Curate’s Egg? Excellent In Parts Isn’t Enough
Aug 6th, 2011 by 'holic
For various reasons it has been a few weeks since I have been to my local after work on a Friday. Thankfully that was rectified this week, and rather than complicate the food arrangements I got an old-school take away from the chippie afterwards. Now jumbo sausage, saveloy, fishcake, and chips may not be either your, or indeed my, idea of a feast. I would far sooner be sitting down to foie gras and a duo of lamb with all the trimmings, but having said that it is ages since I have had such basic fare, and it was surprisingly satisfying on the night.
Fast forward twenty-four hours to Lisbon, and I am presented with the footballing equivalent to that, if only for forty-five minutes. Shorn of big Guns for various reasons, a side that won’t look too different at Newcastle next Saturday survived a lively opening by Benfica to grab the lead. I should possibly apologise to Rosicky and Ramsey, in the positions normally held by Cesc and Wilshere, and Arshavin, now ahead of Nasri in the pecking order. I’ll leave it to you to work out which of them would be the jumbo sausage. They are close to gourmet quality in footballing terms.
Normally I would caution against judging on the basis of a friendly match, but as this game progressed it became apparent it was anything other than just a friendly for the home side. The commitment they displayed made this a true, and possibly unexpected test of where we stand right now.
Gervinho once again hinted at the devastation he could cause in the season to come, and came close to opening the scoring in fifteen minutes when put clear by a combination of Rosicky and Arshavin. The more he featured the more space that was created for van Persie, and the Dutchman came close on half an hour with a chip that was slightly off target. Two minutes later he was far more accurate, starting the move himself that ended with him planting a Gibbs cross into the back of the net.
Sadly from there it all went downhill. The scorer was caught by a terrible challenge from Garay, who was rightly booked, and the pair had another coming together as the half wound down. There appeared to be some ‘excitement’ as the players left the pitch at half-time, and I would not be surprised to learn later that we replaced more than we had originally intended at the break to relieve the tensions that had developed between the sides.
Whatever the reason, when we made wholesale changes to an already weakened team the deficiencies that cause so many supporters to clamour for fresh blood were exposed. The side that played the second half was ripped apart by a Benfica who came out with renewed purpose and vigour. The veteran Aimar and the lively Witsel came on to torment a side that doesn’t, and frankly shouldn’t, play together that often.
The half was only four minutes old when the clever Aimar turned the careless Vermaelen to stroke home the equaliser. It was nearly two when Jenkinson played Luisao onside, and the big centre half smashed his volley off the top of the bar. What proved to be the winner arrived when Squillaci played a game of ‘after you Claude’ with Nolito and allowed the Spaniard an opportunity to fire home unchallenged at the near post. I’m sorry but I have to say this. Squillaci is the player I thought would never exist. He makes Gus Caesar look like Franz Beckenbauer. He is not, and never has been an Arsenal quality player. Sorry, but that is how I feel.
Reversing a 2-1 deficit would not be easy with a full side. For some reason the hosts played with an intensity that was beyond those who ended the game in the blue diagonals. Of the nine Arsenal substitutes only Frimpong emerged with promise intact. He is as green as they come, and the experienced will use his impetuosity to earn free-kicks, but he will learn and I would not mind seeing him on the bench at St James’ Park.
Now whilst I feel some of those who played in the second-half are not up for even occasional first-team action, I am growing increasingly concerned that the man wearing the Chamakh shirt at the moment is not the same player who added so much to our game in the first half of last season until van Persie returned to full fitness. So shorn of confidence is the Moroccan that I really do think we should ask Bendtner to put his planned move on hold until the January window at least. That’s probably impractical right now, but I think we have other potential moves that should take priority over the sale of the big Dane.
So we go into a friendly international week (how stupid is that) which will probably prevent us from making any progress on securing the signings that we know we need, and that we have been promised. We are going into the season proper with a squad bordering on the threadbare. We may have some very tasty talent in our first string, Arsene, but what is left in reserve in the larder thereafter looks very poor fare indeed.
Please, one last time. Spend SOME ****ing money.
559 Responses to “Curate’s Egg? Excellent In Parts Isn’t Enough”
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Yip – spend some F money.
First?
Oh, just me? I’ll have a double then π
Agreed. Spend some money Arsene!
Something without alcohol bartender Ill save the booze for the real games.
couldn’t of put it better myself.
We cry out for a decent striker a holding midfielder an attacking midfielder and a decent left back and a quality centre backthis team will go nowhere.
Offer me top four now, I’ll shake your hand and save myself ten months of torment.
arsene arsene what have done?
you’ve signed squillaci who is a pile of dung.
You’ve ignored the problems, at our back four,
for the opposition, it’s like scoring on a whore.
Arsene, Arsene you still think you’re right?
What happened to the midfield that used to have bite?
Most of our strikers dont try to finish,
and the experience keeps to diminish.
you refuse to spend dough,
and that’s why our ship, has sunk so low……….
Well in Zico,
‘After you.Claude.’That’s a blast from the very distant past.Love it.
I have seen many bad players in my time as a Gooner but i have never seen a player go from being good to so utterly bad in such a short period of time as Chamakh.We all know RVP will get injured and not for just a few games and the back up of Chamakh and Vela is scary.We need to buy a striker NOW
As for the defence its the same old shambles even with TV in it.I dont trust Gibbs one inch
It’s hard to disagree about Squillaci Holic – thought he was a bombscare from the first time I saw him against Bolton last season.
And tonight was my first proper look at Thomas Vermaelen this pre-season and it’s easy to see he has been out for as long as he has. A defender who can go straight into the first team looks even more necessary than ever.
If Van Persie’s injury tonight only keeps him out of the international during the week, then I suppose that might be something good to come out of the game, but if should he now be doubtful for Saturday then AW is gonna cop some more major flak.
And yet, it’s not all a garden of roses in the Geordie’s camp either at the moment, so as long as Dowd isn’t the ref on Saturday…… he’s not, is he?
Was this the team for next season. Do they do children’s entertainment?
Would love to know who stole Chamakh too.
And it remains a mystery to me how Wenger is allowed to continue to let great proven players like Pires and Gilberto leave for a pittance when they hit 30, then sign the likes of Silvestre and Squillaci at the same age and what’s more actually pay for them!! Where’s your over 30 rule now Wenger?
Squillaci has come on at half time every match this latter pre-season with us in a winning position and we’ve ended up losing or drawing every time. It’s not all his fault but he’s been directly at fault for at least two of those goals and the team visibly wilts in confidence with him on the pitch. How he remains, and Bartley is sent to the footballing equivalent of Coventry which is the SPL, is nothing short of baffling.
At least Miguel got on today. I hope he is ready because we’ll continue to leak goals in horrendous ways as per last season if Squillaci has any significant time on the pitch.
Nice post! Squaillaci is not good enough for an arsenal defence. He should be fifth choice at best. The Moroccan should be 4th best striker at best or shipped out. It’s going to be a long bus journey to Newcastle so the win is imperative for the long journey back. Surprised there is no plane or train journeys back after the match! Ridlicious mid week friendly. Mata should have already purchased, forget the price tag! Here’s for the 3 points up north!
Lets get things straight now.We are playing for 4th place.And without Cesc i cant see us getting it
Wenger has not strengthened the back 4 which is criminal.The defence is as bad if not worse than ever.Have we down any defensive work in training
We need two new CB’s and put TV at LB
Spend the bloody money
The reserve cupboard is very bare.Amazingly we look to a man/boy playing in our youth team 18 months ago as our saviour (Wilshere) and the threatened injury to Van Persie was a macabre premonition of what will surely happen (as it always does) in the early weeks of the season -an injury leaving us bereft of his very considerable talent for a number of monthhs.The pitiful Chamakh is no substitute whatsoever and a 19 year-old Costa Rican with a handful of caps is unlikely to either be given the opportunity to replace him as he won’t get a work permit and if he does cannot be expected to lead an attack in the EPL.
For the first time in my life I was hoping that we would be more embarrassed so even Wenger with his rhinoceros hide would be spurred into decisive action-which is four signings at least(Mata/Parker (on loan?)/Cahill and Lukaku) and farewell to Cesc who is a malign influence on the club as is Nasri.Without this invesment this season will be considerably worse than any we have known in the last 15 or so years-maybe since the worse days of George Graham.I can’t believe Wenger wanted to leave this club in such a perilous state but do it he ha).I seriously fear for the immediate future,
This transfer business has been left too late. Still way too much to do. Wenger obviously thinks he only needs one or maybe two more additions to stay competitive. Because lets not fool ourselves, there is no ambition to win with this regime, just stay top 4 to keep their money coming in.
Off to a cheerier boozer for me…
I didn’t see the game so no comment on that.
I’m not one for belittling our players, but I have to agree that Squidy has always looked like an accident waiting to happen and to be totally honest I’m not that confident about JD either.
As for the invasion of the body snatchers conundrum that is Chamakh, well, that has me totally baffled. He held the line admirably when called upon at the beggining of last term, but since then, well, I just don’t know. I think the Dr’s at the colony need to run some blood and dna tests to confirm that he isn’t actually from a paralel universe where footballers with silly hair do’s are shit. I’ve always thought that Bendy could make the grade if he was given a chance in a CF position, but for some reason he was (over the last few seasons) employed as a winger. I know he missed that chance at the Nou camp, but what striker hasn’t missed one of those before. I will be sad to see him go, horrified if Chamakh and Vela are the only cover, or is AW planing to use AA as an out and striker again? Surely not.
Anyways, that’s more then enough negativity from me, glad to get it out of the system, must have something to do with the flu and this not drinking beer lark.
A cuppa with honey and Irish it up please. A round for the usual suspects.
‘Holic –
good write up and don’t apologise for saying how you feel. We’re all dying to know exactly how you feel.
Some of us may then feel less guilty for feeling exactly the same!!
Wenger is quoted on arsenal.com as saying we need “not only quality but super-quality”.
This sort of nonsense drives me mad. We all know well enough who needs to go – and it will not require super-quality to replace them. This is, after all, the man who spent money on Sylvester and Squillaci.
What we need in our team, as if anybody didn’t know, is a bit of leadership and knowhow. Look at the contribution of Pablo Aimar when he came on. Walked on the pitch and ran the show.
Strangely, I had exactly the same feelings about Bendtner / Chamakh watching that game.
Hopefully our non-playing, non-travelling midfield felt proud of their contribution tonight. A fair return for upwards of Β£8,000,000 a year.
Thanks lads.
A heartfelt plea to SSF. . . you know π
Not only has Wenger failed to bring in any quality defenders, he’s actually WEAKENED our back line by losing Clichy and bringing in Gibbs! It beggars belief that going into the most difficult and crucial August fixtures I can ever remember, we still don’t have a quality centre back to partner TV. Absolutely scandalous management Wenger.
Lots of overreaction in here, I fell. The team that we had out for the second half will never ever be a team that we see in the Premier League. Even the team that started had several players that would not be first-choice starters. Cesc, Nasri (if he stays), Koscielny and Wilshere would all have been starters had they been fit. That’s almost half the team, and even assuming the worst and discounting Cesc and Nasri then Jack and Koscielny would have made a difference. And yet we controlled the first half quite comfortably, Benfica didn’t have a single shot on goal. Yes, the second half was crap but as I said, it will take a whole shitload of injuries before we have to play a team like that in the league.
TABS – excellent piece on Dein in the previous drinks π
i’m beginning to suspect that wenger is screwing up intentionally…
there has been lots of talk in france of him going to psg soon…maybe he’s fed up with all the shit he’s getting at arsenal and is being half-assed in the transfer window on purpose, so he gets sacked and becomes available to psg.
i’ve never seen an arsenal team with a preseason as shit as this one.
wenger is not bothered and that is transmitting to the players.
absolute shambles.
we will not finish in the top 4 this year. i can say that now.
Last man out…
To clarify: my last post does in no way mean I don’t think we could do with a couple of reinforcements. We most certainly could, but I am not buying into this “the sky is crashing down on us” idea just yet.
Lars –
I rarely disagree with anything you write, but have you counted the number of injuries that this squad normally runs at any one time.
Cesc and Nasri are either physically or mentally gone now.
Jack and Kos are only two injuries. Gibbs was on to start – and although I missed some of the first half, looked to have a good game.
So it could easily, closely resemble a starting line-up. The real problem is what are we left with ?
Again, the goals were conceded with Squillaci on board, so obviously there’s an issue there. But from what I saw the big change came also with Frimpong. I don’t know, maybe he didn’t expect to face such challenging opposition – but he played below par, and that made a difference. Rosicky is still not the man to play in 1st XI. Lansbury had a negligible bit-part. Jenkinson doesn’t face opposition the way Sagna does, but he has the potential. And perhaps Szczesny fares better leading the defense than Fabianski does.
As for Chamakh, It’s still hard to say if the problem is entirely with him. During the 2nd half, he couldn’t rely on Arshavin and Miyaichi is fast, but not that smart yet. Gervinho was also more laid back later in the game, so a player like Chamakh, who depends completely on what his teammates furnish him with, would obviously lose on visibility.
So, simply put, what we saw in the 2nd half is the shape of things to come if both Cesc and Nasri go, half the 1st XI gets injured, and Wenger fails to secure any signings. Some of these things are likelier than others. I don’t think we’ll see more of this lineup in the future.
gunner17: why would he need to intentionally fuck up? His contract is up at the end of the season if I remember correctly so he can leave anyway in less than a year.
G17. I can not or will not believe that any manager would intentionly fuck up his team.
My body snacher from another dimension theory makes more sence then that.
Lars beat me to it,
@Trev: “super quality” goes for the players that are going to ceompete for the starting XI. Squillaci is a bit-part, backup player right now and the only way he can move up is through injuries or suspensions higher up. Silvestre, Gallas, and a host of other players whom Wenger has brought in in the past were very, very often players meant to fill the blank spaces in the lineup, and so was Squillaci when he was brought in. I remind you that Vermaelen was really meant to come back much sooner, and he was sidelined for so long because of some abnormality in ligaments. Also, while I didn’t like Gallas and Silvestre, the truth is they were both seasoned, weathered, and what have you, players that could just up and play in the EPL. So it’s not like there’s some unreason in Wenger’s transfer policy.
A word. My point about the game of two halves is that we do have an eleven, well a group of sixteen or seventeen when everyone’s fit, that is top quality still.
I don’t believe that is enough these days to compete on all fronts.
Signings are imperative, but I am not talking about a host of huge buys. Gervinho is proof that we are still tracking players who can go straight into the first team at a reasonable fee.
@zdzis – our starting XI, particularly in the big games has been good. The trouble is it hardly ever gets on the pitch.
Whatever the reasons for prolonged absences, they do happen and it is then that you have to turn to your squad.
That, as I see it, is our problem. Too many of the squad players are not up to it. They are the ones who need replacing urgently.
I agree that super-quality is now going to be needed to replace Fab and Nasri, but that was not the case when the likes of Silvestre and Squillaci were signed, although the “super-quality” argument was still trotted out.
Gallas I will give you, as someone who could “up and play in the Premier League”, but did you ever see Silvestre play for us in the league. If he had a run of strong games for us, my memory is a lot worse than I thought.
Food for thought.
http://www.express.co.uk/ourcomments/view/263463/Jim-Holden?
Excellent article.
I owe that man a drink.
‘Holic @36 – good read, fair points. The backup is our issue, not the first eleven.
Personally, I don’t think ManUre have strengthened at all despite their early business.
The point for us is that we know what are weaknesses are from bitter experience – and they do need improving on, no matter the age of the players asked to do the job.
Oops – ‘what are = what our’ sorry.
Towards the end of the 2009/10 season we again witnessed the side go through what is almost the customary collapse. It was then that AW told us that he knew the areas that needed strengthening. In April we were told that targets were already being spoken to and that he sincerely hoped that all the targets would be in before the world cup started.
So let us fast forward from April 2010 to today. What strides have we made since then? Chamakh came in and for 4 months looked the best bit of business in the Premier League. I have no idea after that. As many have eluded to above, he looks nothing like the player he was. We are so light up front it is unbelievably frightening. AW has now said that after tonight that RVP has an ankle injury that will be assessed in the morning. Whatever your religion, whoever your God is I suggest we all start praying. Without RVP we have no threat up front.
Defensively we are just a shambles. Remove TV5 and I genuinely feel that we are as weak at the back as I can ever remember. The centre half signings of last season thinly papered over some large cracks. Those cracks are even wider these days. I want Gibbs to be really good but he fills me with dread every time he looks to make a challenge. Flappy did okay tonight but he is another. He scares the living daylights out of me.
So what did tonight show? It showed that in my opinion we are in a mess. A proper mess. Cesc and Sami must have watched at home and gone to pack the moment the final whistle went. I have said for years that our first 11 has always been good, behind that we struggle. I watched some of the next generation tonight and at times it looked like men against boys. The vast majority are nowhere near the first team.
In my opinion we are paying now for lack of investment not just for this season, but for seasons gone by. I did not think we needed major surgery but the longer the situation goes on unchecked the more we move into BUPA territory.
Next weekend we start the season. We then have a champions league qualifier. We enter those games in what I would call turmoil. That may sound drastic but look at the situation we find our self in at this moment. Cesc will not be ready. AW has already said that. Theo and Jack are doubtful at best. Kos and Sami have injuries???? RVP is being assessed tomorrow. TV has picked up a back injury and Gibbs a thigh strain. Let us hope that they are very minor. I do not remember reaching the start of a season with such a feeling of apathy, I really can’t. I accept that there are still 24 days to go and that no doubt there will be the last minute scrambles, but by that stage it could all be just too little too late. And do you know what really pisses me off??? We have all been saying it for years???? So why???? Why has it not been dealt with????
Holic, I read the report in the express. I have no problem with the youth system we employ. But there has to be the correct balance. The blend of youth and experience has to be right. I have banged on for ages about selling players too early. I have no idea how or why we do it.
Let’s hope if nothing else we sign a couple more physios. From the way is going they could be working as hard as anyone in the coming months.
If this was our final test, then Iβm sorry it wasnβt good enough!
Steve T I agree with you to the last word….sadly
Not a lot to say anymore ….we seem to be loosing The Arsenal spark season by season….
Can we win the league …..you must be joking ….
Can we win a league cup …….maybe
Champions league? ……… you must be joking
Sorry Holics but we are indeed kicking ourselves in the chins!
