*
@ 165, wearing her ‘big bum’? I’m sure I stayed clear of the CMC so far, might I of strayed π 8) π
tabs @ 149, so on a ‘evens’ bet, you make no fucking profit? Pointless in my eyes… π (I am Young)
Got good news from my Brazilians at last, problem fixed π
That’s some rather comprehensive back-drinking, Wind.
Wow!
Wot about some good news for this Brazilian?
Ollie , good links from Mediawatch π
Wind – You get your stake back . If you bet Β£5 at Evens , you get your stake back (Β£5) , and your winnings (Β£5) . Β£5 profit .
And if you bet on Snir’s predictions, you get an even bigger prophet 8)
In seven days I’ll be in London again. It’s been a while, haven’t been there since last week, after all π
And by the way, I heard Wayne Rooney went down to Cheltenham but was very disappointed. In a statement, he said: “Ah fuch, dem fuchin sotheners fuchin lied to me, they fuchin said it was going to be lots of whores racing around here!”
Oh, and zico – great stuff with the video message from the “good” Doctor!
Double heh @ 173
Hehs @172 and 173
Zico @ 172 ‘prophet’, heh!
heh indeed.
Right, I’m off.
Can’t be arsed staying on. I’m on call anyway.
Got the wrong Arsenal connection today. Should have gone with Gooner AP McCoy.
AP McCoy:
Avid Arsenal fan
2nd time winner of Gold Cup today on synchonised
16 years Champion Jump Jockey in a row
Quietly regarded as greatest ever Jump Jockey of all time
5ft 10 in natural height, and 12st in natural weight is unusually big for a jockey.
This means little and sometimes no food to remain 2 stone lighter. 3 days a week he will not eat any dinner and the dietary routine begins and ends with a cup of tea in the morning. His βviceβ, is an occasional dollop of mayonnaise!
It also means 2 hour baths in scalding hot water, 6 days a week which apart from having a psychological effects also had a detrimental effect on his fertility (he fortunately froze some sperm and with the aid of IVF had a βmiracle childβ)
This guy jumps fences every day of the week at 30mph and is followed around the track by two ambulances when he works. Without exaggeration, he has broken almost every solitary one of the 206 bones in his body, including his teeth.
And when I say Avid Arsenal fan, season ticket holder β on his 30th The Romford Pele arrived at his party with βMcCoy 30β on the back, signed by all the Arsenal players.
Quiet, unassuming, no complaining, entertaining, dedicatedβ¦β¦
And Iβll be the first to admit I know little or nothing about racing, but I do know that AP McCoy is an absolute sporting legend.
Joe @ 180
….and he’s Irish!
The (Irish) Wasp
McCoy?
Oirish? Surely not….
What a quincidenz – same as my pint of Black Beauty, sitting in front of me, like the seductress she clearly is…..
“5ft 10 and he jumps fences every day at 30 mph” – you would think he’d enlist the assistance of a horse…..
Heh Zico,
Mr Alderwood and Mr Syncronised would doubly disagree with you…!
Im going to have a few celebratory pints myself tonight to toast Mr McCoy.
May those pints of black beauty be “softly efficient in their magical circulation through the conduits of your body.”…!!
The man is nothing if not predictable
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/mar/16/harry-redknapp-tottenham-top-four
“If we finish in the top four we have over-punched our weight to be perfectly truthful.”
Well I’m home and what do you know, the Brazilians now have a problem.
Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Camberwell – one thing that wins it for FIFA.
Have you ever noticed that while running on the flanks with the FB… Once you reach the winger he starts running next to you and doesn’t run into space for you to pass a through ball to him in a dangerous position.
The only way to control somebody’s run and force him to make a darting run is with the 1-2 (L1+x) as opposed to FIFA where you have a button that makes a player make a run (they also do it on their own quite often) and then you can thread a through ball in a dangerous position.
That is football, not that stupid AI lacking Konami game.
Snir the more I learn about fifa the more convinced I become!
I would try to contribute to the FIFA vs PES debate but I have been playing only FIFA since it came out on Sega Genesis so I really have no basis of comparison.
Snir the more I learn about fifa the more convinced I become!
….that they are a corrupt organisation?
Indeed π
CG – You should be π
I was an avid FIFA fan but moved to PES from PES 3 when I found out I can take TH and take the ball from wherever and score. You know how kids are..
Once TH left and I didn’t have someone that fast in the squad (Theo was still a young’un and wasn’t a starter) I had to actually play football, and found it borderline impossible to cope with the lack of AI in the game.
The running on the flank drove me nuts, and I just couldn’t play it anymore, it drove me nuts that a game can be so stupid that the winger will let a full back go past him and not make himself available in a dangerous position.
Once I noticed that (I hadn’t noticed it up until that time ’cause only TH had the ball π ) I swore not to play that game anymore.
FIFA is football.
I just made myself crave FIFA to the extreme.
I’m a FIFA man myself!
