Goonerholic: Eat, Sleep, Breathe, Drink, Arsenal

'This Is The Best Trip, I've Ever Been On', Sing Up Brownie

Dec 20th, 2009 by 'holic

Sweet baby Jebus, my head hurts. Make it go away. People expect me to write about yesterday. What the hell can I remember?

Just after two, arrive at the ground and buy the most expensive scarf on the planet and gloves for a mate on the Eurostar. Head for the pub. ‘Pint of Guinness please’. Mate texts. ‘We’re in the Italian’. Off I go . Pasta and a carafe of red wine. “My treat ‘holic.” Happy Christmas, indeed. More Guinness. Lots more Guinness, then off to ground.

Ladbrokes. “Still 7/1 for 3-0?”. The ‘holic pound and a bunch of his mates are invested. Find seat. Forty-four minutes of drudgery follow. We are not very good, and Hull are worse. Hunt is late on Almunia. Bennett lets him off. “Unusual to see that little bastard attempt to maim a ‘keeper” is the best line of a poor half until the Tigers goad us with “You’re rich, and you’re miserable“. Very good.

Hunt involved in handbags on the stroke of half-time wakes the miserable ones. Denilson floats it beautifully into the corner. “One nil to the Arsenal“. I’ve seen empty seats behind the visitors bench. I’m going that way at half time, swigging from a flask of Grouse as I go.

Perfect, I’m a few yards from the son of Allardyce. Strangely though the crowd are letting him have a quiet time. Then a passing breeze catches some twat in a yellow shirt and he stumbles. What? Penalty? You’re having a giraffe. The orange one cavorts in front of us, punching the air and laughing. He runs toward us, gloating.

Manuel saves. He is back to his best today. Time for retribution. Thousands of voices fill the bitterly cold night air. “Stand up, if you hate Phil Brown“. More whisky.

We’ve been longing for an Eduardo goal. Diaby and Song set him up. 2-0. “Sacked in the morning, you’re getting sacked in the morning.” Brownie’s ears are warming up, despite the falling temperature. More whisky.

“Liar, liar what’s the score, liar, what’s the score?“. It’s relentless now, and massive fun. Phil Dowd and the television people are even chuckling. Diaby fires in a cracker. That’s the bet secure if the silly buggers don’t score again. “Tango, Tango, what’s the score, Tango, what’s the score?”

There’s a real danger we could add to three. Theo and Aaron go very close. I don’t care about the money. The crack is now fantastic. “You’re not very brown, you’re not very brown, you’re not very, you’re not very, you’re not very brown!“. The neutrals next to the Hull bench are in tears of laughter.

Then the evil henchman finally makes an appearance. It’s Alan Davies and his mates who spot him first. “Brian, wave to us Brian.” Horton stares ahead, embarrassed. “Come on Brian, how about a duet with that orange twat? I wanna go ho-o-ome, this is the best trip, I’ve ever been on!” The game is forgotten.

With one eye on the clock, the best song of all. “Cesc in a minute, you’re seeing Cesc in a minute.” Even the Hull bench turn round and giggle at that one. The final whistle blows, Arsene races over to shake the hand of the vanquished. That’s another lie put to bed.

Join the queue at Ladbrokes. Someone in front of me says we must all have read Goonerholic this morning. I smile, but don’t own up. A fistful of dollars accompanies me back to the pub where several more Guinni hit the spot, and some fabulous people provide engaging company.

Back to the train. More whisky. Taxi. Stumble through the door.

“Good day, love?’

“Magical, sweetheart, magical.”

It’s not been such a great day for everyone. Text arrives from Eurostar mate. ‘Just got to Ebbsfleet’. Poor sod. I’ll keep the gloves until the United game!

Posted in match review | 63 Drinks

63 Responses to “'This Is The Best Trip, I've Ever Been On', Sing Up Brownie”

on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:19 am1Snail

Morning ‘Holic. Hair of the dog please barman – and one for yourself!!!
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:24 am2Le Bob

Sweet, sweet victory. Terrible, terrible *boilk*.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:29 am3clockendrider

United lose, Liverpool lose, the sheepshagging ex Manc gets sacked, Benitez on the ropes and to top it all off, The Liar ridiculed as his anti-footballers get slapped. Ok Santa, feel free to take the rest of the week off….
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:33 am4on d gooner

I went to the same pizzario but didn’t see you! Were you in camouflage?
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:33 am5Twitter Trackbacks for Goonerholic: Eat, Sleep, Breathe, Drink, Arsenal [goonerholic.com] on Topsy.com

[…] Goonerholic: Eat, Sleep, Breathe, Drink, Arsenal goonerholic.com/?p=2001 – view page – cached Goonerholic: Comment and review from a lifelong fan […]
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:44 am6Tony Attwood

Thank you for a fabulous piece. I missed some of those chants, so am obviously sitting in the wrong part of the ground. Will try and move for next season.

