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Goonerholic

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To Arthur!

Jun 20th, 2011 by 'holic

Now I know what you’re thinking. We celebrated the 250th birthday of Guinness a couple of years back, didn’t we? Well, isn’t 252 more impressive than 250? Not just as a formation we would probably finish most matches with if we signed Joey Barton. 252 years of deliciousness is worth a celebration in my book, so I shall continue.

Now I was hoping by now I would have a signing or two to talk about. When Blackburn’s owners come out and openly talk of Christopher Samba’s desire to pull on the new extravagantly-leafed red and white shirt, you know something is afoot. The something sadly is a negotiation which has us offering what we think the player is worth, and Blackburn asking for twice as much. The fact that they are openly admitting it though takes this one beyond the realm of tedious rumour.

Also venturing close to being confirmed is our offer for Gervinho, title-winning scorer and creator of goals in Lille’s Ligue 1 triumph this season, and the sort of fella who would scare the living daylights out of the biggest, meanest defenders, which probably explains why Samba is so keen to play alongside him and not against him.

Gervinho

Also a matter of fact is the increasing shareholding of Alisher Usmanov. Over twenty-nine percent he has now, close to the point at which he can demand to be shown the accounts as well as share the chocolate hob-nobs stashed away for ‘guests’ of the board, and a travel blanket from which to watch next summer’s live broadcast of the Arsenal Stadium mystery on the pitch. Sadly neither Usmanov, nor his principal host, will recognise the Arsenal stadium in the movie.

It seems very strange that until Mr Kroenke is more specific about his plans for the future shareholding of the club, and particularly the small shareholders and the Fanshare holding, even those who want Usmanov nowhere near our club in the long run have reason to be silently grateful to his continued, but baffling, stance.

Oh, and I nearly forgot the most important news of the day. As announced on Twitter I have taken delivery today of the short-sleeved 1971 home shirt, with a number 7 on the back, thus bringing my collection of lovely cotton 1971 shirts of various hues to five. All that remains is the long-sleeved plain yellow number, and if any potential donors of said shirt are desirous of a plug, I am an XXL. There’s a surprise, isn’t it?

Perhaps I should celebrate Arthur Guinness a little less.

Posted in tongue in cheek | 146 Drinks

146 Responses to “To Arthur!”

  1. on 20 Jun 2011 at 10:59 pm1Fin

    Couldn’t resist. Top post ‘holic.

  2. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:04 pm2eduardo

    if usmanov gets to 30% he has to make a takeover bid, which is sure to fail unless kroenke sells up, and if it indeed fails he has to sell shares so he goes below 30% again, so depite fapl rules letting him see the accounts, he would not be allowed to see them under stock market rules, and the stock market takes percedent over FAPL rules

  3. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:13 pm3Goonerholic

    But he can still sit on the pitch for the film night, can’t he? 😉

  4. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:14 pm4behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    XXL, ‘holic? I was thinking more likely XXX, but at least you don’t look like Gervinho. 🙂

  5. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:15 pm5eduardo

    if he does that who will clean up the mess

  6. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:18 pm6Fletch

    You fat cunt

  7. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:20 pm7Goonerholic

    Thank you Fletch.

    You’re an ugly cunt, but I can diet. 🙂

  8. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:22 pm8bc

    Kroenke could make such a profit on his outlay it would be sick, he could have played the perfect game.

  9. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:25 pm9Ricey

    Five? Red and white short and long sleeve, yellow bog standard short sleeve, yellow FA Cup Final short sleeve and? Surely not red short sleeve with number counting as the fifth?

  10. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:28 pm10Jammathon

    Great post, ‘holic. I’m hoping to make my pilgrimage to TNHOF in January which, as fate would have it, sees us playing the Mancs for hopefully my first ever game. I must be informed of the drinking dens upon my arrival. Show this young one a thing or two, old timer.

  11. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:37 pm11Goonerholic

    Two of the short sleeved Cup Final shirt, R (one signed by the winning goalscorer, obviously!) and a Bob Wilson Cup Final shirt, plus red and white long-sleeved and today’s addition.

    http://tinyurl.com/5snxp58

  12. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:39 pm12Goonerholic

    We’ll do that Jamm. Keep in touch nearer the time.

  13. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:52 pm13Steve T

    You have more retro shirts than we have signings…..

  14. on 20 Jun 2011 at 11:56 pm14Goonerholic

    Over forty years worth Steve. I should hope so 😉

  15. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:04 am15Jammathon

    I was inspired by Robin van Persie’s wall to collect banners of all the 92 major English clubs. So far, Arsenal, Norwich, Hartlepool, Aston Villa. Bournemouth is next on the list. Chelsea, Spurs and United are right at the bottom. Not the same as shirts, granted, but it makes me feel cool. In a cuntish sort of way.

  16. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:14 am16Goonerholic

    Remind me when you come over and I shall make you a gift of a Swindon Town one. Could be their last season in the League coming up…

  17. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:43 am17takeabowson

    Here’s your long-sleeved yellow ‘Holic

    http://www.toffs.com/Arsenal-1970-1971/productinfo/1404/?awin=1

  18. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:47 am18Goonerholic

    The very one TaBS,

    They haven’t offered 😉

    Great work in the last drinks by the way. Thanks. 🙂

  19. on 21 Jun 2011 at 2:29 am19NS Gooner

    Great post ‘holic. I laughed out loud at the Barton formation…

  20. on 21 Jun 2011 at 3:14 am20behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    Agreed on the cleverness of the Barton formation and on Tabs’ clever script at the end of the previous drinks. The script should be reposted and/or everyone forced to read it.