The wors part of them all was the fact that they were all friendlies can you imagine if we are going to play like this in the EPL next weekend?
God bless us …. and I really mean that!
worse than Ceasar lmao now that is fucking awfull
I apologise with own heart but the MK II train just came to halt here right now!
I have never been a moaner and the rest but what I have seen from this pre season we are looking well below the avarage of ASRENAL!
Night alll………………..
Be of good cheer, AtG.
I have it on good, authority that the HT mk II ain’t stopping for any reason.
Now it is down to us “supporters” to support.
Jeebus, you’d think we were a bunch of Longhorns fans. π
We could be worse off…just ask c.u.s.u.p. π―
I beleive this is the worst backline i have seen in my time and i seriously have concerns about where the goals will come from RVP has never played a full season the support side of it comes easy but dont ask me to pretend or turn my head on such poor managerial and board decisions im getting sick of watching AW super Quality SPEND THE MONEY SAVE THE CLUB
LG Fair play I get you but if you think I will falter just like you are plain wrong!!
Arsenal has always come before everything in my silly life at least but from what I have seen so far I don’t believe we can win things.
I’m so fucking mad for not sorting Nasri and Cesc deals at all, Wenger keeps promising but nothing is being delivered. Seems like de javvie to me
So we have theo, jack, tv, Gibbs, rvp,kos, diaby injured before the season starts, nasri and cesc don’t want to play, a centre forward who has lost all ability, another who if played in his proper position would score goals but being sold, a Spanish donkey at centre back while we loan out a better one and not a sign of any reinforcements coming.
Total and utter mismanagement. Aston villa of the south. Europa league beckons
i tink wenger shuld understand the implicatiom of not signing a defender. well my team rating , arsenal is a good team and wenger is a good coach. what arsenal need is to bring in a player dt can opprete as attacking midfilda and flank good expirience not even juan mata bt from ligue 1 . a person dt can fit in immidiately .afobe, myichi are good but we need more people to compet 4 shirt, let cecs and nasiri leav. we need more serious people and 4 striking we need charmahk 2 leav bc weneva we are wening game if charmahk is introduce our attacking force will reduc cuasing us 2 b attack and arsenal is a team dt expors defenders, there4 we supos 2 concenterat fire 4 d 90m of d game, once we collas our defenc wil b expors and dere coms goal even if we use best 4 defenders in d world . incase of squ he shuld leav d team and b replace wt 96 % quality defender . we nd 3 guality signings 2 sunceed or els we wil b ralegated. chamarhk replc.squl replc. and fab or nasiri replc.
@Steve T: As much as I understand your points I find your perspective a bit one-sided. Indeed we have unfinished business in the transfer market and the twin disruptive sagas are still on the burner much longer than we would like and also too long for the good of the team.
But I find your assessment of both our attack and defense in particular overly pessimistic. We bought Gervinho, Arshavin finally went on a diet, Theo is now of age (the age Th14 and Hernandez started to score consistently) and as for Chamakh his career has proven his class.
As for the defense I believe we’re all blinded by Squillaci’s horrendous record. Every single goal in pre-season has been scored with him on the pitch. But we did not let a single goal in when he was on the bench!
It looks like their will be a frantic activity by the end of the transfer window and the club has stated over and over again they intend to do business.
Many people are howling with the wolves but the reality is that today we could either compete for the title or miss a CL spot. Bold assertions are definitively premature at this stage.
i dont understand peoples want for a winger for me we need to go to two up front who is a winger going to knock these balls into RVP is crap in the air chamak has no confidence Bendtner is being sold Villa is a midget and so is Theo dont know how good Gervino is in the air but what is the point
Wolfgang, Zico, Numpties, Snir…… the GT Rollers are impressing in their mediocrity in the pre-season warm ups.
Prepare yourselves for a battle for the top half of the league!
No spuds in the Rollers, and I, also, couldn’t resist that nice young defender at Citeh. Such a pleasant boy.
@Nz gooner:
1) “peoples” think Nasri will leave and he played as a winger last season
2) Isn’t it time for Theo to be given a chance up front?
3) As for a winger/wb why do they have to hoof their crosses. Gibbs just showed with today’s assist what a fast attacking winger can do bring to the team.
But yeah NB52 looks like he’s gone and the only thing Vela has proven so far is his talent for chips and lobs (huge talent in that regard) and not much else.
Arthur, nice to see you back at the bar!
However, I have to disagree with you almost immediately π
“If this was our final test, then Iβm sorry it wasnβt good enough!”
It wasn’t a test. It was a pre-season friendly (though someone had forgot to tell Benfica, they played like it was a Champions League knock-out game or something), they mean rather little.
And iirc, Matt is right – we have not conceded a single goal in pre-season when Squillaci has not been on the pitch. And we have not conceded from a set piece with Szczesny in goal in these games either. Well, come to think of it we have only conceded twice with Szczesny in goal and one was a one-in-a-million OG and the other also an OG, although a bit less one-in-a-millionish. I mean, if the friendlies say so much then that must mean something, right?
Yes, the injuires are a definite worry as always. But even if we had bought another defender and a striker, what is there to say that they wouldn’t have been injured too? All the injuries is our real problem, not the quality of our fourth/fifth-choice players.
I’m really not sure why Rosicky is still at the ckub: he’s been nothing for a while now, and seemingly has never really recovered from his time out.
Actually Max, if you really watched the pre-season closely you would have noticed that Rosicky has actually been playing rather well.
On the basis of the team selected to face New York I would say Arsene has him ahead of Nasri in the pecking order as well as Arshavin, although that obviously owes something to Samir’s ‘attitude’ problem at present.
Matt. I think we see things very differently. The Cesc and Nasri situations have gone beyond a joke. The will they won’t they scenario has gone on for 6 weeks too long. It has resulted in uncertainty in the whole club. We open our league campaign in 6 days with no idea if out captain will still be at the club. Nasri I fear could be more disruptive if he stays. So why has either situation been allowed to fester? I have no idea.
I disagree re the defense. We are in a mess in my opinion. We need full and massive seasons from TV5 and Sagna. Gibbs and Chezzer are massive gambles. There is no back up for Chezzer and no mentor. I do not doubt his ability or potential but no proper back up is a massive gamble.
It is at centre back I am really worried. Without TV5 we lack leadership and organization. AW even admitted that last season. JD and Kos have potential but in my opinion are still not there yet. I would have liked to have seen 2 experienced players in place a month ago. The current set up gives me no confidence at all. We also still need another experienced holding player.
I also think we are light up front. If RVP stays fit he could well end up with the golden boot. Gervinho has impressed, but with no Cesc or Sami I think we could struggle for both creativity and goals. I have said it numerous times before, I do not think we have the right balance, and sadly so far I have seen little to change that opinion.
‘Holic,
You’ve got quite a bit of support as evidenced by the number of folks signing on to the inaugural Goonerholic FFL.
If any regulars have created a private league, please let me know. ‘Holic & Snir should have my contact info. Gentlemen, please forward any messages from the Usual Suspects.
Do you think Wenger’s apparent lack of suzerainty over his players is in part due to his lack of willingness to make a longterm contract commitment to the club?
Lonestar, If the email addresses you are all using on the drinks are legit, then I shall do a private drinks-based one as well.
May not be until tomorrow or Tuesday though. I will email all when done.
Email is legit. Thanks ‘Hols.
Cheers.
@Max: I’ll venture that’s why he’s the last choice in midfield or on the wings (ahead of Lansbury though).
@Lars: Surely there are reasons to believe our defense is (or at least can be) among the best in the league but whether one looks at stats or feels it from the guts: Squillaci is an absolute calamity. I’m ready to believe he is a better player than Cygan or Silvestre but for whatever reason it’s been worse than just not working he’s dragged us down. Yes he’s 4th choice but he played 22 games last season and among those we have lost much more than we ought to. I know we paid 8M for him but we have to admit we can’t strike gold every time. There is no need for more evidence that he has to be replaced or supplemented either way now that Bartley is gone. If Squillaci was to be confirmed 4th choice once Sept 1st I’ll be much more than disappointed.
Now if we could get us a decent CB with Cesc/Nasri staying or super-quality replacements the outlook would surely be much brighter.
Matt: I absolutely want to replace Squillaci with someone better suited for our team. But those 22 games he played last season will, with any luck at all, be less than 10 this season, perhaps less than 5 even.
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/793805-are-barcelona-making-a-mockery-of-cesc-fabregas
I agree with Steve T. Was looking back at our old carling cup teams from 2003 and our strength in depth was awesome. We are nowhere near that now. Lots of potential and lots to look forward to but sadly not for this season.
@Steve: as much as I agree with you the uncertainty is extracting its toll I would wait to make sure who’s at the receiving end of the joke. We’re not thinking that differently, we’re making different assumptions. You seem to imply that we’ll have no Cesc and no Nasri but in my view we’ll have either both or suitable replacements. Like you I would have liked our business to be dusted by now but that doesn’t mean it or some of it won’t happen. Let’s not forget Citeh have 3 strikers to offload and United and Chelski are still looking for their star midfielder.
I’m not too worried either about Cesc or Nasri’s motivation if they were to stay. Perhaps a short bout of moping at worst. I’m pretty sure Cesc would want to avoid the bench in the national team as much as Nasri who had to sit out the last WC.
As for the defense of course it’s a gamble as it always is but given where the bar has been set by Djourou in his rookie season after a year-long injury and and a barely older newcomer who’s had to rotate constantly, I’m of the opinion they both deserve the right to prove they can improve. And in any case I’m far from convinced that any of the names mentioned would perform better. As far as premiership CBs go, there aren’t many I think of a clear-cut improvement over our starters. Vidic, but beyond that TV and Kos are close to the next best defenders among a few others. Terry and Ferdinand are on the blinking wane, Alex is no better and Jones/Smalling/Evans are looking up to Djourou. Contrarily to you I think we may have our best defense in years, at least compared to the opposition.
Lars and the rest,
I just don’t get it when you say this team won’t play together.
Do you guys not remember AW’s rotation policy?
Do you not remember that we have stretches of 3 games a week in the season?
This is the starting 11 against W.B.A away when we DIDN’T have any injuries (it was 2 days after Chelsea – Yes I know that’s why he rotated but that just shows that there will be rotations!).
Fabianski, Eboue, Squillaci, Kos, Sagna, Diaby, Rosicky, Denilson, Arshavin, Bendtner, Chamakh.
Note that Clichy was on the bench and didn’t play because he played against Chelsea 2 days before, meaning AW doesn’t care who replaces him (even if it’s Eboue at LB) as long as he rotates cause of injuries/fatigue.
I don’t know about you guys but I’m absolutely sure that we’ll see this team not only playing a lot but playing together.
Sorry that was Wigan away, not W.B.A, always get the two mixed up.
Afternoon All ,
Good report ‘Holic , Squillaci clearly not up to it , ( one good game away at Sunderland does not a centre-half make ) , and he has begun to take on the same sunken , hollow-eyed look so reminiscent of Almunia . That said , worse than Gus , ‘Holic ? I fear the past is being looked at through glasses that are more than a little rose-tinted there . π
I am no defender of Squillaci , but he’s had a decent international career , found the challenges of Arsenal beyond him , and is now playing bereft of all confidence . Gus was made a fool of by Waddle , gifted the Littlewoods Cup to Luton and then went to a low-table scottish side where he disappeared without trace .
I will say again that if the transfer window passes without us having purchased another centre-half , ( though I think our defensive problems go deeper than personnel ) , then I will be enormously disappointed , but I don’t think it will happen . Why ? AW bid for both Smalling and Jones . That they both chose Manure , for differing reasons , is hardly AW’s fault . He knows there is a weakness there .
Yes , I’d like a new centre-half in situ , but the nature of the transfer market now means that deals will get done later and later as players , clubs and agents all play their game of brinkmanship . Look at the major deals already done .
Liverpool – Downing , Henderson , Adam , in which they paid top top dollar . Henderson’s not as good as Ramsey , Downing wouldn’t have had me skipping round the garden in anticipation , and Adam is a good player without being top drawer .
Manure – Young , De Gea and Jones – Jones will be a success , we bid for him , didn’t get him , northern lad , fair enough . De Gea ? Let’s wait and see . One thing’s for sure , he won’t have faced anyone like Stoke before . Young ? Not as good as our wide players .
Chelsea and Spuds have bought no-one of note .
So maybe it’s not just Arsenal who are ” criminally negligent ” then ? Or perhaps that’s the way of the transfer market . I prefer the latter explanation . There could be any number of reasons why AW’s targets have not as yet materialised . Maybe Jag really is happy at Everton , maybe City have whispered sweet nothings in Cahill’s ear , maybe Samba is mulling over an offer to sign up for a remake of The Incredible Hulk . Who knows .
As for the Cesc/Nasri saga , some say it is ridiculous that it hasn’t been sorted . What would you have the club do ? Sold Cesc at the beginning of the Summer for Β£29 mill ? Imagine the outrage and the vitriol that would have followed . Put a deadline on it ? I have some sympathy with this view ( the PR of the club is woeful ) , and it might have made us all feel better for a couple of days , but ultimately would any deadline have stopped the constant media speculation and the disrespect from Barca ? Of course it wouldn’t .
As for Nasri , the club have decided rightly or wrongly ( rightly in my view ) that they are not going to lose both Fab and Nasri in the same summer . His situation is therefore inter-dependent on the Captain’s , and it is a situation that will probably be with us until the end of August . No- one is denying it’s a horrible place to be in , but a mess of the club’s making ? Not from where I’m sitting .
What did the game show last night ? Not a lot . That our first team ( a team shorn of Kos , Walcott , Wilshire , and Fab/Nasri or their transfer replacements ) , is better than a B side containing some players who can come in and do a job , and some players who are unlikely to figure at all , but who in all likelihood will never be on the pitch at the same time together again this season .
I really do sympathise with and understand the anxiety that pervades the fan-base at the moment . There are clear weaknesses that need to be addressed , but I refuse to get off the Happy Train before a ball has been kicked , because we lost a friendly in which 23 subs were used , or because of half-truths and outright lies perpetuated by the media .l
Wolfgang, you must have been fully dressed to deliver a post like that π
Snir – @67 you picked out the one premiership game in the whole season where AW made wholesale changes , and there were extenuating circs . It not often happens you play games within 2 days of each other .
Even so that team up at Wigan bears no relation to the team that finished last night’s game . For differing reasons , I would say it is unlikely that Lansbury , Miyaichi , Squillaci , and Miguel will form part of the 25 .
Afternoon Dr Z – yes a case of mistaken identity π
I agree with what takeawolfgangson says @69.
I would also like to add that while getting the players in early is a good thing, let’s not over-estimate the importance either. There are plenty of examples of late aquisitions that have hit the ground running over the past few years.
Oh and quite correct, Wolfgang, the Happy Train leaves from platform 49 @ 5:30 Saturday sharp. Did someone really suggest that last night’s result/performance was the equivalent of a derailment?
Jeez, whilst frustrated that we haven’t spent some f’n money, a defeat in a pre season is not a Class 1 Event.
It’s not as if we are wondering how many points we’ll need to stay up, is it?
A pint of Boddingtons please barman, and a horse’s placenta for RvP.
Cheers Lars .
Dr Z – Both of us will be there on platform 49 , one avec speedos , one sans π
Tabs – Maybe, but it is just a proof that we will see wholesale changes (not only in the FA cup and Carling cup).
You know there were a lot of matches where AW made 6 or 7 changes.
All I’m saying is that there is a chance that it’d happen this season as well so we need our 2nd teamers to be fit and ready too.
There are question marks around our team, absolutely. Don’t for a second think I don’t know that. But…
What if De Gea doesn’t work out? Will Ashley Young be as effective at United when facing teams that sit back a lot more than he usually faced with Villa? How much has the shattered public image of Ryan Giggs affected him? How much does it mean to have lost Scholes?
What if Chelsea goes on an even longer slump this season? They went on a short one two seasons ago and an longer one last season, what if they hit another one? And even without that, Essien is already ruled out for most of the season (the latest I heard is he’ll be back in February at the earliest) and the old guard is another year older. Can AVB find a way to get Torres, Drogba and Anelka to work together?
Will Liverpool be defensively solid enough? Can Carroll stay injury-free for a whole season? Can Suarez produce the good consistently?
Man City will, for the first time, be expected to win things. Can they handle this? Can Mancini keep Aguero, Dzeko, Balotelli and Tevez happy and on form? What about all his midfielders? What if they get off to a poor start? The novelty factor amongst the fans of just seeing a lot of big names in the team wears off quickly, now that they have won their first trophy they’ll expect more.
Spurs – Modric wants to leave and if (yes, it’s a big if but many belive anything negative they read about Arsenal so why not?) papers are to be believed Bale is not to keen on staying either if Modric goes. They had trouble scoring last season and have yet to buy anyone that looks likely to change that. VDV faded remarkably after new years, was that a temporary thing or a meltdown of Chamakhian proportions?
Agreed Snir , I just think we won’t see the wholesale changes in the FA Cup that we saw last night
@Trev: I didn’t mean they did. I mean they were expected to. In point of fact, you can only guess at a player’s future performance. Again, I didn’t like the pair (and still don’t), never considered them as anything special, and agree only Gallas came out ok, but not on the level he’s been hoped to.
I also can’t get it why Squillaci is still so high in the pecking order, but I sincelerely believe this season we’ll either witness his demise or a sudden resurgence.
And I know both seem unlikely.
Lars @77 – Let me repay the compliment . I agree with all that . It’s all up for grabs . We have 3 weeks to add to what is already a good side . Let’s enjoy the ride , ( and ultimately it is the ride rather than the ultimate destination that continues to captivate ) , and see where we end up .
Lars, while I agree with everything you said, I’ll quote Steve T from last season (not accurate but you know what I mean) – “I don’t care what happens at other clubs”.
I agree with you and I agree with him. I don’t care what goes on with other clubs, I know that Chelsea haven’t strengthened, I think De Gea will be a flop, the only team I am genuinely scared of is City and they are yet to gel together.
But, and this is a big but I want OUR problems to be fixed and while I expect Gervinho to be a world beater, AW has NOT dealt with our weaknesses.
After all the HT departure is next week π
Just popping in for a quick drink
Holic. You know I’m legit. Honest injun…
And while we’re on the subject of City, it seems as if Mancini had a change of philosophy in the summer.
