Guest Post – Lars Watches As Arsene Outwits Moanrinho
Aug 2nd, 2015 by 'holic
Engaged elsewhere earlier today, I have yet to take in the full story of the Community Shield defeat of the bus stop in Fulham. I am therefore indebted to our very own Lars who answered a call for help after the event and summarised our defeat of the Champions at Wembley, despite doubtless having sunk more alcohol than I did this afternoon. The result follows, and made me smile. Thanks Lars, I owe you. Doubtless the invoice will be for beer!
In the past 16 or so months, Arsenal have visited Wembley six times. Six times have we emerged victorious, and while the Community Shield may rank somewhere marginally above the Emirates Cup and similar in importance it is still four trophies won in those six matches. Winning begets winning, they say, and we can only hope that turns out to be true in the season ahead.
In the buildup to this game, both managers had pointed out that while officially a friendly, a game like this always becomes a little more than a regular pre-season game. This was evident from the start as players on both sides went into challenges with far more conviction than is normal in friendlies. Jose Mourinho had set up his team to try his usual tactic of stifling the opposition and played both Matic and Ramires in front of the back five, and it was clear that they played to not concede and nick something on the break.
Initially it worked quite well, but Arsenal slowly got their game going and upped the tempo and Mesut Özil was instrumental to this with a couple of quick one-touch passes to find players already on the move, and in the 24th minute the deadlock was broken. The ball was won on the left side and found it’s way to Mesut Özil who ran with it for a bit looking like he was going to continue down the wing, and when several Chelsea players started to converge on him he made a quick pass inside, completely wrongfooting several Chelsea players. The pass reached Theo Walcott and he in turn quickly found Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain who now found himself in acres of space and only Azpilicueta to beat to have a shot on goal. The Ox, by some quick footwork, created some space inside and then fired a rocket of a left-footed shot into the top corner giving the keeper absolutely no chance. The most famous of Arsenal scorelines had been established.
Going a goal behind is not what Mourhinho teams are set up to do, so this forced them to open up and go on the attack but a combination of solid Arsenal defending and, on the one occasion Chelsea did create something, an absolutely terrible headed finish by Ramires who should at least have hit the target kept Chelsea out. Meanwhile, at the other end Arsenal should perhaps have done better on at least two occasions where we could have had players clean through on goal with better final touches but 1-0 it was at half time.
The second half saw Mourinho replace the totally invisible (other than when he was flagged off for offside on numerous occasions) Loic Remy with Radamel Falcao in an attempt to strengthen the attack – but in all honesty he may as well not have bothered. Far be it from me to judge Falcao from only 45 minutes for a new team, but if anything he looked even worse than he did for ManU last season. A heavy first touch, slow, remarkably easily pushed off the ball and generally not contributing anything at all. Pundits can say what they want, but I can certainly see Chelsea struggle to score if Diego Costa was to be out for any extended period of time.
For the most part of the second half, we sat back and soaked up the pressure. Only on one occasion did Chelsea break through our defensive wall and in all honesty they should probably have scored but Hazard, under some pressure from Koscielny, skied his effort from close range.
That proved to be their only real chance to score, though. From then on, Arsenal were closer to scoring a second than conceding, and Olivier Giroud who was subbed on for Theo Walcott missed two decent chances which on another day he could very well have scored two goals from. Chelsea were restricted to look for scraps from set pieces, and in all honestly I never really worried because we were rock solid on those and the closes Chelsea got was a weak header from quite far out from Kurt Zouma. It is remarkable how quickly Petr Cech seems to have settled in with Kos and the BFG in front of him, they have barely played together but look like they have been playing together for years.
In the closing minutes, both Santi Cazorla and Kieran Gibbs had great chances to put the game to bed but fair play to Courtois for some really fine goal keeping, particularly for the Gibbs chance where he was incredibly quick off his line to close down the angle for Kieran to aim at.
But 1-0 it ended, and we retained the Community Shield. It was far from a perfect performance, but it was a solid one and one thing we have too often lacked in later years is to be solid even when not firing on all cylinders for the duration of the game. Let us hope we can keep building on that solidity that started to take shape in the latter part of last season.