  21. on 21 Jun 2011 at 3:27 am21behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    Will someone please shoot this man?

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/jun/20/donald-trump-golf-resort-scotland

  22. on 21 Jun 2011 at 7:16 am22Catalan Gunner

    TABS – could I impress on you to do a weekly or every-other-dayly conversation between Ivan and his advisor?

    This summary of the other worthy (and not so worthy) blogs out there would save me an awful lot of reading time, and allow me to spend more time with Nanny and the kids…

    A drink for you (and raises a glass to Holic’s impressive retro collection), I’ll even put it on my tab this time. Lars deserves a rest.

  23. on 21 Jun 2011 at 7:22 am23Tommo

    A Mackems for me please. A far superior stout.

  24. on 21 Jun 2011 at 7:31 am24ONOWU_TOPGUNNER

    Great post holic,can u plz tell us the truth behind joey barton story. Feel like committing suicide when i heard it,some one said if he sign 5 yrs contract with us he will play 4 yrs with us and spend one year in prison. A bottle of large guiness to celebrate with u. Chears

  25. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:02 am25zicoinexile

    I would never refuse an opportunity to raise a glass to Arthur.

    An extra, extra large glass to Arthur, in fact.

    Top post Holic, and top response to the heckling (I assume he’s a friend) in drink no 7 🙂

    By the way, in these parts, Gervinho above would get in the handsome team.

  26. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:09 am26midas

    It looks like Cesc doesn’t have enough barca dna to get a transfer this summer.shame on you cesc.

  27. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:52 am27True Storey

    Morning all, late to the party as usual….

    ‘Holic, with a wee bit of photoshop and should we sign the fella, this could be a photo link for Mr.Samba:

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_hY6BI9rIwjY/TFmUq71VD-I/AAAAAAAABKg/bYjPi0zr5CE/s1600/munster.jpg

    A little moody perhaps, but possibly as good a likeness as your piccie of Gervinho.

    Thanks for another classy post. Let’s hope that if we sign Gervinho it will be an encouragement for others to join….and stay!

    A late breakfast Guinness for me please Mr. Barman and a drinks all round for anyone else in the bar this morning. LISB. 😉

  28. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:58 am28True Storey

    Cue Beachboys theme…

    He looks like Max Wall
    He looks like Max Wall
    We may sign Gervinho
    If he’ll cost us f*ck all

  29. on 21 Jun 2011 at 11:08 am29True Storey

    tabs,

    In deference to Catalan ans what appears to be a resounding success of ‘Behind The Arse’ Scene 1 I would like to propose Scene 2 as follows:

    Sandra and co are in town to make a us an offer we can’t refuse for Cesc. Due to a mix-up within our world-class commercial team, Ivan’s PA has double booked the meeting with a visit from The Italians who are coming to make us an equally attractive offer for Clichy. Private jets have been chartered and it’s impossible to move either meeting if we want our war chest to bulge. Ivan, in desperation, finally reaches Arsene who is still lying in the bottom of his bong. He summons him to the home of football for a strategy meeting as he decides that he’ll meet with Sandra and AW will meet with the Italians. He also wants to discuss progress on our offers for Gervinho, Samba, Cahill, Barton, Defoe and Uncle Tom Cobbley with Arsene.

    Over to you maestro? 😉

  30. on 21 Jun 2011 at 11:25 am30zicoinexile

    Ivan’s PA is known on the Happy Train as IPA (for some reason).

    It’ll be in the glossary in case you forget.

  31. on 21 Jun 2011 at 11:32 am31True Storey

    Excellent Zico! We should also add PARS, BS-FUMES, and nasri’s/bigfoot’s NC & BC 🙂

  32. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:15 pm32behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    This glossary work sounds like a neverending task (NT).

  33. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:32 pm33oldgooner

    I see Gervais let Gareth do the copy and pasting over at Le Office today so he could speak for Arsenal fans everywhere.

  34. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:42 pm34True Storey

    Saw that old.

    Read the article on Metro and then felt dirty for doing so, it was the same old, same old.

    Neither Gervais nor Ricky speak for me. I think it’s a shame that Metro seem to like printing their vitriol. About time they picked up the phone to ‘Holic for a quote or three….

  35. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:49 pm35oldgooner

    Can’t take the kid’s keyboard warrior shit too seriously now we know he is likely to keel over in a draught.

  36. on 21 Jun 2011 at 12:56 pm36Catalan Gunner

    TABS – I believe that TS has given you the foundations for a screenplay…

    IPA for me please…..

  37. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:02 pm37True Storey

    Heh @ old, nice one 🙂

    Screenplay eh Catalan? Wouldn’t that be fun? BTW, how do you like your IPA dressed?

  38. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:06 pm38Ollie

    I seem to have missed out on posts in this place.

    A round for everyone please, barman.

    And a yellow shirt for you.

  39. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:06 pm39Catalan Gunner

    Well, the IPA of my youth came in the form of a warm can of Whitbread at family BBQ’s….. a red and white number if I recall correctly.

