The Long Slow Bond
Dec 27th, 2016 by 'holic
Home just in time for kick-off after taking a lively pup for a swim and a run, it was time take up position around the television seated next to the eldest grand’holic. It took a while to sort out an English commentary, and we succeeded eventually, but not before learning the Spanish for “it looks like West Brom are going to bore the pants off you this afternoon”.
“So, no Theo today. In fact Bellerin appears to be the right wing back. Iwobi appears to be in the centre, left of Mezut.” We tried to digest the set-up which looked like a variation rarely seen. 3-2-3-2.
“Nacho has lost his place to Gibbo I see” said the older viewer, not surprised as you will have seen in the preview. “He’s a better player, surely?” and who am I to argue with a young fan?
“West Brom doing the usual. Banks of four and five with one poor sod left up top on his own to forage. Be prepared for a long afternoon. We don’t look like we have any sort of tempo to our build-up so we need to be patient this afternoon.” And so the first-half panned out.
“Anybody for a Bloody Mary?” I tried to sound less than eager, but the half-time treat absolutely hit the spot.
The second-half started brighter. “Yeaghhhh, wait yeeaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!” Foster was at his best to deny Iwobi, then Alexis. “Yeeeeeeaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh!” the Chilean hit the post. We appeared to have reverted to a familiar formation with Iwobi back out on the right.
“It’s going to be one of those days” said Nanny one to Nanny two on the other sofa. This is only marginally behind “I don’t know why they bother, they never score” and “Never mind, it’s only a game” in the irritation stakes.
Foster was at his best again to deny Alexis, then Giroud. “Why doesn’t Lucas get a start Grandad? And when is he going to bring Ramsey on?” The young man is wise beyond his years. “How long is the goalkeeper allowed to hang on to the ball Grandad?” I inform him at Arsenal they are only allowed to hold on to it as long as it takes me to have a shave. We smile together.
Kieran Gibbs injury doesn’t look good and so as well as well as the attacking substitutions of Rambo and Lucas we have to bring Nacho back into the fold. We rain crosses into the Baggies box, all to no avail. From our left we hear “I don’t know why they bother, they never score.” A black labrador pup looks at me, tilts his head to one side. I doubt he has ever seen a little steam come out of a human’s ears before.
The best chance falls to Bellerin, now operating as an auxiliary striker. “Aaarrrggghhh! If that was Giroud it’s goal.” is answered by “Never mind, it’s only a game.“. I assure a now silent young man that no Arsenal match is ever ‘only a game’, and then it happens.
Ozil exchanges passes with Bellerin and crosses for Giroud to somehow hold off a strangulation attempt by his marker. The looping header breaks the visitors resolve and unites young and old in a spontaneous “Wooooohoooooooo!“, or something like that. “Have they scored?” asks a Nanny, I’m not sure which.
“Any chance of another Bloody Mary?”
“Grandad! It’s only five o’clock.” And so for the first time I can remember we celebrate a last gasp win at home to West Bromwich Albion with champagne, which seems a little excessive in the grand scheme of things, but this is more acceptable than me hammering another large vodka, tomato juice, Worcester sauce, Tabasco sauce, and lemon juice down me Gregory Peck.
I hope you all had a good one, or as good as possible given your unique circumstances.
Can’t wait to see Fat Sam bring an expansive Palace to the Grove on New Years Day.
61 Responses to “The Long Slow Bond”
First!
A fine report ‘olic. You saw the same performance as I did.
I’m pretty sure it was Nanny Two.
COYG
More chance of another bloody Mary than an expansive Palace methinks. Enjoyed your report much more than the game itself. Ready the Vladivar for next Sunday. Lucs to start on the wing?
The only thing about El Grande that’s expansive is his head.
Two cynics? Good to see you both. 😉
Those Nannys are trouble P, as well you know! 🙂
It has been possibly the dullest Christmas on record. The choice of football on the box = terrible, with absolutely shite cricket coverage on BT. Someone needs to take Swann outside and fill him in, the smug gimp.
Families? It’s a time for all day SPORT!
I have a journalist friend who supports WBA who Facebooked me at 2.30 saying- ‘ we’ve arrived for our annual stuffing! ‘
As it happened they almost got away with blatant time- wasting and the like and about 20% of the ?
Thank heaven for Ollie G. Glad you enjoyed the time with the Grandholics H it’s very special. I love my two to pieces but there is a certain tension in the house with the Arsenal/ Tottenham divide in my daughter’s house. And I have a Nanny like yours in my house- and yesterday we had another Nanny falling off to sleep after a mite too much Pinot. Lightweight!
An enjoyable read Holic thanks and to cap it I’ve just seen Shawcross make a complete arsehole of himself at Anfield. Happy days!
Fine match report Guvna.
I’m delighted to hear that grandkid number 1 has his ancestor’s leanings and football nous.
