Djourou Really Want To Make A Killing?
Dec 5th, 2011 by 'holic
A busy week for me means possibly the briefest of previews of Champions League matchday six, a fixture that means an awful lot to the other three sides in the group, but has been made a valuable experience-giving exercise for our squad players.
The travelling squad is stripped bare of what would be considered our strongest eleven save for Thomas Vermaelen, possibly providing leadership and a calming influence in what could be a hot atmosphere. (Edit, and Santos, who surely is just cover for Miquel. We cannot afford to lose our only senior left-back in these circumstances.) This may not be the place to blood the least experienced so I am expecting the side to line up with Djourou, Squillaci, Vermaelen, and Miquel, in front of Fabianski. Coquelin and Frimpong should be holding behind possibly Benayoun in the forward midfield role.
I’m sure Arshavin will start on the left but I am not sure that the popular option will exercised on the right, where Rosicky could be preferred to Oxlade-Chamberlain given the possibility of he and Benayoun switching positions as and when the situation allows. Chamakh may get the nod ahead of Park up front. If I am right that sees our most experienced players out there given the instruction to withstand the pressure that Olympiacos have to apply if they are to get the three points they need. The younger, pacier lads can have a run at tiring legs in the last twenty minutes or so.
The fixture has some similarities with the 1998 meeting with Panathinaikos, when Arsenal’s fate had already been decided and a youthful side stunned the hosts 3-1. Whatever happened to Grondin, Mendez, Vernazza, and Michael Black? The ‘holic pound is looking at a goalscorer anytime punt. No doubt about the value there. Djourou is a generous 25/1 and should be in the box for any set pieces. I know he is not prolific, but that is a generous price from Paddy Power, and more than double the odds being offered by Coral and Victor Chandler (12/1). He is due his second goal for the club on his 129th appearance.
Government warning. Investments on the ‘holic pound can go up as well as down, but not very often!
The bookies make Olympiacos hot favourites for this one. Let’s hope the decent mixture we have sent out there can do us proud and prove those odds unjustified.
The programme for this week means I will have to get a quick blog up post-match as on Wednesday I make my way to town for the launch of the Arseblog Anthology, So Paddy Got Up. What was that? I’ve mentioned it before? Sorry. It would still be good to see you there and say hello.
I will have to preview the Everton game on Thursday night as my Friday is well and truly spoken for, and no I am not one of the three statues. They are all quicker than me. Follow me on Twitter for ‘hPhone pics from the unveiling.
Thereafter the Everton match report really could appear any time after the game, possibly even next Monday! I have a feeling the day could get messy with a number of you coming to the game, and on Sunday I have a pre-Christmas party to sober up for. I’m really looking forward to an early night next Monday.
Have a good one ‘holics, and thanks for stopping by again.
367 Responses to “Djourou Really Want To Make A Killing?”
Shoots
…..and sets off towards the fans, kissing the badge! 🙂
I’ll have a pint please
A game that even my Dad can’t start raging about, that’s what I like. Here’s to at least one of the other three English clubs crashing out this week (I suspect Man City will be the only ones to fall in the end).
My liver, err, bows at the feet of the master, or something.
You will leave some Guinness for Saturday I hope?
Looking forward to seeing FrimCoq (or whatever the combination is) tomorrow. Be disappointed if Rosicky gets in before AOC though.
Given recent events, I’ll put the zico card on the bar to give Lars some respite. Drinks for the usual suspects…..!
Though I set out a slightly younger team in the previous drinks, your line up, and the reasoning behind it makes a lot of sense, ‘Holic, even if the purpose of this game is to test some young legs and attitudes at this level. As the bar knows, I am not a betting man, but the 40/1 odds on us repeating a 3-1 win must look tempting to the who are.
– the
+ those
Must have been distracted by Zico’s offer, and I don’t mind if I do….
To being group winners and to sitting back and watching the other premiership sides in their struggles to qualify
UREDS!
Apologies for my post in the previous drinks, my logic was flawed.
I want us to win and Dortmund to trash Marseille.
If we lose, Marseille are out for sure, but if we win, Dortmund may qualify with a big win!
A statue at some later date, perhaps, ‘holic. 😀
Nice preview ‘Holic . Would share Dr Z’s disappointment if The Ox doesn’t get the nod . Have a feeling we might get a result .
Lars from the last drinks – Really sorry to have misled you mate , and very relieved no harm done 😳
Cheers for the Beer Dr Z . Here’s to Arsenal kebabbing the Greeks tomorrow , and a week where at least 2 English clubs fall by the wayside .
Looking forward to Wednesday and Saturday Mr.H.
Have a couple of lines off pat for The hManagement:
#1 – ‘Good gracious ‘Holic, is that a pint of Guinness in your hand? Does the barman not stock you favourite brand of herbal tea?’
#2 – ‘Nice to see you in here ‘Holic. Makes a change from the normal, swift post match gathering at The Holloway Road Health Store’
Will that do? 😉
tabs, no worries mate – would have been my fault in any case for being so trigger-happy on the “Book Now” button 🙂
Lars wallet as robust as ever, I see 😀
Lars – Cheers mate .
TS – over-egging the pudding ? I was going to go for “Hi Holic , did you find The Tollie ok ? ” 😉
tabs – Yes, brevity is genius. *packs away eggs*
On a completely unrelated note, I am keeping an eye on the Fulham-Liverpool game, it’s 0-0 after about 70 minutes and Liverpool have wasted quite a few good chances, and it comes as no surprise – I had a look at their stats earlier today and only once in 13 previous games this season have they scored more than two goals and that was against Bolton at home when they won 3-1 (it is also noteworthy here that Bolton has conceded three or more in seven games out of 14 this season) so Liverpool are struggling quite badly in the scoring department. If they don’t improve in that area, there is no way that they will be able to fight for a top-four spot in the long run.
And I really understand H2H’s hatred for Suarez. His behaviour on the pitch is appalling.
Oh, straight red for Jay Spearing – Liverpool down to ten.
I should have obviously posted quicker and put it in CAPITALS, tabs.
If only I hadn’t be busy looking for the barman’s original post before spotting the mistake 😉
TS, save the eggs until they are well and truly rotten and then make a trip to the Britannia and chuck the lot at Pubis and Shawcunt!
Doing likewise Lars.
Suarez is a serial cheat. Good player, but a cheat.
Heh TS. There are rumours that the management thinks I’m a bad influence.
Probably a good thing I won’t be there then 😉
I can’t help but like Suarez, in a panto villain ‘he’s a clearly a grade A ass but what the hell’ sort of way. I imagine I’ll change my mind when he plays the villain against us though!
zico, and if nothing else this game has confirmed that £35m for Andy Carroll was and is a monumental waste of money.
1-0 Fulham, MASSIVE howler by Reina.
…not that we didn’t know it before of course, but this game confirmed it again. (about Carroll, that is)
Liverpool only just lose hard-fought game to Fulham FC. Which means we’re fukkin’ fortunate to remain in 6th spot
Mrs Dale’s Diaries
I was only saying to Jim the other day,that those 3 boys would be more trouble than the rest of the Village boy’s put together.
I said it would all end in tears.
Hardly were the words out of my mouth,and already we have had
an ‘ Incident ‘.
