Reports Say Tony Adams Resigns, On The Day Blatter Should Have
Nov 16th, 2011 by 'holic
Internationals over, check. No injuries reported, check. Tedious transfer speculation, check. Nothing to write about then unless, no surely not. Blatter? He said what? You’re kidding me.
It is hard to believe that an operator like the head of FIFA, so well gifted in the dark arts that enable him to remain in his extremely lucrative position of power and grace, should also come across so often as an incompetent, bumbling, buffoon. His casual observations on the issue of racism are, at best, insensitive in the extreme. The response from so many people inside the great game, not to mention the millions who derive such pleasure from it, must surely bring the day of reckoning for this out-of-touch, avaricious individual much closer.
Football will be a better game for his going. Please, go now Blatter.
Tony Adams Coming Home?
As I type the Trend News Agency reports from Azerbaijan that Tony Adams has resigned his position as coach to Gabala. Now I love Tony as one of the greatest Gooners I have seen, but his track record as a coach/manager doesn’t make for an impressive read. I trust he is able to resolve whatever issues have forced him to come back earlier than he had intended. The man has fought many demons already, and come out on top.
I hope he finds another club soon, but Arsenal? Not yet, I think.
323 Responses to “Reports Say Tony Adams Resigns, On The Day Blatter Should Have”
Ah, football chat.
Welcome Home TA.
Blatter is morally bankrupt and has been for a while. Pity football has made him far from bankrupt.
Where did my ‘n’ go?
Beginning to think WordPress has got it in for me today, Holic.
Always fascinating, if not pretty, to see how long powerful men hang on to their position when the financial need to do so has surely long since disappeared.
Hah, it certainly seems that way, my friend.
First!
(I’ll ignore the first 4)
I thought you’d find something to write tonight for some reason.
Short. And to the point. On both accounts.
Well done Sir!
Posts coming in pairs?
Let’s say drinks too then.
I blame Andy Goram.
I spot a credit card behind the bar. Or two.
Yes, on that tab, please.
Evening Ollster.
Have missed the start of Frozen Planet so will save myself for iPlayer later.
I shall investigate YouTube for a suitable musical accompaniment to tonight’s drinks.
Incidentally, when was the last time we had two sets of internationals and no injuries?
Could our spate of horrendous luck be coming to an end at last?
At the risk of being premature (no change there, then hails Roxette in the background) – I shall have a guinness to celebrate our injury free interlull.
I would wait until the Press conference on Friday zico. Suspect most won’t be limping back into Shenley until tomorrow…
OK then I will celebrate no injuries
reported
Song for Sepp…
adams has tried and failed repeatedly and should give up. under no circumstances should he ever be let near arsenal
Are you trying to induce WordPress insanity, Holic?
I was expecting a song. Not a centre half. 🙂
Right, I have no idea what’s going on.
The first time I clicked on the link it took me to a post on TA circa 2007. And now the song is there.
I think I better switch to rum n coke.
You know that ad where the guys put on a horses head, an a clown suit, and the boss fucks off home early, zico? I think you have what he had 😉
Well if crazy things are going to continue to happen, then I’m getting drunk.
Otherwise Roxette might get suspicious. 😉
YouTube, Wilko Johnson.
Lots of amazing stuff there zico.
Now I’m not ageist or anything, hey some of my best friends are old, but that senile old twat really needs to be moved from one geriatric institution, fifa, to another where we’ll never hear of him again.
Nice post Holic .
Blatter out !
Good luck TA , wherever you might land .
Beers for Dr Z 🙂
Holic @ 18 – indeed there is.
Hey tabs, circumstances required me to hit the hard stuff. Suppose I could use a chaser. WordPress has started to fight back due to my serial posting these last few days.
Now that football is back, I might, just might, leave it to the experts 😉
Holic: don’t get into a headbutting competition with a musk ox before you’ve watched Frozen Planet.
Lovely Fall day but the chilly wind is making it feel more like Winter. Luckily I am inside with a crackling fire to warm the cockles and everything else that needs warming. Arsenal just a few days away. Lager please, barman, to pretend the cold is not upon me. 🙂
‘Holic @ 16
Love that advert man, Pepsi Max! Especially when they start dancing at the end! 😀
Good read as ever ‘Holic.
cfpb – is that actually you, actually not in Potters Bar ?
Welcome, one in the bar for you 😉
Hey moj, welcome.
The word musk is enough to keep me away from one of those things. A million fourteen year old girls wore perfume called that when I was a fourteen year old boy.
Best contraception ever devised.
Great stuff in the last drinks from the usual suspects – Tabs, zico, Catalan, TS work hit ?
Shaft does get better and better 🙂
No Trev, that is exactly not one of them, and he’s not from there, but I got your drift 😉
Mr Bar, it’s good to see you 🙂
Alright wind?
Starting your run-up to the first century a bit early, aren’t you? 😉
Frozen Planet is absolutely brilliant. Worthy of note, even in a football blog.
‘Holic,
knowing you, you will doubtless prefer not to get involved in the subject at all, as would I, but on the subject of songs, I found myself drawn to The Clash, Should I Stay, or Should I Go, when all the nonsense re Cesc and RvP blew up again the other evening.
I haven’t a clue how to embed stuff, and I wouldn’t presume anyway, but it is a bloody good track. Just sayin’ 😉
Nearly used it tonight, Trev, but frankly the ‘stay’ option doesn’t apply to our Sepp.
…and Frozen Planet was wonderful again.
Now I must throw some zzz’s around.
G’night all.
“…something something his warm muscular hands all over her body. Ooooh! Just Musk by Lentheric.”
Sadly his cornerstone of British civilization does not appear to have been saved for the nation by Youtube.
‘Holic my good man, I’ve come to conclude that’s its not going to happen. Tabs has kept me going with the moral support but the dastardly strike hard and fast at 99 posts. They know who they are lol 🙂
“…something something his muscular arms enfolded her softly yielding body. Ooooh! Shouldn’t be allowed. Just Musk by Lentheric.”
Sorry. Carry on.
For those of a certain age, such as myself, this article will have a certain poignancy:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2011/nov/14/muhammad-ali-joe-frazier-funeral
By the way, ‘holic, you are completely right that Blatter is out of touch and I believe he should be forced out as a result of his insensitivity on the racism issue alone, if not also for the World Cup site selection scandal.
Here. Here ‘Holic. Blatter is a blot despicable on the game.
Shaft is driving on the M4 and his carphone rings. He picks up the receiver but can hardly get it close to his face because his large moustache is in the way so he shouts into the receiver.
Shaft: WHO IS IT?
Command: You need to return to Heathrow Shaft. We arranged a meet with Carlos. You might remember him from the hotel job back in ‘92.
Shaft: No can do, I’m working the Twitch case.
Command: We put that on the backburner. Twitch managed to fake heart trouble to delay the proceedings.
Shaft: He’s not faking, I had our Moroccan asset slip him a small dose of Ricin after the derby match. This is all part of the plan.
Command: Listen Shaft, shelve that and get back to the airport. Carlos is waiting.
Shaft turns the car around and starts driving back to Heathrow on the wrong side of the road. Walks into the Arrivals area and sees a tall, hairy man with bushy eyebrows wearing a beret. He strolls up to him.
Shaft: Que pasa amigo?
Carlos: Nada mucho, ese. Sit down, let’s get down to business. I got a cable with a request from Dr. C. He wants us to go to war with him. Said something about retrieving Jimmy Choos…
Shaft: You can’t be serious, I’m working the Twitch case and they want me to retrieve Choos?
Carlos: It’ll mean a lot to Wolfie.
Shaft: This’ll mean more to gooners.
His cellphone vibrates with a text message. It’s a message from Sir Holic.
Shaft: This gets better by the minute, just got a request from the main man, asking me to “retire” Blatter. They think this is funny.
Carlos: I don’t know what to tell ya, orders come in, we do what they say Shaft. Always been that way, comprende?
Shaft: Let me get some coffee.
Shaft walks over to the coffee shop and orders a black coffee. He sits down to drink and think. He turns to tall man sitting next to him and begins to talk to him.
Shaft: I don’t normally ask for advice but I was asked to do 3 different things at the same time. One that will help my friend Wolfie, one that will help all gooners and one that will help football fans everywhere, what should I do?
