Samba, Cahill,
They’re new Goons,
Larsson, Hazard,
Coming soon.
Rumours, sightings,
Don’t end there,
Cesc and Nasri
Targets Fair.
Newsnow, Twitter,
Talkshite too,
Feeding frenzy,
Grabbing you.
June, it’s June,
Twelve weeks to go,
Will we get,
Gervinho?
No more now please,
I’m sick of it,
Can’t face three months,
Of all this shit.
110 Responses to “No Mas”
Arsenal News 24/7
First!
Drinks all round, Barman!
…but of course I should have said:
I was here first
Now let everybody quench their thirst!
And nevermind the silly crap
It’s always the same tedious rap
Time will tell
If we have dealt well
Enjoy the summer
Don’t make it a bummer
Drinks all round, I say
And as usual I will pay
Bravo!!!!!!!!!!! :)))))))))
My thoughts exactly!
Keep your money in your pocket,
Your favourite drink, I know I stock it.
Lars, this round is on the house
Now drink man drink, you big girls blouse!
Gary Cahill, not our man.
Slightly built and doesn’t tan.
Samba has no problems there,
He’ll take both man and ball in the air!
🙂
Bravo, ‘holic!
Thank you Barman that’s good news
My wallet sure a rest could use
Better can a beer not be
Than the one you get for free!
We keep a high defensive line
Would Cahill or Samba in that do fine?
I am not so sure
That they alone would win us more
The truth might be much more crass
And we need systematic changes en masse
I am fat,
This is crap,
I can’t rap,
Ha ha ha
Ba Ba Ba
La la la
I rais my glass
this blog is pure class!
Awesomeness.
I Second that Holics the man.
. And here I was thinking you were quoting Roberto Duran.
Good one P-MG its funny because its true.
Nasri now wants to sign for life
He’s worried Giggs will shag his wife
Cesc cant think straight Us or Barc
With Xavis tongue lodged in his arse
Robins off on holiday
I bet he’ll score while he,s away
The emirates halls are quiet around this time
I,ve murdered all the agents and buried them on the half way line.
Ah the boredom of the close season ha ha
Quel poète!
Couldn’t have said it better myself…;)
(oh fik it here goes)
Couldn’t have said it better myself
too many rumours not good for our health
Will he stay or will he go
nobody knows or gives a A’hole
wenger should sign cahill and bring the ajax defender vertonghen
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
Fabregas is our captain no he’s not yes he is oh god please someone make it stop before I go on a random killing spree
Surprised I’m not,
You’re rhyming too,
It’s what I would,
expect of you.
Although I write,
A load of bollix,
My readers are,
The best of ‘holics.
Arsene wenger,
Is he a man or god,
But at tesco he still gets half priced cod,
Get your cheque book out,
Get your cheque book out,
And get some players who don’t need parental permisson just to go out!
Summers here , and boredom’s in ,
Show me the way to the lovely Green Tin ,
A-lister Drugs allow me a sight
Of Messi and Kaka in the famed Red and White .
Summer’s here , and boredom’s set ,
I want gear from the cabinet ,
A-lister Drugs allow me to crap
On the red twitchy face of Harry Redknapp .
Summer’s here , and there’s no Arse ,
I sure need PIK’s , Californian Grass ,
A-lister Drugs allow me to kill
Any semblance of life in Alan Brazil .
Summer’s here , but I’ve no gripe ,
I’ve drunk my beer and filled my pipe ,
A-lister Drugs allow me to bludgeon
Fat Darren Gough and Adrian Durham .
Summer’s here , but I don’t care ,
I have a dream which I’d like to share ,
Arsenal trophies , and Harry no more,
And TalkSport Presenters all dead on the Floor .
Of all the ‘holics,
Who drink in here,
I knew that TaBS,
Would rhyme the gear 🙂
I’m a poet
And don’t i know it 🙂
We went up to Wolves we took their north bank
We went down to derby they ain’t worth a wank
but take my advice there’s nothing as nice as
Kicking the F@@@ outta Tottenham
more a radio 2 man myself 🙂
12 more weeks of this shit thank bollocks I’m away for 3 of it !!!
Rusty Nails and snake bites and black all round please Guv,
Nice Holic!
This actually works really well to the “We didn’t start the fire” tune!!
Rocky!
How you doing maestro? Are you on a percentage of Tim’s earnings these days?