He preferred Kolarov over Clichy who is a more attacking option than Clichy (even though Clichy isn’t the best defensive defender but better than Kolarov).
He started with 2 up front with Balottelli and Dzeko and he benched Gareth Barry for Milner.
I’m not sure when and if they’ll gel together but my hope was that Mancini won’t be capable of taking advantage of all these attacking players he has now. It seems as if he’s changed :\.
Although I sound quite negative over the last couple of days, I still believe that our first 11 is the best in the league, problem is Colin Lewin and the medical team have to make sure we’ll play our first 11 on a regular basis π
Can I sign up to be the ticket collector on the HT?
A pair of earplugs to block out the booing for the first game of the season please.
If that goal was conceded by one of Fabianski, Woj, Almunia or Mannone the reporters would sharpen their knives at HT.
Gary Neville’s face at half time is a picture π
Well, De Gea has not impressed very much so far in this game. Really, really poor on the second City goal, it’s a rather good shot but he should never have let that one in. And he was very insecure on the first one as well, the goal in itself wasn’t really his fault but that doesn’t change the fact that De Gea moved around a bit like a headless chicken.
DISCLAIMER: my last post only refers to the first 45 in this Community Center kickabout thingie, I am not saying he will bomb. It’s far too early to tell.
Oh, and on another completely different topic: just saw a short interview with Swedish national team manager Erik Hamren, and he said that for the game on Wednesday he will try to avoid picking players who have not yet started their season unless their team managers want them go and the player himself wants to participate. He will use this game to try a few new players instead of just going through the motions with the established players – something other NT managers would do well to copy.
Holic I would be intrested in that league as well…let me know
‘Holic
You know things are bad when your post is similar to today’s over at Le Grove….
Have to say that City look suprisingly shaky in defence. United are playing much better in the second half, but City are all over the place and have been for much of the game.
Couldn’t agree more with your post, Holic. I almost dropped some prose along virtually the exact same lines in the drinks last night but some brisket from the smoker took precedence.
We wont start ANY game this season with
Fabianski
Jenkinson, Squillacci, Vermaelen, Traore
Frimpong, Ramsey, Lansbury,
Gervinho, Chamakh, Miyachi
So there is little point in getting overly exercised about the failings of this eleven and words of despair are nothing more than frustrated hot air.
The positives to take from this group of players are all promise based. Fabianski looked excellent. He and Mannone will challenge Wojciech for the number one spot. Weβre well placed now for keepers.
Jenkinson and Traore are players for the future. Theyβll benefit from cameos this season and wonβt disappoint if theyβre called on for something real. Traore can actually cross and shouldnβt brain fart any more than Clichy did. Frimpong will be a future lynchpin. Not ready yet for primetime though. And Aaron β pure class. THE prospect in the league.
Gervinho looks like a superb add and Miyachi again, will learn from the sidelines this season.
My only negatives? Squillacci should be nowhere near Any Arsenal team. Chamakh is Adebayor very, very, very light. Iβd have the big man back in a heartbeat.
Sczezsny
Sagna, Koscielny, Vermaelen, Gibbs,
Rosicky, Song, Wishere,
Walcott, Van Persie, Gervinho
Fabianski,
Djourou
Ramsey,
Lansbury,
Arshavin,
Chamakh
This is more like the team weβll see all season. Nasri will go to Citeh for 22M. IF Cesc goes itβll be for 40M (Iβm still not convinced he will). In that scenario, perm your choice buys from the 22+40+30Mill+ kitty. (Cahill, Mata, Sturridge) would do nicely for me. Looks like Melo has slipped through the net. That’s a big pity.
Cheer up lads. Itβs far, far, far too early for all of this mournful talk. Ony ONE Arsene Wenger.
Oops – my Apple at the docs. Using Her Nellieness’ in the interim.
Heh, was wondering, BtM!
A drink for you then!
Thanks, Ollie – a fine claret s’il vous plait on this warm sunny morning. Never too earl to start.
I screwed up the finishing team, didn’t I in my hernellieness note. Miguel replaced the verminator didn’t he – so even more reason not to slash our collective jugular veins.
takeawolfgangson
Sounds a bit Swedish, does tht, Lars π
I was also thinking thay hernelliness posted an awful lot like her other half, surely there can’t be more then one person who would welcome Adebayor and Melo with open arms.
Drinks for all above please.
Manure exploiting the hole at left back that we used to know as Clichy. A good 7M worth (of income).
Well done there, Clichy and Kompany…
Some millions of f**cking money spent and citeh are still shitty. Dzeko’s touch is even worse than Chamakh’s.
Good to see that Fergietime is being practiced in that glorified friendly game π
Yes indeed, BtM, Miquel came on for Vermaelen
Lars @ 100 – Gervinho will tear Clichy a new arsehole when we play them. Looking forward to that.
BtM@101: I was actually thinking the same. Dzeko is slow, can’t jump for toffee and doesn’t seem to be a very good passer of the ball. He’s got a decent shot, that seems to be it.
Was that Monsieur Clichy seeing dead people again (copyright Arseblog) – ball bounces – Gael runs toward, er no one.
Still all the Fergie forelock pullers at Sky sound delighted.
Bring on the real stuff.
BtM – Was just telling my dad that. Dzeko’s touch is awful, can’t control any pass, each time the ball bounces and he loses the ball.
And I’d be surprised to see Rosicky start ahead of Ramsey.
people keep refering to our money and I keep wondering do we really have the money? is it wenger too stuborn to spent? or the board didn’t allowed him to spent?
after watched the community shield and take a closer look to our squad-llaci, boy oh boy…I know we should keep the faith, but still..
and while I’m on fasting month right now..so no drinks for me thank you
Thanks, Ollie.
So we finished with:
Fabianski
Jenkinson, Squillacci, Miguel, Traore
Frimpong, Ramsey, Lansbury,
Gervinho, Chamakh, Miyachi
That team won’t even start a Carling Cup game. Little point in getting hyper then? These youngsters got a good run out in a competitive friendly. Good outcome.
I agree with Lars and Matt and TABS. The second half team will play in the Carling Cup at best, unless we have an injury crisis of horrific proportions. I was quite pleased with the first half performance, although TV still looked a bit rusty.
I’m afraid it’s just a massive copout for anyone to say “I don’t care about other teams”. We are not the only team in the league and if you evaluate our strengths and weaknesses, it has to be in comparison with other sides – otherwise why do our strengths or weaknesses matter?
Manure played some good stuff – shame they’ve got a dodgy keeper , and can’t defend a setpiece .
Man City have spent a lot of money – shame their manager is a teletubbie , and they haven’t got the character/bottle/nous to defend a 2 goal lead .
Come on the Arsenal – Get me on that Happy Train .
Snir,
I think we’ve seen Arsene anticipating the very worst in pre-season (I.e. no Cesc, No Nasri) and starting Rosicky in the “Cesc role”.
Ramsey will have a key role this season no doubt. Personally, I’d start him ahead of Theo and go 4,4,2. Time will tell.
My only point was that, either way, even without Cesc and Nasri we have a strong starting squad with some really good talent coming through. Having said that, Cesc and Sami are world class – you can’t lose two of the very best and hope to do as well as you would without them. They will have to be replaced. Big question is by whom?
So Citeh, just if you were wondering, thats what you have bought in Clichy. 7 million squid worth of indecision.
Fungunner, how is it a copout to not care about other teams? Look, I agree that other teams didn’t address their weaknesses as well but I support AFC only and I expect AW to take care of OUR weaknesses even if other teams didn’t deal with theirs.
BtM, I totally agree re our first team as I still believe our first team is the best first team in the league. My issue is with the depth and judging by the preseason they’re not in a shape to come in and do a job bar Frimpong and Arshavin. Everybody else is looking shaky at best.
I still think that AW would prefer a midfield three of Song, Jack, Aaron rather than Song, Jack, Rosicky.
Btm.
I’d say Cesc is world class, but for me the jury is still out on Samir.
He was admitedly briliant in the first half of last term, but wasn’t a shadow of that in the business end of the season, this is not sour grapes, just an observation. Can’t remember him doing too much to get excited about in previous seasons either.
I think, like many others in the game, he started to believe the hype, got a bit full of himself and has had his head turned by supposdly bigger, better things.
World class?
Not by a long shot.
Looks like its me v Holic in the HT league.
Let’s be havin’ ya. Not much chance of mid table mediocrity for me if there’s only the two of us! π
3 of us!!!
And then there were 4 but you can’t finish mid-table in a league of four…..where’s them Green Tin Rollers?
Well zico, I’m in there as well now!
Lars, it’s currently me, you, H2H and the Guvnor.
Relegation beckons for Milken Alcohol π
What on earth are you talking about? π
Snir, there are now two Fantasy Footy leagues being run by Holic – one you appear to be in one but not the other – assuming you have a valid e-mail address then you will have received an invitation to the HT league.
The Speedo Massive are in ! Five in . Dr Z , mid-table mediocrity is now a very realistic target . π
Knew I could depend on you tabs π
Heh! Just looking at the Holic FFL entrants.
Massive praise to Alex Betty for the registration of Shaktar Senseless! π
3 invites indeed
Wolfgang @69 –
great stuff – worthy of Tabs π
So, with unlimited funds at their disposal and having spent “some” i.e a SHITLOAD of f**cking money, Citeh turn up at Wembley with the best talent available on the planet? Not!
How do they stack up against our starters?
Arsenal Citeh BtM Pick
Wojciech Hart Wojciech
Saga Richards Sagna
Koscielny Kompany Koscielny
Vermaelen Lescott Vermaelen
Gibbs Kolarov Gibbs
Ramsey Milner Ramsey
Song Toure Toure
Rosicky DeJong Rosicky
Wilshere Silva Silva
Gervinho Balotelli Gevinho
Van Persie Dzeko Van Persie
OK, I’d give two of Citeh’s players a game. Silva is class, the only skill player they’ve bought. Toure just nudges Alex Song because he can shoot. Jack will overtake Silva by this time next season for all round performance.
What do you think, Holics?
Evening Trev ,
Thanks , and cheers for your earlier comment @24 π
Dr C @125 π
Tipples all round methinks . I’ll have a pint of lager . Wolfgang’s on the Cider with Babycham chasers . Now what are you boys having ?
Let’s drink to a glorious season for the Speedo Massive ! Though I have to say one of my defensive lynchpins didn’t have much of a warm up today . π
BtM ,
Kompany would get in my side . I’d take him like a shot . Both Wilshere and Silva would be in my side . Other than that , agreed .
Zico – I get it now, but who is Ray (You by any chance?)??
BtM.
I’d have a mix;
Hart
Sagna Kompany TV Kolorov
Ramsey Toure de Jong Wilshere.
RvP. havent seen enough of Gervinho….yet but Balotelli’s not getting the nod.
Mancini always leaves A Johnson on the bench, imho one of his best players.
It’s also difficult to switch the players one for one as Citeh line up very different then we do.
BtM @128 –
think I would go with Kompany, and Rosicky and de Jong are very hard to compare.
Otherwise agreed.
Also have a nagging feeling that Jack can’t be left out, even now.
@ snir
For the reason I give in the comment. People use that as an excuse to avoid examining other clubs’ weaknesses, yet they usually find they do care about other clubs when evaluating their strengths.
GT Rollers are in the HT league! Let the relegation battle begin.
@ Snir – just someone I used to know π
Shit. Justchecked the league table and The Rollers are bottom already.
Consider all of your faces well and truly slapped by a handy gauntlet.
Silva IS in my side – As said earlier I like him and think he’d be kind to old ladies.
Bring on the GT Rollers…..
I have Clichy (as I think does TABS). Heart ruling head…
BUT we have Delap for the comedy assists. If you can’t beat them… bring on the tea towels.
The only thing Milken Alcohol will enjoy this year will be taste of The GT Rollers’ dust…
..and congrats, H2H, on the award. Did I miss the Queen’s birthday?
Dr C @140 – my City player is Kompany – my only concession to the top six , other than my three arse boys of course .
A Stokie Dr C ? Shame on you ! π I can see the Green Tin Rollers are going to be the hoof it long merchants in the League .
Good principles TABS.
The Massive will be inoffensive to watch!
Still feeling a little dirty having Delap and Kalou (is he REALLY a true chav??)
142 CG
What did I win?
Queens day in NL is the 30th of April. Although it was Gay pride in A’dam yesterday, that’s almost the same thing….right!?
HerBtMness @ #s 94 & 128, Wolfaballson @ #69 and Lars @ various
You are speaking my language.
Yes Squilly is not up to (first/second team) Arsenal standards, yes we have some big issues to sort and not much time to do it but, per my post on Friday evening, we also have a decent team with decent prospects and we’re yet to kick a single ball in the new campaign.
From where I sit, too many in the Arsenal world are projecting their own feelings onto the manager. I read earlier that someone even thought that, in what might be his last year as manager, Arsene would deliberatley cock things up for the club before he moves on. I cannot think of anything more unlikely to happen, it doesn’t make one bit of sense to me. He wants nothing more than to be remembered as THE great Arsenal manager. He is motivated almost purely by the need to win, although (like all strong leaders) he likes to do things on his own terms which could be his un-doing.
The pre-season football has, for me, been quite valuable. We know pretty much what works and what doesn’t. We’ve done it Cesc-less. We know which youngsters are likley to get a few games this season and those that won’t.
If anyone thought the HT was going to be de-railed by a defeat in a pre-season friendly against another decent side whilst we played the second half with an experimental squad, then please think again. Just like Wolfang, the lady’s not for turning.
Cheers and a round of drinks for all in the bar.
News reaches me via Twitter that Mr Snail and Lady L’escargot have had a little mollusc. Wonderful news. Hope we see him back here during the season.
H2H
it appears from the FFL that you have received an honour. Either that or there’s a spot of self-promotion going on! π
Congrats Snail. Welcome to the club.
He is indeed chav worthy Dr C.
Spent some time here in the Lowlands, actually applied for citizenship so that he could appear for Oranje in the WC/EC, was denied (didn’t speak a word of Dutch, among other reasons) and then threw a fit and fucked off to the Bridge.
I personally don’t rate him very highly, sometimes when he’s on the ball he looks lost, his name should be Hassingotta Kalou
H2H- heh!
But that’s my player your talking about now, and us Rollers stick together….
149 CG
Heh, self promotion indeed. If Fergiscum can do it then why can’t I. π
Congratulations to `Mr + Mrs Snail.
Evening TS – ta for the drink . Good post . Now when are we going to see your motley collection of individuals in the fantasy League ? π
Quite right about Wolfgang too , he shall remain a Speedo man until he turns his toes up π
Dr C – The Speedo Massive have been built in Wolfgang Smallball’s image – all ball players π
TABS – ……and open at the back
Congrats to the Snails . If it’s a boy can I suggest they might name the little one Brian ?
H2H @151 heh π top stuff . Have a voddy from me , or if you’re still off the sauce , a large OJ .
Dr C @156 hey π , early internal probs here , too many of the little buggers want to play in the hole
OJ it is, tabs.
a couple more days balancing on this wagon, before I blissfully dive head first off.
Cheers.
Aprapo of nothing, I learnt the other day that the county of “Sussex” means “southern saxons”. Hence Wessex and Essex.
You’ve got to think that the population of Northamptonshire got off lightly.
Come to think of it, that probably explains why the Northern Saxons no longer exist.
A pint please, and keep ’em coming.
π
Q . What’s the difference between an Australian girl’s panties and a cricket ball ?
A . If you try really , really , really , hard … … you can eat a cricket ball .
We really need some proper football to happen soon!
Pipe, sir?
TABS – Does Wolfgang come originally from Miami, FLA ??
Pipe ? Yes please Dr C .
Miami ? Nope , why do you ask ?
No? Just a hunch. I’ll let you figure it out and come back to me…
Stumped ! What does FLA mean ?
Florida
Think tunes…..
Blimey , really being a bit of a thickie here . Theme tune to Miami Vice ?
Ah the Beach Boys ?! π
Guys, I have a question I’d like your opinion on…
A match with lots of chances to both teams (not chances that are created by mistakes though).
Good offensive play or poor defensive play?
Aren’t the Beach Boys from Callie?
Hence wishing all the girls could be from there?
You’re right H2H , of course , stumped again .
Maybe a bit of both Snir.
Having not seen that hypothecical match I wouldn’t really like to comment futher. π
Don’t feel bad tabs, I don’t get it either.
I am a bit of a thickie too mate.
Right, The Misfits have joined the league with 2 doubtfuls already. Arsene I know how you feel.
Snir @ 173..it depends how drunk you are and whether or not you have seen Escape to Victory in the last 5 years..
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA…
Plucked her eyebrows along the way…
Ah , ‘Holic , thank you . Wolfgang certainly walks on the wide side π
err … seems dyslexia is catching . wide= wild
Evenin’ ‘Holics,
Congrats Snail!
Midnight Marauders have boarded the HT mK II and have been assigned “drop-zone” positioning. I hope not to finish in such precarious surroundings, but the journey will be a lively one.
Onto matters of business, Zico, Prof. T. E. Storey, TaBS, and other DL Ltd Principals can take heart in knowing the shipment of llama and “bonus” alpaca are in route to platform 49 for loading onto Noah Carriage. Additional delivery of “bonus-bonus” Famous Grouse, also in route.
BtM @ 92, 95, and 98 (by way of H2H), perhaps HerNellieNess and Mrs. Lonestar have been communicating behind our backs? We should put an end to that. π
Oddly enough, I believe the Chamakh-attack will figure prominently in this year’s success. Remember, two things you can’t coach: speed (which admittedly he doesn’t have) and height/aerial ability (which he does – even if he hasn’t put it on display enough lately). Let’s help him find his mojo.
I’ll send him his own llama, if you think that will help.
Finally, ‘Holic… a drink to you, sir, for taking on the fantasy competition – I think this should go a long way to decreasing my work productivity π
That is all.
Good work Lonestar π
Thanks Holic – had a feeling you’d enlighten him!
Resident (and owner!) tune maester.
Same artist, different song; “Perfect Day”‘. I just had one.
maeister?
Not sure
Hmmn when you guys start talking about Llamas and Alpackers I know you are all pretty depressed. Fish n Chips and savaloys !! Wow its enough to cause a riot in Tottenham, hang on minute!! Well at least the horrid little prats that have moved in to our beloved N17 were smart enough to keep a low profile while we out the Atheletics to the sword in the second half!!