Tony Adams: It depends what’s more important to you…the feelings of Wolfie, all gooners or football fans everywhere. If it were me, I’d walk my dogs every day, never talk to anyone and then die. But that’s beside the point.
Shaft thinks to himself, what is most important to him. He downs his coffee, grabs a hefty woman and his tin of moustache wax and runs into the handicapped toilet.
‘Holic @ 30: if you are right about Wind, there are a lot of Denilsonesque square passes to come…
Shaft you are a man on a mission, and you know know how to use your moustache wax, I would have to say. 😆 😈 🙄 😎
And Shaft, you have me in such a huff huff I am starting to stutter. 😳
I was thought how to apply wax by the wax master, my late master Mr. Miyagi. He had mad wax skills…
With the transfer window’s reopening only 45 days off, our new found willingness to sign older players and our need for another striker, perhaps we should take a look at this 42-year who turned out in an Ajax pre-season training session:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-AxeLvHcOo&sns=em
Bit of a special goal he scores at the end of the clip. And somehow he looks strangely familiar…
Shaft is gaining some fans, let me tell you! 😉
mad wax skills? Thought that was Mel Gibson. On the subject of racism….
Nice link NED. Couldn’t help chuckling at this one… who needs Dennis when we have JD??! 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=GeUmJMfHvyA
Damn you moj, I can smell it again.
*Wanders around the room doing his best Deputy Dawg impersonation…
“Hey there Muskie, a-hah hah hah heee”
How long before the hard of thinking start calling for Adams to come back to Arsenal in a coaching managerial role? I give it until a minute after the next point we drop.
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We do not come cheap,but when you are getting the ‘ Best ‘ you have to expect to pay for it.
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Extract: 15th November
Dear Diary
Was a close shave yesterday. Roxette nearly rumbled my little get together with the Twister Sisters. The Abba party will have to wait. Pity, I had all my best moves lined up, those girls would have been plasticine in my hands…..
Dr Spin continues to disappoint. No sign of either his special powers or his vast record collection. Maybe the business suit is just a ruse to put mere mortals off guard, kinda like Clark Kent. For some reason he seems pre-occupied with Sky News, as if, expecting some impending disaster at any time.
But what could go wrong? My public love me. Everything’s fixed. The Happy Train is full and we head for Norfolk on Saturday. Need to watch out for the Children of the Corn, probably our biggest security risk. The search for a new Head Psychopath continues. In the interim, I will just have to take Roxette out in public – I’d like to see those revolutionaries tackle Mrs F, heh.
Now, time to write my list for Santa…..
If anyone can tell me why I dreamt of the Pembury last night….
Dear A&A
Thank you for your prompt application, which will be given due consideration.
I feel it appropriate to advise you however that I have previously been directed toward an organisation called AA before, which ended badly.
Yours persistently
Dr F
Is arseblog down or just the tagadab version?
Played ‘holic
Apologies if this has already been posted – but on the centre-forward front this one belongs us already and acquits himself v the CC’s pretty well here. Looks like he could be quite useful. Work-permit permitting – him and newly revitalised ‘Comebackh Chamakh’ backing up His Highness RVP – might start to look interesting.
Are we able to apply again this season for a permit for the boy – does anyone know?
http://youtu.be/wa1n9YbyF-M
Good question, AL about the permit, but I’d have thought that we have a year long agreement with his loan club (L’Orient?).
Also can’t wait for Benik Afobe to get back to fitness and see him loaned out to (hopefully) another Premiership club. All of our young talents seem to get injured just as they are about to make the breakthrough; Afobe, Frimpong, Bartley, Aneke, Henderson.
I can access the tagadab version from here, Ollie
Ah, Dr C! I hate to say it again, but I just got more conclusive proof that most Spaniards I work with are indeed fuckwits.
Harsha, I tried just about five minutes ago, it didn’t work. Now I tried again and it works. Must just have been fixed. ThankS.
Reading arseblog I’ve just realised we’re totally doomed.
Once Blatter leaves, I’m sure Platini will take over in not too much time.
That’s the Platini who is also so anti-technology he had the cheek to say recently that the experiment with the extra-linesmen in the CL is conclusive.
Has he watched any of the games?
Platini is currently mini-turd to Blatter’s mega-turd.
But you’re right, it’s only a matter of time until he transforms into a full blown shit.
Can we not have him back if we ask Barry Hearn nicely? No! Oh well, ce la vie CG …
I don’t wanna jump le gun – buuuut how much good business does it look like Le Prof may have done this effin’ difficult crazy close-season just gone.
Artetetaaa, The Nutsacker, Jinky Jenkinson, Pele’s old side – and 2 packs a day man – Santos, the Ox, High-five head, Soupy Campbell looks a prospect, Yossi ‘gis a lob’ looks like he may come good late in games – later on in the season. Then there’s ‘can’t get on the Park’ – but you never know.
Arsene certainly knows plenty
Can’t wait for the canaries and Carrow Road and that – nearly thereish
USUPEReDS!
Oh fucking dear.
I should put my tinfoil hat on:
Reading this now:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/15766375.stm
Professional Footballers’ Association chief executive Gordon Taylor told Radio 4’s Today Programme: “I just feel it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back.
“When you see the corruption they’ve had at Fifa, the comments he made about homosexuals not going to Qatar, the way he talked about women’s football, the style of the arrangements for the World Cup, the fact he won’t have technology.
“I think it’s really time to move over for Michel Platini.”
Or maybe he’s just confused the 2? I have to say the formulation of that last sentence baffled me. Surely the beeb’s sub-ed would have spotted that. :s
Ollie
– preaching to the choir about the Spaniards. Nice people (mostly) though…
AL – heh re Barry Hearn
Agree completely about the summer signings. My only wish is that they were done earlier so that we could have hit the ground running. Still, spilt milk and all that….
Fellow, Holics.
For your enjoyment and edification, a part one installment of a new series called EXIT follows next. I hope you can enjoy the build-up….
To The Barman – it’s not too libelous yet, so you can have your briefs stand down for this one (heh!)
True Dr C66 (now that’s French Catalan…). I heh’d at Barry Hearn too 🙂
Edwin (technical) eXecutive In Turmoil (EXIT) – Scene 1
————————————————————–
The Scene: In an effort to avoid the meltdown of DLL under the ever increasing ‘Madness of Feelgood III’ and an all-out biological warfare with the ‘good’ doctors and staff of The Quackery, Edwin and Doctor Spin find themselves outside the magnificent MI6 building ready for an appointment with ‘M’ and ‘Q’….
Prof: Well Dr.S, it took some major string pulling and all of my powers to get us here today but if these guys can’t help us then nobody can. I suggest that I deal mainly with the Q fellow, he’s just my bag, and that you use your beguiling, spinning ways to weave a spell over that M lady. I’ll open the meeting by laying it all on the table and we’ll take it from there. Good plan?
Dr.S: *Looks to the heavens for inspiration but words fail him* Erm… agreed. Let’s face it Prof., how could it get any worse?
Prof: What? That’s the spirit Spin! It’ll all be OK, you’ll see and we shouldn’t need to resort to any of Nero’s, I mean Feelgood’s, type of tactics either, right?
Dr.S: Famous last words Prof….
*Both draw breath and stride through to security*
Guard (sporting enormous Movember ‘Tache who looks suspiciously familiar): Evening gents, what’s your purpose here?
Prof: Professor True Edwin Storey and Doctor Spin, here to see M & Q. Excuse me, but don’t I know you…?
Guard: *averts his eyes* Err…no, I don’t think so sir. I’ll just go and check the meeting register for entries under Storey and Spin. Please wait here.
Prof: Of course. Excuse me… but are you Mexican? Weren’t you in the incarceration business or something?
Guard: *red faced, visibly agitated* No! Absolutely not! Are you trying to cause some trouble sir?
Dr.S: *Hisses at Edwin under his breath* Leave it Edwin, for chrissakes….
Guard: You two! Wait here! I’ll be back…. *turns smartly on his JC heels and marches off to an adjacent room*
Dr.S: WTF Edwin??? Are you mad??? I clocked who it was the minute we walked in. It’s a horrible coincidence I know but forget it. We have far bigger fish to fry.
Prof: *Sheepishly* Agreed Spin. Let’s just get our arses in front of M and Q shall we?
Dr.S: Precisely my point Prof!