  40. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:10 pm40Ollie

    you made me have a look on toffs.

    I like this one 😉

    http://www.toffs.com/Bordeaux-1960s/productinfo/4229/

  41. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:13 pm41takeabowson

    Cheers ‘Holic @18 and thank you Dr C and Nasri for your kind words . I’ll join you if I may Dr C in that IPA .

    Dr Z@25 – a handsome team ? You’ve just given me an idea …. 🙂

    TS@29 – Thanks for the scene -setting , episode 3 to follow in due course , i have a nasty feeling it will involve c*nt Gareth and Peter Hill-Wood 🙂

  42. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:14 pm42True Storey

    Afternoon Ollie. Nice shirt! I’m warming to our little away number this year. The 80s are back 😉

  43. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:15 pm43Ollie

    With a vengeance, TS.

    I think i should get a goalkeeper’s shirt before headin to Poland next week.

    But there’s no point in getting Szczesny 53 if ever he’s becoming Szczesny 1, is there? 😉

  44. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:21 pm44True Storey

    tabs

    Episode 3 it is! The floor is yours….. Keep imagining those 3 (IG, AW & PHW) as the more famous of the Marx Bros. IG = Chico, PHW = Harpo, AW = Groucho.

    If you need inspiration, the CMC is yours 😉

  45. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:23 pm45True Storey

    Fair point Ollie. Not sure if he will be allowed that privilege for a year or two.

  46. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:29 pm46Goonerholic

    Afternoon chums. I see TaBS is nearly ready.

    *pulls up chair, grabs bag of popcorn*

  47. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:31 pm47True Storey

    Afternoon ‘Holic. Do you have a draft of the script by any chance?

  48. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:33 pm48takeabowson

    ha ha Holic , but hold the popcorn , i have to fly out the door , but will try and get something out later 🙂

    *modern theatre crowds just soooooo demanding*

  49. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:38 pm49Steve T

    Afternoon. I know that as a club we do not do any of our business in public but am I the only one that seems to think that we appear to be dragging our heels a bit in the market? The season finished a month and more ago. Our shortfalls are obvious, we have a crap start to the season and with two unnecessary tricky qualifiers. I am no expert but surely getting players in early and settled would be the sensible way forward??????

    But hey, what do I know?????????

  50. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:39 pm50North Bank Ned

    Now, if both teams are made to come out onto the pitch doing a Max Wall walk, that might justify the ticket price increase.

  51. on 21 Jun 2011 at 1:56 pm51Goonerholic

    ‘Fraid not TS.

    Heh, Ned. I can hear the drums already.

  52. on 21 Jun 2011 at 2:01 pm52Goonerholic

    Saying that, anybody remember when Eddie Kelly used to celebrate with the chicken walk. Brilliant it was.

  53. on 21 Jun 2011 at 2:03 pm53True Storey

    …With Arsene wearing false eyebrows and moustache, big cigar, black tails and doing a stooping walk down the touchline.

  54. on 21 Jun 2011 at 2:24 pm54Catalan Gunner

    Steve T – I know what you mean, but Holic mentioned previously a July 1st deadline before any official international buying and selling. And, as we like to do things “properly”…..

  55. on 21 Jun 2011 at 3:02 pm55Steve T

    CG. I hear what you say but a lot of our “targets” play in the Premier League. I just sincerely hope we have not taken the last minute route to try and save 20 pence. Time will tell I guess?

  56. on 21 Jun 2011 at 3:21 pm56True Storey

    Steve T,

    Time will tell indeed. Plus, we’re not party to all the negotiations that are really going on and there is so much BS all over the news linking us with all kinds of players many of which we either don’t want and/or have and never will talk to (e.g. Scott Dann, do me a favour….)

    I think it was painfully obvious to all of us that saw Arsenal’s form drop away last season that we need to buy-in new talent and replace those who are likely leave us. Ivan and Arsene have gone on record about this (sort of).

    Like you, I’d love to see everyone lined up ready to report for PS training in July. I think the reality is more likely to be that we’ll get one or two soon-ish and the a couple more before the window closes. And yes, I think we’ll still be haggling over every last penny as old habits die hard 🙁

    Would a drink help to lift the spirits this afternoon? LISB 😉

  57. on 21 Jun 2011 at 3:26 pm57zicoinexile

    3 cheers for Lars – no haggling over 20 pence there – a wallet as capacious as an elephants scrotum, so they say

  58. on 21 Jun 2011 at 3:31 pm58True Storey

    Maybe Lars should be on the buying staff then?

  59. on 21 Jun 2011 at 3:33 pm59Steve T

    TS. I get all of that, I really do. But we all know we need at least 1 centre back, possibly 2. Sensible debate centres around Samba and Cahill. We need a holding player. Parker fits that description very well. An experienced keeper? All available in the Prem.

    As you said, none of us have a clue what is happening behind the scenes. But I can not fathom out the reasons for the delay.

  60. on 21 Jun 2011 at 3:44 pm60True Storey

    Agreed Steve T. I would love to understand it better too.

    There must be reasons and because we’re unlikely to ever hear (officially) what they are, the press tends to join the dots and feed off our frustration.

    Like you, to me it makes sense to bring in the Prem player targets ASAP and also like you I don’t know what the stumbling blocks are.

  61. on 21 Jun 2011 at 4:29 pm61zicoinexile

    A wallet as capacious as an elephants scrotum and just as difficult to get into is what he (Blackadder) actually said, so maybe not TS?