Poor old Betty Bunting, a Spinster, and 70 if she is a day,owns the Allotment nearest the Potting Sheds,and this morning she got the
shock of her life.
Going round the back of the sheds to get some compost,she came across the Smallballs boy wearing nothing but a pair of Ladies underwear and high heeled shoes.
He was busy applying lipstick and eyeliner to the Feelgood boy,who was also wearing nothing but Ladies undies and a Bra.!!.
The Storey boy was dressed the same, and had already had his Lipstick and eyeliner applied,and was busy preening and admiring himself in a hand held mirror.
Betty, already going into shock at the sight of all this,suddenly noticed that the Smallboys boy had an enormous erection.!!
She clean fainted on the spot,and was only revived after Jacko Jenkins
the Manager of the allotments,found her and waved some smelling salts under her nose.
Of the 3 boys,there was no sign,apart from a discarded lipstick found in the long grass nearby.
Betty was taken to hospital,and when she had recovered sufficiently,she was able to give a statement to PC Sam Spade,
who is our Village Bobby.
Quite what Sam is going to do about our 3 cross dressing boys is a matter of conjecture throughout the village.
I blame the Parents of course.
It’s after 6pm now,and we are all waiting with bated breath to see what our local Bobby will do.
Hark,i think i have the answer,!!
I can hear the Sirens.!!
I must go now.
Extract ends.
Heh, nice one Fulham.
Up yours Kenny 😀
I think the wrong man is in therapy.
Wotcha, Clive. 😀
1-0 final score, Well done, PleinJambon!
Patient Clive
Could you report to The Quackery please. I think we need to review your meds.
Dr BS? Another patient for you. Best not to apply the electrodes to tjis one.
Liverpool, crisis club? Bring on Hodgson #2 …
Great stuff Fulham (my second team. I’m so proud!).
2 things:
1. Great to see Big Phil back playing. May he enjoy a long and fruitful career.
2. King Kenny – WTF is going on? You’re really not looking too healthy. Take a break mate, seriously.
l like Gary Neville as a pundit.
#mydirtysecret#
Last season, Liverpool had 19 points after 14 matches. This was after a tumultuous summer where they lost Mascherano to Barca and Hodgson did not have a single penny to spend unless he sold players.
This season, with The Messiah King Kenny in charge, who has spent somewhere in the vicinity of £100m, they have 23 points in 14 games. Only £25m per extra point, then.
But I bet you 99% of Liverpool fans will still blame Hodgson for everything that went wrong last season.
TS,
I think those two lines will do nicely ta 😉
Well in Fulham and Dempsey! 🙂
6th place will be the springboard we shoot up the table from 😀
Mr Clive the Sweeper, Mrs Dale’s latest diaries have left me in silent mental fits, please keep up the good work by suppling the bar with more of her shocking memories… 😉
No worries Ollie, I’d blame the job for putting you under undue stress 😉
Ooh, good one TaBS.
“Never been here before. Nice ‘innit love?” 😉
Howler by Reina made me laugh and Carroll surely he was worth all that money spent!
Good post Holic! Enjoy your busy days I hope you get enough time to rest in between 🙂
Heh Clive, your furtive imagination runs riot again!
*vehemently denies any cross-dressing activities past, present or future*
Re: TS, How can you deny the future? 😉
Wow Catalan, I never saw THAT coming… 8)
Arthur, if Carroll hadn’t been such a complete tool you could almost have felt soory for him. He just seems slow and clumsy these days, the only thing he can do well is head the ball but he almost never gets there in time to get to the ball.
Anyway, I’m off to bed – see you all tomorrow!
And finally, lovely post ‘Holic, you may be slightly enheartened to know that I had a hearty chuckle at the title after getting it instantaneously 😆
Toast to Gary Neville. He is a good pundit. In other news, I am making a real dent in my Dos Equis Christmas variety pack. California gooners will probably understand the reference, if not Lonestar too. 😀
Wind @ #35th
Better than that, we’re 5th!
8 ball @ #39
Well spotted! It involves Edwin and a De Lorean 😉
Wind
Just felt I had to get it out there. I feel at peace now…
8ball
Dos Equis has travellled across the pond….
Edwin, don’t worry, I’m told every copy of the Feelgood Tapes is accounted for.
Mrs Dale may live to regret confiding in her diary though. Think of the share price. If she reports to the Misters, as requested, then our job is done.
Gotta go. A ponytail awaits….
I had a dream today that RvP signed. Since I’m the bar clairvoyant you know what that means. Gooners around the world can relax now ! 😉
Well done Fulham !
And so The Club in crisis , the Club that just 2 months ago many “wiseheads” were tipping for a relegation battle , the Club who had a manager who was too scared to spend any money , the Club who CLEARLY didn’t practice any Defending , and the Club who everybody wanted to leave , find themselves 3 points in front of all conquering Liverpool , managed by the all-seeing Kenny Dalglish , a man of consumate “ambition” , such that he is prepared to waste the best part of 100m at the drop of a hat .
Said it before , but I’ll say it again . Kenny , you were a magnificent player , and you are clearly a decent man , but you shot your bolt as a manager many years ago . Best get back to the Golf course old Son .
How Le Grove and its acolytes would have loved a King Kenny style spending spree last summer . Morons , the lot of ’em ! Rant over .
Mr C – annoyingly I have to agree with you re Red Nev . And thank you for your kind words re The Speedo Massive in the last drinks . Chucking away points at the mo because I keep forgetting to change my team . When I get my sh*t together , 8Ball and Holic better watch out ! 😉
Clive @25 – Fantastic ! 🙂
Obviously knew Smallballs was a cross-dresser , but had no idea re Feelgood and Storey . Will be very interested to read how it all pans out 🙂 Wouldn’t be surprised if it was Smallballs who was the “innocent” all along , and he was led astray by the other two !
8ball
Shall we form a club? Cheers!
Wind, you’re welcome to join. You just have to say the words…
Arthur, if you are still there, just had the first feedback on the Android app.
The word ‘genius’ was mentioned. I must find someone with an Android phone so I can see it 😉
Snir @ 49, good news on RvP.
Just one question, did you hear it in the good ear, or the numb one?
King Kenny is the king of a pile of steaming red garbage with ponytails and bad teeth. Watch them finish 9th this season…
Holic @36 – I’ve been practising that line all day , but I can’t seem to dispel all traces of a smirk ! However , I will not rest until I am pitch-perfect 😉
Much appreciated Feelgood. Will come to visit again very soon. Get yourself well for Saturday or at least escape. Crucial EGM and shareholders votes. PS: Check that cake that I left you for files.
Meme Mee @24 – Fact!!!
Smirk?
I’m snookered 🙁
CoR @#54 – That high?
#Desperate Scousewives# (courtesy of DaddyJoe77)
Holic
I’m late to the party on this one, and haven’t the time or energy to back drink, but….
Do I take it that the management is accompanying you to The Tollie???
Interesting…..
Looking forward to Tuesday night. It will be a tough, nail biting encounter no doubt. A must win game as they almost all seem to be at the moment. No doubt we will field the strongest 11 available. We will just have to accept that any potential risk of injury is one well worth taking. Time to roll up the sleeves and show some true fight. Time to battle to the end. It will no doubt be a cauldron but I expect our experience to win through.