*The Guard returns with a colleague, this time there’s no mistaking who the second fellow is*
Prof/Dr.S *in unison*: Kickemard??? WTF???
Carlos K: Watch the language fellas *strokes his big stick to let them know who’s in charge*
Prof: Er, quite Carlos. Forgive us, we’re just a bit surprised to find you here, to say the least!
Carlos K: Well Edwin, a fella’s got to put food on the table. What with the current state of DLL, who knows if and when the next paycheque is coming. I’m just covering all bases. Plus the opportunities for career development within MI6 are outstanding?
Prof: Really, I always thought our package was extremely rewarding. What is it they can offer you that we can’t, aside from a more certain future?
Carlos K: Well for starters, endless opportunities for gratuitous ultra-violence.
Prof: Did you not enjoy yourself at the recent away games at Sp*rs and Chelski Carlos. I recall seeing your stick literally dripping with bodily fluids after both of those games. Took me a week to ultrasonically clean and disinfect it plus you nearly trashed 50 PARs between you and your team. Getting the bits of LWCs out the crevices of the suits was an absolute nightmare. Plus, the bill for the oil dispersant after the Chelski match was enormous.
Carlos K: Granted sir, but I couldn’t do this, could I? *At which point Carlos fairly cracks his big stick across the backs of the legs of our two hapless DLL executives.
Prof/Dr.S *in unison again*: Fuck me that stings!!! Carlos what gives?
Carlos K: Just doing what I do best sirs. Now if you’ll walk this way, I’ll escort you both to your meeting. It’s top floor stuff so we’ll be taking the lift. * The Prof does his best to stride manfully a la Carlos. Dr.S rolls his eyes again.*
On the way up, the unmistakable “che-wow-wow” of funky guitars can be heard permeating into the lift.
Prof: What’s that noise Carlos, if you don’t mind me asking?
Carlos K: Oh that, it’s just problems with The Shaft. Funky beat though, eh?
…. To Be Continued ….
Apparently Gareth Barry has been attributed the England goal vs Sweden.
No doubt with a little pressure who didn’t want that ‘2000th England goal’ to have been scored by a foreigner.
Weird, as I’m pretty sure o.g. was an integral part of Man U’s success a couple of seasons ago (2nd top scorer or something).
Morning All ,
Just had the pleasure of listening to Garth “I’m gonna couch every question in such dramatic terms that it will look like I’ve just exposed President Nixon” Crooks .
Apparently , we shouldn’t jump out of our prams at Blatter’s comments because he is “old” . Thank you for that monumentally stupid contribution Garth .
Blatter out !
ctfb@25 – heh , good to see you 🙂
Holic@27 – Can’t say musk ever put me off , but then I guess the old hooter was probably clogged 😉
Trev@28 – Thanks for the kind words . Would be grateful if you would clarify if you have indeed been promoted to “Mr” T , or whether you are still plain old “Dr” T . Could be important to Smallballs , Carlos etc when they are amassing the forces to overcome Evil .. err .. Feelgood .
8Ball@37 – Indeed . One of my treasured childhood memories was being allowed to stay up late on a school night to watch Ali’s fights on Sportsnight . May I take this opportunity to recommend to all Holics a book by Thomas Hauser called ” Muhammed Ali : His Life and Times ” . It is unquestionably one of the best , if not the best , Sports Book I have ever read . Hilarious and moving in equal measure .
Shaft @40 – As Trev said , you just keep getting better and better .Great stuff 🙂 🙂
Dr C @47 heh 🙂 The tapes of Gibson’s phone calls to his girlfriend are truly shocking . A truly deranged individual .
A and ASS@51 – “Come and have a go , if you think … ” 😉
Dr F @52 🙂 and heh @54
Ollie@53 – Was it because of the 16 hand pumps ? 🙂
AL@56 – Cheers for the link . The boy can certainly play , but am I alone in thinking he could be a whole heap of trouble ? Cant shake off the hoo-hah when we signed him . Fee;ling not helped by the pointing to the name on his shirt when he scores and some of his wilder tackles .
Dr C @57 – Aneke injured ?
Dr Z @62 🙂
The weirdest thing is I see no trace of this on BBC or F365 yet, found it on francefootball….
Heh TS! 🙂 A Guinness for you, as is customary.
Cheers Dr.C, most kind. Excellent as hair-of-the-dog for me today 😉
TS @70 , heh , good to have you back 🙂
And there was I thinking Carlos was at the airport last night 😉
Another Guinness Sir .
tabs
Cheers….. Thish hair of the dog shtuff is going down rather well, hic!
A return pint for you and the good Dr.C.
EXIT Scene 2 to follow soon. No doubt, there’ll be quite a few more unfeasible surprises and double-dealings to be un-covered as The Prof does his best to get DLL back on an even foooting. At least his heart is in the right place 😀
Get DLL back on an even footing ??
Good luck with that TS 🙂
*Interrupts his colouring-in*
MI fucking 6?
Do me a favour. It’s Roxette you boys are up against…..I almost feel sorry for you.
Appreciate the concern Feelgood. Now get some rest. You’re in good hands.
Sorry for the cock-up Feelgood but you’ll be getting rather used to those. That last message was from me. A solution for the fearsome Roxette may be at hand old bean….
tabs @ #78
A thankless task I know…. perhaps there is stability in the instability? 🙂
tabs @ 72 – not sure i have a problem with him pointing at his name after scoring a corker against the world champions, and some of his ‘wilder tackles’ look like attempts to impose himself physically on very experienced defenders, to me. He didn’t appear to get booked soooo – how ‘wild’ were they?
World-class Spaniards seem to become genuinely wary of him as the game goes on, and double and treble up on him. Puyol resorts to screaming when he takes a dive at 3mins odd, presumably in an attempt to put JC (for ’tis him) off his game/get him booked etc – but the 19 year old boy’s temperament looks rock solid.
I know there was some arsing about before he signed – but don’t know the full story. Still he chose us in the end – when apparently he had other offers – so the kid’s got taste too
Still one game, one fairly brief set of clips etc – but what i saw looked pretty impressive. By the way, loved the way he clocks Puyol going to ground and lifts his shot over him for the goal – great finish
CG @ 67 – of course you’re right, it would have been good to hit the ground running – instead of running into that lot in a fair degree of chaos. Still it’s starting to feel like a long time ago already, and already we’re a very different team from then, fank fuk – and Arsene
UmightyRedS!
“MI f*cking 6”
I think Prof TES is confusing shady Government Organisations with Motorways .
Mentioned A and ASS to The Gooner Ladyboy Massive . They just laughed .
*Memo to self . Invite Roxette round for a girl’s night in . We can drink Cinzano and moan about men . Got a couple of videos we can watch that are just right for the occasion*
AL@83 , yep all fair points you make . Can’t argue with any of them , esp given I’ve only seen the clip you posted , and a couple of similar clips of him playing in France . Hope he makes it , he can certainly play .
Heh Wolfie. However, Edwin assures me that there’s no mistake when it comes to MI6. Peace! 😉
AL @ #83 – Look forward to seeing JC make his EPL debut. Let’s hope it gets to that stage on day post work permits, etc., etc.
The Scene – Santa’s Grotto
Dear Santa
There’s no point in me claiming that I have been a good boy, as, well, you’re a man of the world…..
And before we go any further, no I’m not going to fall for that “I promise to behave for the next 12 months” routine either, as let’s face it, that’s just a form of entrapment (and you’re not the only one trying that on at the moment). So let’s just cut to the chase:
For Xmas, I want:
A new train set (well, duh)
The power of invisibility
John Terry to fall over in the street and break his nose
A 10% price increase on Happy Train season tickets
Ashley Cole’s testicles to inflate then explode (like in a firework display)
A cunning plan
An introduction to the sister of Green Eyes
A large rum and coke
A new electronic apple phone thingy (minus tape)
Alex Ferguson Trick Chewing Gum
A Roxette Defender (new from Ronco)
The oil in the middle east to run out by Boxing Day
Some new colouring in pens
Robin van Persie
The head of the lesbian known as Nasri….
In fact, no forget that last one as Dr T has told me to give up “Sports”.
So, pretty non-demanding list, I’m sure you’ll agree. You’re gonna get right on it, yeah?
Oh look at those little people over there packing boxes, are those Clive’s dwarves?