Crouch has turned from a leaf eating geraff into a Crouting Tiger, Defoe has got his mojo back .. Already for the big bad wolf to comming knocking at our door.
I never take the piss the week before the real stuff begins cause it tend to come and bite me back!
Cusop… been to the pub?? π
Indeed, have you ever thought you were James Dean for the day?
Cusop,
How on earth did you escape your cage? π
I hope none of yours were injured in the fracas. I wouldn’t wish real, physical harm on anyone, not even the LWCs.
No depression indicated by the llama-talk. Indeed, such talk indicates preparations to board the Happy Train.
Although you cannot board the train, we did prepare a cage for you and your bretheren. We need additional entertainment while travelling to the promised land.
Up the Arse!
Did I actually make that James Dean line up? Not sure it really exists!
Holic?
The white hart lane trophy room was looted during last nights riots. Police have issued a statement saying they are looking for a blue and white carpet.
HeH!!!
Well in…hilarious! π
π
Reports that looters actually put stuff in to the trophy cabinet are totally unfounded as its full of mops and cleaning buckets at the moment
Congratulations to the Snails.
Lodestar @ 183 – your timing is impeccable – supplies were running low after the pre-season angst fest.
Where is Professor Edwin’s fantasy team?
Lonestar even – feckin iPad
Steve T Heh, π
very interesting match today. look at the united team that finished the match _ average age 22 and every one of them looked mature seasoned pros. no talk of “potential” here – they are expected to win, its the culture. we cant even claim to have the “best young team” any more
A rather disastrous end to the pre-season campaign, if I may say so.
Don’t even know the result yet as I didn’t get to see the bloody match.
Well honestly, someone could surely have been good enough to tell me there was another Stadium of Light.
One of the wettest fucking nights I can ever remember, and in a shit-hole somewhere near Newcastle. Little wonder they used to build bloody boats there.
At least when we got back to civilisation this afternoon, Lady Nina laid on a delightful little champagne and cakes party for ourselves and a few friends. Taken up the baking in quite a way, she has.
I have to say that after that journey back I was quite ravenous.
Well, she made me a huge cream horn, which she then polished off herself, the little minx. I was still very hungry but didn’t wish to appear greedy, so Lady Nina said that she would leave her Black Forest accessible under the table, and I could sneak under and help myself to a bit whenever nobody was watching.
There appears to be nothing she won’t do for me these days.
Winky things every body π Ah, got it !
Evening ‘holic and I hope you had a great weekend, Arsenal results and performance not to be mentioned. As a musical salve may I offer this landmark in Anglo American relations …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzygFoMDiF8
Cheers and watch out for the customs man. π
PHW, So glad to hear you and Lady Nina continue to get on so well but I don’t believe for a second that you spent the weekend in Sunderland. π
‘holic, Frozen Nupties are all registered and ready to roll! Well, maybe not quite as ready to roll as Green Tin Rollers, but almost … π
Nupties, Numpties, oh hell what does it matter? π
‘holic, You are so Diab’holical you are almost barking. Is the happy train still on the track???
L’escargots. I always considered them quite the delicacy so I’m glad to hear there’s one more of them out there under a rock for foraging purposes. π
SSFM
It should be repeated every day until the window closes by everyone: SSFM
Did I just witness an 8ball-alogue? π―
Praise the Lord that we open the season against the only side that is more unsettled than us at the moment: Newcastle.
The down side: it could give us a false sense of security and thereby less reason to spend π
If it’s all the same to you SV, I’d rather take a win and the false sense of security, thanks
I agree with those that don’t rate Dzeko. They wasted how much on this mug, about Β£27m? He’s slow, can’t jump, piss poor first touch that makes Kuyt’s look sublime, can’t pass water, has a poor work rate, and is as awkward as a whore at a virgin’s convention. His only redeeming quality is his shooting. What does Al Pacino see in this guy? Adebayor does everything better. Everything.
At least Pacino doesn’t start Barry anymore and played Silva as the AM and Yaya as a DM. Still worried about Pacino’s player selections. Thank God he doesn’t manage our club π
Morning Holicses
Congrats to Snail, the best thing you’ll ever do π
Am I too late to enter the league? I fear there maybe no decent players left for Storey’s Strollers XI (TM).
;Holic thanks for that Express article over the weekend, great read, written by a true HT Mk II passenger.
Let’s get behind the boys lads, the season is almost upon us and we have a clutch of embryos to sign plus one ancient CB.
Cheers all, morning round of whatevers on me. CMC keys behind the bar.
Edwin tells me that the HT MkII is looking respendent in it’s red and white livery in the morning sun. A credit to all who built her π
PS: Does anyone have a quick/realistic summary of our injuries situation. TV & RVP crocked again!!!???
I’ll have a Pepto Bismol to try to settle my unsettled stomach TS. Thanks. Bottoms up π
You’re welcome SV. Are you up to date on the to-ings and fro-ings at the Colney Infirmary?
I cannot say that I am any more than you, TS. Good morning to you btw. I hear there was a fuss in Tottenham this weekend. Was Cusop up to some rioting shenanighans?
idka: ManU were impressive, no doubt about that. But that was kind of expected anyway, so what I found more interesting was how disorganized ManCity looked. They started in a 4-4-2-ish formation which didn’t seem to work at all for them, it wasn’t until Balotelli was hauled off and they reverted to their trusted 4-5-1 that they stopped the defensive rot (but then of course they countered that by bringing on Clichy…). I think City might struggle a bit if they do indeed lose Tevez. Aguero is probably a good buy but Tevez will/would be missed for far more than his goals. Not sure Aguero can fill those shoes, not immediately anyway.
Slow day at work.
TS advised me via the drinks recently that the declared theme tune for the Happy Train was 5:15 by The Who (a very good choice as it happens although not sure it was ever agreed by the DL Ltd Board)
Anyway, that got me thinking about the juke box for the HT and as excitement mounts on Platform 49, thought it might be a good idea, to pass the time as we wait impatiently on Saturday, to consider appropriate tunes for the journeys to come.
You will gather from the list below that I have quite an eclectic taste in music π
Long Train Running : Doobie Brothers β for tabs and True Storey (obviously)
Locomotive Breath : Jethro Tull β what you will have after a night in the buffet car with tabs and True Storey
Love Train : The O Jays – played continually in the βsportsβ carriage for obvious reasons
Train in Vain : The Clash β played for the faint hearted who failed to get on board
Chatanooga Choo Choo β for Clive?
Driver 8: REM β for Glennw
The day we caught the train: Ocean Colour Scene β played on the day of every fixture
Station to Station: Bowie (aka the Guvnor and no explanation needed)
Any more?
Oh and if anyone suggests Downtown Train by Rod Stewart, Iβm
calling Security π
Zico
For Wolfgang
“It’s (T)raining Men”
Any truth to the rumour going around that Phil Dowd is doing our first match at Newcastle? This must be some people’s sick attempt at a joke. How soon before kickoff will we know who is assigned the match? A couple of days right?
Stingy, I have decided not to spend any energy on the refs this season.
And of course, I know I’ll fail in that attempt five minutes into the first game…
zico:
Jumping Someone Else’s Train – The Cure (for CUSOP and others)
This Train Is My Life – Marillion (for employees of DL Ltd and ST holders on the HT)
Sad how in the last few seasons our football club has been turned ever more into one man’s vanity project. I was a big fan of AW until recently but I’m not so sure any more. Often I just don’t think what he is doing is in the best interests of the club.
Compare our dithering in the transfer market with Man Utd signing three decent players early on in the summer and getting them integrated in the squad as early as possible. Our approach to bringing players in is poor in comparison, when it doesn’t need to be.
We have to sign a couple of more players before the season starts, especially for the Udinese tie given when we will have so many players out. To not do so would be appallingly negligent. Also, a bad start to the season in Europe and the league (and given our fixtures this is far from impossible) would lead to an awful lot of pressure on Arsene and the board that employs him. I hope he sorts it out for his and the club’s sake.
After seeing Doughnut Boy Dowd work yesterday’s match I’m still somewhat surprised that he’s still an EPL match official with that belly of his. Doesn’t the FA require minimum fitness testing for their officials akin to FIFA’s requirements? Surely fat boy Dowd cannot run the two miles under the set standard. Unless he hails a cab π
Dowd must have had someone helping him make the time during his run. He must have hired a runner pacing ahead of him motivating him by waving a donut π
2 excellent contributions Lars.
TS – er, no. π
Cheerio chaps – off to the islands for a week. Will check in after our thumping victory on Saturday.
My HT seat is very cosy π
Enjoy Dr C – both. π
Dr Z @219 heh π Medicine Train by The Cult for all with Pipes .
TS @220 – Wolfgang , despite his eccentric leisure wear , does not bat for the other side , female Russian tennis players are his thing π
Dr C – have a good one .
Last Train To Clarksville by The Monkees esp. for a certain LWC
OK tabs, understood, no batting from the pavillion end or uphill gardening. The exchange with Dr.C last week obviously confused me. Won’t happen again! π
I can’t deny i have cast aspersions on poor old Wolfie myself TS – about to cast more in this weeks BTA . π
Good stuff tabs.
Storey’s Strollers team now picked, entered and dressed appropriately. Not a single Red Manc, LWC, Mickey or Munster in the team. Have dipped into Mancini’s toybox tho’ – let’s call it payback. Have a wicked front three. No money left in the bank. And a couple of crocks already. Sound familiar? π
Very similar storey over at The Speedo Massive TS π
BEHIND THE ARSE EPISODE 8 THE FINALE
IG and IPA are in the Boardroom discussing recent events .
IG : Why the long-face IPA ? Season starts in just over a week , this is the time for positivity , a fresh start , the smell of freshly cut grass and a chance to wear your Wycombe shirt with pride . Whatβs bugging you ?
IPA : Its all this paperwork Sir , itβs getting me down . I just think I would be better employed being told , excuse my French Sir , to fuck off by some Costa Rican starlet over in Central America than to be drowning underneath all this paper .
IG : But thatβs your job IPA , you bloody ingrate .
IPA : Yes Sir .
IG : What paperwork , anyway ? We havenβt signed anyone apart from Flipper , and the Charlton kid we got from Junior Gunners . That hardly constitutes a mountain of paperwork .
IPA : No Sir , itβs not the signings , itβs matters arising from Mr Hill Woodβs press conference last week Sir . Weβve received 60 individual writs for Slander as well as 4 group actions .
IG : Nothing we canβt sort out together IPA . Relax . Now letβs start with the individuals . How many individuals did PHW mention ?
IPA : 58 Sir .
IG : 58 ? But I thought you said weβd received 60 writs .
IPA : Yes Sir , Massimo Busacca , the ref at Barcelona last year and Chris Morgan , the former Sheffield United player are suing for not being mentioned Sir . They believe their cuntishness is as plain as day , and they are suing for malicious misrepresentation because they were omitted from the list Sir .
IG :Well thatβs easily rectified IPA . Busacca is a cheating cunt who clearly took a pay off to advance his own career rather than observe fair play , a strutting , posturing cuntstick who gives the finger to fans and takes a piss on the pitch . Morgan is a brain-dead life-form one down from bacteria who revels in broken limbs and ruined careers and routinely shows all the self-awareness of a grapefruit . That should keepβem happy , donβt you think IPA ?
IPA : Err β¦ yes Sir . What about the other 58 Sir ?
IG : Truth is always a Defence to Slander IPA . At the very least itβs Fair Comment . No problem at all .
IPA : Yes Sir , very good Sir , what about the Group Actions Sir , the Birmingham fans , the Stoke fans , the tabloid journalists and the posters on Le Grove ?
IG : No LWCβs IPA ?
IPA : No Sir , they are unable to read , Sir , blissfully unaware Sir .
IG : Well it doesnβt matter anyway IPA , you canβt libel a vague and unquantifiable Group . Chuck the group actions in the bin .
IPA :Yes Sir .
IG : Good . Thatβs sorted then IPA , donβt make problems where none exist . Letβs move on . What other news ?
IPA : Well , Sir , Lady Ninaβs work on Gareth the Cunt a couple of weeks ago does seem to have worked a little Sir . He issued a warning to his readers a week ago that they canβt call Mr Wenger the same word that the Spuds and the Mancs use when they tell him to sit down Sir .
IG : People on Le Grove donβt use that word surely IPA ?
IPA : They do Sir .
IG : But theyβre Arsenal Supporters IPA .
IPA : Fans rather than Supporters Sir , and barely fans at that Sir . Theyβre still allowed to call him a Liar and a Cunt , and they can infer a completely false and abhorrent sexual predilection as long as they donβt mention the word .
IG : Itβs not really progress is it IPA .
IPA : No Sir . Apparently Sir , Gareth the Cunt says itβs all the work of people who like having Mr Wenger as manager Sir , in order to strip the site of credibility .
IG : Fucking ridiculous , it hasnβt got any credibility .
IPA : No Sir .
IG : Still β¦ bloody good idea though β¦ wish weβd thought of it β¦ but itβs one we canβt countenance IPA , canβt stoop to their level .
IPA : What do you suggest Sir ? Firebombing ?
IG : Arsene tried that already .
IPA : Dropping them from a great height on their heads ?
IG : Peter did that already .
IPA : What about some humiliation Sir ?
IG : Lady Nina , a dog-lead and a freshly soiled toilet bowl ready for licking ?
IPA : Yes Sir .
IG : No IPA , much as the idea gives me great pleasure , theyβll just keep coming back for more . Clear Blue Sky thinking is what we need . We must simply just ignore them , we must urge all true Gooners out there to ignore them , starve them of the oxygen of publicity , deny them your click no matter how tempting or how inconsequential you might think your click is . Eventually they will have no-one left to fight , and they will turn inwards on themselves .
IPA : How can you be sure Sir ?
IG : Because theyβre cunts IPA . Eventually Gareth the Cunt and Geoff Gervais will each want total control – dual management doesnβt work with cunts β and eventually theyβll end up destroying each other .
IPA : Letβs hope so Sir .
*Lady Nina runs into the room visibly upset , she is naked apart from high heels and a torn canon-embroidered G-string *
IG : *averting eyes* Jesus Christ , woman , cover yourself up , this is a Boardroom , not a Bordello .
Lady N : *hysterical* Shut up , Ivan , shut up . You have seen it all before anyway .Have you no heart , canβt you see I have been most deeply offended , that I have been violated ?
IG : Sorry Lady Nina , what on earth is the matter ?
Lady N : I vent to see that pig , Usmanov , just like you said . Vhat a bastard . I go in my best seduction outfit , zhe high heels , zhe stockings , zhe Arsenal Basque , zhe Arsenal G-string . Straightaway , no introduction , he tears at my clothes , he is very rough , he is hurting me very much .
IG : My God , Lady Nina , how awful for you .
Lady N : No , I liked it .
IG : Then whatβs the problem ?
Lady N : Zhat is the problem , zhat I liked it . He likes the force , he like it vhen zhe othzer person not like it . He call me an impoverished slag .
IG : Thatβs just fucking rude .
Lady N : I know and itβs not even true . I have Β£125 million in zhe bank . Then , vhen he see I am enjoying myself he chucked me on zhe street in just my torn G string . How can I live vith myself , I ave been turned down by a man . My powers are vaning , my reputation is ruined , does my bum look big in zhis ?
IG : This is very bad news indeed .
Lady N : I know , vhat am I going to do ? Zhe plastic surgery ?
IG : Not you , you witch . Donβt you see , your failure to seduce Usmanov makes the chances of a hostile takeover all the more likely . Ah , here comes Peter , he looks like heβs dressed for a hostile takeover , perhaps heβs heard something .
*Enter Peter Hill Wood dressed as Biggles , and humming the theme tune to Dads Army *
PHW : Whatβs up cocksuckers ?
IG : We were rather hoping you might be able to tell us about a potential hostile takeover Peter . You look as if youβre dressed for it .
PHW : This ? *points to Biggles outfit* Nope , this is my outfit from that wretched match we had to play in the Fourth Reich . Canβt be too careful , canβt trust those fuckers .
IG : But that was a fortnight ago Peter , havenβt you changed ?
PHW : Iβve already told you , Gazides , llama indoors likes musky .
IG : So you know nothing about Usmanov then ?
PHW : Only that heβs a fucking commy rapist who looks like a slug , leaves a dirty trail of slime wherever he goes , and that if it wasnβt for Tango man , he wouldnβt be anywhere near this club .
IG : Yes , we well and truly got tangoed there .
PHW : Oh do man up and grow some bollocks Gazides , for fucks sake . Iβll deal with this cunt when the time arrives . Piece of piss . The slime-ball doesnβt know his Charlie Radfordβ s from his Freddie Parlourβs . Fucking always the voice of doom Gazides . Things are looking good , won The Emirates cup last Saturday , things couldnβt be better .
IG : We came third Peter .
PHW : Did we ? But we were one up with 10 minutes to go .
IG : We scored an own goal with 6 minutes to go .
PHW : Fuck , must have missed that . Some Yank cunt came up to me and asked me if Arsenal were going to remain offensive this season . Of course weβre going to remain offensive I said , then I called him a cunt and told him to fuck off . Spent the last 10 minutes of the match kicking the shit out of him , before a steward intervened .
IG : It was all pretty grim , a few of our fans started booing at the end .
PHW : Cunts !
IG : Well , they had good reason , Peter . We had just squandered a lead in a meaningless friendly in which they spent most of the time doing the Mexican Wave , and it was very hot , and we had lots of subs on , and one of the Yanks was going to play for us . To lose a lead in those circumstances was pretty unforgivable really .
PHW : Total and utter Cunts . Hope they stay away forever . Still nice to see old Thierry Bergkamp again . Picked up quite a tan since we last saw him eh ?
IG ;Err .. um . If you say so Peter . Those Argies were a bit rough though werenβt they .
PHW : Well what did you expect . A team of Boxer Juniors , they might have been young , but theyβre going to be up for it arenβt they . Still , the cunts canβt handle the real thing can they . Our boys showed them whoβs boss when the cheeky cunts stormed the Isle of Wight . Shame that wanker Maradona wasnβt a soldier , could have done him and then won the World Cup in 82 , instead of getting knocked out by his Hand of a Cunt .
IPA : 86 , Sir .
PHW : Oh Fuck off IPA , you fucking pedant .
IPA : Yes Sir .