So in the end a deserved win, and while it was a nice one we now face the real deal. West Ham will visit our place next Sunday and it is now time to start focusing on that game. But as unimportant wins go, this was certainly a rather nice one!
111 Responses to “Guest Post – Lars Watches As Arsene Outwits Moanrinho”
Unaccustomed as I am to first drink…
Well played Lars!!!!
MotD coming up, can’t wait to see Maureen squirm again.
Suit against barbecue outfit.
Nice one Lars.
well done, Lars. Just as I saw it, delayed a bit. I turned it off to say goodbye to our house guests, I don’t know if they showed the afters on us tv… but if a face could curdle fresh milk, it’s moaninho’s.
How ironic that Maureen has sniped at Arsene for defending a lead well.
I thought it went like every other game vs chelsea; they play with 2 cdms, inviting us to attack them, and hoping to catch us on the break. Same shit every time.
The only difference is that we were the team to score 1st, so we were the ones to see the game out, for once. And unlike other occasions when we score 1st, we defended well, so we didn’t have to go on that all out attack and get caught on the counter, as Jose so enjoys to inflict upon us.
I thought he seemed very bitter that he was well beaten at his own game. For all the knocking of us he has done in the past for not being able to counter his tactics, he had no response to a well marshalled defence with little motivation to attack, either.
Fabulous Article Lars and the fact that its in in your second language puts some of us to shame……!!!
Hope all is well with you and that you enjoyed that as much as I did.
And while I am not charitable or religious in any conceivable way – I would readily admit to donating a kidney, a prayer, a spleen, or even with some serious caveats – a well used liver, if we should ever sign a top class No 9.
🙂
Never give up your liver Joe. 😮
Solid work Lars.
To the last drinks.
I think le Boss started Feo up top and not OG to use the formers speed against an aging john terry and not terriy mobile cahill. Looks like it worked to a certain extent.
The battle for starting striker isnt really a battle. OG every time. Feo is dangerous out wide. AW knows this.
Nice little win today. Now lets see the gunners lay a 3-1 dick stomping on those fools at stamford toilet. Moaninho’s head might explode!
Heres hoping ….
I’m obviously displaying my lack of knowledge of the human anatomy.
So I’ll take haematological advice!
Thanks Bath.
Hope all is good with you. Expensive HP18 at the bar 4 u.
Ok Joe,
Human anatomy. Lesson one.
Jose is an arse… 🙂
Thanks Lars, good stuff.
Joe, from previous drinks,
Top post – totally agree.
Holic, I’ll be over for the Stoke game, mine’s a Guinness 🙂
Cheers all.
Joe, all well here – how can it not be when we’ve just given Moaninho a bloody nose? 🙂
Jose an arse?! I thought he was a cunt.
Nice one Lars.
COYG
One for you Joe,
Take it as a warning ! 😉
Much to his dad and mum’s dismay
Horace ate himself one day
He didn’t stop to say his grace
He just sat down and ate his face
“We can’t have this!” his dad declared
“If that lad’s ate he should be shared”
But even as he spoke they saw
Horace eating more and more:
First his legs and then his thighs,
His arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes
“Stop him someone!” Mother cried
“Those eyeballs would be better fried!”
But all too late for they were gone,
And he had started on his dong…
“Oh foolish child!” the father mourned
“You could have deep-fried those with prawns,
Some parsley and some tartar sauce…”
But H was on his second course;
His liver and his lights and lung,
His ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue
“To think I raised him from the cot
And now he’s gone to scoff the lot!”
His mother cried what shall we do?
What’s left won’t even make a stew…”
And as she wept her son was seen
To eat his head his heart his spleen
And there he lay, a boy no more
Just a stomach on the floor…
None the less since it was his
They ate it – and that’s what haggis is
From: Monty Python’s Big Red Book
*pops back in time to the previous session to read Joe’s post*
*returns to the present*
Joe, agree with Trev. Top stuff (though I’d still say we probably need Coq backup more than a striker), particularly the last paragraph. Arsene Wenger has no obligation to shake hands with a man who has done nothing but taken cheap shots at him for some ten years.