How is the beautiful one and Charlie?
We need to have a drink mate.
Wassup holic from across a very large unswimable pond.please tell me u have news from an inside source of a world class player on the brink of signing for londons finest,please please please.
Brilliant.
Probably some brilliant drinks too but that was meant for the ‘holicpoem.
Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings while the dawn is still dark.
Definitely a brilliant drink from Tabs @22!
I would not be in such distress
That FIFA is a massive mess
If Blatter was not set to leave
Until the Spurs have won the league
whose rhymes these are i think i know
you could have done em better though
across the pond i think it queer
your rhymes remind me of lite beer
Hello Holic,
Even though i have been following your blog for years now daily, along with some other, i have never commented on anyone’s post ever until now.
Todays garbage transfer news kinda had me worried. On the same day i am hearing that Fabregas, Clichy and Nasri are all leaving Arsenal. And Nasri’s news kinda made me sick.
Do we need players who have no loyalty? Wasnt it their responsibility too to win something all these years?
I will support Arsenal no matter what, its my wish to watch atleast one Arsenal match in my life(I am from India). But it really hurts when even our own players turn us for better fortunes when actually they should have been there in this hour of need. I know that its basic human nature, stil…..
Holic you have been supporting Arsenal even from the days when i was not born. I am a very young fan also, dont have more than 5 years to boast. Please tell me how you folks deal with this kind of disappointment and pain…
Thanks,
Joe
Do not worry goonerjo,
when you feel you cannot take another blow,
even though you come from afar,
there is no better place than ‘holic’s bar.
Here’s another inter-association transfer – Klose from Bayern Munich to Lazio. When are we going to participate in the transfer window? And I mean seriously participate. This young English guy we just got does not give me a warm fuzzy feeling. Sorry. It’s like kissing your sister. Of which I have none.
Oh Mr. Arsene Wenger,
Time to become a spender,
High time to reach for the wallet,
Before I become an alcoholic,
We finally need some real amigos,
And not more unproven bambinos,
You keep singing the same old tune,
Any more and I’ll explode like a balloon,
Best to go on a three month bender,
And all my mail please return to sender.
Latest footy transfer news,
May end up giving some the blues,
Those bloody glory red Mancs,
They ain’t going after Tom Hanks,
Instead they’re faxing Aston Villa,
In the hopes of getting a thrilla,
His name is Ashley Young,
Who’s far better than Ji Park Sung,
If they get that wish,
Nasri could be off their list,
Or they could end up with both,
While we keep claiming growth,
No silverware in the past six,
And the owners not Gillette nor Hicks,
Sure we have a nice shiny new home,
At what price perhaps our legacy blown,
I wish it were not all gloom and doom,
For we all want the Gunners to bloom,
Barman pour me a stiff drink,
Make it a double we’re on the brink,
This it April Fools nor a bunny,
Arsene spend some fuckin’ money!
beer, whiskey, vodka & rum,
never let me be really glum,
oh nothin has ever made me jump for joy,
like when i saw keown on nistelrooy.
Heh ‘holic! Good stuff but I dont think E J Thribb’s got anything to worry about. Off to IOW for the weekend; not that poxy festival just a lads weekend in Shanklin. Up the Arse!
Wow, a rhyme fest!
Arsene Wenger, needs a defender
but he’s never been a spender
And as the search for that top keeper
unravels as the price gets steeper
we need to buy, we need to sell
we need to wait until we tell
the Barca cunts that “its no deal,
have Bendtner for £30M, it’s a steal”
Eboue, Al, Rosicky, hell sell the lot
It’s easy, I’ll tell Arsene what’s what
Looking for a 30 goal striker mate?
pick up the phone before its too late
Meanwhile on the famed Happy Train
a fleeting thought in Edwin’s brain
he wonders where the hell are the keys
to the Medicine Cabinet, in one of these
compartments where tabs has come to score
but he cannot spring the crucial door
zico has changed each lock and key
like a summer signing, fuck alls for free!
* the above sentiments do not necessarily reflect the editorial view of zico and zico management 🙂
Dr Z@41 🙂 🙂
Oh my God , he’s changed the locks ,
Think quickly tabs , outside the box ,
Be calm , be cool and don’t be rash ,
It’s time to get your secret stash ! 🙂
According to the latest tweet
Alex we are about to greet
To St Mary’s we owe our thanks
for the latest flyer from their ranks
For once Zico might get ’em in
To welcome Oxdale-Chamberlain
*all characters are fictional and do not relate to any persons real or otherwise….