Barman – a protest as i go under again … if anything there’s far too much good stuff to drink in ‘ere – i have a life i shouldsh be gettingsh onsh withshhh – another round, one for yourshelf and the fine fellows frequenting the place
Up The Arse!
Feelgood
“The oil in the middle east to run out by Boxing Day”
World chaos in exchange for an imploded Citeh and The Chinless Lesbian out of a job? Sounds like a fair trade 😉
The Home of Football has become the Home of Fiction during the Interlullulllull hasn’t it?
We can haz Blatter out?
Fiction?
If you cut me, do I not bleed?
Sorry Dr. F/Z etc – i don’t want to appear critical, but John Terry to fall over and break only his nose. C’mon – we can do better than that. Ahem, i nominate falls over and breaks his cock, for starters. The injury updates – would be good …
And now the injury news – john cunt Terry looks set to miss the season with a fractured cock. Mark ‘Droopy Dog’ Lawrenson thinks it could end the sonofashoplifter’s career – and somewhat unprofessionally – fails to hide his delight at the prospect
http://youtu.be/tSWf_yIV-d4
Interesting question, Dr F.
Let’s test it…. come here!
AL
Don’t say I don’t give you anything! 😉
http://frenchfootballweekly.com/2011/11/17/joel-campbell-on-the-lorient-express-to-arsenal/
Heh! Dr.C.
I’m guessing you’ll have to ask people to form an orderly queue 🙂
TS – They’re too busy lurking…..
For what, pray tell? 😉
Somebody say lurk?
Nice one CG – v good article. Oh well, as you said above, it looks like the second coming of JC is at least a season off.
Come on Marouane my son – pull your finger out of the hair gel and look lively – your club needs you
😀
No!
Hehe, I tabs myself 😉
Going for a jog fellas, have a sports drink on me
AL – the ‘accidental centuwion’ – Congwats (thwough gwitted teeth)
A jog of beer CoR?
An omen. A mention of Marouane and i bang one into the roof of the net – unless it was the invoking of JC the new messiah. Or may be Marouane is the new messiah, although i’d settle for him being the new half-decent back-up centre-forward who comes into the side here and there and scores occasionally, at this point in time
TaBS – from earlier; Aneke was injured just recently. Obviously not a big injury as he played the other day, but why let a fact get in the way of the point I was making! 🙂
Can’t keep track of all these mini-series. Going to have to rename this place.
Dave, maybe.
What? Already taken? I have a job for kickemard…
At your service ‘Holic 😉
heh Dave
Cheers Dr C , it was a very good point nonetheless 🙂
Feelgood @88 🙂
Canons @103 – Why not take up smoking ? They have the enviable side-effect of stopping one from jogging .
Well, I was a smoker but I quit cold turkey last year. Because of that I binge eat/drink…damn this belly. At least if I get into comics as a career I won’t look out of place ;D
If you’re wondering how I got back so fast, I ran left then right, said to hell with and bought two beers and a box of pasta before coming home. My willpoweronly goes so far 😆
Well in AL for the century , that’ll teach me to turn my back at 87 , thinking I had plenty of time .
Where was Wind ????? I think the boy has got a bit downhearted . Think we should all endeavour to “play him in ” for the 200 . He needs a bit of mentoring . I remember when my own “century career” was on the skids . Up stepped Ollie with some precision through passes , and look at me now 😉
Canons – that’s the spirit . You know it makes sense 🙂
And Lester @93: 😆 🙂
Nice teamwork, TaBS.
I’m all in favour of Wind to be the double centuwion.
Alcohol always makes sense…sometimes the edge must be taken off and there’s no other way to do it
Well…almost no other way 😉
Dr. Feelgood @88: That is quite a list but you should at least get some of those things and I hope all of them. 😀
Kickemhard,
Whoever owns the ‘Dave’ channel, persuade them to revert to Comedy Gold, or something else.
Use as much force as you deem unnecessary.
Looking forward to the second coming of JC, as it appears you all are. 😀
Oh dear, the barman has to join in.
Expect (Mental) Health and Safety ’round any day now….
Re: Prof TES @70: 😀 😈
As ‘holic once said, I think, it’s getting pretty weird.
@ 122
the barman has elected to join in
The second coming of JC?
Did I miss the first coming of Jimmy Choo?
BMBD is the new BMBD: for Barca, read ‘Blatter’.
What a boring day at work!
Heh @ through passes for scoring centuries 🙂
Righ, time to bugger off home
Busy days , busy days …..
First , I rush back from my holiday , following a very satisfactory contretemps with two f*ckwits called Gareth and Geoff , then meet Shaft at the Airport , finally “rescue” him after he’s spent 3 hours in the Domestic Appliances cupboard with someone called Eileen Dover , a very well built check in girl , rush over to MI6 Headquarters with Shaft to impersonate a couple of officers in order to fool Prof TES into thinking we work for the British Government , and now a job for The Guv’nor !
And to think only last week I was hankering for more action .
Still , a straightforward job . Tell ’em they call themselves “The Jeremy Clarkson Repeat” (JCR) Channel , or The Gooner Ladyboy Massive will be unleashed .
Just like the Beirut job eh Carlos?
Anymore action and we’d be on the set of Fast 5 amigo.
‘Holic @ #120 – I knew it would only be a matter of time before the madness in your very own bar got under your skin. Welcome into the murky, twisted world of our collective imaginations and split personalities. “Once bitten, forever smitten” 😉
Carlos @ #128 – FYI, the other impersonator at MI6 security wasn’t the one with a penchant for making love to hippos. Just sayin’ and please put that dripping stick away young man!
8ball @ #123 – Cheers! “Getting” pretty weird? It’s already weirder in hrer than Weirdy McWeirdo, the Scots weirdo who got a first in his ‘Being Wierd’ degree form the Universtiy of Weirdom.
CoR @ #113 – So I was right @ #105? Pun-tastic 😉
CoR – just out of interest, how did an artist from T & T end up speaking Japanese well enough to work as a translator?? Truly intrigued…. Japanese family?
Dr.z
All characters in my post at #130 are purely fictional and any resmeblance to characters current or past is purley coincidental.
Just sayin’…. 😉
TS – FYI The Mexican Ex-Governor is about to be installed as the new Prime Minister of Italy . Tssk . Get with the programme ! Maybe your Guard was his evil twin brother ? 😉
Heh at the weird stuff 🙂
For anyone out there , still interested in the football , nice article on Charlie George . Charlie as a popstar ? WTF ?
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/columns/story/_/id/983666/the-mavericks:-charlie-george?cc=5739
Carlos @ #128 (again!)
One has noted the correct spelling of one’s family name and will make amends for any subsequent episodes of EXIT. If you’re feeling angered by this, please report directly to the head offices of the Feelgood Foundation.
Thanks!
Shaft @129 Just like old times , me old mucker .
ta gents, i’d like to dedicate the century to ‘Comebakh Chamakh’/Super Marouane – without whos indifferent nee downright lacklustre form (though not hair) i would not have been in the bar at that time, and able to finish off the good work of so many others. Thank you, thank you. And may Wind, or is it Wind? nick the next one.
On the injury c@nt – news has reached these ears that John C@nt Terry has fallen and fractured his Ashley, again. Mark Lawrenson commented …
http://youtu.be/tSWf_yIV-d4
tabs @ #133
Ahh… I see….er….erm… mmm….yes! Definitiely his evil twin brother! ‘Mini Jailer’! Many thanks and a spotters badge for you.
*did I get away with that?*
TS – Can’t actually remember the right spelling of the family name . Think you might be right , and an unwanted “H” has crept in somewhere along the line . It’s all this mixing with British aristos . Still , I’m an uneducated so-and-so . I only use an “X” 😉
Would love to report to the Head Office , but am in lockdown with the rest of the gang in the Quackery .
TS @137 ,
Played your way out of trouble like a young Bobby Moore 🙂
Cheers Carlos & tabs! 🙂
‘Holic
You have some fresh ‘spam’ too
tabs 133, thanks for the article!