Well done Lars.
Joe@7 Inconceivably charitable? I beg to differ.
When the translator had a dig at Benitez’s wife about his diet I personally felt that little was made of his outdated insinuation that it was up to ‘er indoors to feed him correctly. But I assumed it was taken as representative of the fact that Mou is generally a dick rather than specifically a dick in his attitude to modern home-making. Having seen the belly on him today I think his should wind his neck in when it comes to Rafa’s well-loved paunch.
Seriously. He could do with a good pre-season.
I back Mou for a treble(T) this year- “Tubby Translator Toppled!”
his should = he should. Copyright Pangloss.
(TTG having never actually corrected one… wink)
Inspired by Python’s poetry and the fact that Dead Poets Society is on the telly right now – apologies in advance –
Mourinho’s hurting, we can see,
He’s lost to us at Wemberlee.
We parked the bus, he gripes and moans,
The irony lost as on he groans,
The best team lost, he seems to think,
Oblivious to the shocking stink
Made by his strikers on the day
As high and wide they blazed away.
But one thing that is very very
Clear is racist Captain Terry,
Finds age affecting his élan
He cannot catch our younger man,
Now Theo runs past him with ease
And leaves old John boy to his wheeze,
Moves the ball wide to The Ox
Who fires home just inside the box.
Although they huffed and puffed some more
The team from Fulham failed to score.
And at the end the ‘Special One
Found he had finally been undone
By the finest manager in the land,
Who then refused to shake his hand.
Now he has cash, Mourinho fears
That Wenger’s got him taped for years.
😉
Bravo!
Hello fellow gooners, long time no see.
I hope you survived the relatively Arsenal-free months.
First off, great post Lars, and lovely poetry up above by Trev as well!
I’m glad that we had a little bit of real football, and doubly glad that Arsene was able to get this stupid “never beat Mourinho” hoodoo off his back. Although I’m pretty sure the media will change it to “still has to beat Mourinho in real competition” now. In any case, ever since Mourinho accused Arsene of a being a “specialist in failure” I noticed that he’s won at least a trophy a season.
Long may it continue!
UTA
COR !!!
Pleasure to see you again sir.
Now – Where is Bergkamps the Man??
I thought Ramsey was understatedly great today – not as dynamic going forward (but still had his couple chances created and attempted) but pretty sure he was instructed to stay back as we soaked up the pressure, especially after Ox’s amazing goal which I think he did very effectively for the team.
Koscielny to me was MoTM though – imperious throughout. Special mention to Cech too – he’s going to be big for us this year.
Good to be back Homer!
Hopefully I’ll have something to say that’s different from everyone else (and also funny) this season 😀
“The irony couldn’t get more ferrous!” – BB last drinks re Moaninho accusing AW of parking the bus.
Love it!
Öskar
I’m with Homer at #9 … OG at 9 and Theo on the wing. The chavs were certainly more cautious about possible Arse counter attacks while Theo was up front, but he can do that equally well on the wing with OG better equipped to hold the ball up.
Anyway, a lot of ferrous showing on either side, and hard to pick a motm. The Ox in the box obviously a contender, but spoiled it a bit with lack of control at other times. Özil and Santi near invisible for much of the game, although the former produced a lovely pre-assist for the goal and came on well in the second stanza, while Santi covered a number of Coq mistakes. Per/Kos/Nacho were all good enough for an average chav’s attack on the day.
Perhaps our new Cech mate should get the vote. Did nothing wrong, and several things right – especially the save from Oscar’s free.
Nice one Lars!
Öskar
Top work, Lars.
Still think my abbreviated version was better, though. 😉
Excellent report, Lars.
I see from Mourinho’s comments that Chelsea was victorious in every respect yesterday. I can’t imagine how the scoreline got it so wrong. 🙂
CoR: Welcome back. Good to see you back in the bar.