    The stumbling block will be money whether we like it or not. Current Premier League players are over-priced and I will be surprised if we get any of the 3 mentioned by Steve – cant say I would lose a lot of sleep if we don’t sign those particular 3. These guys seem to have taken on mystical properties when in fact they are just some of the better players in ordinary teams.

  62. on 21 Jun 2011 at 4:33 pm62True Storey

    zico,

    I quite like all 3 and if I could choose one it would be Cahill (based on our need and his ability) but he’s also (probably) the most over-priced.

    None are world-beaters but put them in a top-class side and magical things could happen 😉

  63. on 21 Jun 2011 at 4:38 pm63Holloway2Holland

    Afternoon chaps.

    Had a bit of trouble getting into the drinks the other day, must of had something to do with the visiting tiny tots, but to be fair many of them made some decent contributions, glad to see things are back to normal.

    Loved the Ivan – H of M meeting as reported by tabs, good stuff.

    Pints of the black stuff all round please.

  64. on 21 Jun 2011 at 4:43 pm64zicoinexile

    I remain to be convinced – Cahill and Samba are better than Squillaci (not saying much)- I cant believe that these 2 are the best we could get for the sort of money being quoted though and I don’t want us to start aping Man City.

    It’s my Scottish DNA – got in before you did 😉

  65. on 21 Jun 2011 at 4:53 pm65Holloway2Holland

    I’m with Zico on this, Cahill may be a decent prospect, but you would of got laughed at in your face had you linked Samba with us a few seasons ago,…..As for Parker?!?!??? He looks like a poor mans’ Joe Cole to me, remember how many fans wanted him to join us last season? Thank fuck that didn’t happen, eh?

  66. on 21 Jun 2011 at 4:56 pm66True Storey

    Dr. z

    Like you said, I wouldn’t lose sleep over any of them either but it’s also about a statement of intent and they’re all decent (not great) players who have EPL experience – experience being the key word which I think most of us have been crying out for.

    BTW, we will never ape (Bale?) Man City unless Stan or Alisher decide to chuck in a cheeky £100M or two. Can’t see that happening.

    Never mind the DNA unless The Pars are chasing your signature too 😉

    Evening H2H, I’ll join you in a pint of the black stuff, cheers!

    BTW, very insightful piece, I thought, on 7AMKO re Clichy. I think I’ve posted before that I’m a fan and will be sorry to see him go.

  67. on 21 Jun 2011 at 5:00 pm67zicoinexile

    I’m boarding the plane to London as we speak TS – not for signing talks though 🙁

  68. on 21 Jun 2011 at 5:06 pm68Sajit

    My friend tells me Sp*rs are close to signing Cahill for a cash + Bassong + Kaboul deal.

    Will be very frustrating to watch yet another summer where all our targets end up with rivals.

    Come on Ivan!

  69. on 21 Jun 2011 at 5:38 pm69True Storey

    Sajit,

    The CMC is open for all those that feel the need to calm their nerves 😉

  70. on 21 Jun 2011 at 5:53 pm70True Storey

    Safe travels Dr. z, keep an eye out for those Interpol types.

    On second thoughts Sajit, maybe we should lie low again and keep that cabinet locked until zico’s in the clear 🙂

  71. on 21 Jun 2011 at 7:34 pm71Harsha

    Tabs’ script from the previous post was hilarious 🙂

    Isn’t it a bit risky, from the new season’s perspective to start rummaging stuff from the CMC before the season starts?

    Are there enough supplies? I suspect the next season is going to more topsy-turvy than last

    Rum and coke for me please

  72. on 21 Jun 2011 at 7:55 pm72zicoinexile

    Crept in under the radar TS, let the dispensing begin 😉

    Harsha – let me and tabs worry about supply – dig in. 🙂

  73. on 21 Jun 2011 at 8:23 pm73Lee....

    As for the new signings seems to me until the nasri/fab situation is settled one way or the other, our way forward is a little distorted, the other thing being all the defenders we SEEM to in for,so are loads of other clubs so that’s NOT going to happen quickly or without lots Wonga being spent on them anyway, Aw sleeping pattern must be all over the place @ the moment just thinking about the cost of them……

  74. on 21 Jun 2011 at 8:30 pm74Goonerholic

    Evening assorted junkies and ne’erdowells.

    Working elsewhere, but keeping my beady Max Wall eyes on you 😉

  75. on 21 Jun 2011 at 8:45 pm75Catalan Gunner

    Moonlighting…. tsk tsk!

    The Cesc thing LOOKS pretty sorted – if they reckon he’s worth less then last year then they can go do one. That said, I suspect it’s just meant to scare Arsenal into selling at a cheaper price. But guess what, Sandra, we don’t need the money!

    CUoCO (copyright Blogs)

  76. on 21 Jun 2011 at 8:53 pm76takeabowson

    ARSENALNATION STREET Episode 3

    Ivan is back in his office with his Head of Marketing ( IPA ) . He has met with the fans , and is still dressed in his Peruvian Anti-Riot Suit ;-

    Ivan : Well that all went rather well don’t you think ?

    IPA : Yes Sir , I thought you handled the matter of the 6% increase very skillfully Sir .