Don’t question my character though π
Ollie, What’s the Brazilians’ problem. Not enough supermodels to go around?
Feints left around one supermodel and leaves another one in the dust on a fantastic goalward run … spots a supermodel on our team and can’t believe it. Caught by the moment of disbelief, he loses the ball and hopes it can be recovered before the supermodel squadron go on down the other end and stuff it in our goal …
Hacks down a model in the centre of the park and ‘spreads it wide’…
The Brazilians’ problem is the same as yesterday, bt8. I did warn them that if they didn’t upgrade they were liable to stumble upon it again, and so they did.
So it’s all under control as far as I’m concerned.
In the midst of Brazilian supermodels for ‘the perfect score’..
Glides past the first one ans passes
Flicks it on.
Get in!
Puts the supermodel down long enough for a bit of ball juggling …
Juggled straight into the goal there.
Brilliant skills, tabs!
Thanks Ollie , and very nice assist !
Requests immediate substitution and goes and jumps in the hot tub with the supermodel to celebrate .
Does that count as an assist for me or a simple air kick ?!
Weren’t you just shouting your encouragments at the players, Snir? π
Back home and fine now?
asda were selling that proddy whissik you imbibe ‘holic
Β£10 for the black variety
bought none
wouldn’t do me corns with it
you are what you drink and i’m a bitter man
I’m fine, just got into it a bit with someone on Twitter :\
I hate talking politics on Twitter, but I can’t help it when I see ignorance about the Middle East flooding the network…
Apologies Snir , missed your very fine contribution in the build up .
Blimey , Politics on Twitter ?? That must be a haven for well thought out and considered debate π
How on earth did you get home given that I have your passport under lock and key ? I fear for our chances at Everton now , without your interference from the sidelines .
Tabs – Some people think they know more than they do, and then when faced with the facts, they disregard them because it goes against what they previously believed religiously.
It just drives me mad, the amount of bad PR Israel is getting among people who have no idea what they are talking about, and it’s spreading.
How did I get home? As much as I wanted to stay, I had to go back to finish the semester.. You do want me to replace Gazidis someday, don’t you π ?
Looks like I have to go to Asda tomorrow. Top man π
Snir in the Gazidis role ? A day to look forward to ! π
Ah, not the Black Bush, but the mouthwash. I can live with it for a tenner.
…and Guinness at Β£9 for 10. Definitely off there tomorrow.
Tabs – have you seen Moneyball?
It’s an absolute must.
That’s what I’m going to school for.
Anyway, I’ll be a Gazidis, but I trust my persuading skills to make it possible for the club, to make me Richard Law as well π
‘holic Is that price with or without international delivery charge? π
Collect only π
And well in @200, Tabs. Masterful ball juggling, I rest assured. π
Snir , haven’t seen Moneyball . American Sports don’t really grab me if I’m honest , but I shall dig it out and give it a go .
Combining the Gazidis and Law roles eh . Geuli Law !!! π
Cheers 8ball .
Martin Keown coming out with his usual good sense , as linked to by Arseblog News .
Very difficult not to think that he will end up back at the Club in a much more important role at some stage in the near future .
http://v.qq.com/play/9WqEiuzayrL.html
The fact that he was sent as an ambassador for the club shows he is still very highly thought of by people at the club.
Hopefully he’ll get a role.
Even if it’s just replacing Robson on talking tactics.
Ha! Great idea, Snir! π
Keown is a fantastic spokesman and ambassador. Great link.
Ollie @ 169, thanks mate π
tabs @ 171, now THAT’S a explanation! Thanks mate, not too bad a bet to make I guess π
Zico @ 172, heh π
Snir @ 187, yes!!! This is the essence of Football as a video game, FIFA π (^o^)
Camberwell @ 195, heh! π
Snir @ 199, jumped the gun a bit mate π But nice touch of the ball for the assist from Ollie’s flick on π
tabs @ 200, has your ball juggling got anything to do with Fifa Street coming out today? Or were you doing a different spot of ball-juggling… 8) Very nice finish boss π
Snir @ 208/212, the new Gazidis, eh? π Work hard mate.
zico @165 – π
Lars – good man, look forward to seeing you next week.
Snir, hope you had a good trip home, but in the Gazidis role ? Really ?
Snir at a meeting of the G14 – I can see it now – reigning down hate in all directions, making us enemies throughout the upper echelons of UEFA – well no change there, and spitting bile at all 397 Vice-Presidents of Barcelona . . . .
Hell yeah, Snir, maybe this Gazidis idea has some legs after all π
Hell yeah, let’s get feisty !
Ollie, more trouble with your Brazilian – matron!
Hey Wind, You’re one hard act to follow! Just want to wish all you lads and lasses out there in Holicdom, a happy St Patty’s Day in advance. May you and all you hold dear find your pot of gold whilst enjoying your trip over the rainbow. May good health and the luck of the Irish be with you. And plenty of green beer too! Oh to be an Irish Gooner!!!