Stoke Lars?
Oh dear.
Next but one then. ?
That makes six trophies in 15 months. How times have changed. 🙂
Öskar
Champianos
Ole, ole, ole
Now let’s get the big 38 game one!
😉
Excellent report, Lars. Just as I saw it. Looking forward to next Sunday and some pre-match sherbets at the Tolly.
Nice one Lars
Another excellent day in the sun at Wembley. Not the same intensity in the crowd as in May but the fact that it was Chelsea really cranked up the venom. I think for pure vitriolic dislike, Chelsea have crept above Sp*rs now. Yes, Spurs are our old enemy, yes it’s still a war zone at the Lane but at the Emirates we enjoy taking the piss and rolling out the old songs. Truth be told, although they are and forever will be in our shadow, they’re not a bad football club and Pottechino is a pretty decent manager. But Chelsea, especially with Maureen and Terry, are so far removed from our values as a club and as supporters. Never used to be like this, it’s only developed under Jose. He’s a total see you next Tuesday, if you get my drift.
Certainly added some edge in Block 113 yesterday! Especially when Ox lashed that one home right in front of us!
Still don’t either get or like the booing of Cesc though. Keep it for Terry!
Oh by the way, did you know – Petr Cech’s a Gooner!
Trev a new career awaits you!
Loved Arsene’s pacy attacking line up which paid dividends with that fab Ox strike . Gooner Kevin and I were perfectly placed behind the goal.
It was great to see we took a leaf out of Maureen’s book and protected our lead in the second half and we did it VERY well. The defence were outstanding and Kos was my MOTM. He made numerous interceptions and clearances and it looks as though he and Per have already formed a good understanding with the impressive Cech.
Maureen is a vile creature, his attackers were inept and he dares to say the wrong team won. The object of the game is to score goals and his expensive array of strikers were constantly wide of the mark. This morning I hear he is blaming pitch.
Although we didn’t have the pleasure of our seeing us at our free flowing best, we were set up to win the game and credit goes to Arsene and the boys for putting in the type of performance to thwart the likes of the chavs and there hateful leader.
On to the real thing next Sunday, the future looks bright!
COYRs
Great report Lars, I only saw MOTD but it accords with my view.
I’m out of regular reception in Norfolk for the next two weeks so postings will be sporadic. Suffice it to say Mourinho is a hypocrite. Evidence his sullen remarks with those after they beat United in April with 20% possession. It’s exactly the way to play Chelsea .
Looked like Koscielny was immense. Worrying about Jack is the only current cloud on our horizon
A glorified friendly or a curtain raiser, call it whatever but in the end we won and that is what truly matters.
Kos man of the match, he is the most important player in defense and his fitness remains the key for the season. Per was alright but his lack of pace and inability to close down crosses may come to haunt. Coquelin had a good game but the worry remains in that position. Arteta towards the end offered no solace and i am still praying it will be an upgrade to coquelin coming before the transfer window ends.
Moments of the match was Cech in goal in our colours and boss walking past mou as if he did not exist. The battle lines are drawn, now let the real game begin.
Agree with those who made Koscielny their MOM yesterday…I thought he was simply imperious – he made Remy and Falcao look hopeless. Amid all the talk about the emergence of Coquelin and Bellerin in the 2nd half of last season, you can’t overlook how much the return of a fully-fit Kos contributed to our excellent run. I know we now have better depth at CB in Gabriel and Chambers, but I’d personally propose Kos as the player in the squad I’d least like to pick up a long-term injury this season…
Victory always sweeter the morning after.
Defeat always more bitter.
Right, Jose?
Gregoire @39. Please don’t say such things without knocking on wood. 😉
Thank you Lars for an excellent match report. When you go to the Stoke match will you be bringing your anti-Orc machine? 🙂
Wembley pitch not to Jose’s liking Delia? Must have contained too many bitter herbs. 🙂
I know it will sound odd, but it felt kinda weird to see us perform like this against that lot, after Ox scored, the result was never in doubt for me.