Don’t get your hopes up Dr C ,
Zico’s never bought a drink for me
He might get one if we buy Messi ,
But only if , it costs 10p .
Some Scot baiting in tandem is my hunch,
You know there is no such free lunch
But since its Friday I’ll pass the pipe
And rid you of your stereotype.
BTW, good post by Goodplaya on the Nasri situation if you haven’t read it.
Dear old holic, you can see –
Stories just don’t grow on trees!
Our football journalistic chaps,
have th’empty summer to fill with pap.
Column inches must be wrote,
’bout english forwards, midfield scrotes.
Wingers eager for a break,
playmakers looking for a stake
Villans leaving us for dough,
donkeys on the starbord bow.
Overpriced from Joke-on-Trent!
They say the money’s good as spent!
So open up the rags today,
see what these dossers have to say.
Its near the back, just over there,
by Gigg’s fancy! Rooney’s hair!
Three months of this disruptive junk
Lets just ignore it, dig some funk
Or real ale from the west country
A pint of 6X please for me.
Dr Z , a lovely act
To pass the pipe with grace and tact ,
Inhale the fumes , and start to glimpse
Gareth Bale , getting f*cked by chimps .
tabs, my god, what a sight
a nightmare from an endless night
about as bad as seeing Crouch
rogering Harry on the couch
ODE TO THE ‘HOLICS
I know where the keys are, I ain’t no sucker
It’s true that Bale is a simian f*cker
Tabs prefers to use his pipe
Dr.C is knee deep in baby wipes
Lars is always getting then in
Dr.z would rather self mutilate with a pin
BtM provides us with classy ryhme
Our esteemed Barman tells us when it ‘time’
Steve T and Trev inform when things are sh*te
Stingy Voyeur posts all night
Gaz only visits when we lose or draw
That’s when I beat my head on the floor
Chippy’s preference is for Radio Two
On Twitchy’s face tabs tries to poo
Esso’s off to the Isle of Wight
The biggest C*nts are Lilly White
Apologies to any that I left out
You’re all top people, now it’s my shout….
Tom’s poem is also class
As many here say – up the Arse!
Bravo True Edwin Storey – a pint for that man.
Cheers to zico, you make me laugh
A pint please Barman and I’ll have half
Dr Z , Please have no fear ,
This might end his Spurs career ,
I think it may be , Gareth’s fate ,
To take Bubbles , as his life-long mate .
Bales tastes could be his killer
He loves a chimp but perfers a gorilla
TS @ 50 – terrific stuff – I’ll line up another pint for you .
TS @55 * guffaws *
fantastic
Cheers tabs
Your kind words I appreciates
Bale arrested for worrying primates?
The drinks have soared to a higher level
Lars’ tab is uglier than Gary Neville…
Maybe so , it’s all on tape ,
Monkey-boy and a great big Ape
tabs
Your ‘secret stash’?
You crafty devil
In the GT we trust
Not Gary Neville
Synchronized rhyming, whatever next?
A stomach churning image, from a Cashley text?
Dr.C
it’s great when great minds think alike
Time to tell Eboue to mount his bike?
And there was I , enjoying my time
You mentioned Neville , Oh what a crime
Lars tab is open , let us rejoice
And not mention c*nts , that is my choice .
Dear tabs you’re right, it was out of line
Mentioning him was just not fine
And so for that I apologise
Bale’s now trying an orangutan for size 😉
TS, I feel that now we have young Karl
Eboue will leave, with a whimper not a snarl
TABS you are right,
I’ll get me coat
Won’t mention the shite,
would rather F*ck a goat
Apology accepted , no worries old son ,
Mistake easy made , no real harm done
Will Gareth Bale , still make the side ,
Now you’ve reported , he’s run off with Clyde 🙂
Now Dr C , don’t be silly ,
Don’t do that , to an innocent Billy
Take off your coat , and pull up your seat ,
Here’s my pipe , it’s up your street .
Heh tabs! 🙂
Reports are in of Clyde’s keeper, distressed
Bale’s been branded a monkey sex pest!
Dr.C points out that Carl J’s a reality
This bar’s becoming an orgy of bestiality
“My throat is awfully dry”
I hear my fellow drinkers cry
Of course my tab is always there
Grab a pint or even a pair!