Hang on. What’s that you are saying????????
Oh yeah, that’s right. Cancel all of the above. I was forgetting, we have already pissed the group and are just off to Greece for a jolly and a kick about. It is only the lesser clubs that have to remove the log from their undercrackers and man up. Silly me…….
Up the Gunners.
@59: Heh 😀
They’re shite, time for them and Newcastle to keep dropping points. Chelsea and Spurs will soon be doing the same as well…anyway, off to work for me…
coffee with big arses for everyone!
I’m trying to turn it into a charming smile . Reckon HManagement might think I’ve had recent plastic surgery , but we should get away with it 🙂
Steve T @61 – heh 🙂
Tabs/Wolfgang,Zico/Dr Feelgood,TS/Prof TES
The current extract from Mrs DD’s is one of the milder jottings from the Diaries.
Some of it is truly awful and stomach turning,and i have to be very careful what i allow to be published,as there are several people that have not been mentioned yet,that appear in some of the more salacious episodes.
Some of it is so sensational that ‘ They ‘ may go to any lengths to prevent exposure.
The Diaries are now under lock and key in the Bank Vault,while i decide what episode to publish next.
I will be in touch.
Cheers
The Sweeper.
Steve T
Heh!! 🙂
CoR @62 – nice follow on! 🙂
Yes Catalan, given I have to be in Norf London on Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, I knew she had to come to one of them.
Wednesday night, nice hotel, brownie points with no Roxette style beating.
…until she realises we are basically on a six-hour session 😉
TS @ 44, well hot damn! The Arsenal go marching on 🙂
Catalan @ 46, confession is good for the soul apparently… 😉
But what’s this club your talking about, about? 😛
Interested to see who’ll start tomorrow, I’m sure all who do will give it there all and will be more then a match for the Greeks.
Lars, I told ya Suarez was a toerag, no doubt he has talent but he is a cheating little weasel.
A round of beers on me gents, I gotta get back to my drinky and a round of darts.
Cheers.
tabs @ #63
Does that mean I may get to see your smiling face as well on Wednesday? Excellent news if so….
First time responder love the blog Liverpool are v average can’t see them challenging for the top 4 as for us hope aoc gets the nod needs to work harder when he is defending gervinho can be frustrating to watch needs to score more and work on his touch. But love koiscelny when he and verminator are in the team we look v solid so he now looks like a great buy and a real star In the making. Now for ramsey he is the key to our season needs to be a lil more direct and incisive push further up the field when fabregas played the position he always had the opposing back 4 on their toes. I know he’s still young so he is still learning hopefully he can be as good as fabregas he needs to be more killer and less filler but he has a great touch and two beautiful feet so I think the future is bright. So come on u gunners mines a Guinness by the way
!
Holic, why will Mrs H not be happy with that? Don’t tell me she was expecting longer? Good lass. Well schooled I can tell.
😉
TS – hoping to make it for a swift 3 or 4 . Have boring stuff to get done in the afternoon but should be ok . What time you aiming to get there ?
Clive @65 – The mind boggles 🙂
Holic , will we be able to buy the Book on wednesday ?
‘holic, Did you say 25 to 1 against Djourou scoring against Olympiakos? I would have to be an idiot not to take those odds!! Fiver please!!!
Just send the Dale woman to me.
Village tittle tattle. 1000 volts. 🙂
Welcome Paddy
Heh Steve T! You been taking the funny pills tonight??
Holic…hmm. The best of British to you, sir. They say the first through the breech were all volunteers…..
#obscurereference#
Prob around 6:30. Will keep an eye out for you old bean 🙂
Clive, if you need a good security man….. 😉
Re: paddygooner, you sound like you know what you are talking about but how do you know Ramsey has beautiful feet?? 😉
Only a six hour session?
Undr the thumb, or what ? 😉
TaBS,
Yes, books will be there, but don’t be too late 😉
TS okie-dokie . Will you be under the brollie , bearing in mind the sudden onset of the chilly weather ? 🙂
I see double agent Toure has been re-activated – Exxxcellent News!
In fact, I’ll buy a drink for the first correct answer to my #obscurereference#
bt8bbgfg
You need to ask paddy Power for those odds. I wouldn’t offer any more than his rivals.
Welcome Paddy. Did you get up? 😉
Just watching the SPL roundup.
God, it’s a shite league.
Thanks Holic . Will race to make sure I’m early in the queue . Do I get it any cheaper if you sign it ? 😉
Re: Clive @65: That sounds like outright blackmail. 😉
Lots of drinkers in the Bar for a century tonight 🙂
Re: Dr. C @47: Dos Equis in Europe? Indeed I am behind the times.
Agent Toure working for The Arse still – maybes
tabs @ #82
Was rather hoping for the re-appearance of the Wolfie red and white parasol with matching frock.
Failing that, I’m guessing the brollie in the back garden is a good start.
Winter, fur-lined Speedos and JCs on? 😉
Oops here ’tis http://gu.com/p/33qvq
Mr C , didn’t the Volunteer Infantry (1859-1908) use a Breech rifle ?
Single malt please !
Knowing the publisher there will never be a discounted copy of the limited edition hardback, TaBS.
…and me applying penstrokes to it will certainly devalue it.
I would suggest getting Blogs and the pros to sign it. I’ll hold your Guinness…
looks up and pings one out to the left-wing into space
TS – of course ! Dress to impress , that’s what I say ! 🙂
…and before I forget, I have a copy for you Roxette 😉
See you Saturday…
A far post run
Nuts it in
It needs class to drill it home at a time like this . Keep calm son . Takes aim … shoots …
Good Goal Guv
FFS shoot TaBS 😉
Unlucky TABS. You have been done by holic’s nuts…………
Like I said – it needs class ! Well in Holic . Superb strike .
Too true Steve T 🙂
Holic @95 heh 🙂
Close TaBS – help yourself to a pint, but no cigar. But close on the historical military….
To all You’se Gooner Followers,
Just wanted to let you’se all know that even though i haven’t managed to score a league goal since before that fat cunt Santa delivered the pressies last year,i am not despondent.
I am getting closer and closer to scoring,
Against those dirty cheating fuckers in poncy Gold shirts on saturday,i could feel a surge coming on,
Even though my so called fuckin team mates don’t realise i need some proper fuckin service,before i can do the bizness,i am keeping me spirits up,especially the Vodka and the Rum which are me favorites.
So look out on Saturday you’se fucking crazy Gooner Bollockheads,
I AM COMING TO GET YOU’SE.
Don’t say i didn’t warn yers.
Mr C – Bugger , so not only does Holic pip me to the goal , but Google lets me down on the words “volunteer” and “breech” . Just not my night 🙁
TaBS…. I can only assume that young Luitenant Holic is looking for a fast promotion;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forlorn_hope
Right, that’s it for me. All being well I may just be able to make a small appearance on Weds evening. If not then I will certainly be in the Tollie after the game on Saturday if some of you are about.
Keep the faith
Ah , fair enough Mr C . I think you were being generous when you said I was close 🙂
Cheers for the link AL .
See you Saturday Steve , if not wednesday .
I suspect the Guv’nor is using some goal line technology to rack up these centuries. I think we should be told….
Nay problem tabs – and Wind i like your thinking
Just a simple Luddite me, Ned.