What Ollie said, tabs @ 142
What I don’t get is why Charlie was disciplined for sticking the nut on Kevin Keegan? That type of behaviour would have been roundly applauded in the land of Weirdy McWeirdo.
what they said @ 142/3 tabs – though talk of Charlie’s, erm – phantom erection made me blush a little. Still someday there’ll be a statue of him in the midst at that famous celebration somewhere – no? The one that sealed my love for the mighty Arse
ComoNuYELLows
Pardon – midst OF that famous celebration
Charlie George – superstar – i’m glad he didn’t have a boner that’d be going too far – (possibly)
No worries Chaps .
AL 🙂
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/15755863.stm
Swindon boy turns down Chavski (despite the massive amount of Chavs fans around there 😉 ).
Tabs @72 – I had you down as “Shaft”, who is it then ??
TS @70 – excellent stuff 🙂 🙂
Shaft @40 – brilliant 🙂
Feelgood @52 – are we stashing bikes on the HT to Norwich – why do we need to be looking for a Cyclepath ? 😉
Trev , Shaft is Canons
Dr C, Tabs, –
cc Feelgood, Prof Edwin, all nursing staff (The Quackery)
So, it seems that the more intelligent amongst the management of DLL, the nursing and security staffs, are now beginning to appreciate the qualities of the original, and only two genuine, Doctors.
There seems to be a will to promote me, Dr C, to Consultant status.
Naturally, I would not accept any such appointment unless it were a dual one, in tandem with your good self.
Such a step would certainly have the advantage of separating us from the unspeakable riff-raff who have tried to undermine, nay usurp, our positions, just as it would restore the respect that we have clearly earned.
As there is no-one with any qualification to judge our fitness for such promotion, I think we can take it as read that, from now on, we shall both be known and addressed as MR T and MR C.
Congratulations old boy. Things are getting back to normal – you know, unchallenged access and use of the CMC; our freedom to observe patient consent only as and when we see fit; forced medication of dissenters etc, etc, etc 🙂
To Tabs, Goonerholic, Lester
Arigato. I am touched by your selfless actions. ‘single tear falls from my eye’
And North Bank Ned @ 41, being compared to the most un-Brazillian, Brazillian I have ever seen, is a great dishonour.
‘sighs’ I had already resolved to change my ways, it started from witnessing 8 ball play a 23 solo drink run to the century one time…
Surely I didn’t go as deep as that, right?
Heh, a drink to celebrate my (and MR C’s) promotion, old chap 🙂
Great suggestion, if I may say so.
Hmmm, I fear I have lost a few hours work by walking down some half-blind alleys.
Who, what ??
For any new visitors to this bar, “Welcome to Goonerholic”, or, as it used to be called, “The Goon Show”. 😉
Dr. T nee Mr.T
Cheers for the appreciation at #148, hopefully there will be more soon. I will try to raise the comedic standard too now that the scene has been set but the bar (heh!) is very high in this mad-house 😉
Glad to hear of the self-promotions too. You remind me of the CS that operated on my arm after a rather nasty accident of the two-wheeled variety. He was a top chap and would have fitted in at The Quackery with consummate ease. Aprat from being a world leader in his field he was also famous for operating whilst being half-cut. perhaps i should put you three in touch? 😉
You wanna keep on the right-side of half-blind Ali
Ah a toast to the newly crowned consultants Mr C and Mr T . All those in favour say Aye .
Half Blind Ali 🙂
No probs Wind , though I see you just missed out on a confidence boosting 150 . Oh well .
On behalf of all Nursing Staff – AYE !
On behalf of all security staff – AYE !
The Scene – Location unknown, D L Limited offshore branch:
Transcript of One to One interview between Applicant X and Dr Feelgood
Feelgood: “Well thanks for coming in Mr X – I’m sorry that you had to be drugged, blindfolded and kept in a septic tank for 24 hours, but a man in my circumstances cannot be too careful.”
Applicant: “Actually its Stacy. Mr Stacy.”
Feelgood (scribbling in his notebook) : “Of course, Mr X Stacy. Sounds vaguely familiar. I’ll just call you X”
Applicant: “Bob, in fact”
Feelgood : “OK X, let me put a scenario to you…….you come into the office, you see cocaine traces on the glass coffee table, £20 notes scattered everywhere, and me semi conscious on the floor. What do you do?”
Applicant : “I immediately lock the door behind me, collect all £20 notes and insert them in your wallet, erase the CCTV tape, send the girl home and move you to the Executive Suite to sleep off your “exuberance””
Feelgood: “ah, the girl, well thought through, X . You knew without her even being mentioned. What about the Coke?”
Applicant : ” I don’t know anything about any cocaine. DL Ltd as a responsible employer has, I believe, a zero tolerance policy to drug abuse and…….”
Feelgood (interrupting) “Nice touch, X, not every applicant has the foresight to learn “the Old Bill” script before they come for interview.”
Applicant : “Actually, sir, I have a confession, I had that one down as “the Roxette script – part 17”
Feelgood : “Never mind, it’s like the alphabet, you’ll learn it all in a couple of years. Like me. Now, moving on to our next section, Murder and Mayhem.
Scenario 2 : “You see a crowd of Lily white cunts heading in the direction of the Executive Suite with malice in mind, what do you do?”
Applicant : “I rip off the first one’s leg, beat the crap out of the next 3 with the bloody femur and the rest turn and run making chimp-like noises. I then return to the first Cock and rip out his entrails and feed them to the ducks. Lily White Cunts, I loathe them.”
Feelgood : “Nice. I’m warming to you, X. Do you know any Catalans, Mexicans, Peruvians or totally warped Trinidadians?”
Applicant (robotic like) “Only those who would plot to undermine the greater good. Malcontents and mischief makers. All can be taken care of.”
Feelgood (wild look in his eyes) : “And do you have a record collection?”
For the first time, Applicant X, seems unsure of whether this is a loaded question, and elects to guess at the answer:
Applicant: “I’ve heard about the weird dress code at D L Limited and can assure you that I have an extensive set of designer swimwear, and heels to die for….”
Feelgood : “Oh Fuck………..Goodbye, X.! NEXT? “
On behalf of all corrupt leaders who have been snubbed by Feelgood – AYE !
heh Ali
EYE !! 😉
Dr Z @161 Brilliant 🙂 🙂
Half Blind Ali @164 heh 🙂
NO!
The role of Senior Medical Officer is still vacant.
Send your CVs direct to me as Edwin is spending far too much of his time on fools errands in the City…..
Now Holics, I know this contributes in no way, shape or form to anything that’s been said this week or the last, and might seem a bit left field, but…
Is anyone else as thoroughly, completely bored as I am right now? This Interlull feels longer than the summer break and quite frankly I’m starting to get a bit of cabin fever.
Please, please, please would the real football just hurry the f*ck up and start back up again?
SICK of waiting!!!
…been sitting here longer than a man who’s decided the only way he can have the perfect cup of coffee is to fly to Colombia, take up temporary residence in the countryside, hand pick the best beans in the country, sow them himself, wait for them to grow, pick them, grind each one individually – making sure the grains are of consistent size throughout –
…and THEN pour himself a cuppa.
Camberwell , And the moral of that cautionary tale is feck coffee , drink Beer …
heh tabs 😀
He’s right Camberwell.
And in any event, we are now in the Interfunk. With respect to Blogs.
With the all the madness that’s been going on, I only re-realised that the Arsenal are going down to Norwich on Saturday 🙂
Its been a blur…
C’est la vie Tabs, C’est la vie.
It’ll happen eventually, Murphy’s Law practically guarantees it lol 😉
Heh!!! 🙂 Half-blind Ali @164!
On behalf of my wallet – AYE!
Heh! ‘Fools errands’ Dr. Feelgood?
Most definitiely a case of the pot calling the kettle black 🙂
You have no idea how accurate you rally are though faether 😉
To Half Blind Ali,
Get in touch – we could have a role for you in our pharmacy.
You can be our Chemical Ali….
*really*
It’s been a terrible day for my typos today. Ollie’s been silent, thank Dennis. Perhaps he (a) senses my lack of sleep or (b) just doesn’t give a feck. I’d go for (b) if I were a betting man.
Hey Wind – closing in on the double C and Harrow nee Carrow Road – ‘appen, Aye
http://youtu.be/ZzNMLwh5CSw
Mr T. Congratulations to you too, sir! A very well deserved promotion I feel.
If we are to list ourselves on The Quackery stationery, shall we have it as “Mr C an’ T”? It is open to misinterpretation, is it not?