There was a time when I thought (very self-centredly) that Untold Arsenal was the only source of fun on the planet with our “10 ways to be a doom and gloomer” etc etc – but you’ve upped the stake considerably.

I’m now going to have to think a lot longer and harder before I try to be even slightly amusing again.

Really, and just so you know there is no post-modernist irony lurking in here somewhere, very very funny. I loved it.

Tony Attwood
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:50 am7silent stan

nice one!
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:55 am8MikeE

nice piece —— thanks!
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:58 am9Goonerholic

Thank you Tony.

‘Holics, if you haven’t read Untold Arsenal yet, you should. Just click on Tony’s name above, or on the link in the sidebar.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:02 am10desigunner

man, you are privileged! next time if possible can you get this on a cam?
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:02 am11Julian H

Brilliant write-up, and if you think the weekend couldn’t get any better – you’ve just earned yourself a link from Gingers for Limpar.

Best hangover cure known to man, I’m sure you’ll agree.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:06 am12wrightsnake

I missed a few of those chants! Mind, I was in club level yesterday, so not entirely surprising. I tried to start a ‘Stick your bluetooth, stick your bluetooth, stick your bluetooth up your arse’ chant, but only a couple of people joined in, heh.

The difference between crowd noise in the first and second half was one of the more drastic I’ve witnessed.

Anyone else hope that Hull stay up? It’d be a huge shame to miss out on how ridiculously fun yesterday was next season.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:07 am13Toby

An absolute masterpiece! Reading this was better than watching the game, which is strange since I really did enjoy the game.

If you’ve got any barley wine in stock, set me up! Otherwise I’ll have à Thomas Hardys Ale.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:07 am14Holloway2Holland

Good Stuff Holic´.

Must have been a long day for you yesterday sir, I saw your early post on the arses on arseblog. (well in for first by the way)
I was chuffed for ya that the ´holic pound went forth and multiplied, I was half expecpecting a narrow 1-0 or 2-1 result but the 3-0 win was no less than we deserved after a solid 2nd half showing.

The victory certainly does lay to rest the ghosts of last year and we can now go back to regarding Hull as the cannon fodder team they deserve to be.

A quick mention of the latest team we love to hate, Man City, or Mancinity as they´ll probably soon be called, are now officially a joke and a rich mans plaything a la Chavski. I had no love for Hughes, but it was dispicable how he was treated and totally unjust.
On second thoughts screw ´em, it´s their problem.

I got a good 10 inches of snow building up outside the door, and it’s still chucking white stuff down here in the Lowlands, so I´m not going anywhere today. A nice hot toddy for me please barman.

Cheers
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:16 am15mr.d

Excellent blog, ‘holic. Great to meet you yesterday. Keep up the good work.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:18 am16Esso

Heh, great stuff ‘holic!
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:19 am17Julian H

P.S. Didn’t you forget “Britney, what’s the score?”
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:28 am18Goonerholic

There’s a couple I missed, Julian, now the head is coming back to something vaguely resembling normal. I now remember Brownie being advised that he could sign on every other Tuesday 🙂
on 20 Dec 2009 at 11:39 am19carlos

Best piece ever, made me laugh………..
on 20 Dec 2009 at 12:06 pm20Binha

Ha, great post! Made me laugh at lot! I’ve never been to the Emirates, so I always appreciate to be given an insight of how the atmosphere is like 🙂 Thanks for that!
on 20 Dec 2009 at 12:42 pm21Rocky7

Marvelous piece ‘holic old pal, made my Christmas that did.

Hope you and yours have a great time over the next few weeks bud!
on 20 Dec 2009 at 1:37 pm22Ollie in Islington

A personal massive heh at that title, ‘holic.
The truth is it has indeed, really got me in stitches now ;D
Didn’t realise you wouldn’t be around before the Mancs.

Great stuff, I really wish I could have taken part in the singing yesterday.
And well done to the ‘holic pound.
I will have a strong stiff drink and give you many thanks for everything.
Here’s to happy Xmas, new year and all.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 1:41 pm23arseblogger

Splendid post.

Just coffee for now, barkeep. Or a bloody mary.