    Ivan : Not that , you blithering idiot , the Suit , Man , the Suit . Stops all sorts , you know , eggs , Darts , knives …. Didn’t feel a thing … yes …. , today is going to be a good day . Now what’s on the Agenda ?

    IPA : Ah , slight problem Sir , I’ve double-booked you . Cock –up I’m afraid . There’s a Spanish Delegation waiting to talk terms on Fabregas and some Italians are here for Clichy .

    Ivan : Jesus wept , you incompetent Cunt , … …. , *ponders* Where’s Arsene ? He’ll have to deal with the Italians , I’ll deal with the Spanish .

    IPA : Good news and Bad news Sir . Mr Wenger is up and about again , but … well ….

    Ivan : Well what IPA ?, … spit it out Man …

    IPA : He appears to be going through the final stages of withdrawal from the Californian , Sir , one minute he’s singing “ Je ne regrete rien “ , the next he’s hollering that he’s an alsatian and barking like a dog . He’s in no fit state for top- level negotiations , I left him trying on his Peruvian Anti-Riot Suit Sir.

    Ivan : Bollocks

    IPA : Quite , Sir .

    Ivan : *head in hands* Well , there’s nothing else for it , get Peter Hill Wood on the phone , he’ll have to deal with the Italians .

    IPA : Is that wise Sir ?

    Ivan : No , IPA , it’s not wise , but we have no choice .

    IPA : Very Good Sir .

    IPA gets PHW on the phone , and hands the receiver to Ivan .

    Ivan : Peter , Ivan here .

    PHW : Ah Gazides , the very man , have you cleaned my shoes yet ? Its just I’ve made a couple of extremely unhelpful comments to the Press and I consider my working day is done . I’m off to lunch , where Braised Hearts and a bottle of Mouton Cadet ’71 awaits .

    Ivan : Your shoes have been cleaned , Peter , but I was wondering if you might handle the negotiations for Clichy .

    PHW : Who ?

    Ivan : French Defender , nothing to it , start at 10m , if they play hard-ball , you’ve got 5m leeway to negotiate on . I’d do it myself , but I’ll be tied up in the Fabregas negotiations .

    PHW : Italians you say ? Hmm , no problemo , show them in .

    Ivan : Thank you Peter , and Good Luck .

    PHW : Goodbye , Gazides .

    IG puts down the phone .

    IG : We might yet get out of this with our balls intact , IPA , now help me out of this Peruvian Suit .

    IPA : Yes Sir . It err …. Doesn’t appear to be loosening Sir … zip appears to be jammed … its no good Sir , you appear to be wedged in Sir .

    IG *squirming* Fuckingbollockscuntingshitfuck ! Oh Bollocks , just show them in .

    Some time later , …. Negotiations for Fabregas and Clichy have taken place , and PHW enters Ivan’s office .

    IG : Peeterr , How did it go ?

    PHW : Gazides , Extremely well . I didn’t fuck around with negotiations . I said to those wretched Ayeties , I’m late for lunch , 15m , take it or leave it .
    *touches his nose* I thought to myself , he’s French , he’s a defender , he’s unknown and Arsene likes him , worst comes to the worst we can send him out on loan to Bolton . After a bit of arm flapping they went for it , 15m big ones .

    IG : Peter , We were selling !!!! Did you actually get 15m for Clichy ?

    PHW : Oh … well , yes of course , the price is the price , 15m in our bin .

    IG : Today just keeps getting better and better , first we see off the Spaniards and now we get 15m for Clichy . World Domination here we come !!!!

    PHW : What happened with the Barcelona mob ?

    IG : Well , they showed up with all kinds of tempters , Olives , Sardines , Oranges , said that for a player with Barcelona DNA , they would even stretch to throwing in three pounds of Chorizo , but I stayed firm , sent them away with a flea in their ear , didn’t I , IPA ?

    IPA : You did indeed Sir .

    IG : It was the suit , IPA , I think they were intimidated .

    IPA : A masterstroke , Sir .

    PHW : Right , I suggest , we adjourn to my club and crack on til Dawn , what do you say ?

    IG : What a terrific idea .

    IPA : Ah … one final thing before you go , Sir , Gareth from Le Grove is here to see you . He’s in reception .

    IG : That cunt , what does he want ?

    IPA : Says he’s the voice of the fans , Sir .

    IG : *groans*

    PHW : Don’t worry Gazides , no-one’s keeping me from the club . I’ll deal with this , send him in . I know how to handle his sort .

    Gareth the C*nt is shown in –

    G the C : Err hello Everybody , my name is G-G-Gareth , But you may know me better as P-P-Pedro , fearless Keyboard warrior , and the one err true voice of Arsenal fans worldwide .

    PHW : Stand up straight you piece of filth , you rat-faced lump of excrement , you sniveling , repulsive combination of horse-shite and Kangeroo mucus , you are a worthless parvenu , a bullshitter , a phlegm dribbler , and a …. …

    Enter stage left , Arsene Wenger , wearing his Peruvian Anti-Riot Suit .

    AW : C’est magnifique . What does zis button do , I zink it iz for ze attack , non ?

    IPA : Don’t touch that button , Mr Weng-

    Arsene touches the button , and Gareth the C*nt is engulfed in a fireball , and runs screaming from the Office .

    AW : Ah , trop tarde , IPA , trop tarde .

    PHW : Excellent work , Arsene , have a new six year contract .