*Arsene Wenger enters the room looking ship-shape , and throws his Bowler hat expertly onto the Hatstand .*
AW : Bonjour , bonjour β¦
PHW : Thatβs what I fucking like to see , a bit of bloody cheerfulness about the place , these cunts are wearing me down , Arsene .
IPA : *chuckling* I think Mr Wengerβs got some good news about new signings , havenβt you Sir . We have been up all night , negotiating deals , havenβt we Sir .
IG : IPA , you fucking cunt , why wasnβt I told ?
IPA : *beaming* Wanted it to be a surprise Sir . Can hardly contain myself Sir . Shall I put them out of their misery Mr Wenger Sir ?
AW : Bien Sur , IPA , go ahead .
IPA : We have bought a whole new squad , havenβt we , Mr Wenger Sir
IG : Oh , do fucking get on with it IPA . This better not be a team of insects IPA .
IPA : No , no , much better Sir . In goal , weβve got a Chap called βHolic . Very experienced Sir , they call him The Guvβnor , has a calm authority about him , a Custodian of all things Arsenal , a keeper we can rely on Sir .
IG : Sounds promising IPA , what about the back four ?
IPA : Very solid Sir . At right -back we have bought a chap called Trev , knows the position very well , always constructive and often very creative . Very keen sense of humour Sir , good for dressing room morale . Particularly good at impressions . Does a very good one of Mr Hill Wood Sir , very funny .
PHW : Cheeky fucker ! Fine him two weeks wages .
IPA : Yes Sir .
IG : Left-back IPA ?
IPA : A chap called H2H Sir . Likes a night out Sir , picked him up in Holland , but born in Holloway . Came off the sauce briefly , but immediately went down with a mystery virus , so weβve put him on an alcohol only diet , very solid performer Sir , especially when he takes on the right fuel Sir .
IG : Well , I must say this sounds very good , IPA , but what about our problem area , Central Defence ?
IPA : Ah , the perfect combination Sir . At Sweeper Sir , weβve picked up a veteran called Clive . Very cheap on account of his age , but tremendously experienced , seen it all before , one of the fabled 4000 , nothing ruffles him . Had a few personal problems Sir and spent the Summer in the Secure Unit , but we have it on good authority that the love of a good woman , Cecilia in this case Sir , has got him back on track . Could turn out to be the bargain of the Summer .
IG : Excellent work Chaps , who have we got to play with him ?
IPA : Bergkamps the Man Sir . Poetry in motion coming forward Sir , but equally adept when thereβs a bit of defending to be done . Scottish Sir , but more Mclintock than Ure . Been a bit top-heavy during the Summer Sir , but even in pre-season the signs are that this is about to change .
IG : Crikey , this is looking rather good . Who have we got in midfield ?
IPA : On the right flank , Sir , a young Swedish starlet by the name of Lars . Knows the turf Sir , played here before for a Swedish Select XI . Wise beyond his years Sir , knows his stuff inside out , and with the experienced Trev behind him , our right hand side has the potential to be tremendously exciting . On the left flank Sir , the first medical man to play for the Arsenal since Dr Flanagan Sir . A Dr C , by his own admission Sir , a bit of a quack , but has other qualities which just couldnβt be ignored . Tremendously exciting Sir , weβve nabbed him from Barcelona .
PHW : Fucking Catalonian cunts , I love getting one over those ref bribing tapas eating llama hating cuntbags .
IPA : Quite Sir . Been playing for Barcelona , they call him The Tin Man over there . But heβs got Arsenal DNA sir , always wanted to play for us . Will be capable of magic Sir , and his medical skills might come in handy if H2H gives up the alcohol again .
IG : Tremendous foresight . Great combinations on both flanks . Whoβs in the Engine Room ?
IPA : Another Doctor Sir , a Dr Z , though no-one knows for sure if he really is a Doctor . Heβs the Driver of the side Sir , also brings a FeelGood factor to the side , equally adept at the long or the short game . Capable of brilliance Sir . A touch of the Jimmy Logies about him .
IG : And his midfield partner , IPA ?
IPA : True Storey Sir , the perfect complement Sir . More expansive Sir , very inventive , picks up the play and runs with it , Keeps everybody involved Sir . Holds the key to everything thatβs good . Particularly effective and unforgiving against the Spuds , especially Spud primates .
IG : So , strong at the back and creative going forward .Brilliant . Whoβs going to finish off all these chances IPA ?
IPA : Our very own fox in the box Sir , or should I say , our very own renard en la boite . A french homme called Ollie Sir , doesnβt mess about Sir , short backlift , full of French flair . Sees the main chance and before you can say snails for tea , itβs in the back of the net .
IG : Well this is too good to be true IPA , whoβs his strike partner ?
IPA : Ah , bit of a problem player Sir . Insists on playing in Speedos and Jimmy Choos , says he has unbreakable contracts with them Sir .
PHW : Fucking Cunt ! Who the fuck does he think he is ?
IPA : Wolfgang Smallballs Sir . King of the Ladyboys Sir .
PHW : Deviant Cunt !
IPA : Yes Sir . Plays in the hole and is a bit too in and out . Injury prone because of his footwear , and usually insists on being pulled off at half-time . However , thereβs competition for his place , and being pushed hard usually brings out the best in him .
IG : Well that all looks good IPA , but have we got strength in depth ?
IPA : Absolutely Sir . Weβve got the youth of Camberwell , Charlie and Snir .Big role to play when the older legs tire . Mattβs stats always look good . And Lester and Noel73 are very solid performers and can fill in , in any position . Harshaβs good for regular appearances and SteveT will come on when we need width .The American boys Nasri and Lonestar the Llama man will be called up for the night games , very creative .
PHW : Llama man ? Sounds like the right sort of kind . He should be straight in , instead of that Smallballs cunt .
IPA : Canβt at the moment Sir , unable to face Brazilians , they unsettle him Sir .
IG : Anybody else IPA ?
IPA : Thousands and thousands of others Sir .
IG : This is beyond my wildest dreams IPA . Fantastic . Arsene you are a genius !
AW : Bien Sur . I am a revolutionary football coach . These boys will die for arsenal , they love this club . They will play for Beer money , or in Cliveβs case orange juice money , and they will pass on their passion to the next generation .
PHW : The perfect self-sustaining model , Arsene , brilliant .
IG : Iβm on top of the world , Arsenal not in crisis at all , back at the football summit . Shall we get the pipes and celebrate ?
AW : Mais oui !
IPA : Oh yes Sir !
PHW : Fucking dopehead cunts ! Come on Bracewell-Smith , you look as if you need cheering up , letβs go and have some fun with the Llama .
Lady N : Oh yes Peter .
PHW : And by the way , your fucking arse does look fucking big in that .
*And let us leave them there , Gareth the C and Geoff Gervais about to implode , AW , IG and IPA happily puffing on their pipes as they contemplate their new signings and PHW and Lady Nina looking forward to a threesome with a llama*
THE END
Massive Massive heh and hilarity at this final episode, tabs.
Barman, a whole bottle of your finest for that man!
Well done tabs, a very fitting end to a fine series. That team should be well on for the quad π
Cheers boys – now go easy on the grog – you’re playing on Saturday π
tabs, brilliant, absolutely fucking brilliant!
Trev, go on the overlap, I’ll cover!
Cheers Lars .
Bravo tabs, majestic.
(Not sure about going easy on the Grog though – team bonding, you see).
Also thanks to you and TS for further entries to the TH jukebox.
Or the HT jukebox. God, these bleeding “computers”.
Cheers Dr Z , and you’re right , drinks on the Bar , fellas .
Tabs @ 236
A work of absolute fucking genius.!!
A fitting way to end the fun and games over the summer break, as we get down to the serious business at hand.
It’s an absolute honor to be chosen in the ‘ New Arsenal ‘ lineup.
How did you know i was a ‘ Sweeper ‘ in my younger days.
Bobby and Franz both modelled themselves in my fashion having watched me when they were growing up.!!
With The big fella BTM alongside me,no one will get past us,i will just shepherd the opposition forwards into BTM”S path,where he can kick the fuckers over the grandstand,or alternatively lay them out with a
‘ Liverpool Kiss ‘.
The future looks very bright with a fine mixture of young and old,experience and youth and a real mean streak.
By the by please make sure the Orange juice is freshly squeezed.
I have already phoned the lovely C and told her i am playing Sweeper and that i will pop in over the w/end to explain,the poor love thinks it’s a new sex game i’ve dreamt up,i didn’t want to disillusion her.!!
I’ve dug out the old boots,the iron shinpads and the crash helmet from my playing days,and i cannot wait for the vist to Tyneside.
Played their in my youth,they had a good centre forward named Jackie Milburn,but i never gave the fucker a kick.!!
Cheers
Clive
“PHW : Iβve already told you , Gazides , llama indoors likes musky”
Still chuckling to myself tabs! π
A reminder of my client’s t & c’s are in order.
And I quote…
“The opinions expressed in the drinks do not necessarily represent the views of the management, or indeed ‘holic himself.
All characters mentioned herein are entirely fictitious, and any similarity to any persons, either alive or dead, is entirely coincidental.”
Thank you.
Dr.z
Little Eva, “Do The Locomotion” – not sure any of the words are relevant but it’s a happy little tune π
Without Prejudice
______________
Dear Mr. Oh F*ck Mee,
We respect your client’s position of course. Please also be aware that many in here are still laughing their c*cks off to the above episode.
Yours with the utmost respect, etc., etc.
Edwin
Ah, one of the Legal Department eventually shows himself. Run out of Crystal Meth have we, O Mee?
TS, grudgingly included, although for a happy little tune, I prefer red AW singing Frere Jacque after a raid on the CMC, as evidenced in Behind the Arse.
Clive @245 – Ha π always had you down as a sweeper – calmness personified . Thanks for your very kind words .
TS @246 – cheers π
Mr Mee @247 – Of course Sir , now what have you done with the keeper ? π
zico
Trans Global Express , The Jam. Hopefully that won’t be begrudged…
SSN (yes I know) that Oxtail Chamberpot (or something) is having a medical at the Emirates…..well its something on a slow news day….
IF he signs the wrist slitters will ask why he isn’t a defender….
Her Madgeness did a song called Express Yourself as well. Not my cup of char so up to you…
TS – @ 252 – that sir, is safely past the jukebox “Nazi” π
Is O-C going to be cover for Chamakh-attack???
Excellent Dr.z @ #255!
T@ 254 – there are 1000s of songs with train connotations – I was trying to think off the top of my head of ones that could automatically translate into Delirious Loco madness. Madonna would never have entered my head, never mind the top of it π
Agreed zico. Will try to think of more relevant choons (sorry). The others are bound to contibute soon…. π
It’s going to be fairly this squad for The Toon on Saturday.
Maybe the HT should arrive a day early to help big-up the lads? Let’s see if the B-teamers can lay to rest the ghosts of last season’s result up there (and The Ems).
COYRRRs (a bit early I know but getting all excited) π
‘a fairly thin squad’ π³
TS a timely reminder –
never apologise to your friends…..etc
From the pen of a wiser man than me
And you’re right, so many passengers, so few tunes.
Don’t forget Happy Train by the Silly Dilly Band π
I was rather hoping for something from the seminal album “tabs and the tabloids” π
So…. have we / are we about to sign Soup-er Quality Campbell AND Oxencart-Chamberpot???
Does anybody actually know? (apart from AW)
Didn’t make it onto the Album Dr Z , but how about ” Smoking for Speed on an Away Day Special ” .
Have a live rough cut somewhere , made on the sell out tour of The Orkneys , back in the day …
Worth a fortune because of its rarity , if not for its musical value .
TS – oxcart in for a med , heard nothing new on Campbell . At this rate , we’re going to have more wingers than The Speedo Massive , which is saying something .
Heh tabs! Let’s rejoice in the scenario of ‘never mind the quality, feel the width’ – that might even please our own Steve T? π
Also gives The-o the chance to become a CF.
Hopefully a CB to take the strain off TV, Kos and DJ will (also) arrive soon….?
I have Jags, Cahill and Samba in Storey’s Stollers π
Oi Storey, you stole my defence!
Milken Alcohol. (Also on the HT jukebox as it happens) π
Wolfgang’s keeping his players very close to his chest TS π
tabs @ 266 – I remember that tour – that’s when you played T in the Park(ing Space), right?
You got it Dr Z , though they do say if you can remember it , you weren’t there π
That applies to both of us then π π
A very good point Dr Z π π
zico @ #269
I was trying to think of others with limted time but forbade myself anyone from Manure, LWCs, Chavs or the Mickeys. There’ wasn’t much a choice, esp. as I wanted to SSFBM on the forward line π
tabs @ #270
He’s probably very wise. I’ll keep my front three under wraps for now unless he decides to let it all hang-out in public…..
Actually its quite easy to guess most of my team – we have been linked with all of them, or they currently play for us. Apart from Silva. He is kind to old ladies, I just know it.
I presume its not possible to see other participants teams unless the Administrator allows it? ‘Holic?
Tabs, “I think that after my last season in the reserves I’m ready to make the next step. The dream was always to play in the Arsenal first team, and pop on at Shite Hart Lane for good measure :)”.
With all due respect to Chamberlain, he ain’t exactly what I was expecting…
Can I be the first to say O-C’s going to have a great season?
Snir – Arsene has every faith in you π
TS and Dr Z – I’m guessing that all of our teams are pretty similar given that we have all observed the no spuds , no mugsmashers , no Chelski and no mancs rule , and that our teams are full of Arse and Arse targets .
Don’t have Silva tho , so he’s my No.2 boo boy after Dr C’s Delap . π
Is it confirmed Camberwell???
Camberwell – you certainly can be the first , and I’ll second that .
Dr.C
You used Munsters in your team?
I forgot to add earlier that I refused to use any of that lot either. Thought about putting Sh*wcr*ss in goal just for the humiliation but the application wouldn’t let me do that.
Snir,
Are you another ‘just like a new signing?’
tabs, how could you boo a player that will help your gran across the road (and I ain’t looking at you, Shrek)?
Stoke player? Take that green tin from him as punishment!
Apparently, O-C has confirmed via his Twitter account that he has passed a medical at Arsenal and is looking forward to meeting his new team mates.
Arsene better present a decent central defender pretty fucking fast or else the BBB is going to rip him to shreds. And I have to say I am not sure that spending time and money on a 17-year old at this point in time is really the best decision – sometimes you have to be a bit short-termist too.
…and apparently, the Twitter account is fake…
TS Dr Z – Appalling behaviour by Dr C – no wonder he’s scarpered off on holiday π
Lars – take your point , but maybe Oxcart’s signing will lead to departures , and as the pack of cards begin to fall , we get the cash to sign our huge centre half .
Well said Lars. Spending limited resources on yet another young winger for the future when there are more important pressing, and glaring, needs. Brilliant that! I think our mgmt are in the running for EPL mgmt of the year awards.
Double espresso please barman followed by a Pepto Bismol chaser π
Criticised for not signing players and criticised for signing players – who would be a football manager?
Outstanding post @ 236 tabs. Well in. When is the film coming out..
Cheers Noel , DVD Boxset out for Xmas π
Dr Z @289 – a lot of armchair fans apparently …
TS, Dr Z, Tabs @ 280….
* sprints back to fantasy team, quietly removes about 4 players…feels dirty and guilty *
Criticized for mismanaging finite resources. Mismanagement personified.
TS, btw the O to the C wasn’t confirmed when I firsted that comment, I guess I got a bit ahead of myself having been propping up the HT bar for half the afternoon…
DF, WS
Before tabs answers Noel do we have the BTA film rights tied-up within the DL Ltd. IP library? Just enquiring.
Edwin
*expects two word answer from tabs*
Camberwell
O2TC – brilliant! Beats typing out Alex Oxencart-Chamberpot, should he sign on the line that is dotted. Assuming, of course, that he’s been offered a piece of paper with a dotted line on it???
Dr.z, please standby to add this to The Glossary.
It all smells a bit of IPA greasing the back channels to give IG a slippery smooth ride tonight for the AISA meeting (ooh er missus!)
Prof TES – of course .
Camberwell@292 – you know it makes sense π
Oh Camberwell @ #292…. you didn’t…. Is nothing sacred these days?
zico @ #289, I definitley would for their wages! π
Let’s just spend the rest of our scarce resources on more 17 year olds, shifty small wingers, players for the future, totalling ignore our obvious defensive frailties, and call it astute management. That’s the problem. We are endlessly the hamster running inside the wheel for future special talent, almost always overlooking current ready made needs, training and developing said young talent, not being able to afford that talent once they’ve developed and have ambition to win elsewhere, forcing us to sell them on at a profit.
Brilliant business model. Poor trophy winning model. This cycle, sadly, doesn’t appear to reverse any time soon π
300!!! Scores!
TS…I know I sinned but I’ve changed my ways. Plus I did steer clear of Stoke, Rooney, Spurs and only had people who were less odious than the main C’s of the league.
Now Boy Racers FC are shorn of all Mancs and Mugsmashers. Plus they have a very fetching vibrant purple strip.
Tabs, A work of true genius and a fantastically fitting finale. The new signings appear to be a significant improvement over the ants and hornets, if only the club management were so on their game. Up the Arse!
We have 13 players on international duty this week and that’s not including LJW who’s gone home with a sick note from his dad – well done Arsene! It does, however inc. Nasri & Bendy and they may not be with us by the end of the month.
We might be unhappy with our squad but surely that says something of the quality of our players?
Of course, for the glass-half empty types, that’s another 13 opportunities for our boys to pick-up an injury.
YG confirms:
http://younggunsblog.co.uk/2011/08/arsenal-sign-oxlade-chamberlain/
Welcome O2TC!!!
Camberwell@301 – Delightful kit , but I have to say that Lonestar wins kit of the week , a concoction definitely inspired by the CMC . π
Nas @302 – Thank you for your very kind words .
TS – cheers for the link .
Right chaps. Off the airport to drop someone off. I may be some time, so talk amongst yourselves.
Toodle pip!
Did the transfer window close today? It would appear so…..
TS @ 298 you would don many things for a whole lot less (allegedly) π
“do many things” – feckin Steve Jobs
O2TC even on Pravda.com now….
IG can now remove at least one telephone directory from the seat of his trousers for tonight’s meeting π
Dr Z , I see poor old Milken Alcohol have had a change of manager , before a ball has been kicked π
I’m afraid I’m in dire need of some Happy Pills. Make that a Happy IV until Sept 1st.