This bar’s full of beasts , and animals too ,
I’m leaving ‘fore , I’m on the menu ,
I’ve never seen , such vice before
I’d rather slam mine , in a car door 🙂
As each prosaic ‘holic
Turned out to be a bard
I remained quietly on my guard
Fearing I should rhyme
But stray off topic
Or perform like Spurs
On a diet of lasagna and lard.
Thinking there was no way
To match the verses of Tabs,
Reach the glory achieved by Storey
Or catch the muse of other ‘holics
I said to myself this is just bollocks.
But GT in hand and sitting on the toilet
I soon saw a vision of Junior Hoillet.
Which made me realise
That quality’s not the end-all
But finishing’s the thing.
If Arsenal can follow suit
We’ll be winning things to boot.
tabs,
Hold the door, I can think of soemthing nicer,
A Glaswegian, ecoli infested, bacon slicer.
You lot are nuts,
no ifs no buts
Holic, Holic, what have you started
The whole bar have verbally farted
Has verbally farted even
yours,
McGonagall
Zico suggests that we’re verbally farting
Our minds are not sane and our faculties parting
‘Nasri chipped in with a deluge of prose
Where’s this all going? Not even Arsene knows
I say it’s fun, good and clean-ish
tabs is now re-stitching on his penis
I feel we should apologise to Holic,
Our rhymes, I fear, have veered off topic
Animal shagging, Bestiality by another name
Soon it’ll be grannies, Shrek’s if they’re on the game
True Storey’s last line may be of genius
But opportunity missed to rhyme with Jenas.
Dr.C,
‘Holic dried ‘enough!’ of rumour and gossip
Of Naz to Manure for nothing but profit
I think he’s OK if we’re having a laugh
But the thought of Shrek’s grannies is making me barf
cried not dried, meh!
Heh ‘nasri! 🙂
A pint for you. Enough rhymes?
TS, The only way to emerge from speaking in rhyme is to reprogram the brain which can be done in several ways but a few pints is an excellent option. As a matter of fact, the more pints the more complete the reprogramming is. 🙂
I’ll have a beer please.
Have we signed anyone yet? Today, I mean.
What’s up ‘holic and fellow rhymers,
New blood fans and hardened ol’ timers
I’ve been busy lately, too much time working,
Had no time to post, but I’ve still been lurking
So, the season’s over and the cabinets still bare
The gloryhunters tear out their own hair
“6 years, a disaster, it’s the end” they cry
As they make their lists of who should leave and who we must buy.
Cahill, Parker, Eden Hazard, Christopher Samba
Gerviniho, Benzema and the guy from Chuwumbawumba,
A keeper, defenders and midfielders too,
Are all linked in the meeja, but none of it’s true.
Condamnation, speculation on where it went wrong
Will we lose Fabregas, Nasri and Song.
The headlines are misleading and so are the tags,
I wouldn”t wipe my arse with any of those crap red top rags
Starved of footy, I tuned into England last week.
For so called Three Lions, my lord, they were meek.
The players “were tired” and Capello got slated,
While Rooney was in town getting his pubes relocated.
Now the summer is here, the season has ended.
Time for us Gooners to get our fences mended.
All Arsenal supporters together, a unified front
And let the whole world know Nasri’s agent’s a cu……….
Lager please, cheers ‘holics.
I signed up again for Red Membership – does that count? 🙂
Triffic H2H, you beer’s on me as is Dr.C’s who seems to be thirsty.
Barman, if you please….
H2H you are a gentleman and a poet. Dr. C, There do seem to be some positive rumblings about Oxlade-Chamberlain and Gervinho but who knows for sure.
Cheers TS, but that one didn’t last very long.
Long day and all hot and steamy over here in Farca land. But now the sun is out and that means the girls will be too….
Nasri … yes, the Oxlade-Chamberlain one sounds pretty positive, if the quotes from his father are correct. As you say, though, who knows…. in the meantime our time is best spent drinking.
Barman…. At least Nasri, H2H, Zico and TS are in the bar… so one for them and anyone else who’s lurking.
zico is ALWAYS lurking – it’s a matter of some professional pride.
Cheers Catalan – GT is on your left 😉
Salud lads.
Next round’s on me.
Posts from 72 to 84 , possibly the greatest literary feat ever . 🙂
congratulations all .