Ok, a bloody mary.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 1:47 pm24Sajit

Good stuff!
on 20 Dec 2009 at 1:47 pm25Samuel

Next time I can afford to go to a game, I am tracking you down ‘holic and buying you a pint for this article.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 2:15 pm26Tim

You know how they have certain pubs where all the bartenders like to hang out? They call them “industry pubs” around my parts and they are often the best place to get a good stiff drink and hang out with people who really know how to party.

With all the bloggers on here, it’s pretty clear that this is an “industry blog” in which case, I’ll take a Bulleit Bourbon on the rocks.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 2:33 pm27Bergkamp's The Man

The Brown Stain he’s called Phil,
And Horton, he’s Pig Swill,
The Emirates Cook threw away all of their grits,
The constable had to come
So did Sherif John Stone and his mum,
Said, “look here boys, your gettin’ right on my tits”
You look so broke up,
Why don’t you just piss off home?

And Arsene he was cool,
He knows the Brown Stain is a fool,
Phil Dowd was there to keep them apart,
Diaby’s goal was the best,
Eduardo and Denilson did the rest,
It’s time to hoist Hull’s mainsail,
Phil’s Brown Stained Underpants

So snail and Holic got pissed,
The train home, they nearly missed,
Around Birmingham town, they nearly roamed
Drinking all night,
Nasri got into a fight
This is the BEST write up, I’ve ever been on.

Well done,’Holic. Made me laugh.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 2:53 pm28diceman1984

Freaking great piece mate!!!

Those chants should be put together in a compilation too, classic tunes.

Mr.Brown complaint about the “ref” last night too. What? What ref? You mean the moron in black on the field? Fucking hell, he’s a true master cunt…..
on 20 Dec 2009 at 3:19 pm29Bergkamp's The Man

Difficult to decide which 3-0 brought the greater pleasure. Ours, with the darkening of the brown stain? Or Fulham’s with the accompanied bursting of a couple more blood vessels on the old purple nose of The Famous Red Grouse?

Ok, we shade it!
on 20 Dec 2009 at 3:40 pm30Redbird

Marvellous effort this morning, Holic. And, as always, it was marvellous to see you yesterday in such excellent form x
on 20 Dec 2009 at 4:11 pm31Woodbine

Great stuff ‘Holic, great day out and excellent company once again.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 5:46 pm32BGun

Hilarious stuff. Top post ‘holic.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 5:59 pm33Bergkamp's The Man

Christmas came early!

A Happy Hammering for the boys from the Kremiln. AncelottisPotti again.

Fulham fooled em and scored three. The blood vessels are a poppin’. The Famouse Red Grouse is grousing.

The Welsh Raretit is gone and Rafa’s going, going, going, G……..
on 20 Dec 2009 at 7:47 pm34Gogsy

Great stuff ‘holic! Just a cuppa, thanks.
on 20 Dec 2009 at 7:55 pm35Goonerholic

Thank you all for some wonderful comments. You’ve helped me to cope with the hangover from hell today. Suppose I deserve it…
on 20 Dec 2009 at 8:45 pm36chozzer

Smashing write-up.
You just can’t beat going to see a live game.

Did you see Gunnersaurus’ celebration of Denilson’s goal. Really funny, right in front of Tango man?
on 20 Dec 2009 at 9:21 pm37KTbird

Is Jackster barred?
on 20 Dec 2009 at 9:27 pm38Goonerholic

I thought it for the best, KT, as he may be seeking retribution 🙂
on 20 Dec 2009 at 9:34 pm39Jackster

Et tu ‘holic?
on 20 Dec 2009 at 9:35 pm40Jackster

Ah that’s better.

*corroborates ‘holics version of events*
on 20 Dec 2009 at 9:36 pm41bald

Spitting blood he was, as he escorted me and mrsb up Isledon Road….
on 20 Dec 2009 at 9:37 pm42Jackster

*did n’t want a mention anyway*
on 20 Dec 2009 at 9:53 pm43Magic Hat

Cheers holic, a work of wonder.

Vodka ‘n lime
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:05 pm44Tim Merrick

Funniest post of the season….Having moved away from the UK I so miss the sense of humour our crowd can dish out when on song (as opposed to getting on Song)

Thanks for making me laugh and laugh some more. What a fun result that was…and the rest of weekend all turned up trumps to. Almunia – well done….play like that every week eh? Even Silvestre was scampering up the wing.

Large Tango please…..
on 20 Dec 2009 at 10:07 pm45Goonerholic

*did n’t want a mention anyway*

I thought you said never to tell anybody I know you because you want to keep your seat 🙂
on 21 Dec 2009 at 3:31 am46Bostonji

Bravo !!!!!!