Looking forward to meeting you Steve, either day. The pub will be heaving for both 😉
Still here Holic
Just off to hit the sack now to be honest, glad to hear the feedback great news indeed.
I thought I showed you the app when we met, too many drinks may have made a little hazy I reckon 🙂
Right then I’m off….
Biz boom bah. And major kudos to ‘holic for the magic century. You must have been practising. 😉
The true magic century is pleasuring 100 fatties in one night.
Tell us all about it, Shaft. 😉
A Century of Cellulite
Once there was a man who was born with a moustache and his name was Shaft. He soon started drinking in bars. He was out drinking with some friends one night when someone asked, “Shaft, was is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
Shaft cleared his throat and said, “Well, once I drank 20 Guinnesses and a Red Bull on a Saturday night. Then feeling like a lion in heat with my blood pressure as high as a kite, I ran through the streets looking for release. My lungs were burning and my bare feet blistered when I got to the redlight district. I ran through the first door I came to and I had actually found a latenight Weight Watchers meeting. Then I pulled out my moustache wax….”
“What happened next Shaft?”
“I’m not sure myself. I remember being engulfed by all of the ladies in the room at one point. It was like that scene from Akira. Then the next thing I remember was smoking a cigar and staring at an old Lee Dixon poster while sitting on top of a pile of huge, worn out females.”
“You always did like to make a mounting out of a molehill.”
Geez, Shaft. I’m not really sure how you could know there were a hundred women unless you had the help of an accountant.
Arsenil is such a wanky, lucky team. They have no team spirit, a corrupt foreign manager and weak poncy players. Better wrap Van Prissy in cotton cause he’s your only hope. Everything the meeja says is true about you guys, terrible uniform, team of the past, if you ask me, been around 125 years too long…
Long live Eastern Wanderers
Don’t be silly 8ball, ants can’t count
😀
‘Holic@117: Droit du seigneur should be yours.
Shaft@122: Ton up?
Teuton up 😉
Shaft, Once a knight, always a knight. Twice a night and you are doing all right…
Nice one NBN! But Shaft only does it in the daylight. Shaft likes to watch the movement of the folds of flesh. It is calming to Shaft. Shaft also gets power from the sun’s rays.
Shaft, Ever landed a beached whale?
Does a female sumo count?
Close enough, man, if you’re looking for folds of flesh. But why do you spend so much time in London if you love the sun’s rays? Isn’t Miami Beach a more likely choice?
The clouds always open up for Shaft baby, just like the ladies 🙂
As much as I’d love to see more of FrimCoq I confess I’m really curious to see how Shaft’s wight watcher ladies will fare against Valencia.
Platini walks into Blatter’s office in FIFA’s headquarters. Blatter is wearing nothing but a red and blue tutu and Qatar Foundation emblazoned panties. He is dancing and listening to The Robots by Kraftwerk. He turns off the music, puts on his monocle and turns to Platini.
Blatter: Michelle, how dare you disturb my private time.
Platini: I’m sorry Syph, your highness, but this is an emergency. We have indeed received confirmation that a contingent of anti-FIFA agents are plotting against you even as we speak.
Blatter: WHAT? That’s impossible. No man alive has the balls to do so.
Platini: The man leading the contingent is John Shaft sir.
Blatter: Well…I guess he does have the required testicular fortitude.
Platini: Also, our man on the inside has been blown. Should we extricate him?
Blatter: No, too risky. He was always a liability anyway.
Platini: Understood sir. Before I go sir, may I?
Blatter: Again? Oh get on with it then…
Platini kneels and slowly licks the Qatar Foundation logo on Blatter’s panties.
Platini: I love Times Roman.
Meanwhile in an abandoned warehouse near to Kloten airport Shaft, Carlos and El Jefe are having a meeting to discuss their next course of action.
Carlos: So what do we do now amigo?
Shaft: Let’s check out Blatter’s diary and where that fat cat’s going to be and when.
El Jefe: It says here on the 25th he’s going to be at a baby shower in London.
Carlos: Baby shower? I hope that’s not what I think it means.
Shaft: Whatever it means, we’re going to ambush him there. In the meantime, El Jefe I want you to stay in Zurich and continue monitoring Blatter’s movements. If he starts moving funny I wanna know. Carlos, I need you back in London. Your next mission is to infiltrate Redknapp’s coaching staff. We’re going to try to kill two birds with one stone but we’ll need some reliable intel. I’m going to a rendezvous with Chamakh in Piraeus and relay some instructions before the match against Olympiacos.
Carlos: Alright, vamos Jefe.
El Jefe: Sí senor.
The three men head to Kloten airport and board separate flights. Shaft arrives in Athens and boards a taxi and makes his way to his meet in Piraeus. He pulls up in front of Apollonion hotel. He enters the hotel and makes his way to the hotel bar. He sits down and orders a beer. A man walks up to his barstool and joins him.
Chamakh: Swiss chocolate is terrible for the waistline.
Shaft: Only if you eat it.
Chamakh: Make it here alright?
Shaft: Yeah, let’s not waste time. I can’t go into details but you MUST score tonight. I got something planned and we need you to make it go down right.
Chamakh: Are you sure you want to do that? What if I don’t score?
Shaft: Everything we’ve been working for is reliant on you rediscovering your mojo son. We’re counting on you.
Chamakh: It’s still proving hard to score without through balls from Jack though…
Shaft: No excuses Marouane, you need to Chamakh that pitch up tonight.
Chamakh: Got it.
Shaft slides a note across to Chamakh.
Shaft: Next thing, give this note to Mr. T during half-time. Don’t forget.
Chamakh: I won’t. Take it easy soldier, gotta get back and warm up.
Shaft: Deuce.
Shaft is making his way to the door when a tall, elegant woman wearing a purple dress steps in front of him.
Woman: Hey handsome, what brings a man like you to a place like this?
Shaft: Fine women like yourself. What’s your name?
Woman: Honey Bottom’s my name and….
She moves in close and whispers in Shaft’s ear.
Woman: …honey bottom’s my game. What’s your name?
Shaft: Just call me the worker bee. Because I gonna be working you right.
Woman: Let’s go somewhere quiet.
They exit the bar and approach Honey Bottom’s room. As they enter the room Honey Bottom pulls out a small pistol from her bra and points it at Shaft.
Honey Bottom: You always were a sucker for purple Shaft.
Shaft: Let me guess, sent by Blatter right.
Honey Bottom: Correct. Now, you die.
Shaft: Wait, let me wax my moustache one last time.
Honey Bottom: Alright, go ahead. But no funny business.
Shaft takes out his tin of Bear Grease moustache wax and starts applying it. His moustache starts growing bigger and bigger as he applies the wax. Honey Bottom is shocked. She drops the gun and falls to the floor gasping.
Honey Bottom: I-I-I’ve never seen such a m-m-magnificent moustache.
Shaft: Believe me, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Honey Bottom: LET ME WAX IT UP!
Shaft: You got it. You gotta finish before the match though.
On the tenth floor of the hotel Pat Rice is in his room sharing a glass of wine with Arsène. He decides to check his voicemail. He listens as he hears a familiar voice say, “They bought it. Everything going according to plan.” He puts away his phone and gives Arsène a silent nod.