Agree that Kos made both Remy and Falcao look pretty ordinary (even more ordinary than they actually are, I mean ..did people really advocate for us to sign both of them?). The most dangerous men football sense from their team were Hazard in the later stages and Willian, in non football sense it was Ramirez, who clearly got on the field with instructions to kick our players up.
His knee in the stomach of Mesut was as intentional as you will ever see and it was good that right after that Coq cunted Cescs with unnerving cynism. Good stuff, they bullied us like this last year at their place when Ivanovic and Cahill effectively kicked Alexis out of the game, while during our home game we already served cold stone retribution to any of their players behaving like this.
While I do not advocate this kind of stuff happening, it was good to see our players stand for each other and not let them get away with nasty fouls and I would not mind if we actually were painful to play against also on physical level, not only considering flair football we play, like we used to when Paddy kicked the shit out of everyone who tried to bypass him.
In all of the hubbub about the non-handshake, not one scribe has posed the following question:
Q.: “When was the last time anyone has seen the manager of a losing side in a silverware match step away from his bunch of losing mugs and shake hands with the victorious players as they descend the steps?”
Answer is of course “Never”. Just an opportunity for the hijo de puta to draw attention to himself (again, and ad nauseum), show what a true sportsman he is, and continue the constant winding up and having his journo co-conspirators attack AW. And would anyone in the press call him out on this pitiful transparent ploy? Don’t hold your breath…
What would the best response have been? First in line (Arteta) should have simply told him to piss off and get back to his own lot,
Surprised that Mourinho didn’t take credit for showing the “specialist in failure” how to go about winning by adopting his tactics. But I suspect he’ll use that when the Arsenal wins the league this season.
not a bad result at all, eh
🙂
and
much as i agree about arsene’s dignity
my chest would have swelled with pride if
after a length of the pitch run up
and with a hearty following wind
he planted a size 9 – (ankle deep)
in maureen’s special ones
*daydreams*
.
(see ned re. arsene’s actual hoof size)
Mourinho’s number one priority after any defeat is to ensure the media don’t scrutinise the performance of his side. The handshake malarkey was just a facet of that.
We could have scored four or five yesterday (ox chance were nacho banjaxed ivanovic, Santi one on one, Gibbs one on one, giroud miss from six yards). Wouldn’t want the press asking what’s going on with that back line, eh?
COYG
Surprised they haven’t called in Mourinho for tapping up our players with those pantomime handshakes. Cuuunnnnnt.
I’m very pleased that Arsene handled Mourinho in exactly the way he did.
Mourinho has, in the past, called Wenger “a voyeur” for compiling a “dossier” of insults the former had thrown at him: he has called Wenger a “specialist in failure”: he accused Wenger yesterday of “parking the bus” – and did it with a straight face: he has blamed the defeat on the pitch: he has excused the defeat with his team’s lack of preparation because they needed a holiday – as far as i know Chelsea’s seasons begin and end at exactly the same time as everyone else’s – actually ours ended later than theirs due to the FA Cup Final in which, of course, they did not feature.
In a desperate attempt to hog the limelight and somehow detach himself from the failure of his own team, he then waited to congratulate our team as they emerged with their medals – and then very publicly threw his own losers medal into the crowd.
And the media insinuation is that the lack of a handshake is in some way Arsene Wenger’s fault.
Personally, I’m glad AW does not share the trait of hypocrisy with which Mourinho, the despicable little scumbag, is so richly endowed.
I think Countryman is spot on, above, with his appraisal of where we stand regarding Tottenham and Chelsea. There have been decades of dislike, hatred, disdain and jibing at Tottenham.
In ten years though, Chelsea as a club have surpassed them, for me, by sinking to a whole new level of arrogance, entitlement and hatefulness.
I absolutely loathe the sight of that blue shirt and everyone in it, and that is down to the snivelling little rat who leads the team that wear it.