Check those wheels on the HT zico. It could be a labourious ride to Labour Day.
zico @ #307 – This is true, unless it was LWC related π
tabs @ #310 – They said he was just like a new signing π
The CMC is open for you Stingy π
*removes razor blades just in case*
Indeed tabs, it was discovered that the previous incumbent did not have the appropriate DNA – the new guy on the other hand has never felt happier π
Well, now it’s official.
http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/arsenal-sign-oxlade-chamberlain
Ah, sorry – didn’t notice TS had already mentioned Pravda…
I’m just thinking that if we are to get a CB, sell Nasri, keep Cesc and get Mata in addition to Gervinho, Chamberlain and Jenkinson maybe this summer ain’t so bad after all.
I’m talking about end result, not everything in the middle between 1/6/11 to 1/8/11.
S’OK Lars.
Here’s to another one or two experienced monsters for defence.
Then, I think we’re good to go as long as we retain Cesc and/or Nasri.
TS – I’m afraid I haven’t got all these new acronyms down — CMC? I’ve heard of the medicine cabinet (MC) of old (which keys you were the fine steward of) but not too familiar with this new CMC. Won’t need the razor blades but really could use an interveinous of happiness (Happy IV) no matter how delusional it may be π
As always Snir, you’re a tough man to please. it must be in the genes π
SV
CMC = Columbian MC. It’s a long story. We did a deal with a dodgy Twitcher in the marshes to get it. Tabs may explain further. It’s been fixed into the HT now for the rest of the season.
They’re still looting and rioting in old London town? Sad to see such activity in such a world class city π
@Snir: I wasn’t expecting Chamberlain so soon but at the reported price of 5M upfront it’s a steal! If he hadnβt been so adamant he only wanted to play for us and none other they could probably have pocketed twice as much. Looks like we’ve done to Southampton what Barca is trying to do to us with Cesc.
@Lars: totally agree about Citeh not being up to it without Tevez.
@i don’t know anymore: seems to me our 22-year-old team trashed Manchester United 3-0 in our last encounter and had Citeh play with 3 DMs to avoid repeating their own earlier 3-0 trashing by us.
You don’t want much then Snir? π
Stingy, Dr Feelgood has asked me to inform you that the wheels on the Happy Train are so secure that even running over the mountain that is Harry Redknapp’s undeclared income, would not even cause the slightest vibration on board. Even for those not wearing their bubble wrap suits.
On Alex Chamberlain, I believe that this is an excellent result – both Liverpool and Man Utd have tried to derail our bid to get this kid, which has been going on since what, January (so it just shows that transfers are a bit more complicated than shaking all the loose coins out of the piggy bank – unless its for Harry’s bung of course) so I don’t see how it is mismanagement unless this guy has been signed at the expense of us signing another defender, which will only be known come 31st August.
We would all like an experienced defender in now but like tabs I don’t believe in getting worked up before a ball has been kicked in anger.
Just a thought: Cesc will likely go for about the amount that NUFC got for Carroll who have acted like Scrooges by not re-investing the money received on the sale. How ridiculous is the transfer market when the value of Cesc = the value of Carroll β π
Snir – That’s not asking for much at all and likely won’t be enough for silver. Let’s call Mata for Nasri a wash. That’s just an unnamed CB of unknown quality and Worf coming in (with a couple of players for the future). Simply not enough. Would that be enough to keep a top four spot? That’s a better question.
Welcome to Arsenal Oxo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TFGse8hNxY&feature=related
zico – I say mismanagement because priority has been given to this youngster before the glaring need of a CB. And even a LB. Did everyone see Clichy do his thing yesterday? Gibbs has always been Clichy’s backup. Of course, if certain needs are patched up before Labour Day, even if they are in the wrong order, I’ll happily eat my words and you should remind me so π
Until that time perception is reality and I’m witnessing Keystone Cops stuff thus far.
Oxo (nice one!) Noel.
Any more nicknames for our latest acquisition?
Music for the HT recommendation: If You’re Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands π
SV
Whilst amusing, I strongly disagree that we are like the Keystone Cops. That’s overly harsh, I feel.
None of us really knows what’s going on behind the scenes.
TS – I’m being a bit humourous there admittedly but I really don’t care how much work they do behind closed doors if it yields little or no fruit. Those are convenient words used by those in power to justify their positions. Just excuses and a bunch of hot air if you ask me.
Have a drink of your choice OLT of course.
tabs.
Absolutly top drawer ending to a briliant series of BTA. I laughed, I cried, swelled with pride for making the team, cried and laughed again. then stood for a standing ovation after final curtain call.
Putting me in at LB was a stroke of genius, that was always my position, although admitedly it was left back in the changing rooms. I’ll have to up my game a bit.
I was a bit worried about this non drinking virus thingy and the fact that my beer gut seems to be expanding at an alarming rate, so I paid a visit to a local GP today and he agreed with your recomendation of an alcohol only regime. I’ve decided on the vodka and whiskey diet……. I’m hoping to lose at least 3 days a month.
I give up.
Blessed are the miserable for they shall inherit the editorial stint at Le Groan….
“O2TC”
Like it!!!
H2H – your fitness regime will dovetail nicely with the rest of Arsene’s shadow squad (Clive excepted of course).
If we get the status quo to Labour Day a better analogy would be The Three Stooges.
We are in serious threat of dropping out of the top 4 and there doesn’t seem to be any urgency by mgmt whatsoever. Knowing what we know at this moment a smart poker player, if given the choice between accepting a top four guaranteed today v going through the next ten months of ulcers would say, “Give me the top 4 daddy, I fold”. Because the way things are going, I cannot honestly say with a straight sober face that we will finish in the top four this year. And, even though I haven’t checked an offshore website, I’d bet dollars to donuts that there are four teams with shorter odds of finishing top four than us at the moment. We bitch about the journos being against us but the bookies are a little more objective than that.
H2H – with that sort of devotion to your fitness regime , I can only sit back and applaud AW for having the foresight to pitch you into the side π . Thank you for your kind words mate and welcome back to the grog . A pint of vodka for that man please Barkeeps , just to start you on your way …
Dr Z@334 π
Are there any Happy Inhalers in that MC?
*clap, clap*
Your scenario at 317 would be good, Snir!
Welcome to the Arsenal, Mr Chambo
We’ll just have to keep each other on our toes qua consumption Zico. Luckily Clive’s a t-totaler, he can be the designated driver. If AW can’t offload Eboue, he can fill the position of designated diver.
Coat please!!!
*takes ciggies out of jacket pocket and pops down next to tabs to down that vodka*
Next one’s on me.
Senor Smallballs,
Could you give some helpful tips to any youngsters who wish to follow in your footsteps? Things like, what you look for when buying Speedos, high heels, parisols, etc. Words of advice, people you looked up to at an early age, your idols, daily fitness routine, diet, inspirational songs, books, movies, etc. Maybe you could do an exclusive interview before round 1 of the league?
337 SV
How are we in serious danger of dropping out of the top 4?
As far as I know we haven’t even started yet. So the group table will remain like this untill the season kicks off;
1 Arsenal 0 0 0
2 Aston Villa 0 0 0
3 Blackburn 0 0 0
4 Bolton 0 0 0
Unless ofcourse we’ve changed our name to Carsenal.
you’ll have to wait for the book .
Tabs, hilarious last episode..glad I made the team π
So, anyone has any background information on this Chamberlain kid?
Cheers Harsha π
Harsha – he’s from Prime ministerial stock π
H2H – Well done. I’ll take your table and ask the dealer to stop dealing. Top of the table it is then.
Let’s just hope this Chamberlain doesn’t appease and capitulate π
I will say that I do envy the optimism of many in this bar no matter how unfounded and delusional I believe it to be. I find myself agreeing with Steve T more and more each and every day. His logic seems razor sharp at the moment.
*clap, clap — takes a deep breath from his Happy Inhaler (HI) and inserts the Happy IV (HIV, scratch that, make that the Happy IV)*
‘Unfounded and delusional’ – it’s called perspective.
Musical interlude.
Flicking through the TV channels, I stumbled upon this song, easily found on youtube:
Without the embed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-mVrl05V4Y
Ah Ollie, on the 20th, you will have to sing it in English for those of us who are hard of French π
Nice one Ollie.
My french is not so bon, but I think I get the jist of this post from the comments section;
ARSENAL resterons toujours les meilleures , fuck aο»Ώ Manchester United et Chelsea et surtout a Tottenham .
Is Cusop behind this Totty mayhem?
Also, a bit further: ‘FUCK OFF BARCA :D’, H2H π
Charlie – Best to stay positive and blissful like you and not cynical like me π
*clap, clap; deep inhale*
Senor smallballs,
How about advice on how to make the most with what you’ve got, making small things look bigger, and how to avoid ankle injuries whilst wearing high heels? And do you ever get dizzy wearing them things? Advice on avoiding vertigo from such dizzying heights perhaps? We’re all ears …
Alright a couple of things…
TS and Zico – No I don’t ask for much π But really I’d be satisfied with a CB and no Oxo or Gervinho. CB is number one on my list any day of the week, the others? Just seemed reasonable that if we flog Nasri we get a player who reportedly is keen from a club who needs the money.
Matt – I don’t know if he’s a steal cause I don’t really know much about this kid except for the fact that half the country wanted him, but half the country wanted Smalling and I don’t rate him at all so that doesn’t mean anything yet.
Ollie – All logic mate, all logic. Flog Nasri and get Mata, and get a CB unless AW is damn blind.
SV – I disagree completely. Not only are we gonna be in the top 4, make the moves that I wrote and you’re gonna win the league. As far as a trophy is concerned I’m sure we’ll get one.
No matter what they try and feed me in the media nobody in the world telling me our first 11 isn’t better than the whole league. All we gotta do is make sure we get cover, and getting a 4th CB instead of Squillaci and lots of options in attack is decent cover in my book.
Up the Arse! I’m seeing EPL crown (you see Clive? I was only negative for a few minutes, back on track now π )!!
Welcome back to 1st Class on behalf of DL Ltd Snir Geuli
To celebrate our inaugural journey, please have a drink on the house.
(Professor, make sure that one gets billed to our Swedish patron) π
SeΓ±or ws – Or how about your thoughts on stimulus that doesn’t stimulate β
Snir @ 360
Glad to see you have got your Mojo back.!!
Now if only we can convert that miserable fucker Stingy from an enormous fucking ‘ P’,to even a small ‘ O ‘,then the Happy train will be chock a block,standing room only for the trip to Tyneside.!!
cheers
The Sweeper
matt
i really don’t follow this ? help me ? what 3-0 ? my point wa sh at while everyone was banging on about being an old side ferguson was quietly building for this and suddenly they look like a real team that will be around for 5 years or more. and they look like winners, which we do not
snir – you DON’T rate smalling ? are you nuts ? he and jones will be england centre backs for a long long time.
Snir – I agree with idka’s assessment regarding your predictable discounting of Smalling’s abilities. The boy is a solid CB already, is the Red Mancs’ 3rd choice CB, and looked pretty solid yesterday playing out of position at RB. It’s okay to rate opposing players on occasion π
Clive – Good evening to you too sir. I’ll need copious amounts of Happy products I’m afraid. *clap, clap; deep inhale*
Β£25m from Citeh for Sami boy!?!?! Yippee!!! Jump all over that like Phil Dowd on a donut π
Opinions on this one: It looks like Citeh will strip the armband and give it to Kompany. Shouldn’t we do the same with Cesc and give it to TV5 β
s/b “strip the armband from Tevez” above
Or even RvP β
The theory holds true…Tottenham only makes the news in years that end in 1
Tabs –
Late finish tonight and only just had a chance to look in.
Absolutely brilliant end to BTA – an amazing lot of work there.
Honoured to make the team, I will happily play anywhere – even behind Lars.
Great stuff, mate π π π
@i don’t know anymore: The last time we met that United side we won 1-0 and the last time me met Citeh we won 3-0 and then drew once they played 1-9-1 against us. We surely looked like winners on those occasions.
I’m not sure if you’ve been following them but the United blogs and articles this spring were all about the renewal of the team with the upcoming the departures of VdS, Scholes and Neville, notwithstanding Giggs getting older. Since last summer all United purchases have been youngsters (Hernandez, Smalling, Bebe, Jones etc).
As for the community shield, if it wasn’t meaningless to assess the teams on one game I’d say none of them looked like winners to me yet aside from the usual United trait of never giving up.
Welcome Alex the Ox. I hope you live up to the billing. Seen very little of him so will be looking forward to it.
Must say I am even more confused with the deal and what it means for the club. I am constantly told that despite the figures we do not have cash to spend until we sell. That is the reason for not strengthening areas we are short in. Then we agree a 15 million deal for a teenager who has played all bar one game of his career in the third tier? But we would not go the extra million to buy Schwarzer last year???? I am all for signing young talent just as long as the other areas are addressed.
Pleased he is here but hope that this is the first of a few new faces. Somewhat perplexed at the moment I must say.
Steve T – You a rational voice of reason amongst a forest of Kool-Aid drinking delusionment. Have a vodka and Kool Aid on my tab.
Stingy –
Steve T is a rational voice. The reason his posts are well received is that he doesn’t then go on to tell the rest of us that we are all wrong or don’t know what we’re thinking.
Do you ever wonder where the problem is, when one person is constantly battling with almost everyone else ? π
Far too late now, G’night.
Trev – No matter how nicely or softly I voice my opinion there will always be people who disagree with it who will be offended. I cannot help that. It will always be a losing battle. I’m trying to be as civil as I can be. It’s just my opinion and I don’t hit 100% of my free throws after all. Never said I did and I know I never will. I’m just a dodgy guy with a dingy opinion. Or is that a dingy guy with a dodgy opinion? I do totally agree that personal abuse is wrong and do not condone it in anyway. However, I try not to take myself too seriously or get offended too easily. Maybe it’s a cultural thing or maybe I’m just warped? C’est la vie.
@SV: I second Trev, could you please tone down the insults as it’s becoming rather irking.
Matt – Who did I personally insult now? What do you find offensive?
This story in the Guardian has the ring of truth to it, particularly the part about Cesc and Nasri’s protracted sagas having a negative impact on the psychology of the rest of the players. Not wanting to promote the air of negativity any further by including the man’s name in my moniker I am hereby dropping nasri from my moniker. He had the potential to be an Arsenal great but he has gone too far and appears on the verge of going that much farther.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/aug/08/arsenal-samir-nasri-manchester-city?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+theguardian%2Ffootball%2Frss+%28Football%29
8ball – Good evening. I commend you on your sage decision.
Nasri is a greedy bugger who has wanted out for ages. PS. Bent legs is for sale
8ball – Take the Β£25m and walk quietly into the night I say. Then try to get that Mata fella to fill the quality void π
Cusop – You’ve stopped rioting and looting your neighbourhood long enough to post a comment. You must be very tired. If I were you, I’d be more concerned about retaining the Croatian and Welshman than giving us the gears about our Frenchie π
@tabs 236
Amazing stuff! I felt like I was right in the front row of the Arsenal theatre watching everything unfold…Do you have all of these episodes collected online or anything? Was thinking it’d be funny to do a few sequential illustrations seeing as I’m an out of work comic book artist. What do you think?
Finally, to join the ‘holic FF league your team can only have Gunners from around the league?????
@378 bt8b
I say keep Nasri and then sell him for triple price in January transfer window to City. They’ll take him π
Well in 8ball @378. I think we have our very own snoooded looter within our midst.
Cannons, that would be something to bring to Dragons Den. Fortunes await π
Hello Cannons,
You have mail, and no, you can pick who you like in the Fantasy League.
matt
you mentioned 3-0 which confused me. maybe a typo. they beat us both times before that so… anyway my point is that ferguson seems to have been building for this for quite a while, not just the last year letting all outsiders bang on about them being an aging team. he got the most out of the old players won the league, final ch league an dis now ready to run with a new young team where half the team are already winners and have that mentality. AW’s problem is that none of them know how to win so a young team looks just that callow and raw. united’s new team is just as young and, annoyingly already look the business. seems like we disagree on this but i was mighty impressed with them in 2nd half on sunday – a lot of individual talent but amazing sense of being a team. to me it shows that AW has been talking crap with his “vision/plan” for past 5-6 years. how stupid will he look if united now do it again with an even younger team ?
my brother in law (the manc, well, supporter anyway) tells me there are 3-4 other youngsters who are potentially better who will slot into this team over course of the year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDBLSUKJiDY&feature=share
Early morning humour
8 ball has changed his moniker! Now, we are definitely selling Nasri me thinks π
Mertesacker would be a good buy – what do you think ‘holics?
Morning ‘Holics.
Ivan Gazidis said last night:
“Itβs not a supermarket where you go in and pick good players off the shelf. Thatβs not the way it works. Iβm sorry but itβs much much more complex than that. Please tell Stingy Voyeur I’m sorry.”
With thanks to Blogs.
The day after the night before- arsenal actually sign a big name player – 21 letters . I’ll get my coat!
How is it hard work to conclude a transfer deal – here’s my easy to follow guide
1. Ring up club
2. Ask if player x is available
3. Ask how much
4. Say ok
5. Write cheque
6. Send off cheque
7. Get player x down to club
8. Medical
9. Sign on dotted line
Simples!
Londoners, stay safe.
Interesting logic there kevnal – you would pay before the medical.
Guess that’s why you’re not employed to negotiate our transfers then π
This player x…Is he a good strong centre back? π
6a. Cheque bounces. FFS Ivan, Nat West is right next store to Barrets, why didnt you lodge the money then?
Morning All,
Harsha @ #387 – I don’t know enough about PM but he’s a big lump and he’s got loads of experience so he sounds like the right sort of acquisition. Plus, he’s been linked to us for a couple of yeasrs now and I’m certain we’ve approached him before. I would put a clause in his contract saying that he must report for his first day of training at L.Colney wearing a spikey hat and smelling of sausages. If he says yes, then welocme aborad! π
Noel @ #386 – Ta for the link. Quite amusing, would have expected it more from LG as opposed to Gunnerblog. Now, will the real Silent Stan, please stand up, please stand up π
Humour for doomers TS but kudos for the effort. Cant believe John Cross has taken to quoting that blog in his articles. It really goes to show..appeal to the lowest denominator to get your hits.
Kevnal @ #389.
Brevity is genius as they say. Therefore, I thought I’d do an idiots guide to taking penalty kicks that even the secret lovechild of Eboue and Waddle (Eddle?? Waboue??) could follow.