Untold Arsenal’s assumptions on the statues…
http://blog.emiratesstadium.info/archives/17071
Holic @ 98 – many thanks, she will be thrilled.
Saturday. Yes. I think I have to attend a meeting.
@ 122 “mounting” etc 😀
Excellent piece on Santos.
http://arsenalcolumn.co.uk/2011/12/01/andre-santos-adds-a-different-dimension-to-arsenals-attack/
A tip of the hat to you too Master Zico 😀
Look at what I found.
Porn at it’s finest. The centurion DVD for DB10.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEA2Hp-2oqc&feature=related
This brings up a question I had in mind for years. What number did Merson have after DB signed? Was it 9?
Never mind, got my answer. 9 it was, as I thought.
My next question is – How did Merson react to the number 10 being taken away from him at the time?
Does anybody know?
Heh, morning Snir.
Some articles to read then, thanks.
And I see all is back to normal in the bar with tab’s classic 101.
Never heard of that Attwood before last week, but he sounds a bit too up his own arse.
And especially as the bits showed on the club’s website yesterday with the badge shows that at least one of the statue is neither Chapman nor Allison nor Mee.
So FAIL I’d say.
Done backdrinking. Boy, how many spin offs/series/diary extracts do we have on the HT?! 🙂
Loved the latest Shaft episode. Feelgood files/diaries always brilliant!
So, about Liverpool – well they are shit. They can’t possibly be a top four team.
Suarez is a massive cunt.
Think Shitteh and cuntski will crash out. Read that Bayern won’t field an entirely weakened team
Holics going to the book release, enjoy your evening. Hope I can make the trip across for an Arsenal day out/holics meet up one day(soon) 🙂
Cheers
Are you serious Ollie ? 🙂
You’re the one who linked his website when we debated about the Arsenal’s birthday 😀
He is a bit hyper aggressive with his theories when he claims them to be a million percent fact when most of his (and his co-writer on the website Walter, he’s really nuts) theories are borderline insanity and the points he tries to explain them with aren’t strong enough for theories this crazy.
Ollie – Have an answer for me? Surely you remember, don’t you?
How did Merson react to the number 10 being taken away from him at the time?
Steve T @ 61, although I was :?, you strung me on to the end lol, well played man 🙂
‘Holic @ 85, top quality stuff from the barman, shameless plugging till the very end 😉
And well in on the century, oozing off class like kebab on the rotating cooker oozes off fat 🙂
AL @ 116, thanks man, but is it my thinking at around #35, or from the end of last post that you’re talking about?
The Origins of Shaft, shrouded in mystery, but still legendary 🙂
And # 136 HAS to be the best I’ve read, come on Agent Chamakh!
Ooh, Half Century?
Don’t mind if I do.
Snir, I’ll be honest with you I don’t remember his reaction if that was mentioned/related anywhere.
I remember being surprised/shocked because I always equated 10 with Merson, but then, heh, we got Dennis Bergkamp, and Merse got number 9, surely not the end of the world, even for him, it’s not like he got a shit number.
Maybe he started the ‘curse of the number 9 at Arsenal’ though 😉
I always had a soft spot for Reyes so I’m gonna say there is no curse 😉
Snir – Don’t remember Merse’s reaction to the number change , but I do remember that right at the beginning of Dennis’s glorious reign , Dennis struggled for a goal . I think it took him six or seven games to get off the mark (2 wonder strikes against Soton , the second of which I was right in line with , from my vantage point in the North Bank ). During his non-scoring run , I do remember Merse coming out and saying that Dennis was from “a different planet” , and that what he was doing in training “defied belief” . For once , Merse’s hyperbole was justified . I’m guessing Merse was pretty relaxed about the number change !
Shaft @120 – provoked a proper belly laugh 🙂 , @122 kept me laughing , and @136 , another glorious episode . Keep ’em coming 🙂 🙂
Ollie @144 – normality restored ! 🙂
Shaft
“Chamakh the pitch up”. Legendary. Guinness for you, sir.
Brilliant Dennis Interview in FourFourTwo .
Irish coffees on the Bar (to keep the cold out) , while you’re reading .
http://fourfourtwo.com/interviews/one-on-one/371/article.aspx
Morning all. Iv’e just been released from the Quackery where I was treated successfully for 2 different conditions, Foot in Mouth and Tongue in Cheek. Seems I suffer from an oral fixation. Never fear, I’m much better now. Cheers!
Things are getting serious for Feelgood
The scene : in a retreat somewhere in the Home Counties, Dr Feelgood is still in the sanitised office, and his new “psychologist” is in the course of removing the visor from his Peruvian Anti Riot Suit……
Feelgood (trembling) : “Carlos?”
The man reveals his face, and smiling he says, “Well, I see I had you going there, Dr F”
Feelgood : “What the? How…but…???”
Edwin (motioning to the 2 muscular men) : “That will be all gentlemen, I’ll take it from here. Blondie, you can stay.”
The musclemen leave the office, dragging their knuckles in synchronised motion.
Feelgood : “You been working out – look at those bi-ceps?”
Edwin : “Just a bit of extra padding in the old suit – here help me get out of it.”
As Feelgood starts to unbuckle the straps, various pairs of Speedoes fall out of the garment, which have been stuffed in to either arm to give the appearance of muscular substance.
Edwin : “I knew Wolfie’s wardrobe would come in handy one day. Just as well he talked me out of that clear-out. Now did you get the cake? And the file?”
Feelgood : “Cake, yeah erm, delicious. File? I haven’t had time to read, I’ve been planning my escape.”
Edwin : “The cake wasn’t for eating Dr F, it had the tools of your exit strategy, cunningly concealed…. If you ate it…….”
Feelgood : “Oh, I though that was just my ulcer, calling out for more rum.”
Edwin : “Never mind, I have another plan. Your new shrink will be along in about an hour, I managed to get the fecker held up at Customs. I arranged for some of Harsha’s secret supplies to be stashed in his hand luggage. Now we have a lot to do, so close the door young Miss, and let’s get cracking….
As the door closes, Professor Storey, Dr Feelgood and The Blonde Girl with The Ponytail are seen going into a huddle………..
Meanwhile, at Heathrow Airport, a man with a Mexican passport is being throughly interrogated regarding the contraband in his luggage. He sports a large moustache and his underarms, not to mention his forehead, are swamped with perspiration. In a twist of irony, the erstwhile jailer is an interview away from spending the night behind bars…..
Customs Bloke (very formal): So Sir, can you tell me your original port of origin?”
El Jefe : “I flew in from Kloten airport this morning.”
Customs Bloke : “And what is the nature of your visit, business or pleasure?”
El Jefe : “Business.”
Customs Bloke : “And what would that business be, I wonder? I don’t suppose it could be related to the Class A narcotics found in your briefcase?”
El Jefe (uncertain) : “I err, don’t err…..”
Customs Bloke (aggressively) : “So just what is your business, eh? According to your visa your occupation is “various”….
El Jefe : “I have many talents. I am currently a practising psychology cosultant. Yes sir, I have been practicing very hard on the way over here. I have been summoned to this country to carry out an in-depth analysis of a highly dangerous patient.”
Customs Bloke : “Oh you’re here to hypnotise Feelgood….why didn’t you say so. (snaps his fingers) Show this man to the taxi rank, quick!