Would have trebled the pleasure, cba. 😉
They are a lot bigger than size 9s, cba, but all the better for doing damage to the Special One’s special ones…
N7G nailed it. Next morning’s headlines were about Wenger dissing Mourinho, not Chelsea getting beaten.
Screw that. We don’t need Arsene needlessly in trouble.
Someone make a call to Kanu and we’re in business!
there’s nowt like the rosey glow
one feels in one’s bosom
when like minded souls gather
to hate a complete and utter cunt
.
grand fellas all
.
UP THE ARSENAL!
.
( bosom )
🙂
*sniggers*
Arsene passed a point when he decided not to waste any more energy on Mourinho. I agree wholeheartedly with his decision and fully back his actions. When someone behaves disgracefully towards you it is not a sign of class to shake their hand on demand like some sort of performing monkey. Arsene and Fergie used to manage a handshake. And neither have ever poked a fellow manager in the eye. Mourinho is loathsome and scared. Arsene has him just where he wants him. Mou has been dreading a fair fight with Wenger for years… Go on boss, make him squirm like the coward he is.
After 13 years of throwing money at a bus stop in hope of success Abramovich behaved in a way which damaged his football club when he allowed Cech to move to us because he felt it was the right thing to do. Maybe he would have lost money if he had made Cech see out his contract and £11m made sense but there were many other suitors. And if he had said no like Mou wanted we would not have Cech. Who is the final piece in my eyes.
Levy will never damage his club to do the right thing. Levy will, in fact, damage his club for the sake of doing the wrong thing, should he be in the mood or decide his pride is at stake.
For me, the chavs will never overtake the spuds. It is truly staggering how much I disagree with that club’s entire ethos when you consider that even the last decade of chavs and oilers cannot come close to dislodging them in the battle for my partisan and vitriolic hatred. They are the enemy. But there is a respect in how much they mean to me. The depth of emotion I have for them is huge (if wholly negative) and reflects the fact that I consider them worthy of that level of emotional investment. Underpinning my respect for them.
But I’m with Arsene on Chelshit- they are just not worth even my contempt. Life is too short to spend it worrying that all the dicks in the world are, in fact, dicks. Of course they are. Duh!
There is no respect. They are not worth our collective farts in the wind. Just have a realistic expectation of what a group of scumbags led by a supreme scumbag within a millionaire’s bubble are likely to behave like and it is easy to dismiss Chelsea for what they are. They have different methods, different goals and a different morality and should be judged accordingly. And that is all fine, when viewed in context…
If you order a crap sandwich then don’t act surprised when it tastes like poo.
Poorinho.
Spot on there N7. Distraction tactics. Reptile.
Jose Mourinho: football’s most transparently insecure man….If the sport attracted slightly higher IQ pundits and journalists, they would have long since outed him as the infantile charlatan he actually is. Let’s hope Chelsea have a mediocre, damp squib of a season, finish 3rd or even 4th, fail again in the Champions Lge, serve up the dismal pragmatic fare that’s been a staple under him, and Abramovich finally sees the sense to sack him for a 2nd and final time….
Now Mr Baffgooner
We reptiles would never ever ever stoop as low as the odious one.
A bit of respect for the reptilian world ,if you dinna mind
If this works, enjoy.
hahahahahahahaha
cracker chief
🙂
Linesman has odd friends, I’d say. Either that or drunk strangers. Having a good time though. 🙂
For anybody who’s wondering where West Ham are spending Thursday evening in their away match against Astra Giurgiu, it’s on the southern Romania border just over the river from northern Bulgaria. Not sure it will be easy for them to get back to London intact.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giurgiu
Nice one H, not seen that before. cba is clearly well impressed.
Ah, SSY, brevity for maximum impact, you say?- I like it!
cba, the edit function is your friend.