… or perhaps we just rename the whole carriage the “C & T Quackery” and be done with it…. sounds accurate enough! 🙂
Back home.
200!
No?
Oh you’ve gone quiet at last. Good 😉
Evening all,
I see the reality filter has done its job today…
I will be getting my head down at work in the next few days, I promise. 😀
Oops, pardon – just realised i poked me eye somewhere it shouldn’t have been – i really should keep up, i should
HBA@164 – played, sir!
I mean aye, i do
The nervy n-nineties brighton and hove into view
i know you’re out there – somewhere …
I hope you are about Wind.
Keep lurking 😉
Camberwall @ 126 –
I have been informed that you dedsire to modify the meaning of “BMBD.”
Please desist. Barcelona must be destroyed. The Reaper will deal with Mr. Blatter (a said caricature) in due time, but Farca (and their management) are destroying football.
“BMBD” will always refer to the destruction of those diving, cheating, sometimes-beautiful-football-playing c*nts.
BMBD!
‘Hols,
Lurkers unite! (where’s spell check when it is needed?)
BMBD!
Denilson, looking for Wind, passes the ball square….
…and square and square again….
….and square again back to himself….
Game being abandoned out of boredom.
Waitinf for the big entertainer at 200.
-f
+g
(and that adds one)
Squillaci knocks the ball toward his own goal,
Almunia…….
Where are you going!!!!?
He dummies
Morris Dancing on the cards, zico?
…or perhaps Denilson passed to Diaby, thus sending the the ball back in time…
I’m done.
Goodnight all.
‘takes coat’
Naughty Neddy 🙂
Thanks for the effort Denilson, just 1 square pass time-travelling pass too many 🙁
Wind – where were yer?!?
Always the bridesmaid, eh Wind?
Ollie @ 199 – heh. I’ll leave that to Davies and Dover.
Oops. Sorry guys. I guess I took a deflection off Ollie’s Morris dancers….
Wind: We’ll see you in the 290s.
Wind unmasked at last: you’re tabs!
‘Holic@202: Thank God, it was you who said that, and not one of the inmates of the Quackery…
201 is a great goal…
Ned, you’ve noticed then.
Good to see you back. Every Goon show should have a Neddy 😉
Dr F/Zico
I must say we were very disappointed in your response to our offer to provide you with S & P.
In fact we both thought it bordered on the flippant.
With regard to the AA you mentioned,that was an old Security Company called Alcy and Alcy,but unfortunately the owner drank like a fish or 3,and the company went under,i believe their old premises are now a Hostel of some sort,for old soaks.
I have read your interview of another applicant for the position,
We both had a quiet chuckle at the abysmal interviewing technique,and the somewhat desperate replies by the applicant.
But as we say,if you pay peanuts,you get Monkeys.
In regard to a Mr Smallballs making derogatory comments about
A & A’s capabilities to Man Up,we both poured ourselves another cup of Green Tea and nodded quietly to each other.
Yours in Diversity and Adversity
Allan and Arthur Allsorts
He’s talkin’ the talk
http://gu.com/p/33ecb
Oh my,
There are Goon Show episodes on iPlayer.
I may be gone for an hour 😉
Ned @ 209,
I think you’ll find, as of today, the Barman was sectioned with the rest of the nutters, (defence exhibit posts 108 and 120, your honour).
The only difference is he gets to put his name in that nice red font 😉
Nice post Holic.
I also enjoyed the Shenley pieces too though work commitments prevented me from saying so..!!
Tabs: Im usually not one for biographies but I’ll check that one out..!
With your kind permission Holic, may I also say that the Stillman piece tonight on the Arseblog is a good read.
Evening all I have woken up from hibernation it’s over thank God, real football on Saturday!
Good to see TH14 again!
Listen to zico, a sane voice in the middle of all that madness.
Or something.
Drinks for all and goodnight from me.
Messrs Allsorts,
You do make me laugh 😀
drank like a fish and the company went under
And Lester @ 213
Good to hear – glad he’s not whingeing.
My only concern – how do we know its not the Bodysnatched Chamakh?
Thanks Joe,
You are more than welcome to mention Tim around here. He may be a better writer than me (and he most certainly is that), but he is my apprentice.
When he can sup like me I know I will have created my gift back to Arsenal 🙂
the gel Zico – the gel
http://youtu.be/8t4Rgq1gQO0
Now, having heard Bluebottle blow up New York I off for a second dose of Goons 🙂
Eccles “I’ll get the job. I’m wearing a Cambridge tie”
“You went to Cambridge? What for?”
“To buy a tie!”
Death by Goon Show 🙁
here’s one for you ‘holic if you’re still around. I’m paraphrasing (and possibly misremembering) and you probably know the story anyway – Milligan tells it in one of the ‘downfall’ books i think, re his first meeting with Gunner Seacombe.
Milligan and his mob are firing a 2 ton anti-craft gun that starts to hiss and pop and make all the wrong noises. The team of gunners (for they were they) hit the deck and get there heads down, as the gun explodes, back-fires and shoots up, over then down the other side of the ridge they were on – and disappears. Milligan picks himself up, dusts himself down and heads off in the direction he thinks the gun shot off in. Coming across Gunner Seacombe for the first time he asks him
“Did a 2 ton anti-craft gun just shoot through this way?”
“What colour was it?” replies Seacombe
oops bollox – anti-aircraft – not the only only mistake i’m sure
And on that note
http://youtu.be/qLYsocQQ1xc
Goodnight
Brilliant AL.
In return I shall tell you a precious tale of ‘holicdad. Pull up a chair.
One of his missions was to take supplies to Arnhem during operation Market Garden. To cut a very long story short the crew of his Dakota failed to drop the panniers on the first pass. Lots of our Dakotas didn’t survive the first pass. His went back a second time and finally dropped the precious cargo.
As they turned for home, the last of the flight, everything and his dog was chucked at them from the Bofors and AA guns. They had to be wary of enemy aircraft too, and the old man was despatched to the viewing bubble on top of the plane to keep watch.
He then became aware of a furious tugging at his trouser leg as muck and bullets whizzed through the craft. It was a mate of his who felt the time was right to enquire…
“Here mate, what are your views on post-war reconstruction?”
‘holicdad’s response is not for those of a nervous disposition.
Quite glad I mentioned the Goon show now 😉
Maybe you could have a special Interlull sub-banner ‘Holic, while all the madness goes on ? 😉
I wouldn’t half like to see that ! 😉
Re: Dr. Feelgood @161: 😀
Morning note for MR C –
To reflect our elevated status and increased responsibility, I thought I might actually make a start with researching Patient Gangoolie’s condition, what with the fast approaching January Transfer Window now little more than six weeks away.
Initial indications are very interesting –
I believe he is suffering from Pneumoneurocerebromicroultraencephalitis, but it’s hard to say . . .
I look forward to your thoughts on the matter . . . .
As for your suggestions regarding renaming The Quackery, I have no strong feelings on the matter, other than that we should possibly invite offers to sponsor the carriage, in order to maximise the financial possibilities accruing, naturally, directly to ourselves, from the naming rights.
We could even go as far as naming rights for individual departments within the carriage. I’m sure the possibilities are endless . . . . . .
zico @161 – 🙂
Here’s a good early match preview. But unless you want to see a couple of calamitous errors by Seaman and Adams, don’t click on the link to the highlights of the corresponding fixture from the 92-93 season.
http://www.thehardtackle.com/2011/norwich-city-v-arsenal-preview-gunners-look-to-maintain-their-progress-at-carrow-road/
‘Holic@211: Pull up a bollard and take the weight off your nauticals.
Zicoinexile@215: It’s all in the presentation.
AL@226: I think Milligan was the gunner. Seacombe was a lance bombardier, a rank higher.
@130: Yeah, I wanted to get a quick runout last night to help me sleep but after a couple of laps I decided a couple of beers was the best call. Unfortunately because I did run around and it was late at night I couldn’t sleep 🙁
@131: CG, to make a long story short I got into studying Japanese because I was into manga, then applied for the JET program, got accepted then stayed on in Japan afterwards. No Japanese family but I do have some Chinese ancestry on my father’s side. And also, having a brilliant West Indian smile will get you everywhere 😀
Maybe you’ll get the long version next time I get a chance to visit London
Thanks for the link bt8bbgfg, that was a great read.