Next!………”
To be continued
If I could pass through Customs on the return to the UK by making a vague (or not so vague ;)) reference to Feelgood, I’d be a happy man 🙂
If you are a casual or first-time visitor to the drinks please let me apologise for the mind-altering nature of some of the drinks here. The hallucinagens have taken a serious hold on two or three of the regulars.
They would make a worthwhile study for a genuine trick cyclist…
Only one more extract of the Feelgood Files to come, and then the hallucinogens run out.
Probably. 😉
I doubt that somehow 😉
Heh, ‘holic
He’s the one they called Dr Feelgood,
He’s the one that’ll make you feel alright,
He’s the one you call Dr Feelgood,
He’ll be you Frankenstein!
Great stuff@158! Wasn’t Carlos the one heading to London Town though? 😉
Btw, I forgot, El Jefe is Mexican and Carlos is from where again?
Arghh, I feel a bit ill on this side here. Drinking too much on the weekend resulted in my falling asleep on the floor of my apartment without the heater on and waking up feeling like roadkill. Took a half day from work today and some cold medicine from the CMC, hence the inordinate number of posts today. If I time it just right though, I may be able to sleep and wake up in time for the game though.
Those articles were great reads Snir. I really have developed a soft spot for Santos. Great on the ball and stronger than he appears. His fitness is improving game by game as well. After Gibbs recovers from his hernia surgery who do you gooners prefer to start at left back? Another tricky choice eh…
Oh and pints of Guinness all around for everyone in the bar because remember kids, like Wesley Snipes says, “Always bet on black.”
😀 😀
Re: Shaft @136: Waxing lyrical again, big guy? 😉
Re: Dr. Feelgood @158: The suspense is getting too much ….
Re: Wind: I think Shaft emerged out of Mornington Crescent a little like Harry Potter at Platform 49 1/2. 😉
Wind @159 – Absolutely no problem mentioning Feelgood at Customs . After time spent away on foreign shores (swimwear conventions , that sort of thing ) , I always re-enter Old Blighty like this ….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgDrJ5Z2rKw
Mind you , as a result of my dancing feet and pyrotechnic hip wiggle , not to mention my soulful baritone , I am always immediately whisked off for a full invasive body-search , so if that ain’t your bag … 😉
Brilliant interview with DB10. Thanks TABS
My favorite bit was this:
“And I can see myself doing that at Arsenal – I could be part of that staff. ”
GOD please make it happen.
COYG
Canons – Carlos is Peruvian . Tsk . Keep up Dear Boy .
Feelgood – another great episode 🙂 🙂
So let me get this right . El Jefe has just talked his way through Customs , despite having a bag of Harsha’s secret supplies on him , and is on his way to interrogate /torture/psycho-analyse Feelgood , whilst Carlos is on his way back to London , having met with Shaft , and is about to infiltrate Harry’s Game ?
Even I’m finding it difficult keeping track of my own alter egos 🙂
Must bring them back under Smallballs parasol , but fear both series are too entertaining for that , so will have to let them run . However , I will draw the line at death . I’ve grown rather fond of them ! 🙂
No prob SlaSh , my own personal favourite was his description of Martin Keown ;-
“a fantastic trash talker” 🙂
tabs, you really need to get your children under control – they’re all over the place 😉
bt8bbgfg @ 168, heh! 🙂
Dancing feet eh tabs, that would be a sight to behold 😉
Dr Z – i know (!), very worrying developments . Will have to leave El Jefe to Feelgood’s machinations for the time being , but I fear that Carlos’ visit to T*ttenham’s training ground has too much comic potential to ignore 🙂
Wind – My Dancing feet can be seen fortnightly in The Tollie after every home win (approx 9.00) . Its just a blur of frenzied rhythm 🙂
When we win by more than three , I even treat Wolfie to an Argentinian Tango . Quite the specialists we are !
frenzied rythym – heh 😀
Peruvian you say….no wonder he plays the panflute during missions 😀
TOMMY Black !!
Nice one tabs 😉
Dancing machine yeh? 🙂
Bonkers!
You all are.
And I don’t even have the time to read.
Dear Mr Shouty, Tommy Black never played in the Champions League.
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/tommy-black
As I said, it was his brother, Michael…
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02075/suarez_2075991b.jpg
What a twat you have to give him that!
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/gooner-holic
Not sure what’s the point of the name in these sort of links then.
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/53/michael-ballack-no-not-really
Loved that Tommy Black-related link though.
http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/hoyte-brothers-could-join-a-select-group
Heh, my alter-ego has been rumbled Ollie. 🙂
Arsenal football Club in new initiative to curb supporters’ drinking habits:
http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/arrive-early-for-125-anniversary-celebrations
He looks just like you indeed, ‘holic. :p
TALK SHITE – THE STATION THAT KEEPS IT 100% SHITE
And what a week we have coming up for you . Here is the forthcoming schedule for what I’m sure you will agree will be an incredibly Shite day of Broadcasting :-
6 00 – 10 00 – Sit down to a relaxing Breakfast with our very own Bulldog-tastic Alan Brazil and his loveable lap-dog Ronnie Irani . As you munch your way through a proper full English , (Muesli is for poofs and foreigners) , thrill to a full four (yes , four) hours of unexpurgated xenophobia and reactionary reaction which is more prehistoric than a T-REX with a walking stick and a hearing aid . Wonder again at how Wooden top Irani can build a Broadcasting career based exclusively on 3 phrases , “Yes Alan” , “No Alan” and “we’ll be back after this long Ad-break” .
Here’s an exclusive segment from today’s show –
Alan : It’s such a shame , just such a shame , Kenny is doing a fantastic job , and to be robbed like that , the boy won the ball , how the referee sees that as a red card is disgraceful , we’re turning this sport into a game for birds .
Unknown Journo : Well , Alan , the rules do clearly state that if you launch yourself with both feet off the ground and with your studs showing , it’s a red card offence whether you win the ball or not .
Alan : Oh . But anyway , he wasn’t off the ground at the moment of impact . Scandalous decision by the Ref .
Unknown Journo : Well actually Alan , there’s a picture in today’s Daily Mirror clearly showing that at the moment of impact both feet were off the ground and with studs showing . A deserved red card .
Alan : Oh . Well I don’t care . I know what I saw . Forget the rules and the photo , never a foul . I love Kenny .
Yes folks with Shite like that , you just won’t be able to stay away .
And if that wasn’t enough , the Shite just keeps coming .
10 00-1 00 – It’s that loveable pair Richard Keys and Andy Gray . Listen with glee as the two “lads” rebuild their reputations from the carnage of the completely unfounded allegations of Sexism , unfounded even though they were caught on tape . Marvel again and again at how our Keysy , massive friend to the stars and all-round good egg , tries to stay “nice” for three hours and every day without fail , just misses out . 3 hours might be too long for Keysy’s charade , but sit back and admire the endeavour . Listen to interviews with “all-round top blokes” , so that our fun loving duo can engage in unmitigated back-slapping and self-congratulation . Gasp in awe at the humility when our Keysy proclaims how single-handedly “but in a very small way” , they brought football back from the brink with the advent of The Premiership , gasp again at how single handedly “but in a very small way ” our loveable duo helped get The Hillsborough Campaign back before Parliament .