Well it is while I control it! 🙂
i have no idea what yer talkin’ about ‘hol
i say
i have no idea what yer talkin’ about
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S9dF5xuJBbM
🙂
🙂
bt8@62, i’d say that’s a perfect place for the spuds to be playing, since it’s so similar to their own home turf: “…situated amid mud-flats and marshes…”.
holic, that’s hilarious. must be how people stay amused when their side isn’t any good. tottenham away in the snoreopa league, maybe?
moaningho is going to become shriller and shriller as the years go by, and his usual antics won’t garner him any space in the tabloids…he will create more and more strawmen and light them on fire, until someone rightly takes away his matches. then, of course, he will become a pundit, and we’ll all be thanking god for the mute button.
Just watched community shield final replay on czech tv ..for some reason it was there as “Arsenal TV” with commentary made by Arsenal media and czech commentary slaped over that…when you clearly could hear the original voices..reminded me why I tend to use spanish and russian streams..so…much..annoying..nonsense!
Nice video Guvna. Sitting where you do in the Grove, you and the neighbour could mimic that for 5 minutes before they throw you out or the people on either side begin to cut up rough.
I really can’t see the present day denizens of the Grove coming up with anything as hilarious as that even if they had the space to do it.
Brilliant stuff.
Poetry in the drinks?
Well if you insist
Much to his dad and mum’s dismay
Horace ate himself one day
He didn’t stop to say his grace
He just sat down and ate his face
“We can’t have this!” his dad declared
“If that lad’s ate he should be shared”
But even as he spoke they saw
Horace eating more and more:
First his legs and then his thighs,
His arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes
“Stop him someone!” Mother cried
“Those eyeballs would be better fried!”
But all too late for they were gone,
And he had started on his dong…
“Oh foolish child!” the father mourned
“You could have deep-fried those with prawns,
Some parsely and some tartar sauce…”
But H was on his second course;
His liver and his lights and lung,
His ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue
“To think I raised himn from the cot
And now he’s gone to scoff the lot!”
His mother cried what shall we do?
What’s left won’t even make a stew…”
And as she wept her son was seen
To eat his head his heart his spleen
And there he lay, a boy no more
Just a stomach on the floor…
None the less since it was his
They ate it – and that’s what haggis is
(Monty Python)
Heh ! At the video. 🙂
Cynic,
Think you’ll find I already posted that poem @16. 😉
One thing is for certain.
It is impossible to learn the English measuring system after 50 years of age.
Top stuff Lars.
It’s not so hard, 8ball. Just remember pints are the big ones and it’s halves when you’re buying the round. 😉
Öskar
Oskar, They charge by the teaspoon in my local. 🙂
I have consulted the runes.
Giroud will score more goals than Feo this season but will not get a 40% salary increase.
Wilshere will again be a sick note – oh, wait.
Maureen will always be a placenta.
Today’s instructional unit for Jose Mourinho in the use of the English language.
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/chickens-come-home-to-roost.html
More specific info for Nostradamus Gooner: Mourinho will always be platypus placenta.
8ball
home to roost ?
when they do
rip em open
get a butcher’s at their giblets
mmmm haruspicy
runes ? bah !
Chicken giblets in a haruspicy?
Can’t you get a proper ruby in Donegal then cba?
Nostradamus@77 – Must, respectfully, disagree about Mourinho. In some cultures, placenta is considered a delicacy. Not that I wouldn’t like to have him on toast.
COYG
😉 dino
she was a belfast girl , ruby
sadly she struggled with the gargle
speaking of which
the pogues have just brought out a whiskey
might taste like feet , i dunno
though the marketing team for the launch
clearly aware that sex sells
http://www.southernstar.ie/News/Local-distillery-gets-into-the-spirit-of-The-Pogues-31072015.htm
For my taste, Roy Keane is overly concerned by being photographed with his salt and pepper beard. An extreme case of six pack envy.
Tipplin tune
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwdPZ6AMzY0
I am reading the fourth ‘Thursday Next’ novel by Jasper Fforde- they are wonderfully bonkers and I’m sure many denizens of the bar would find them hilarious.
There is a religious order involved who worship the Galactic Standard Diety…
Any book that puts GSD as the supreme and omnipotent creator/ruler of the Universe is alright by me!
Akpom loan to Hull confirmed.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/33776110
Neither whiskey not galactic standard dieties involved apparently.