This is going to be one of our tougher away games in my opinion. Even though someone mentioned last week that they ship a lot of goals they always look fairly solid when they play at home.
On behalf of Secret Supplies Ltd – Aye!
That is a good preview 8 ball, thanks
‘Holic @ 229 – great story. Holicdad’s mate sounded like a councillor in the making. Tricky to say stuff like this without sounding trite, but the things those boys were asked to do – no wonder ‘The Goons’ go bonkers and riff away on one like they do.
NNB – A Lance Bombadier – Whatwhatwhat – i’m sure your right, sah!
Oops Pardon – NBN
242
Not much gets past you, eh Ollie?
Wind, don’t give up!
Almost can’t believe the Interlull will finally be over tomorrow. It’s felt like ages since our last game, thank Dennis this place has been providing a massive amount of entertainment to while away the slow hours!
Tomorrow is yet another in a long line of cup finals. Norwich are no mugs, but as always it’s just about one thing for us: match them for work rate and we will win it comfortably.
To all of you:
Revolutionaries
Counter revolutionaries,
Spin Doctors,
Spine Doctors,
Witch Doctors and
Twitch Doctors,
Wind farmers,
Self harmers,
Serial cross dressers and
Treacherous professors,
So called men of Letters
Mexican Sweaters,
Caribbean Cartoonists
Howl at the moonists,
Secret Suppliers,
Blind faced liars
Half Blind Ali cats and err……
Liberal democrats
We are not afraid. We have Roxette in tow.
You can take our carriage but you cannot take our FREEDOM. *
* Feelgood Freedom Fighters is part of the Feelgood Foundation and is a less than equal opportunities employer.
Morning Lars.
Totally agree – I think they are weak at the back but if we half a reaction to the interlull it could be tough on that tight little pitch. I think its important to silent their crowd so a couple of early goals please without reply.
have
*applauds that Feelgood fella*
Hey Zico – easy enough to get your name in red font!
CoR – Thanks for the bio, you are a man of the world!
AL and Holic – great stories.
Mr T (foooool!), Mr C will be along soon, but a capital idea about sponsorship…..
Shaft enters a empty barber shop in Soho. There’s noone there except for the barber reading the sports section of the Sun. He looks up as Shaft approaches, puts down the newspaper and motions for him to sit in the chair.
Shaft: So what crap did they put in the papers today?
Chamakh: Same one dimensional crap as usual.
Shaft: Before I forget, you did good the other day with the Redknapp caper.
Chamakh: Meh, it was a foolproof plan. I gotta pull back a bit though, score some goals, keep people off my scent.
Shaft: Yeah, no problem though. That job’s on the backburner for now. Bigger fish to fry.
Chamakh: Bigger than Twitch? You mean Allardyce?
Shaft: Nah son, Blatter…
Chamakh raises his eyebrows in amazement
Chamakh: No way we’re ready for that kind of action.
Shaft: We got some time to get ready, don’t worry about it. Just letting you know.
The chimes on the door jangle as another client walks in. He uses a step ladder to climb into the chair.
Arshavin: Yo Marouane. Give me the “gulag special.”
Right back at ya Goonerholic for 229
*tries to don red coat*
CoR – I have a feeling that you could not only illustrate your own comics, but write them too…! 🙂
A Guinness for you, sir!
heh! Ollie. Nice site!
AL @ 204, Lurked too much, I did.
Ollie @ 208
Wtf! Funniest thing today after Shaft @ 250 😀
Lars @ 244
Thanks mate, I appreciate the moral support ‘goes to get a drink with Lars’ wallet ;)’
Shaft @ 250
You just get better and better, I stand and applaud.
Tagadarseblog down for me again.
Back on
And I see we’ve got no right back left.
Jaysus. Show you don’t need to go away on the interlull to get injured.
I’ll heh myself for ‘no right back left’.
zico, good morning to yourself, good Sir. There is a drink waiting for you on the bar!
Just looked at the fixtures for this weekend, and noted that if we beat Norwich then we have a good chance to overtake Liverpool, since they are playing Chelsea away and unless they win that game then we will go above them – and if they do win we will be tied for points with both LFC and Chelsea so we have a great opportunity now to put some real pressure on those right above us in the table.
But if we lose… best not to think about that right now.
@ 249
Nobody likes a show off 😉
Dr. Feelgood @245: 😀
Shaft @250: 😆
*brief, flying visits*
AL @ #226 & ‘Holic’s retort. Absolutely first class, thanks! 🙂
Dr.F @ #245. Very clever. Another slow day at work? 😉
Shaft @ #250. Marouane the barber, eh? Is he qualified for such a role? 😉
Morning All ,
Like TS , bit of a flying visit . Lots of hehs up there .
Dr F @177 🙂
Wind @201 – hey , sleeping on the job again I see 🙁
Joe @216 – It’s a great read , you won’t be sorry , and echo your words re the consistently excellent Tim Stillman .
AL @228 – that hit the spot 🙂 🙂 and great stories from you and Holic .
Mr T @233 🙂
Feelgood @245 *applauds with Holic*
Shaft@250 🙂
Right , perhaps to finish , a song for Wind .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw
DR F
Having perused your strange diatribe at 245,my brother and i are more than ever convinced that it is not S & P you need,but serious help from people that are very well qualified to deal with your delusional behavior.
There is a special place for people with your symptoms,it is called
Broadmoor.
A relative of ours by marriage, resided there for many years,and spoke very highly of the place.
You may have heard of him.
He and his brother were very big in S & P back in the 60’s.
R & R Kray and Associates.
They were very proficient in Electrical Torture,Nailing, and Extraction by Pliers,to name a few of their various methods of intimidation.
Yours helpfully
Allen & Arthur Allsorts.
Messrs A & A
Dr Feelgood has asked me to respond on his behalf and I quote :
“The Kray family? Not being fully up to speed with their whole biographical background, their criminal exploits sound like they could have been LWCs – are you able to shed any light on this?
Obviously a position which involves my protection requires very stringent checks, and whilst not dismissing your connections out of hand, further information would need to be provided before pursuing the matter further. Perhaps that bloke Goonerholic and his friends could enlighten me?”
Message ends
Oh fuck…
Dear Mr Zico
Are you Dr F’s Solicitor.??
We don’t usually engage with 3rd Parties,we like to go straight to the Top.
With regard to your question,we can confirm that R and R had absolutely no interest in ‘ Soccer ‘ as it was called in the 60’s.
The only thing they were interested in kicking,was Heads.
I believe Mr Holic is of a certain ‘ Vintage ‘ and may be able to assist with further info re R & R.
It couldn’t possibly come from us.
I do have to point out that our methods of protection are far removed from the full frontal savagery of their era.
We are far more subtle in our Restrain,Detain and Deter Stratagies.
But you can rest assured the end result is exactly the same.
Total Capitulation.
If you happen to know a Geezer named SmallBalls,you might let him know that Allan is going to take a ‘ Special ‘ interest in him.
Regards
Allan & Arthur Allsorts.
Bloody Hell 🙁 🙁
In the style of 263 and 264.
All @1-268. Great work, though I didn’t read it all. :p
Or even 1-269. etc.
Messrs A&A
Now you’re talking.
Watch this space 😀
Full frontal savagery? I hope this refers to Arsenal’s approach against Norwich.
Total capitulation? I certainly hope this refers to Norwich’s response to the above. 😉
Re: A&A @265: I suggest you get in touch with Gooner since 54 (aka CWGS54) and ask him about something he refers to as the “Secure Unit.” The techniques you describe may well be a regular feature of the SU, which Mr. CWGS54 has frequented at least for the last two summers. Fact.
8 ball, I think A&A are in fact one and the same Sweeper 😉
Re: Peter Gabriel/Kate Bush clip @264 linked by Tabs: I take it on faith that it’s a good song due to your impeccable taste, but I wasn’t able to view it due to certain apparent and annoying copyright restrictions affecting the good ol’ U.S.A. which made this message come up on my computer screen:
“This video contains content from EMI, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.
Sorry about that.”
zico, We seem to have detected certain inimitable aspects of the Sweeper’s style. 😀
Mr T, Nurse Wolfie
I suggest total lockdown of The Quackery (sponsorship naming rights pending…) for the time being.