Here’an exclusive excerpt from today’s show :-
Keysy : Andy , please make me gag on your knob .
Andy : Let’s wait Keysy . We’ve got our expert on Italian football coming in today .
Keysy : Great plan Andy . We can take the piss out of the fact she’s a woman and she’s talking about football , (what’s the world coming too eh ?) , then we can take the piss out of her inordinately funny Italian accent , and then we can take her out back and spit-roast her , the stupid bitch .
Well the gags keep coming don’t they . If you’re still standing after that , don’t worry because at 1 00 we’ve got ;-
1 00-4 00 yes folks the Hawksbee and Jacobs show . Now then Paul Hawksbee , notwithstanding his love of Sp*rs is witty , balanced and intelligent , so what’s he doing here I hear you say , ha ha , don’t you worry , he’s completely undermined by his nut job partner-in-crime Chelsea fan Andy Jacobs , a man who puts the M into misery guts . Marvel at the total lack of awareness or perspective as our Andy prattles on for three hours about Chelsea , giggle as he displays not one iota of shame as to the source of Abramovich’s wealth , chortle at the total lack of perspective if Chelsea lose . Here’s an excerpt from today’s show :-
Paul : Good Afternoon Andy . A good result for your boys this weekend …
Andy : Good Afternoon Paul . Chelsea were absolutely excellent . If Abramovich spends another £500m in the transfer window I’m confident we can win everything .
Paul : Hmm , a bit of a far cry from last week , when you said Chelsea would never win another game ever , that you would end up in The Rothmans Isthmian League , and that the only thing that would make matters worse was if you found out your best mate was having an affair with your wife .
Andy : Did I say that ? Well Paul , things change
Cutting edge incisive comment there I’m sure you listeners will agree . If that wasn’t enough for you lucky folks at home , at 4 00 , we have the jewel in the Crown , the most poisonous c*nt in football , if not the World .
4 00 – 7 00 – Adrian Durham brings you all the latest scoops and gives you your chance to have your say on all the latest football topics , unless you are more intelligent than him whereupon he will cut you off immediately . Remember folks , THICK is our game . Look at Darren “I’ve never read a book” Gough . What a role model ! A couple of years into the job , he’s still trying to make his first witty , meaningful or informative remark . Sit back and admire his industry in a job so patently unsuited to any talent he might have . All this and our daily competition “What’s Your name ?” Ring our ridiculously expensive hotline for a chance to win your own exclusive Talk Shite “Guide to being a complete F*ckwit” . Yes Dear Listeners , in this unbelievable offer , listeners are given the chance to phone up , and if you can remember your own name in under thirty seconds , you can win a Book worth £1 99 , and we can charge you £10 99 for the phone call . Everyone’s a winner !! And at 7 00 we have … err …
7 00-10 00 – Actually I don’t care . Sport is now on the BBC so even I flip over at this time , and I work for Talk Shite .
Don’t forget the Weekend folks . Horse-Killer Mickey Quinn talks you through how Liverpool will dominate “any day now” , Whilst Stan Collymore displays an unerring consistency on all football issues of the day . Pick a subject , any subject , and our Stan will always , yes always , talk Shite . Listen to Stan’s abject commentary , and then tune into the phone-in after all the results are in . Make your point , and sit back as Stan works himself into a lather so that he’s in the right frame of mind for a bit of Saturday night bird-bashing . Be a man and Follow the Stan – Keep it Shite and Bash your Bird .
TALK SHITE – IT IS WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN – SHITE !!
tabs, have you been recruited by the arseblogger to write the ‘talkshite’ scripts for the arsecast?
Excellent work! (I read the whole stuff with the corresponding voice) 😀
Someone in the web publishing is having a ball 😉
Sadly not Ollie . Perhaps you can put a word in for me on Sat 😉
And cheers for the kind words . Feel better now . Had to get that off my chest 🙂
Dribbles forward, looks for a runner to thread the through ball into…
It’s all about dribbling in this bar, Wind ;-).
Strolls forward with the ball.
Spots tabs available for a quick one-two.
Takes the ball down perfectly and give it back to Ollie in one movement . F*ckin’ poetry in motion this boy …
Gets return ball after the slowest one-two in the world (after all) and crosses it for the striker in the box…
And slams it home !!
Shoots?
Runs to join Ollie as the adoring Arsenal masses go down on their knees in acclaim of what must be one of the greatest goals of all time . 🙂
Ollie is the Liam Brady of these Drinks !
Aha, I am still the student, master tabs 🙂
‘Bows honorfully’
Well in tabs!
Keep practising Wind ! 😉
Hi Camberwell , how goes it today ? Readying yourself for a Greek feast ?
Congrats, tabs, great finish!
Cheers Ollie , but I think on this occasion all the credit must go to the architect of the move – the flame-haired french genius in the midfield .
The Final Scene : Doctor Feelgood has been brought, somewhat reluctantly, by the two muscular gentlemen, to a room he has never been in before, in the retreat somewhere in the Home Counties. He is seated at a small table, and the room is very bright, due to the sunlight that streams in from two very large bay windows. His new sparring partner strides into the room, and doesn’t waste any time…..
El Jefe : “Well if it isn’t the hardly-famous, Feelgood. We meet again.
Feelgood : “I never forget a face , but in your case I have obviously made a necessary exception. Those armpits look disgustingly familiar though.”
El Jefe : “You should have hired me when you had the chance, Feelgood. Now the tables are turned. This time I get to ask YOU the questions. Only with a twist….”
Feelgood : “What do you mean?”
El Jefe : “My brief was to hypnotise you. I believe there are much simpler ways to get to the depth of your subconscious…..”
The Mexican proceeds to take a massive hypodermic syringe from his medical bag (or rather, Sainsbury’s bag)
Feelgood : “You brought treats!”
El Jefe : “This my deat Doctor, is the strongest Truth Serum known to medical science.”
At this point, the Blonde Girl with The Ponytail enters the room and quietly opens the bay windows on either side. She speaks softly to the musclebound guards who look shocked and immediately rush out the door. El Jefe, pre-occupied with his patient, doesn’t notice.
El Jefe (droning tunelessly) : “Now then, just a little pin prick…..you may feel a little sick….”
Feelgood: (aggressively) : “Who are you calling a prick you….”
His mouth clamps shut, his body goes rigid and he sits upright and his eyes bulge stare outward, vacantly……
El Jefe stands over the patient and continues “singing” out of tune : “Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me, is there anyone at home? There is no pain, you are receding…..”
He pauses for a minute to let the drug take effect.
El Jefe : “Now I’m going to ask you some questions. I want you to answer, simply. Don’t attempt to complicate things, just keep it simple, do you understand?”
Feelgood (robotically) : “Yes.”
El Jefe : “How many people are in the room?”
Feelgood : “Three.”
El Jefe looks up and notices for the first time that there is only him, Feelgood and the Blonde in the room. Momentarily uncertain, he presses on…..
El Jefe : “How old are you?”
Feelgood : “I was born…………………..in a crossfire hurricane.”
El Jefe (distracted and annoyed) : “No! Clear and simple answers please! Now, where was I? Right, where do you live?”
Feelgood : “Scotland.”
El Jefe : “And where do you work?”