Or even deities, the fatter versions of dieties.
Is this your Ruby, cba?
https://youtu.be/RxRS6cgwZiU
had the misfortune of seeing christy moore once
was feckin torture
felt like rippin me ears off
and drowning them outta their misery
in me jar
he diddle-eye-de-diddley-doodled
the ned flanders fuck outta song after song
and sweated like the pig that knows it’s dinner
apart from that
big fan
mmmmmmmm
pork chops
*gurrrrgggles*
Trev @ 71. Bollix 🙁
That’ll teach me to back drink properly.
Good back drinking form:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/cd/61/30/cd613052f441db6997e73e555435e3f9.jpg
GSD – Another Thursday Next fan! Good Man!! I also recommend The Fourth Bear and The Big Over Easy. No-one beats Fforde for Berks/Wilts-based surreal comedy.
Old Trafford revolving door picking up steam.
http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/33681538
Falcao and Di Maria were brought in by Van Gaal. Does he only get rid of his own signings or does he have the balls to get rid of all the crap signed by the previous managers?
Is “Berks/Wilts-based surreal comedy” a hotly contested genre, Pangloss? It’s not one I’m familiar with. More of a Mole Valley man myself; Jane Austen, CS Lewis, HG Wells, Agatha Christie and EM Forster being particularly given to referencing local landmarks. Or am I showing my age? 😀
Öskar
To the point. Pithy too.
http://angryofislington.com/2015/08/05/its-been-20-years-so-will-spurs-finally-finish-above-arsenal-this-season-2/
Right, as well, bt8b.
Berks/Wilts-based surreal comedy is up there with Bed/Bucks slap-stick, Otd.
I admit it, otd; my mention of Berks/Wilts-based surreal comedy was a cynical attempt to solicit alternative nominations. You may judge for yourself the heat of the competition from the number of responses.
Ping! I’ll have this tap in then. COYG!
Herts ha-ha.
There’s always Scotland for situation comedy – well they did stick it in a pretty funny place. 🙂
Trev@102: I am reminded of the late, great Humphrey Lyttleton’s line:
As the chill wind of time blows up the kilt of destiny, and the short-sighted octopus of fate attempts to mount the bagpipes of eternity…
Look at them pundits
http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/33764700
At least no prediction for us being out of top four this time. 🙂
Ned,
“It’s the end of the show.”
I’m on holiday at the moment – travelling back tomorrow in time for the start of the season (don’t tell Mrs Trev), and armed with four CDs of ‘I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue’ for the car journey while everyone else is asleep.
Never-endingly marvellous stuff. I thought Stephen Fry was the obvious choice to take over from Humph but Jack Dee is making a very good job of it.
It was hard to see it surviving the loss of Humph but, somehow, it has.
One classic introduction to a final game of ‘Italian Radio Times’ was:
“Samantha has recently met an Italian ice cream salesman and she’ll be popping round to visit him after the show as there’s nothing she likes doing more in the evening than licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan.”
😉
A truly international story with at least one tangible positive feature, the phrase “affable amphibian.” Can’t see why it took Egyptians to think it up though.
http://www.egyptindependent.com//news/miss-piggy-and-kermit-break-ahead-new-abc-muppets-show
It’s hard to get a rise out of anybody the last few days. I guess Trev’s being on vacation explains most of it.
Re: Faustus @104. So only Dion Dublin, of the 28 “experts,” thinks Liverpool will even finish in the top four. This despite all 28 being Liverpool fans. 😉
One for the road, Trev:
“So as Samantha heads off to the Highland games to admire the contestants in the caber competition, and perhaps have a go at tossing one or two herself…”
Looking ahead by a week …
Crystal Palace Hospitality for Gunners Clash: Official photo of one of Selhurst Park’s “superb hospitality environments”:
http://www.cpfc.co.uk/news/article/hospitality-for-gunners-clash-2596347.aspx?
Actual undoctored version:
http://musicsnobbery.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8345160c569e201157160159c970c-pi
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