Liar liar is my fave. ‘holic for the xmas number 1
on 21 Dec 2009 at 6:16 am47Firstlady

Hilarious post!!
And the win? was so worth the two day hangover I have been on.
on 21 Dec 2009 at 9:24 am48MarmK

Excellent stuff ‘holic.
on 21 Dec 2009 at 10:17 am49al

you missed a couple of classics:

scared of Cesc in a hoodie, you’re scared of Cesc in a hoodie, Cesc in a hoodie…

You’re white and you know you are…you’re white and you know you are

The relentless calls of ‘Horton…show yourself’, and when he did – ‘your not the messiah, you’re a very old man’.

One of the most entertaining games in ages
on 21 Dec 2009 at 11:40 am50South African Gooner

Ive got goosebumps!!

Sensational post! I am sitting poolside in teh african sun and your post still made me wanna move to london!!!
on 21 Dec 2009 at 11:48 am51Little Kev

Came here via Arseblog – think I’ll come direct in future. Excellent piece sir! 🙂
on 21 Dec 2009 at 12:35 pm52Andy-bayor

Fantastic stuff ‘holic… I’m at home with a cold and after 10 minutes re-reading and laughing my arse off at your blog, I’m starting to feel a little better! Thanks 🙂
on 21 Dec 2009 at 12:39 pm53Goonerholic

Indeed Al, more were coming back to me as yesterday progressed. Regardless of what Arsene says it was a proud day to be a gooner, precisely because Brown was ripped to bits, but none of it was the sort of vile crap that Arsene gets. It was just quip after quip after quip, and very, very funny.

Thanks for that Kev, but you should still make Arseblog a regular first stop in the mornings. No way could I churn that stuff out daily like the big man. That’s a real talent.
on 21 Dec 2009 at 1:56 pm54chronicaddiction

Great post as usual. Visit my blog: http://www.gunnernation.wordpress.com for all thing Arsenal and the Premier League.
Cheers
on 21 Dec 2009 at 2:08 pm55Big Raddy

This is a fine read. Greta stuff ‘holic
on 21 Dec 2009 at 4:36 pm56Aunty

Nice one ‘holic. Made me laff through me hangover …
on 21 Dec 2009 at 6:32 pm57Daniel S

sorry I’m late, but best piece I’ve ever read!

have bookmarked it for next game at Hull away in march 🙂 only hope the orange twat is still in his job by then…

keep it up ‘holic!
on 21 Dec 2009 at 7:56 pm58Jackster

Could Al be Mr Davies?
on 21 Dec 2009 at 9:05 pm59DJ

Best blog post of all time.
on 22 Dec 2009 at 3:29 pm60Bergkamp's The Man

Frozen indoors. What to do? Watch the old Gunners DVDs. Some really great stuff in “The Young Guns” review of 2006/7. A couple worth a mention:

– Once upon a time we had a right back who was able to cross the ball. Surprising but true! Do you remember the wonder goal that Robin score from a cross from the right? The goal that Thierry scored with his head to seal a 2-1 win against the Mancs? Brilliant. Both from superb crosses from a promising young RB. Who? The one and only Emmanuelle Eboue!

– The master of the dribble. Involved in nearly every great build up. Beat them once, beat them twice, beat them a third time just to show he could. After Thierry, the stand-out player on the DVD. Alexander Hleb. I’d forgotten how good he could be.

– And of-corse, Cesc. Brilliant at 19. Very noticeable that he didn’t have to carry so much of the load then. He still did all the great stuff he does now. But there were a few more masters around to help him.

If you haven’t got it. Get your note up the lum to Santa. Cheers ‘Holics.
on 22 Dec 2009 at 4:01 pm61Jack Scurvy

Excellent read, ‘Holic! Congrats on the wager, too. Sounds like the ground was indeed magical… although not for ol’ Phil.
on 25 Dec 2009 at 4:27 am62Mark the spark

I went to the match and only got my voice back tuesday!
It’s been a long time since I had such fun at a match… probably Henry’s last minute winner against Man U 3 seasons ago was the previous time.
Tango tango whats the score was just about the loudest chant i’ve ever heard at the Grove… no wonder match of the Day could only show very abbreviated highlights 🙂
Great stuff.. ooh to, ooh to be…
on 12 Mar 2010 at 10:16 pm63Hull preview – Do it for Cesc | The Beautiful Groan

[…] Having been criticised for everything from his demeanour to his attire in that fixture, he was injured for the 3-0 victory at the Emirates back in December, a match memorable for the entertaining chants being aimed at the Hull management pair, as described by ‘holic at the time. […]