1. Place ball on penalty spot (NB: avoid any lumps or divets in the turf)
2. Wait for ref to blow whistle
3. Block out everything and focus (NB: Inc. all opposition fans beying for your blood)
4. C*nt it so hard that if the GK did get in the way it would snap him in two (NB: Shot must be on target i.e. anywhere within the white posty things but preferably where the GK can’t reach it)
5. Run around like a lunatic, hug your team-mates hold up your index finger to your lips in front of the opposition fans.
Now, what could possibly go wrong? π
Noel @ #395
He’s a funny old stick is Mr.Cross. Was a regular studio guest in the days of Friday evening Arsenal TV with Tom Watt and portrayed himself as a big Gooner. Writes some awfully -ve sh*t about Arsene and Arsenal though. Like you say LCD = big hits from the masses. I guess if you asked him about it he’s say he was doing his job…?
Cannons @ #382
I would love to see those illustrations for BTA. You might have to put a parental guide on some of them though π
TS @396…Ask Bobby Pires π
Cusop @ #380
Couldn’t sleep or waiting for those new LWC signings? It’s not going very well is it?
Careful those rioters don’t huff and puff and blow the dump down.
When you typed Nasri did you really mean to type Modric? π
Or, indeed, 1000s of others Noel π
At present I`m looking at the Chamberlain signing in a positive spirit. Of course it`s something to hold on to while hoping that the signings we need will be sorted out soon. Just think how sick we would feel if Liverpool or Man-ure had nipped in to sign the kid and were trumpeting what an exciting prospect they had just acquired.
Of concern must be the left-back position. I would be happy enough to go with Gibbs, but I have little or no confidence in his staying fit for any period of time, and given that AW believes that Vermaelen could fill in there (which I don`t doubt), I forsee massive problems. Given also our recent injury record at CB, leaving aside Vermaelen, the need to bolster our defence with new signings is crucial. Imagine; Gibbs is crocked, Vermaelen is filling in for him and Djourou gets a knock. The CB pairing of Koscielny and Squillaci fills me with dread.
@384 Thanks for the email ‘holic! All joined up and raring to fly into tackles like a furious pitbull. May all of my 4.0 defenders lead me to the promised land eventually π
@398 I think kids nowadays see worse than what’s in my depraved head….but I am quite lazy when it comes to doing illos though so you gooners have to remind/curse me out if it seems like nothing is forthcoming!
Btw, I’ve only read the last 2 episodes….where are the rest?
I fervently believe that Nasri is setting himself up for some fall if he thinks that the grass will be greener at the eastlands. Passing up an opportunity to be centrepoint of the Arsenal midfield and the profile that would have brought him in France with our attacking style is short sighted and foolish. Every player at eastlands has moved for money β and when you see them play, its hardly surprising that theyβre someway short of the understanding and teamwork that other top teams display. Its striking that such a talented collection of players are overtly defensive and uncreative despite having some really top players.
Arseblogger makes an interesting point this morning that the arrival of AOC alongside Theo, Ramsey, Wilshire & Jenkinson points to a shift in home grown players. But does anyone think that the arrival of Gervinho, AOC and Miyaichi alongside Theo means that were also looking to inject serious pace into the side ala the counter attacking speed of the invincibles? Far too often our style of play allows other teams to park the bus and I would posit that its our inability to break down the mediocre defensive teams that has really cost us in the hunt for trophies (alongside our suspect defence of set pieces of course). If were increasing the pace in the side, then I think Arshavin may well be brought into a second striker role and he, along with Mata (hopefully) & Wilshire will be the creative engine of the side for the future.
So Iβm all for selling Cesc and Nasri. As talented as those players are, thereβs just no sense in retaining players who want to be elsewhere. Iβd much prefer a less talented player whoβll bust his gut for the cause than someone who thinks he should be paid more or happier elsewhere. And if it means that we can get in one or two more defensive players then so much the better. We may be a little less pleasing on the eye, but a far more effective team because of it.
@ Biscuit
“Just think how sick we would feel if Liverpool or Man-ure had nipped in to sign the kid and were trumpeting what an exciting prospect they had just acquired.”
Precisely.
But how dare he not be a centre back!! πΏ
Good post Joe @ 404 – mostly in agreement. Still find it hard to say the words “all for selling Cesc” though.
Wouldn’t want to incur the wrath of Snir and Lars π
Unlike Wolfgang Smallballs who is all for selling sex (allegedly) π
Morning zico,
I’m now re-convinced (again!) that a defensive signing is on its way and/or the club is doing everything it can to sign a defender before the window closes. Maybe even two???
The OT2C signing is great news in the meantime. We beat old Red Nose to that one and others. AW probably had a decent glass of red on the back of that, and rightly so.
OT2C, Gervinho and Ryo (if he get’s his work permit) could all cause real problems to EPL defenses this coming season esp. when combined with Arsh and/or The-o.
As a result, I’m buzzing today in terms of our prospects: the season start is a couple of days away, great new players to watch, defensive reinforcement(s) on the way.
OK, if we lose 5-0 to The Toon, let’s re-visit, but for now this is as good as the summer’s been to date, n’est ce-pas? π
Just read that the England-Holland game tomorrow is off due to the rioting.
Afternoon TS π
I am pretty upbeat as well, although would be more so if the revolving door to the treatment room hadn’t started swinging wildly again.
I don’t think Ryo is ready (admittedly only based on the second half of Saturday’s game which is all I have seen of him – youtube clips excepted) – think there is more chance of seeing Chamberlain than him even without work permit issues, but just my opinion, which has been known to change following vast quantities of free beer….
Hope you are right about other signings but will be present at Platform 49 come what may.
4 more sleeps. π
SV – you know I rate opposition’s players.
Noel – I just don’t think he’s that great of a CB and definitely not as good as TV or Kos. Being in the Englanf NT doesn’t necessarily mean being a good player π
Zico,
Your right – its not easy to say that especially when you look at how talented he is and what he has done for the club. But the reality is he wants to go home and if reports are to be believed, he’s prepared to forego his bonus entitlement. He stayed another year last season out of loyalty to the manager and club – which is something I think you can only ask for once. Wenger hasn’t played him once this preseason – which unfortunately, to my mind, is all we need to know really. So I think he will be sold. If we get someone like Mata and one or two experienced defenders – then we’ll still be a very good side. And if we manage to get some defensive consistency at the back, we may even be more effective..!
@404 Joe: I love this line, “Iβd much prefer a less talented player whoβll bust his gut for the cause than someone who thinks he should be paid more or happier elsewhere.”
That’s exactly how I feel. I hate when players use us as a stepping stone to ‘bigger’ pastures. We’re the bloody Arsenal and it’s time they recognize that!
Morning All ,
Clive @363 – heh , signing off as the sweeper , like it π
Trev@370 – Thanks for your very kind words , and just leave your 2 weeks wages behind the Bar π and a very good restrained piece @374 .
8ball@378 – a sad day , but I think a wise choice .
Cannons@382 – heh , go for it , would there be any way you could post your drawings on line ? Yesterday’s BTA was episode 7 , and not 8 as erroneously titled , so only 7 to find . I do have 3 through to 7 in a file . 1 and 2 are now Collectors items π , lost in the drinks somewhere . From memory ,1 was an AW press conference which ends with him turning to hard drugs , and 2 was a discussion between IG and IPA about Blog opinion and ends with IG strapping on his Peruvian Anti-Riot Suit in readiness to meet the fans . They are short and untitled . I think they began sometime early in June .
Ollie@390 – The Gooner Ladyboy Massive are manning the barricades here in N14 π
Harsha@392 – heh π
TS@394 – totally agree , time for Silent Stan to be a little less silent . There’s seeking to avoid the limelight , and there’s avoiding one’s responsibilities . To my mind SK has travelled too far into the latter . In the meantime , his thoroughly decent manager cops all the flak .
Joe@404 – lots of good sense there mate , but like Dr Z , just can’t bring myself to want Cesc to go .
Dr Z @407 – allegedly π
A very promising youngster arrives , Defenders on their way , Doomers sent to the wrong pick-up point , Platform 49 here I come .
A quick laugh and a round of drinks for every gooner in the bar
http://www.talksport.co.uk/magazine/translator/2010-11-24/arsenals-lukasz-fabianski-talks-about-dressing-room-bust-arsene-wenger
Btw, did you fellas see the Arsenal “Stan” video that goonerblog made? It’s a bit moany but might be good for a chuckle or two
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDBLSUKJiDY
D L Ltd
PUBLIC NOTICE – SERVICE ALTERATIONS
To all passengers, please note that on 2nd October 2011 and 25 February 2012, the HT MKii will depart from platform 50.
Directions to said platform have been stolen by persons unknown but have been reportedly spotted heading in the direction of the Seven Sisters Road, along with several flat screen televisions.
Extra Security carriages are being considered in the event that the situation at that particular destination further deteriorates.
Yours
D L Ltd Executive
Dr Feelgood – very Good π
Holics,
Let’s say we do buy one of Cahill, Jags, Samba, Mertesacker or Dann.
Who would you play as first team pairing? I’m pretty sure I’d prefer Kos with TV over everyone except for Mertesacker.
Horses for courses Snir,
as long as that doesn’t mean we sign Van Nistelrooy.
Afternoon tabs
There’s a rumour on the streets that a militant group of red and white scarf touting, Speedo wearing ladyboys have started these riots.
Their spokesperson, a Mr./Ms. Nutcrackerjee has justified his/her group’s actions on the basis of a 6.5% increase on the price of Jimmy Choos when they were already the most expensive, mass produced ladies shoes on the market.
London outlets of the exclusive shoe brand have all been put on a state of high alert and are bracing themselves for intrusion or ‘Hardinso’ as the ladyboys prefer to call it.
Any thoughts or comments on this? π
TABS:
I better make myself clear – I would normally not want Cesc to go either. Who would – he’s the best midfielder in the world. But as he wants to leave, and as we’ve been enduring the non stop speculation about his future for some time now – I don’t think holding him to his contract will be the best move for the club in the long run. I would reluctantly sell him, and wish him the very best going forward.
May I also doff my hat to your comic excellence in the “behind the Arse episodes”. I havn’t been commenting much of late – but I have been keeping an eye and a giggle on the summer entertainment you’ve steadily provided so far this summer..!
Depends who we play Snir…against bigger, slower teams Mertesacker and TV, other teams maybe Cahill and TV (if they both come)
Btw, how would you rate those defenders in descending order of skill?
Urgent memo to all members of the Malaysian Gooner Ladyboy Massive: LWCs and allied forces sighted running amok in the streets of North London. Don your Peruvian Anti-Riot Suits immediately but refrain from lowering yourselves to their level. MGLG in PARS must quell the disturbances peacefully and immediately.
Joe – True, he wants to leave but as opposed to Nasri, if Cesc stays he’ll play his heart out so I don’t care what he “wants”.
Cannons – When I said that I got bombed here by everyone saying we shouldn’t change pairings based on opponents. Everybody here thinks that a pairing should be determined and run with.
The good thing about TV is that he can play both the tough, hard-nosed CB and the elegant, clean, play from the back CB.
Therefore he could be the tough one with Kos and the elegant with Cahill.
Descending order? Mertesacker, Kos, Cahill, Samba, Jags, Dann.
Snir @ #425
I don’t remember saying that about our CB pairing.
I absolutely believe in squad rotation and matching the side and our tactics to our opponents for the day. IMO, that’s an area where SAF regularly succeeds and Arsene struggles.
Anyway, here’s to a new CB coming in soon, whoever he may be, although I still can’t believe we’re really looking at Dann. I think that’s another transfer discussed by hacks with no firm foundation on facts but I’m also guessing of course π
TS – I can’t say exactly who it was that said that since it was about a month or so ago but I just remember that cause I went on to ask my dad what he thinks about it and we talked about it some more.
I believe we should play the player who are best suited for the opponent on the day just like we would do on the offensive side playing with Theo on a slow LB etc.
If we were to sign a CB, my preference would be Kos and TV for football gams such as Chelsea, Barca, United et al and TV and the newcomer for Rugby games.
This is interesting – Mata has been demoted from captain to vice captain. Not only that he’s vice captain with two more players.
It can either say that he really is moving or that that’s the way to deal with summer transfer sagas.
RvP should be named captain ASAP.
Snir
I agree we need to make RvP captain now. It’s his time. There was something about it on Pravda.com yesterday as well.
Like you, I still want Cesc to stay but I can’t see how he can keep the armband at present.
Nasri out and Mata in would seem to make sense too although, again, I know very little about Mata as a player or even if he’s available for sale.
Too many ifs and buts at the moment for my liking π
If our centre backs were good enough, then I would play them in all the games that matter – fitness permitting. I believe that a strong and consistent back four are key to winning silver.
Our problem is that our centre backs have only shown potential – some more than others, or in some cases have simply not been good enough. I’m not going to get into “he’s good, he’s crap” debate and name this player or that – we all have our opinions.
A fully made experienced and capable defender and one who complements Thomas Vermaelen is what I would like and I would play those 2 consistently. I would also like an experienced left back from those supposedly available for transfer (Baines, Enrique). I would also ask someone to spend some time with Bacary Sagna teaching him how to get a cross beyond the first defender.
Anything else you want sorted whilst I’m at it?
Incidentally, if we get even one experienced centre back, I will, as they say, be “made up”.
Ok, it is caughtoffside.com, but…
http://www.caughtoffside.com/2011/08/09/arsenal-star-agrees-personal-terms-ahead-of-70m-manchester-city-move/
…if he has indeed signed a contract for Β£185.000 per week then it’s just laughable.
OH and my previous comments about horses for courses was only if we got Mertsacker or say Samba. If we got Jagielka I would have him and TV every week.
In case you thought I was in some way schizophrenic (perish the thought, eh Doctor? ) π
TS, it’s just like blogs said today, Ivan and AW are not stupid. They won’t sell Nasri and not bring someone in instead. They’ll have to bring someone in just to prevent the clamour just like they would sign a defender after announcing AOC to prevent the clamour.
I can’t see AW selling Nasri without bringing someone in, no chance at all. I think it’s more reasonable he’ll sell Cesc than Nasri (as twisted as it sounds) and selling Nasri as well without bringing someone in would mean two departures and no arrivals.
Just can’t see it happening.
If Nasri is to be sold (and it seems as if he is) then we’re getting Mata. Can’t see any other scenario.
Is it just me or has it all gone quite on the Cesc Fabregas front?
Normally, we would have had 3 players this week pining about Cesc coming home – haven’t heard anything over the last couple of days?
Is this correct or is it just me turning immune to it all?
Lars,
Thanks for brightening up the afternoon, sort of π
Snir & zico/DF,
I agree with all of your above points with the exception of I don’t know if Mata is our man. My hope and belief is that we’ll have a Nasri replacement (don’t know who) lined up before we let him take a deep dive into a swimming pool full of money where, hopefully, he’ll resume his footballing career as a cameo player from the Middle Eastlands bench. (That’s just me being a bit nasty)
TS @421 Afternoon Sir , my only comment on your excellent post would be to laugh so hard , I spilt my tea π π
Joe @422 Thanks for your very kind words .
Can’t disagree with you on Fab . To address the issue with my head rather than my heart , I think it probably has reached the tipping point and that it is probably better for all parties if Cesc moves on . However , that shouldn’t mean that we allow Barca to nab him on the cheap . If Barca are either unable or unwilling to meet a fair price , then I think Fab has to be told to buckle down in no uncertain terms , or he goes out on auction . I’m rambling , I really didn’t disagree with any part of your last post.
8ball@424 Heh π
Snir@425 – I’m very much in the camp of picking and playing your best 2 central defenders and sticking with them , bar injuries , loss of form , suspensions and cup games . As we have become sadly all too aware , 3rd and 4th choice central defenders get many opportunities without the need for tinkering to suit your opponent . For once , I’ll disagree with TS (!) I don’t think Sir Red Nose’s tinkering with his defence did him many favours last season . Came a cropper at West Ham in the LC , and didn’t really look solid until twitter genius Rio and serial cheat Vidic were back in tandem .
Here’s a hypothetical for you . We sign Samba . In a month we play 5 games – lets say Spuds , Manure , Chelski , Liverpool and Stoke . Kos and Verm play the first 4 games and play out of their skins , as we romp home 9-0 , 1-0 , 2-0 and 3-0 respectively . Do you drop Kos and bring in Samba , who hasn’t played for a month , just because it’s Stoke ?
zicogood @ #433
I thinks it’s a sign of one or two things: (1) Deal is done and pending announcement or (2) Farca know that they can’t afford him at the moment and are now saving their voices for the January window for fear of an actual tapping-up allegation
Either that or even the press are now bored with Fabregate.
Tabs @ #435,
If I have time, I’m toying with the idea of posting an interview between Talk Shite Radio and Ms/Mr. Crackerjee
Dr Z@429 – agree with all of that .
I might change in Samba in a situation like that because we know balls are coming in the box every minute. Especially is we’re talking about Koscielny because he’s amazing at closing down but doesn’t seem to be as strong in the air as he is on the ground. And Samba could knock some sense into Pennant etc…
TS @437 go for it mate , something to look forward to ! π
I personally wouldn’t Cannons , jusy my opinion , but i see where you’re coming from , esp with your last sentence π
tabs @ #435 (again)
Just spotted that we have a disagreement! Oh My Dennis! π―
However, I agree that we disagree π
Snir:
“True, he wants to leave but as opposed to Nasri, if Cesc stays heβll play his heart out so I donβt care what he βwantsβ”
I take your point – but I dont think it works that way. I think you can ask him to stay once out of loyalty to the club, manager and fans – but forcing him to stay will ultimately work against the club. And thats just a matter of opinion. If you look at both the Cesc and Nasri situation – the logical thing to do is to keep Cesc and sell Nasri. But that doesn’t seem to be whats transpiring – however I’ll be the first to be grateful if we do manage to hold onto Cesc..!
Also agree with you on Koscielny being the preferred option against the better sides. I think the delay on the centreback front is to try to strengthen our negotiations by playing Jags Vs Cahill Vs Samba against each other against the clock. I think the longer we leave the Cahill situation in particular the better as it’ll put Boltons backs against the wall to accept a lessor sum given that he’s only 1 year remaining. I don’t think the Settling in period is as important for players with previous premiership experience.