6 beers please , i fear the reprogramming may take some time .
tabs
Cheers. The Bale/monkey rhymes are my faves esp. your introduction of Clyde. That was funnier than watching Eboue listen to the North Koreans 🙂
Holics, The latest summer transfer news is in: I just purchased two chairs at my neighborhood second hand furniture store for 60 dollars, a price which even zicoinexile and our esteemed Le Professeur could not shake their noses at.
These are indeed worrying times as the rats go by and by. I have been trying to work out potential money numbers.
Fab £40m
Nasri £12m
Clichy £5m
Bendtner £5m
Denilson £2m
Stans cheque book £30m
Diaby can just fuck off in his Tottenham shirt
That adds up to £94m to spend if they all go and Stan is generous. A lot of if’s, but that is where we are at the moment, in if-land.
SR: Diaby’s Tottenham shirt should be able to draw quite a few quid from the LWC following, I would imagine, but haven’t you heard that Bendtner’s dad won’t settle for less than 20 million?
Nas @ 94 – I thought all you backwoods boys just sat on boxes? Or your women-folk. 😉
Dr. Z, As Ollie once said, if I may quote him correctly, “Heh.” Next on the agenda, since my 7-year old’s last day of school was this week, we’re off to the movies to see “Kung Fu Panda 2” and I’m expecting there are some moves I can pick up to pass on to the boys for our next meeting with the LWCs. Cheers!
Did we sign anyone today?
100!!! I get a free beer!
Holic, you are a genius.
@Stingy voyeur: you’re only n°100 because you double-posted. That disqualifies you and you know what that means? Correct! THAT I AM NUMBER 100!
It’ll be a Grimbergen, or a Leffe for me please.
Bah! Who am I kidding? No one serves Grimbergen in this country anymore. As for Leffe, I consider myself happy when I find a pub that serves it for a fiver/bottle. That means I always settle for the black stuff instead, JD or red wine.
🙁
A Leffe sounds pretty smooth. Especially when it’s free.
Fact is, I’m no good at football management. Football supporter is more in my line. Leave it up to the professionals to manage and leave it up to me to support. Come on Arsenal! What did you say, they won’t be playing for months yet? When does the fixture schedule come out then? Did we sign anybody yet today?
Nasri, you are starting to sound more and more like a traitor. You have little time remaining if you don’t want your name stripped from behind the 8 ball but …
Hi holics,
Some brilliant drinks I got to read, courtesy of the esteemed ‘holics here
Cheers everyone
Drinks on my tab
Nobody comments on the weekends? What the hell is going on?
Have we signed anyone today?
Arsene seems destined no lessons to learn
Transfer windows close with our money to burn
We get some surprises but all for no good
Defenders who play as though made of wood
We have so much deadwood already, all ready to go
Arsene shakes his head, and says trust me I know
So we end up with midfielders who play half a season
Defenders who know not how for some bloody reason
Goalkeeping is a position for a very top bloke
But our Manual and Lukasz are just a bad joke
Worse still our strikeforce who somehow forget
That the target is always the back of the net
We watch with dismay as another season ends badly
Every match sees Wenger shaking his head madly
The ref was a joke and I did not see the foul
I will not shake his hand for he offered a scowl
This seasons window will see us all shout pardon
As Wenger signs up a whole kindergarden
They have such promise and I build for the future
I’m not just a manager but their full time tutor
But even though we fear we will always be there
Arsenal in our blood and in our hearts we care
We support a team who we hope to see some day
Lifting a trophy or two as befits our proper play
So when things seem their darkest and you just want to curse
Look in the leagues below and it could be worse
We could be in some serious trouble just like West Ham
When your only option is fat fecking Sam
Congratulations to the boys for the 0-1 victory today for The Arsenal @ Colon in the Clausura!
Dear god! Never expected such poetry from Gooners.
I just had to put my effort in. This year I have been learning how to do proper writing – poetry included. This was one of my very first offerings! It is free verse any rhyming is purely coincidental – so there. ;-P
Over the ball, into the player.
“Just let him know you’re there
Or we don’t have a prayer.”
Two feet launched,
One ankle snapped.
Broken, dislocated
Hanging by threads.
Television turns away
Can’t upset the viewer.
Expert intervention
Means he plays again.
Eduardo da Silva
No longer
Arsenal’s number nine.