    IG : *head in hands* What the fuck am I going to say to the fucking Press ?

    PHW : Dear Boy , easy , merely state with authority that there is a wrong way of doing things , and that there is a right way , the Arsenal way .

    IPA : Shall I get your pipe Sir ?

    IG : I think that would be wise .

    CUE MUSIC AND END CREDITS .

  77. on 21 Jun 2011 at 8:59 pm77Lee....

    Yep the Cesc thing seems like a groundhog day & Cesc himself appears almost chilled by all the fuss, perhaps he doesn’t really want to go now?
    As for Nasri who knows seems to all about money, APPARENTLY that’s NOT a problem anymore so he’s staying too. Where the story again???

  78. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:01 pm78Catalan Gunner

    TABS. Genius. Guinness.

  79. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:04 pm79takeabowson

    yes please Dr C

  80. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:09 pm80behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    TABS, Super Fab. Is it just me or was PHW the star of the show?

  81. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:15 pm81takeabowson

    It can be interpreted in many ways Nas:-)

  82. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:15 pm82True Storey

    tabs @ #76

    Bravo maestro! *applauds*

    If you have the time / inclination and can bear the artistic intrusion to your prodigious talent I can send an outline script for Episode 4. Perhaps you could treat us all at the end of the week or treat us mean to keep us keen and all that? 😉

    Chin-up, chest-out and firebomb Gervais next!

  83. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:16 pm83Lee....

    TABS, you made PHW sound almost rational to his normal self, fantastic…….

  84. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:16 pm84Sajit

    lols Tabs.. briliant!

  85. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:16 pm85True Storey

    Barman? Keep ’em coning for tabs please… LISB 😉

  86. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:24 pm86takeabowson

    Thank you all kind Sirs , a round for all in the Bar .

    TS – Like all good Soaps you’ll have to wait until next week for episode 4 🙂

  87. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:32 pm87Goonerholic

    We need a theme tune for TaBS. Eastenders we’re not. The Apprentice? No, too Sugary. Ideas?

  88. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:33 pm88True Storey

    Capital idea tabs. Tuesday evening is now replete with Arsenalnation St. and Lead Balloon. Only one of those is a must read 🙂

  89. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:36 pm89True Storey

    ‘Holic, a few…

    The French national anthem?
    The theme from The New Stateman?
    The theme from Blackadder (with new words)?
    Go West (new words again)?

  90. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:37 pm90True Storey

    corr. ‘Statesman’ – the one about Alan B’stard

  91. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:43 pm91takeabowson

    Fresh out of inspiration ‘Holic , but it appears my Creative Collaborator and Musical Director , TS , has a few ideas 🙂

  92. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:51 pm92Catalan Gunner

    Hmmm…. The Avengers. Too racy? Fancy PHW as Steed.

  93. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:52 pm93Goonerholic

    EUREKA!

  94. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:56 pm94Catalan Gunner

    Something in your bath?

  95. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:57 pm95Holloway2Holland

    *applauds*

    Nice one tabs.

  96. on 21 Jun 2011 at 9:58 pm96Catalan Gunner

    For those of a different nation / generation…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IT-3XO-jw4

    Lady Bracewell-Smith is in there too!

  97. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:03 pm97takeabowson

    Dr C 🙂 , Lady Nina in next week

  98. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:10 pm98takeabowson

    Hey ‘Holic , just seen the result of your EUREKA moment , … inspired 🙂 🙂

  99. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:21 pm99Lee....

    The Colditz theam tune:

    Iven = Flight Lieutenant Phil Carrington, aka Robert Wagner.

    AW = Capitaine André Vaillant, is a stereotypical riviera Frenchman who is self-serving, self-righteous.

    PWH = Wing Commander Marsh, an assistant to the British Medical Officer, who decides to use his extensive knowledge of mental illness for an escape.

  100. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:24 pm100Goonerholic

    It’s a young PHW, I’ll grant you TaBS, and I haven’t a clue what Song is dressed up as, but it will have to do, until one of the ‘holic creatives provides something more fitting…

  101. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:25 pm101Lee....

    Theme tune:

  102. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:26 pm102Catalan Gunner

    Heh Holic – the best theme tune of all time, and suitably titled too! So.. who is Mr T?? Fear of flying…. surely not?

  103. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:29 pm103Catalan Gunner

    Actually, Song out does Mr T for silly hair.

    You only came to watch Murdoch….

  104. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:42 pm104takeabowson

    Lee , top idea re Colditz theme tune , but … We’ve only got one Song 🙂

  105. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:43 pm105True Storey

    Great fun tonight chaps, I guess that’s why we keep coming back?

    Barman? Nightcaps for all the Europeans please. I guess the A-team (Amercian Team) can take us through the night – a lunchtime round for those fine fellows please.

  106. on 21 Jun 2011 at 10:46 pm106Catalan Gunner

    Us progressive continentals one hour ahead of you, TS. Nighty night.

  107. on 21 Jun 2011 at 11:35 pm107nz gooner

    Theme song always look on the bright side of life from the life of Brian

  108. on 22 Jun 2011 at 12:22 am108Trev

    TABS – excellent stuff – the Ivan / H of M dialogue in the last drinks was superb – you’ll have to go some to beat that.

  109. on 22 Jun 2011 at 12:56 am109Trev

    An idea for the inaugural trip on HT Mk II.