Snir,
I think that as long as you remain in the USA you should change your moniker to ‘Snir And Yet Sfar’ . . . . just sayin’
abb – better make that the last one for now, π
abb – ‘half’ that is . . .
Hey Trev, Ha Ha. Off to work actually.
Hey Ollie, Did you know your name means Elf Army?! A most adorable elf, methinks.
Heh Trev π
Ah abb, you make me blush… π³ π *kicks ground whilst looking elsewhere*
And can I say, finding the answer for today’s Arsecast competition was a right bastard of a challenge, but the feeling that I’ve got currently makes it all worth it π
Hey everyone! How’s it hanging?
@164: LG, I’m really sad to hear that Nujabes has passed and gone. Didn’t even hear about it. They do say the flame that burns twice as bright last half as long….
@149: Tabs, them 4 Ds will result in double D man boobs I reckon! Gotta be careful π
@167: Wind, you are the ultimate back-drinker! No drink left behind and all that eh? π
@218: Snir, I hope you had a good trip man. Sounds like you did! I would like to see Martin Keown as part of our management team in the future. He’s class, great speaking ability and everything he says seems epic.
@188: CG, FIFA is much better in my opinion as well. Usually because in PES, they always give Arsenal crap stats and the players just don’t respond well. In PES, I remember whenever a ball would rebound off the keeper, the players do this kind of “shaky turning around in a semi-circle” thing. Really annoying. Also, in FIFA all of the teams have their official kits and crests. Only problem is, they don’t have a Champions League option (don’t think there’s a World Cup option either) but you can get your League 1 and 2 action on. Win the league with Barnet why dontcha!
Trev – me? Hatred? I don’t know where you got that from !!! :O π
I don’t really like Bleacher Report – But this is actually my exact opinion on the RvP matter.
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1095468-robin-van-persie-10-reasons-hell-stay-at-arsenal-next-season
Points 1,2,5, and 9 are the main ones for me.
And as for ambition…
Would you rather have Poldi + another striker or Poldi + an attacking midfielder?
We all know squad wins titles.
We’ll have 9 decent+ options next season for 3 positions in midfield.
A much better squad, and deeper than City which has been brandished as the best bla bla bla.
Apart from Toure, Silva, and Barry (who I don’t rate) they do not have competent replacements at all.
We, on the other hand have
Song and Frimpong at DM.
Coq, Arteta, Diaby (hopefully), Ramsey/Jack, Ozyakup (as 5th choice) as box to box.
Jack/Ramsey, Chambo, TR in the hole.
That for me is depth.
I guess what I’m trying to say is – I don’t want us to spend our kitty on a midfielder but on strikers who can play on the wing (so they won’t turn into Chamakh MKII, ’cause if they can only play CF they won’t get a game with RvP in this form and would not be sharp).
I think RvP isn’t stupid and he knows we ain’t as far off from glory as people think we are, so we don’t need a major overhaul to convince
him to sign.
Steve, you’ve advocated for years that we’re two players away from glory.
Despite losing Cesc, we’re still two players away from glory because we changed our style of play and now we need those two players to be strikers! Cover for RvP!
2 or 3 signings (I’d take Vertonghen as 4th choice CB, 3rd choice LB, and 3rd choice DM, especially after he’s checking us out π ) would do.
Happy St Patrick’s Day. I was 6 or 7 when this Irish lad introduced me to Highbury. We were a poor team then, but my goodness we had Brady.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5hdtAaJOz8&feature=related
Monkey boy has reached full denial mode. His exact quote: “It’s not a crisis. Just a blip.” Blip, my arse. π
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/mar/16/gareth-bale-tottenham-champions-league
Happy Paddys Day, everybody. Today I shall mostly be imbibing the waters of the Liffey. (Thank you sub-ed!)
That is all.
Happy Paddy’s day, Paddies!
Liffey surely, ‘holic. Liffy sounds a bit iffy.
Mine’s not…
Another Arse free weekend – pfffffffffft!
the settling of the stout
Good man Ollie.
Morning Kev. I will soon be off to both wholesalers and retailers of said liquid refreshment.
Morning ‘Holic,
so after the Cheltenham Gold Cup looks like it’s the 2000 Guiness for you today ? π
CoR @ 231, heh heh mate, you’re going to make my head get even bigger π
Good reasons for Fifa>PES as well π
Snir @ 234, classic comprehensive Snir, laying down the reasons and backing them up as well π Vertonghen for the CB to DM conversion, Podolski & M.Suarez will do me nicely indeed, 1 CB and 2 Strikers. Who needs Eden Hazard or Mario GΓΆtze when you’ve got Ryo Miyaichi and Jack Wilshere coming into the first team next year π
Haha Trev @ 243, I have to agree! π
Happy St Patrick’s Day everyone, if I was of age I might raise a solitary Guinness to all you fine Gentlemen & Ladies π
Today, I will mostly be staying sober.
Well, I’m on call after all.
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