Sam himself has been somewhat more expansive over the years than the Palace team he will field on Sunday or indeed any team of which he has ever been in control.
The genes seem to be moving nicely down the generations, ‘Holic.
So Bradley has got his swan uppance. 85 days. Ryan Giggs the bookies’ favourite to replace him.
By the time Giroud scored, I was playing virtual patience on the iPad to while away the boredom, resigned to a 0-0 draw and an excruciating post match interview with the boss. Nice goal on the replay.
Evening H
Always difficult after 2 bad defeats,where the absence of 1 player from our ranks has cost us so dear.
Mental tension,rather than physical,although one clearly affects the other,meant we played the first 45 ” slightly with the handbrake on ” as Arsene is wont to opine.
Better in the 2nd half,with a keeper yet again deciding to have a blinder against us.and nearly succeeding in earning a barely deserved point.
Remember the bus stop lot took 78 mins to break them down,we took 8 mins longer,but got there in the end.
I agree with Countryman about Perez.
From what i have seen of him so far,he appears to have more of a football brain than Wally and the Ox put together.
Hopefully he will get more regular opportunities to show it.
Be interesting to see if the boss gives an injury update on Mustafi in his pre Palace game prezzer.
If he doesn’t,then one suspects he may be out a bit longer than first expected.
Evening Clive. Always a pleasure. Much more mental pressure in the stadium than in the front room, I have to say. I would have been off the nut yesterday, I’m sure. 🙂
A Fat Sam team hasn’t beaten an AW one since May, 2010: Blackburn, 2-1 at Ewood Park. Our team that day: Fabianski, Sagna, Campbell, Sylvester, Traore, Eboue, Diaby, Nasri, van Persie, Vela, Theo. Eduardo came on for Eboue and Arshavin for Vela. Paul Robinson was between the sticks for Blackburn. It was one of the only four times he was on the winning side in 24 games against us. For Allardyce, it was one of his only five wins in 31 games.
Countryman, Clive: I, too, like the look of Perez. He scurries about a lot and makes good runs. He also seems to be the sort of player who can pick up a lot of scraps in the box, which would be a welcome addition as we are somewhat deficient in that regard. As well as Foster played yesterday, a little more quality in the finishing off of second balls in the box would have given us three or four more goals.
If Theo remains on physio leave let’s hope Lucas gets a start so we can see what he has to offer. He can’t be as ineffective as Iwobi who didn’t know whether he was playing left or right wing or somewhere in between yesterday. Did he forgot to read that piece of paper the subs are shown before coming on? What is that anyway, directions to where the bus is parked after the game?
Chelsea 3 – City 3 – Utd 3 – Liverpool 4 – Arsenal 1
There’s something very strange in these woods…
Bloody Mary always preferable. ?
SSY What are those numbers about?
Goals scored yesterday/today, bt8b.
Mark Clattenburg named world’s best referee in 2016 at the Globe Soccer Awards in Dubai.
https://www.globesoccer.com/awards/walloffame/#filter=.winners-2016
Can this year get any weirder?
What does that make Michael Oliver?
crackin’ read , ‘holic
Xhaka needs to find his boom. Bless my soul can he go long with a pass. Our very own Paul scholes
Much talk about Ollie G contract. Pay him what he wants. Hell, pay everyone in the squad what they want. Had a slump in form but seems everyone is pulling their weight
Awesome write up H. Sounds a tremendous way to watch a game.
Only seen the motd highlights and read the media reports. Sounded a garbage first half, a much better second and a deserved 3 points. My young lady attended in my absence and that was very much her opinion as well. Who am I to argue???
I hate Fat Sam and all he stands for in football. I hope we give him something to continue his moaning well into January.
Fuck off 2016
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C0kCv0FXcAARsTl.jpg:large
That’s a pretty depressing image, Cynic. RIP.
It’s only going to get worse, Cynic.
It’s a function of the growth in the mid- twentieth century of the global celebrity phenomenon and the biological effects of ageing.
Death and taxes isn’t it? Or at least, death anyway even for those who manage to avoid taxation.
Enjoy them while you can. ?
The number of deaths is probably the same as other years, but these are OUR celebrities. People who got famous, by and large, after we were born. These are not our parents’ heroes…
Even Lemmy (who shouldn’t be in the image anyway) who was around forever became famous long after I was born. 🙁
Spot on, Cynic. The next few years will probably be the same. 🙁
Walked the dog. Wonder if I should do anything else useful before Saints devour Sp*rs.
Including myself, during my walk I only heard about two people slipping and falling on the ice. My fall was inconsequential but my neighbor had a concussion. Luckily she seems to be alright and just taking it easy as the referee seems not to be waving her back into action too quickly.
The greatest of all times. Muhammad Ali was the one who died who resonated with me.
Chris – oh Chris. How can we see such different games? Iwobi grows with every game and was great on Monday. He’s now adding final balls (goal chalked off wrongly at City so nearly played Sanchez in against WBA.) Doesn’t wander around any more than Theo.