    As the idea of a trip to the shores of Lake Superior has found some favour, and it will presumably take place in very early August, I thought we could maybe make provision on HT Mk II for a number of tents and make a lakeside camping weekend of it.

    Any Ladies on the trip, joining us in the tents, should be advised not to sleep with their flaps open, as you can never be sure what –
    or who! – may creep in during the night.

    Any ladies insisting on sleeping without tightly sealing their flaps, should inform zico, well in advance, so that he can make arrangements for proper protective measures to be taken.

    Now, does anyone know where I can get some Arsenal news ?

  110. on 22 Jun 2011 at 4:20 am110behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    Trev, Your timing is about right as the season will not have started and the climes of Lake Superior don’t warm up much before midsummer so a few ladies roundabout the tents couldn’t go amiss. Warning: Men and women alike must be on their toes to avoid the Bigfoot Canadiensis (BC) who roams the woods at night making horrific groaning sounds.

  111. on 22 Jun 2011 at 5:43 am111pires is king

    Joining the party late this evening. Great post, ‘Holic! Cheers to all, especially our TABS.

    By the way, Chamakh scored a beautiful goal against Algeria today- very, very Henry-esque finishing. Here’s to more from him this year, as well!

  112. on 22 Jun 2011 at 5:57 am112behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    PIK, That would be the good old Morocco-Algeria derby you’re talking about, I presume? Isn’t that one for the CMC what with the high-quality hashish floating through the atmosphere?

  113. on 22 Jun 2011 at 6:18 am113pires is king

    bt8bbnn, I don’t think I’d get anywhere near a Morocco-Algeria derby, though it looked a blast! I watched Colo-Colo let slip a victory in the last minute of an away match due to keeper error (I guess all the teams I love… oh well), and the fans started pulling up the bleachers, tossing them on the field, while small children started lighting confetti on fire. Yikes. I screamed ‘Colo-colo’ while backing slowly to the exit…

    I hear Morocco-Algeria derbys makes that look like paddy-cake.

    TABS, just the thought of Wenger smoking some homegrown I might have had a hand in offering made my summer. You get the lifetime supply award, my friend.

    But back to the black stuff… bartender, is it too late?

  114. on 22 Jun 2011 at 7:17 am114Catalan Gunner

    Holic’s too busy listening to Prince to pour. Ooowwahh!

  115. on 22 Jun 2011 at 8:43 am115True Storey

    Morning All,

    pik @ #113 – Fantastic news (I think)! Thanks to you and your generous offer to tabs our HT Mk II and GT will now have a regular supply of California’s finest ad infinitum. Top man 🙂

    Trev @ #109 – Great post, good suggestion and don’t forget to pack your stoutest tent pole. We’re big on laughs here but there’s not much we can do about Arsenal news until there is some 😉

  116. on 22 Jun 2011 at 9:09 am116Lars

    tabs@76: genious!

    Drinks all round!

  117. on 22 Jun 2011 at 11:15 am117True Storey

    Hej Lars

    Apparently The Bank of England have been on the phone to the guv’vor making enquiries about the size of your tab. They were wondering if it could be used, somehow, to offset the debts of one of the major banks over here. No worries though, there’s no plan to return their calls 😉

  118. on 22 Jun 2011 at 12:07 pm118Ollie

    If Mr Snail lurks about today: happy birthday!

  119. on 22 Jun 2011 at 12:36 pm119Goonerholic

    Indeed Ollie,

    Many happy ones to L’escargot.

  120. on 22 Jun 2011 at 2:14 pm120pires is king

    Cheers, TS. Happy Birthday, Snail!

  121. on 22 Jun 2011 at 2:48 pm121takeabowson

    Afternoon All ,

    Trev@108 109 – Thanks for your kind words , and marvellous laugh-out-loud idea for the camping trip . I think if the trip is to become reality , we’ll need to consider all the ramifications – Dr C going on a Goating expedition , Lonestar wandering off with his Llamas – the ladies sleeping with their flaps open could be the least of our worries . 🙂

    PIK@113 – Wow , what an offer , the CMC is forever in your debt . As Arsene’s end supplier , I’ve a feeling you may make an appearance in ArsenalNation Street at some point . 🙂

    TS @115 – We need a meeting when Dr Z is back to discuss length of Poles , ladies flaps , and Security Increase for Camp Kanada , ( SICK ) .
    🙂

    Lars and H2H – Thank you and Cheers .

    A Drink for anyone in the Bar , and a Pimms for me Barman

  122. on 22 Jun 2011 at 2:49 pm122takeabowson

    oops * please *

  123. on 22 Jun 2011 at 3:17 pm123pires is king

    Catalan, is this the Prince that ol’ Holic was watching?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaKHR6oe52Q

    I think Chamakh could lead the line in this fashion… 😉

  124. on 22 Jun 2011 at 4:04 pm124Catalan Gunner

    PIK – fantastic! Where did you drag that up from. Haven’t heard of him over here.

  125. on 22 Jun 2011 at 4:06 pm125Catalan Gunner

    Chamakh and The Revolution. Maybe that’s where is mojo went after Christmas? The guy needs a little more Soul Glo.

  126. on 22 Jun 2011 at 4:46 pm126Ollie

    I think I may have missed a few episosdes.
    I was stuck with MC, GT and HT. What’s CMC?