El Jefe, Carlos and Shaft are all capable of looking after themselves. We, however, have our delicate healing hands to think of….. 🙁
Mr T, Nurse Wolfie
Immediate full lockdown of The Quackery.
Carlos, El Jefe and Shaft can look after themselves.
We, however, have our healing hands to think of…. 🙁
If someone had a list of who’s who in this asylum, it would help.
This is getting really really confusing.
AG/AG: Compiling the list is your responsibility. Hop to it.
TS @ 263 – slow commute.
Now slow day at work.
Guinness time at 5pm. Will it be the gallon preview (reading, not writing ‘Holic) 😉
Time will tell.
All I know for sure is that A&A Security Services is nothing to do with me .
I’ve got enough problems sharing my keyboard with a cross-dressing Speedo enthusiast with a penchant for Doctors , a trigger-happy Peruvian Psychotic who seems to be able to break into MI6 at will , and a corrupt Mexican Prison Governor who thinks he’s the new Prime Minister of Italy ! 🙁
8Ball @276 – Hard luck . You’re not missing much . Not a big Peter Gabriel fan here , though I do find Kate Bush strangely attractive in a “she’s totally barking” kind of way .
Just thought the title was an apt one for Wind , given his latest unerring effort against the post .
Talking of which …
*dribbles ball into the corner flag to waste time until Wind arrives*
I have now managed to access Arseblog – Stillman and Blogs – top quality as ever (sure you wont mind the plug Holic).
Now can I apologise to everyone (apart from Roxette as she has heard it all before) for being premature in my post # 9 above. It seems we have one fully functioning full back. Shame about young Jenks, but am I the only one who thinks that young Master Gibbs is trying to take a tilt at the Abou-Diaby-lying-horizontally-for-large-parts-of-the-year award?
And how come patient Gangoolie didn’t predict it? (Where the hell is he, btw? Running away from the Misters I expect).
Blogs is suggesting Kos at right back? Not sure, but DJ makes me nervous anyway so maybe worth an experiment.
Is it STILL not 5pm yet? 🙁
Extract : 17th/18th November (incomplete)
Dear Diary,
I am writing this in (CENSORED) , on the island of (CENSORED) following a further day of interviews. Whilst quite a cast was brought before me, I have to confess that I am no further forward with appointing someone to the security detail.
To make matters worse, It appears that Mr X Stacy has provided some feedback on the selection exercise, of a somewhat negative and bitter nature. How was I to know that Waterboarding was banned? Time was that I could get the answers to my questions without having to worry about some wet liberals sitting in some Dutch court.
It leaves me with a real headache for the weekend. I will send a group of Happy Clappy punters on their way to Norwich, but it (the match) being on Sky, with a kick off at the Witching Hour, means I will have to go to the pub to watch it. But I am still feeling exposed and vulnerable, so that means taking Roxette out in public. Again.
She has only just got the paper bags off her head from our last excursion, and has threatened to fetch her secateurs and apply them with vigour to various parts of my anatomy if I “try to pull that stint again”. I tried to tell her it was just to practice for Halloween but she wasn’t buying.
Still, its always darkest before you just black out as old mother Feelgood used to say – news is reaching me of a team of Security Specialists called Arson and Arseholes or something who may just fit the bill – I wonder if they’ve ever been in a septic tank?
How about Le Coq at Right back??
BTW, 3-4 weeks out with a stress fracure is HUGELY optomistic / madness.
I was thinking it sounded optimistic as well MISTER C.
Gibbs certainly on the fragile side Dr Z . If Santos can manage to give up the fags , I think Gibbsy might struggle to get back in . I see Diaby is back in training – only a matter of time before news of another long lay off reaches us .
I see prime suspect in the A&A case is The Sweeper . You could be onto something there . Do you think Allan and Arthur Allsorts are a pair of hermaphrodites who are a bit on the short side ? Just saying …
The only other identities I find troubling is the mysterious Kendo Nagasaki , who pops in every now and then and who I have singularly failed to unmask . Trev ?
Andy Goram/ Andy Goram – I think Dr Z might be one of them , but I’m not sure about the other one .
No, Trev is a Cycle Path 😀
Dr C – Le Coq a good shout , I reckon . More realistic diagnosis for the stress fracture to Jenks ? 3 or 4 years ?
Feelgood @285 🙂
@289 🙂 and a half blind Ali !
Isn’t Ollie Andy Goram? Or is that Andy Goram?
I thought Ollie was the evil sounding Dr O , Dr C , head of the linguistics and Syntax carriage .
Druuunkkk….Lurrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Gimee 300…………..
Apologies MR C , old habits die hard and all that .
druuunkkkk…bedtime methinksss…..can’t see the screen
have a good one!
Well we were lining it up for Wind , but he doesn’t seem to be about so , Cannons if you insist …
*takes envious look at C of R and thinks*
Time to get out of here.
zico subbed with 13 minutes to go.
Pub time 😀 😀
(iZico could be along later…..)
As a tense stand-off reigns…
talk about strolling in at an opportune moment
Yeeha!
Well in Camberwell , but its been referred to the video ref , a hint of a self-assist there 😉
Gotta admire your professionalism though . Prepared to trample all over promising youngster Wind , in order to get his name on the scoresheet 🙂
You know what tabs, you’re right it wasn’t exactly cricket.
I feel terrible about the whole thing.
I can see you’re overcome with grief and self-loathing Camberwell 😉
I’m going home for 500 rounds of self-flagellation…
Now you’re talking Young Man !
And speaking of self-abuse, now that real proper kosher football – not its pale, inbred, heroin-addicted half-brother, international football – is back, I may actually be feeling a stirring at the loins at the thought of it all.
Come On You RE-heddddddzz!!!!
…”at” the loins? That’s just straight-up prepositional incompetence!
Hey guys – just back home from short trip and glimpsed an item – LJW has made faster recovery – anyone heard confirmation?
Re: Ollie @242. That’s about as unimaginative as some of my drinks. 😉
Norfolk sushi, anyone? 😀 😀
cognac: Arsene said at the presser today that Wilshere should be back “mid to late January”. Don’t really know if that is ahead of schedule or not, though.
catchin’ up after a day away. Oh no! Jinkyish Jenkinson – feels like the first bit of bad news we’ve had in a while. P’raps the football gods have something up their floaty, holy, etheral sleevy weevies – c’mon, you football Bergkamps, you know you love us again these days, be nice.
Too much marvellousness above to name check it all – and thanks for the kind W’s – but a shout out has to go to Dr. F to Z at 245 – Inspired roll call of dishonourable reprobatekeeptheflagflyingtypethingies – sir
Nearly there
Quad still on
Still basking – oh, and er – pinting!
UsupEReDS
Psed – where were yer Wind?!?
Neutrinos. *Contemplates the far-out physics*
And to think I was under the impression the neutrino was a type of gerbil. 😉
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-15791236
Maybe it was the nutria, not the neutrino ….
Maybe Norwich City could change their name from the canaries to the nutrias. At least it would be a definite advancement in the fierceness quotient.
http://www.righteousfur.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/nutria.critter.jpg
Haven’t heard from Cusop recently, but maybe we could set aside a separate room for him with 500 pet nutrias. 😀
In all honesty AL, I was getting hustled on the Tottenham Court Road in a seedy Casino playing Poolby a few friends, while incidentally hustling them at the same time 😉
Shame, shame, shame, nothing good can come out of anything involving the LWCs (finally figured out what it means LOL), even Tottenham Cake from Greggs has been ruined, can’t eat it anymore :'(
Camberwell, don’t feel guilty, I wasn’t in the box to put it in the net, I might of as well been on the bench. Running out of mobile internet doesn’t help either ‘facepalm’
tabs, my biggest supporter, I appreciate the song and the hold-up play and for supporting the youth but I wasn’t on the same wavelength on this occasion 🙁
But you believe in my ability, and Kate Bush says there’s no reason to be ashamed and not to give up, so I won’t!
‘Dont give up
cause you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not the only one
Dont give up
No reason to be ashamed
Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up now
Were proud of who you are
Dont give up
You know its never been easy
Dont give up
cause I believe theres the a place
Theres a place where we belong’
Still at work.
Blame the Chinese and their shit products mostly.
Oh – and Gibbs again, hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmhmm – more beer
Fuck this shit. Gone.
I’ll have to do some work over the weekend though because of this fucking contretemps.
Bah
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>