You also mentioned in a past post the Uruguayan midfielders “Arevalo” & “Perez”. Two hugely effective and underrated defensive midfielders.
Cannons @ #439
Personally, if we signed Samba or Mertesacker, I’d like to see them bear down on Lennie and bite his f*cking head off at the first set piece opportuntiy and then spit it onto the turf and boot it into the arms of Pubis in his technical area.
Er… I’m going to self medicate now and then have a nice lie-down.
You might be right about that Joe. Experienced defenders like that should be able to come in and do a job immediately I reckon…at least that’s how it works on my FIFA π
@444 TS: Hahaha! You’ve peered into my darkest delightful dream there
In that case Cannons….
After booting Lennie’s head to Pubis, Samba or Mertesacker then pull the right leg of the corpse, snap it in two, nail it to a railway sleeper and then lay it at the feet of Rambo as a trophy.
What’s that? All right officer, I’ll come quietly….
TS @ 436 – we agree. π
Heh zico! π
Nice one TS! How about this one? We get Samba but before we play Stoke, Blackburn, Bolton and Man U we pump him full of morphine and cocaine. We then watch as he elbows Lennie’s face and it shatters like an egg made of glass and then he forces Pubis to eat the pink stuff that pumps out of the gushing orifice?
(Maybe I went too far…I have watched many Van Damme movies though)
That was a little convoluted…must try harder!
Dear Doctor F
Saw the HT service interruption announcement earlier, very wise!
You may be pleased to hear that we’re currently perfecting a new flame-thrower attachment for the Security Teams’ PARS for HT service on those two visits to the bowels of London.
We’re adding a third setting. We already have stun and toast, the third will be ‘roast’.
Basically, the flame-thrower spits out a jet of liquified butter first, then the temperature and intensity of the following flame will roast a ‘chicken’ to absolute perfection. This has two benefits:
(1) The unwanted chicken population is usefully culled.
(2) There’s a self-sustaining source of protein for the Security Team which will reduce our canteen bills.
We need one more suitable candidate for final testing before entering into a limited production run. Can you think of anyone that frequents the bar in an ‘unwanted’ capacity?
Yours, Edwin
Cannons @ #450
Sounds a little too humane to me and there’s the danger of feeding Pubis which, techncially speaking, benefits him.
Alright here’s take 2:
We sharpen Samba’s head so that it resembles an axe and whenever Lennie goes up for a header he gets a splitting headache….
don’t axe me how I come up with this stuff
Tabs, I was in the camp of going with your pairing and sticking with them but I came to a conclusion that in a league like the EPL where as opposed to other leagues you have VARIOUS styles you need to adjust accordingly.
In La Liga you won’t see Hoof and Run, in the EPL you’ll see both ‘tiki taka’ and hoof and run and many more styles.
That’s why I now think we need to adjust accordingly. Kos is just not a good Rugby player, TV is a good Rugby player and a good footballer.
Like I said earlier, the good thing about TV is that he can be rugby player in a partnership with Kos or the footballer in a partnership with someone like Samba.
Joe – I somewhat disagree. I don’t think we’re forcing him, and we’re certainly not ‘asking’ him to stay. I think Cesc knows that as opposed to other seasons we are trying to negotiate his sale, the fact that he’s not sold can not be our fault and I think he understands that as well, especially due to the fact that he knows we’re giving up roughly 20M by not putting him up on auction.
If he gets a message that IG, AW and Barca could not get to an agreement he’ll play his heart out, I’m sure of that, especially when he needs to prove to Del Bosque that he deserves a starting place in Euro 12. As for Nasri, it seems that he’s content on playing through the motions with his French spot guaranteed (no matter what Blanc said, no chance he won’t put him in the Euro 12 squad, especially when he’s his playmaker) and cashing in next season.
Perez and Arevalo? I would do anything to get one of them in our team. Arevalo is underrated because he’s got no attacking skills whatsoever, he really would excel at Stoke actually. He’s got excellent defensive awareness and position, he’s excellent in the tackle and he’s as strong as anyone in the EPL, when people say we need steel, they mean him, he’s steel. He’d be great to win the ball and pass it 5 yards to Jack.
It must be auto-mattock for you Cannons. Mertesacker or Samba, take your pick….
Professor Storey,
looking after our bottom line, excellent.
If I have read you correctly, though, you are considering testing your new gadget on the pet commonly known as Cusop.
Not sure this would be fair, I have rather got used to the old thing, in the same way that you do with a scruffy mongrel who continues to follow you around no matter how many times you beat the crap out of it.
It’s a bit like that lunatic Wolfgang Smallballs, you just learn to live with it.
Sure there are plenty other specimens you can find out there for your research though – keep up the good work.
tabs, that Dr Feelgood has got it in for your mate – don’t think he was too happy with Wolfie’s behaviour out in the Far East – something to do with HT ticket sales…. π
You old softie Dr.F π
Bonjour.
Loved the Stan video, very clever. It had been done before though;
http://gunnersphere.com/2011/04/view-from-the-sphere/arsenals-stan-eminem-parody
Why not both? We can call it Mertesamba…our unstoppable half German-half Congolese man mountain….
Seriously though, probably Mertesacker over Samba, seems more consistent.
Man, I don’t know about the rest of you gooners but I hope whichever defender we get turns out to be a nasty fucker. I want to see opposition strikers injured each game…great deterrent I say
Mertesamba, CoR?
Would he be considered Gergolese or just a Conman?
I have to say that with the possible benefits outlined by TS and Cannons , I am coming round to the idea of Samba at Stoke . π
Snir@455 – We’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one mate .
Dr Z – I fear your mate Dr Feelgood might be being a bit harsh on poor old Wolfie . Lumping him in with Cusop ?? I’ll have you know Wolfie’s Speedoes are Arsenal Red . He might be in later , but I think Dr Feelgood should explain his unwarranted assertion that Wolfie has affected HT ticket sales , before he responds π
What happened to the orange Speedos tabs? π
Afternoon H2H , didn’t see you there , vod on the Bar .
… and yes Wolfgang and Cusop are quite a distance apart in the evolutionary scale as far as I can see. Possibly in the food chain too.
Edwin’s nodding in agreement as well.
He has many pairs TS . Can’t remember what he was doing in the Orange pair , perhaps holiday wear or party wear . When he’s merely lounging , he wears Arsenal related Speedoes .
@ tabs
Dr Feelgood, is I believe rather old school – he expects all D L Ltd employees to adhere to a very strict dress code. All red and white suits, caps doffed to him as he boards the HT, (forelock tugging as well I expect).
Needless to say, all of the above did not sit rather well with the Feelgood dynasty when WS appeared on the horizon in those orange Speedos and heels.
That said, I personally think that Wolfie is just misunderstood – I’ll put a good word in. π
TS , I think you need Edwin to have a word with this Feelgood fella π
Much appreciated Dr Z . On matchdays , its Arsenal Speedoes all the way for Wolfie , together with his red and white ladies parasol .
In other news , I see Harsha’s in the FFL . He’s got some previous , Lads , we could be in trouble . Relegation beckons .
And congratulations to Gunder and Lightning for an awe-inspiring kit π
2 doubtfuls and 1 injured in The Speedo Massive XV π
Yo Holics, who are Bryan Williams and Tobias Martin?
Brian is CoR, I think.
my whole strikeforce is doubtful and two defenders are injured,…..
Back to the drawingboard me thinkls.
16 teams already – mid table mediocrity starting to sound like a challenge. I vowed never to care but…..
tabs, how are you able to see another teams kit – am I missing something obvious?
Oh and Ryo has been granted a work permit π
http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/miyaichi-granted-work-permit-to-play-for-club
I think I deserve an apology from everyone who doubted my reading skills π
I told you there is a reason for all that hype on pravda.com π
Ryo, Theo, Gervinho, Chamberlain – That’s some fast wingers!
AW “like a new signing” – yes he really did say it.
tabs @ #469
Edwin will speak with Dr.F as requested.
In other ‘news’….. More D+G re: Cesc & Nasri, apparently from the mouth of Chamakh:
http://news.arseblog.com/index.php/2011/08/chamakh-nasri-and-cesc-likely-to-leave/
Snir – excellent news . The new signings just keep coming . π
Dr Z – just click on the managers name and it shows the kit and whether they’ve done this malarkey before .
Does our transfer window operate in the same way as the real one ?
As chairman of The Speedo Massive , I have given Wolfgang Smallballs a vote of confidence , but I have to say his transfer dealings have not , thus far , got the fans dancing in the streets
Snir & zico
Great spot, great news! I feel dirty now that I posted the previous link
zico, click on the manager’s name in the HT league listing and all will be revealed. I’m tempted to change kits. Most of us have Arsenal home or away (blue+gold) based kits.
Cheers for the link TS , and think you need to bring old Feellgood into the Modern Age , so look forward to seeing your “word ” π
Tempted to go for a pyrotechnic number myself TS , asked for the Speedo option , which was refused .
tabs we crossed posts yet again π³
No worries TS , how do you do the blush thing ?
tabs and TS, be careful Dr F has eyes (and ears) everywhere – which does explain his rather odd appearance. πΏ
So, Lady N must have done the business down at the Home Office.
Snir, the “I told you so’s” does not do you much honour, you shouid say; “I informed you thusly” It’s much more condesending. π
http://arsenalyouth.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/fabregas-joins-plethora-of-youngsters-in-champions-league-squad-as-miyaichi-is-left-out/
Cesc and Nasri are in the Udinese squad. No need for high hopes just yet as Almunia and NB52 are in the squad as well.
Ryo, O2TC, The-o, Flipper, Arsh.
F*ck me we’ve got some speedy/tricky players there.
A celebratory round for all in the bar please Mr.Barman – trebles please – zico will like that π
The Feelgood factor is definitely back where I’m sitting. If we add some nasty steel to our back 4, boot out The Mercenasri and draft in a suitbale replacement, I will be as happy as a Cusop in sh*t
With all due respect, no offence intended, all good humour, etc., etc.
:mrred:
tabs @ #484
‘:oops:’
H2H, I didn’t tell you so, I shared my opinion with you π
zico @ #485,
Noted! Is he an alien creature?
TS – “If we add some nasty steel to our back 4, boot out The Mercenasri and draft in a suitbale replacement, I will be as happy as a Cusop in sh*t”
Hard man to please, you ain’t asking for much are you ;)?
H2H – i knew she’d pull through π
Dr Z please pass on my apologies to Dr Feelgood .
TS@489 – cheers .
the 500 is in view fellas .
Excellent exchange H2H & Snir! π
I’m thinking of changing my team’s name from Storey’s Strollers to Arsene’s Embryos in honour of our new, super-young side. Does young translate as quality in French? Cesc & Nasri? Pfft, they’re completely over the hill. That’s the real reason they want to leave.
I believe Arsene is the patron of the new ‘Death at 20 Club’
Only one year contracts after 20 TS
Snir @ #492
Three-che old bean and fair play to you, sir.
Delighted to have my words thrown in my face BUT (and there is a but), I am already happy!
Snir 490, next time you inform me thusly, please don’t forget to add, that I’m deluded if I don’t argree. Otherwise how on earth am I supposed to know that its an opinion ffs. π
Bang it home someone !!
BOOOOOOM!!
Good piece over on 7AMKO, worth a read, very sane.
Come on, who wants 500?
Aah, well done H2H. The big gun fires one home. Excellent!
Well in H2H – that deserves another round π
Sorry, I was half expecting the internet to expode on reacing that half a thousand milestone.
Welcome to the second half, it may be just like a new blog.
Cheers lads. a vodka shot please. Docters orders don’t you know.
Can anyone explain why Ryo is not in our UCL squad lists (A or B)?
http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/arsenal-announce-squad-for-play-off-round?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+arsenal-news+%28News+Feed%29
Just got this text from a mate:
“Tottenham have just announced a new signing: Grabatelli”
π
Maybe the work permit arrived after they’d submitted the list?
Not to worry too much, he can be admitted once we reach the next round. (How’s that for glass half fullmansip?)
Lars. HEH!!
Some will probably say it’s criminal mismanagement TS .
H2H – here’s your vodka – got it half price what with the prescription ‘n all . π
Is that break in news?
Brilliant Lars!!!
Have a big drink on your tab π
Lars @507 A very big heh π
TS – Pravda said something about being able to play for Arsenal “once all the paperwork has been completed” which I read as permit granted but pending. I assume therefore he can’t be registered until that is all cleared away.
Congrats on getting past 500 drinks everyone – but the Barman must know we are now gasping for a new post π
Nice one Lars’ mate. π
TS, I can only assume that they put together that list before Ryo got his work permit. Can’t really think of any other reason considering there are players on that list that I have never heard of before.
Cheers H2H @ #508, another vodka for your medical complaint?
tabs @ #510, no doubt someone will spin it in a -ve way….. f*ck ’em π
Absolutely TS .
Off for a mo to register my disgust at John Cross , quoting that fuckwit from Le Groan .
tabs
FYI, John Cross is in the studio with Tom Watt for Arsenal 360 on Friday.
Encroyable….
Dr.F
I think you should ask zico to only post in your name until the season starts to help with the ….er…. feelgood factor π
*awakes from another amnesiac episode*
What’s that TS? What has he been up to now? He hasn’t upset his own customers has he?
Needs certified that one.
Oh well the thought was there . Couldn’t get past registration , told me my postcode was wrong , though it wasn’t .
I realise John Cross is a tab journo and his job is primarily to sell papers , but quoting a bloke who is a total joke in the wider Arsenal world , and whose site tolerates the abuse outlined in BTA is unforgivable . Cross just lost any credibility which he might have had left .
tabs,
See #519.
You could phone in on Friday as “Angry of Southgate” and let ‘im ‘ave it….. le c*nt π
zico/Dr.F @ #521
As far as I can see, you’re both in good shape π
Ha , thanks TS .
Doubt they’d let that sort of call through . I would be unquestionably libellous π
PHW language and all that .
TS – we are. 8) 8)
Btw, you have mail.
Got is zicogood.
More news….
Sh*te Hart Lane is on fire. Police suspect arsene.
TS@527 π π
Hello all
Tabs@471 Yes, I’ve played it before but let me tell you that after a while you tend not to change your FFL team every week π
I confess to having some right cunts in my team, need to change it actually
And there’s no transfer window tabs, you can change your every week but it’s frozen one day before kick off I think
Right, what’s everyone drinking? π
Spuds also announce the signing of Egyptian midfield general Mustapha Plasma.
Miyaichi has also just been granted his work permit. Just think , we could almost field a whole team none of whom shave on a regular basis yet? That has to be another league record.
Heh Steve T π
Harsha – Thanks for the Info . i sense an “active ” week ahead π Lager please mate .
Steve T – double heh π
We’ll get to 600 again, won’t we?
*waits for holic’s Myiaichi article*
I’ll join you for a pint then tabs…on Lars’ tab of course π
Of course Harsha π
Evening Ollie , 75 to go .
err 65 to go , though now it’s 64 .
Numbers never my game .
I’m rooting for the Speedo Massive 17 π
If only i could afford 17 TS , it is a self sustaining model π
Steve T @ #531, nice one π
Maybe I’ll re-name my team The Bumfluff XV, it has a certain ring to it.
Cheers Harsha, I think I’ll have a large glass of decent red. Jst for a change.
Evenin’ Ollie. Come to join in the fun?
it wasn’t him, it was us!
Bumfluff XI ? π I will expect an approach for my manager soon then . I would like to reiterate that he is available .
Dr Z , apologies for the mistaken identity π³
No worries tabs, after 538 drinks, I expect even you are getting weary.
It’s all this positivity – its bad for us. π
Maybe , Dr Z , I’m fully in ” centre half arrives tomorrow ” mode . π
Right Storey’s Strollers now have an orange kit in deference to a certain Speedo wearing deviant and the fact that Blackpool were a good bunch in last year’s EPL.
A mounting injury crisis at the club is making Arsenal look robust. It may force me to do some last minute transfer business. They will all come form the shelves of my local Sainsbury’s and be just like real signings π
π excellent
TS – be careful at Sainsbury’s – full of faithless temptresses.
Milken Alcohol strip to be a long careful meditation – something psychedelic is in order.
you boys are on form tonight – beers on the Bar π
Cheers tabs, keep ’em flowing…
Anyone want/need a ticket for HandsKnees&Boumpsi-dese next Tuesday? I’ve been offered a spare.
Wish I could be in town TS, but there is only so many imaginary meetings I can create in London around the middle of August π
Cheers tabs, next rounds on me.
And since I opened with drink 1 it seems fitting I should close on drink 552 as Holic has just uploaded a new post!!!
Re: Tabs @414: Having looked into the archive of the BEHIND THE ARSE episodes, I can say that “BTA1” was not titled but appeared in the drinks on 15 Jun 2011 at 12:53 pm; BTA2, also not titled, on 20 Jun 2011 at 9:41 pm; BTA3, originally titled ARSENALNATION STREET, on 21 Jun 2011 at 8:53 pm. BEHIND THE ARSE EPISODE 4, the first in the series to be titled as such, appeared in the drinks on 29 Jun 2011 at 10:52 am. And the rest is history ….
At least that is the best I was able to figure. π
Interesting blog as ever holic. I agree with your view and I think Wenger is of the same mind. Contrary to our failures in seasons past, cesc and nasri sagas, injuries etc, I believe our squad is very gifted and quite strong to compete for the league. our failures have predominantly come from our lack of pace and creativity in the final third. for all our position, we rarely threatened teams at times. teams parking the bus will now have to deal with being stretched on the wings, fast counter attacks, pacey runs through the middle, quick crosses accross their goal whilst they are running back to defend (causing lots of own goals), headers and sliding tap in from the arsenal strikers because of the pace from the wide men. I think if our possession football resulted in more early goals, teams would open up cause they cant hope to sit and defend once they go behind early. then our ball possession can work for us us we pass between the extra gaps created.
But i think we still need more work on our movement off the ball. look at how barcelona players run into channels, between oposition players, on the wings etc and you can see that arsenal has some work to do. Also closing down players on the ball in midfield and further up the pitch, basically compressing the pitch available to the opposition when they have the ball. If we can do that as good as Barcelona, then we can be the very best in the League and Europe.
For EVERYONE on here tonight the best chill out tune ever!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzJY96m3lkg
Club is bigger than the payer!
and the Player π
Morning Holics
Good tune for a Friday morning
http://youtu.be/1cQh1ccqu8M