  127. on 22 Jun 2011 at 4:52 pm127Catalan Gunner

    Ollie, I believe it’s the Colombian Medicine Cabinet. Zico and TS seem to be the guardians!

  128. on 22 Jun 2011 at 4:55 pm128Ollie

    Oh, a sub-division of the MC. Nice. Cheers Dr C

  129. on 22 Jun 2011 at 4:58 pm129Catalan Gunner

    No Probs. I think Robbie Savage got it for them……. Don’t ask!

  130. on 22 Jun 2011 at 5:29 pm130zicoinexile

    Been away for 24 hours but I can see my fellow unatics took good care of the asylum.

    pik, you are a clearly a man of influence and hereby guaranteed Club Level on the not to be missed Happy Train MkII, which has just returned from a further round of trials.

    Said train threw a bit of a wobbly as we approached Tottenham Hale and the crew immediately lunged for their Peruvian suits but they all calmed down when it was explained that we were actually moving in the opposite direction from the real LWCs.

    And a new entry to the glossary – yes TS you are indeed SICK but we have powders to treat your fever.

    Camping with Big Foot? Sounds like a tune from Tabs and the Tabloids!

    Meanwhile, any Arsenal news?

  131. on 22 Jun 2011 at 5:45 pm131takeabowson

    Dr Z , Welcome back , no trouble at Customs I trust ?

  132. on 22 Jun 2011 at 5:57 pm132zicoinexile

    Waltzed past with no worries – 3 bundles of finest Californian brought through with the Llama I put in the hold too 😉

  133. on 22 Jun 2011 at 6:07 pm133pires is king

    Thanks for the upgrade, cap’n! Catalan, that is only the beginning of Dave Chappelle… look for his Rick James sketches and you will fall out laughing!

    Three cheers for Chamakh and the Revolution! Samba will need a wig…

  134. on 22 Jun 2011 at 6:17 pm134takeabowson

    Excellent news Dr Z – Lonestar will be pleased .

    PIK – Upgrade comes with your own Peruvian . From the sound of it , it could come in handy for the next Colo-colo match 🙂

    CMC open ?

  135. on 22 Jun 2011 at 7:16 pm135Catalan Gunner

    You’ve got to love this Blog and the whole interweb thingy – this morning Holic inspires me to look up Jimmy Cliff tunes, and now I’m discovering new (to me) comedians…

    Shame we have to work in between. Who’s for a pint?

  136. on 22 Jun 2011 at 7:21 pm136takeabowson

    Guinness please Dr C

  137. on 22 Jun 2011 at 7:25 pm137Sajit

    Another blog claiming Clichy has been sold.. http://www.welcometothegunnerstown.com/arsenal/2011/6/22/wttgt-exclusive-arsenal-defender-sold.html

    This is a pretty new blog. Dont know the authencity of it. Anyone else hear anything?

  138. on 22 Jun 2011 at 7:45 pm138takeabowson

    If it turns out to be true , Sajit , it will be entirely coincidental .

  139. on 22 Jun 2011 at 8:09 pm139pires is king

    Hey Catalan, this one is outta control:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETKhGGYSDZA&feature=related

    Everytime he comes to Oakland, he’s on stage for probably 5 hours- he just drink coffee, smokes cigarettes, and tells jokes.

    Maybe we should invite him to the Emirates to calm everyone’s nerves!

  140. on 22 Jun 2011 at 8:11 pm140pires is king

    And thanks TABS, I wish Colo-Colo was receiving some of that transfer for Alexis Sanchez. I hope Pedro doesn’t turn him into a diving c*@#.

  141. on 22 Jun 2011 at 8:28 pm141behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    Ollie and Dr. C, CMC is Colombian Medicine Cabinet? The hashish may better fit in the MMC (Moroccan Medicine Cabinet) but I was confused thinking the CMC was the Catalan Medicine Cabinet. I’m starting to feel a wave of nostalgia for the simple old days of the MC but who’s to argue with progress? 🙂

  142. on 22 Jun 2011 at 8:35 pm142behind the 8 ball but not nasri

    Dr. Z @130, having scanned the headlines we appear to have made 3 new signings: 1) Zero, the Brazilian wonderkid; 2) Zilch, the Croatian sensation; and 3) Nada, the next Cesc from the Barcelona academy. In addition, it was announced that Vermaelen’s return from injury next season will be “like a new signing.”

  143. on 22 Jun 2011 at 8:42 pm143Catalan Gunner

    I’m just settling in for a comedy night. PIK; any drinks you fancy, on my tab.

  144. on 22 Jun 2011 at 9:00 pm144Noel73

    I have a 1985 centenary year jersey holic but its from when I was 12 so unless you’ve turned into yoda it wont fit…personally I get dissapointed when I dont see the umbro logo on them..loved that word..I must be so far off topic at this stage I could be on the wrong blog…even posted it on wrong post..ho hum

  145. on 22 Jun 2011 at 9:02 pm145Goonerholic

    Believe it or not Noel, I still have a home shirt that predates that by ten years! Lucky shirt squeezed on for big occasions. Had it on in Copenhagen 94. It ain’t ever being chucked.

  146. on 22 Jun 2011 at 9:12 pm146Noel73

    The old ones are the best. Would love an actual original but they are like hens teeth these days..or the armpits have contracted the ebola virus..

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