After comments on Lucas not touching ball I’m tempted to suggest a visit to Specsavers!
Spurs trail by a goal in the second minute against Saints. Hope it stays that way till the end.
I don’t, I had money on Southampton to win 3-0, 3-1 or 3-2
🙂
Right… come on Saints, you shit cunts. I have literally pennies on this game.
Mike Dean you cuuuuuuuuuuuuunt AND a red card. What a baldy bellend.
HARRY KANE! Hahahahahahahaha oops.
I need to get specs, I could have sworn Saints keeper had LOBSTER on the back of his shirt.
Next goal wins, I reckon. Come on Southampton ffs.
Cynic
Much as you despise the Spuds,they need to win this one at Southampton and beat Watford away at the w/end,so they go in full of confidence to the next game early Jan at home to Chelsea.
We really do need them to do us a favor and take points off them.
Much better if they are playing them on a high.
They can have a losing run later.!!
I’m just sweating on a bet, pocket before points 😉
Wankers.
Bollox with the devouring scenario. Saints turned into the Aints.
The only club in the top 6 not to score 3 or more goals. WTF?
Great to see the pics on the Arse website of Danny back in full training with the first team squad.
Been a long hard road back for him,and with a relatively easy fixture list in January,it’s an ideal time for him to get some playing time under his belt,as we will need all hands on deck in Feb,with visits to the bus stop and Anfield,not to mention Bayern to contend with.
Re Cynic’s chart @27
I can’t see Victoria Wood on there. A grievous loss.
Agree with Clive re the Totts. We need them playing with confidence against the Chavs.
Looks like we could have Mustafi , Welbeck, Ramsey and The Ox involved in some way over the New Year games. Possibly the BFG and Debuchy back for the Cup game .
We could see the following teams over the next three games
Palace
Cech
Bellerin Mustafi Kos Monreal
Xhaka Coquelin
Sanchez Ozil Perez
Giroud
Ospina, Ramsey , Gibbs, Elneny , Walcott, Iwobi, Gabriel
Bournemouth
Cech
Gabriel Holding Kos Gibbs
Coquelin, Elneny
Walcott, Ramsey , Iwobi
Giroud
Ospina , Xhaka, Maitland- Niles, Ozil, Sanchez, The Ox, Perez
Preston
Ospina
Maitland- Niles, Holding, BFG, Monreal
Elneny, Ramsey
Ox, Iwobi, Perez
Welbeck
Martinez, Debuchy, Gabriel, Giroud, Walcott, Reine Adelaide, Coquelin
Victoria Wood is to the left of Andrew Sachs, in the long coat with a yellow hat on
Having the BFG back will be a boost just for the Feelgood factor alone.
Lemmy in the centre. Right on.
Guiding them all to The Inferno bar.
“let’s have some Jack and Cola, Fidel”
“si, si, claro que si, Lenny”
“it’s Lemmy, fella”
“si, si”
“So here am I sitting in my tin can, far above the world…”
Perhaps I expect more from players wearing the Arsenal shirt, countryman. I’m less than delighted with most of the matches so far this season, even some of the ones we’ve won. We could and should be playing better with the squad we have … and a few of them could be upgraded to advantage. Just my opinion of course, and those who were satisfied with a struggling 1 nil win against WBA are equally entitled to theirs.
Hmmm, ‘holic … the next line goes “Planet Earth is blue and there’s nothing I can do. Planet Earth, or at least the London part of it, should be RED and white. And you do plenty to bring it about with your excellent forum. Long may it continue.
Happy 2017!
Found this on a Twitter post but none the less true for that:
It is becoming increasingly obvious that David Bowie has established a better alternate universe and is populating it selectively one-by-one.
https://twitter.com/MsTexas1967/status/813827177070399493
Two consecutive days of stories about AOC moving to Liverpool. Yesterday’s story: “It’s on.”
Today’s story quoting Klopp: “It’s nonsense.”
Somebody must want this stuff in the press I guess.
Excellent write up, Holic !
Yes, I’m about three days behind meself at the moment but c’est la vie, Rodders, c’est la vie !
Put me in the Lucas Perez fan club. So far he looks lively, makes good runs and without checking stats, has an extremely good minutes to goals/assists ratio methinks.
And as North Bank Ned said @15, with a little help from a certain Peter Cook, we are deficient in the Player Who Can Pick Up A Lot Of Scraps In The Box Department to the tune of One.
Plus, it would be nice to have soneone on the pitch who sounds even a little bit like Pires. ???
Happy 2017 ! already Chris ?
How many days ahead are you there exactly ?
Or has that 60″er already started seeing the fireworks in Sidney ? ?
That to which Trev refers:
http://mm.iit.uni-miskolc.hu/Lart/monty/oneleg.html
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>