Feelgood (genuinely puzzled) : “Work?”
El Jefe : “Who’s in charge?”
Feelgood : “Roxette.”
El Jefe: “You are Wolfgang Smallballs, true?”
Feelgood : “No.”
El Jefe (shouting) : “You are Carlos. You are Edwin. You are the Sweeper. There is no Dr Spin, no Misters. TELL THE TRUTH. It’s all in your head! There is no Happy Train!!!
Feelgood “Not for you, you sweaty cocksucker!” He leaps from the chair and kicks the Mexican square in the nuts with his trademark Doctor Martens. He grabs the Blonde by the hand and they both storm out the window and rush toward the open fields…..overhead a helicopter can be heard. As it approaches, the Red and White livery can be clearly seen, with the initials FF emblazoned on the side., astride a massive cannon. At the controls a beaming Professor Storey is grinning from ear to ear…….
Edwin : “Where to Doctor F?”
Feelgood : “The Tollington Arms, Edwin, I’ve got an idea for my book!”
Epilogue : Some time later in the Executive Suite, D L Ltd :
Feelgood : “You really are a genius, Edwin, if it hadn’t been for you I might never have seen the Arsenal live again.”
Edwin: “I couldn’t have done without the blonde.”
Feelgood : “None of us can do without a blonde, Edwin.”
Edwin : “Heh. There is one thing I never could quite fathom out though…”
Feelgood: “What’s that?”
Edwin : “How did you manage to resist the truth drug?”
Feelgood : “It would take more than a malodorous Mexican with a little prick to get me to tell the truth……”
Cant make tomorrow night mate, absolutely gutted to miss you and an opportunity to be introduced to the management. A certain extremely beautiful proxy (you know who) will acquiring book on my behalf and asking your good self to sign it for me.
Have a good one!
Feelgood @208 – heh 🙂 🙂 Excellent finale , or is it ? 😉
Methinks it will take more than a kick in the nuts to dissuade a “malodourous mexican” from stalking him , and I’m sure Carlos will be back on your scent after he’s finished his little business at Cheshunt .
And when Shaft finally takes a break from siring all ladies who have broken through the 25 stone barrier , he might also have something to say .
Still , rather pleased Feelgood lives to fight another day 🙂
Feelgood Files 😀
Hmmm, looks like I might miss kick-off or just about catch it.
Well, hoping I can find a stream when I get home.
Bit annoyed.
Bah.
Off soon. Ish. Hopefully.
Tabs@155: Excellent DB10 interview in 442. The prospect of him coaching even part-time is tantalizing. I didn’t want to know, though that his immortal goal against Newcastle had a little bit of luck. It is my favorite of his, and will always be pure skill to me.
Zico@173: 🙂
Tabs@176: Are you setting up an unexpected plot twist? Will Carlos turn out to be Carlos Gardel? I can see Shaft squeezing a bandoneon.
Ollie@184: Some tomfoolery going on here? http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/arse-blog resolves to the same page.
Tabs@190: Sheer brilliance.
Tabs@200: And the double century!!!!! This is just your day….
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/anything seems to resolve to that page:
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/feel-good
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/wolfie
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/shaft
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/tabs
even
http://www.arsenal.com/history/profiles/54/north-bank-ned
Heh 🙂 , Cheers Ned , and first with the team news …
Arsenal team – Fabianski – Djourou – Squillaci – Vermaelen (c) – Santos – Frimpong – Coquelin – Benayoun – The Ox – Arshavin – Chamakh
Subs: Rosicky – Mannone – Miquel – Eastmond – Ozyakup – Yennaris – Park Ju Young
Off to Away juicer of Choice , so Good luck Everybody .
COME ON THE ARSENAL !!!
CoqPong combo in the middle! There’s a chance we may see some filthy tackles.
ComONUSupeREDS!
Clearly a day to have what you are having, Tabs, so next one on me.
Save for Rosicky that is the most experienced team to be wrung out of that squad. Guess the game plan is for the old heads to soak up the win-or-go-out pressure of Olympiacos, and then unleash young legs at the tired ones later on.
Just about caught up in time.
I think that team should give it a good go.
Pre match tipples on me.
Have to say I’m quite wary of the fact that Santos and TV are playing.
err – blues
Come on you Gunners!
Mr T, Nurse Wolfie, and all other Quackery Staff.
It has come to my attention that Dr F has managed to get out of Broadmoor, this means one of two things.
Fucking Mexicans, can’t trust them with anything.
1) We are back on alert. In which case, Wolfie, have a word with Carlos and gee his Peruvian arse up.
2) It is possible that he may have calmed down a bit. In case of this, we’d better use that opium that El Jefe sneaked through Heathrow. Get a few pipes ready in case he wants to parley.
PS… Mr T, we’ve got the contingency plan in place, yeah?
Come on you Reds!
Keep it steady… 😀
Great ball in from Pele’s old side
More comedy defending……
Panic panic panic panic panic……
What the fuck is going on back there?
I was really afraid the Coq wouldn’t stand up.
it’s the keystone cops against a herd of angry honey badgers.
weirdest 35 minutes i’ve ever seen of football.
ok, i am literally laughing out loud (crying inside) at our backup goalkeeping corpse.
last one for the moment, but if the young guns (and their mildly insane elders) aren’t embarrassed by this, they won’t be embarrassed by nothing.
No worries if shezza gets injured. We are fortunate that our back up keepers are top drawer. Different class, and I really do mean different class.
O dear, o dear.
All I can say is thank Denis for Woj.
Why on earth doesn’t Mannone catch the ball on the 2nd ‘shot’? He’s back in his area.
Unforgiveably bad…
Maybe we should try Squillaci in goal.
Mannono
I honestly don’t know what to say. 😐
Tabs/Talk Shite and Feelgood.
Wonderful stuff.
God knows what you are both on,but whatever it is,it certainly works.
Long may it continue.
Cheers
The Sweeper.
2 goalkeeping mistakes, 2 goals. ugh.
is the ox even on the field?
I think we need a yellow away shirt….asap
Does anyone think we would be stronger if we played jd in goal and vito at right back?
And even Agent Chamakh has resorted to the theatrics to get the job done ‘holds head in hands’
Steve T, Yes.
Why Yellow Tim?
I actually really like the blue, lovely colours 🙂
Cos we look like Wycombe and tend to play like them….
wind, blue matches my mood about this game, so far.
Let’s grab a goal and then let Arsene sort this lot out. Vermaelen up top, Djourou in goal and Mannone as holding MF.
Half-Time…
I know how you feel Scruz… 🙁
I can’t decide if this is a Tragedy or Comedy. 😐
Well, if I had paid good money to be in Greece I would be on the phone to my lawyer right now.
And the funny thing about that is that I don’t even have a lawyer.
I hope Arsene can sort this lot out, otherwise his 200th game in Europe is going to be a morbid affair.
joshua, as we’re playing a greek team i’d venture a tragedy.
if a comedy, it’s *dark*.
Arshavin going back to Russia in January, in exchange we get 4 gallons of potato soup. The soup is likely to create more goals.
I think the tragedy right now is that the ‘Holic pound speculative punt on Djourjou seems to have been in vain 🙁
That first half didn’t make for comfortable watching. Still, a good lesson for the 2nd XI in being pressed. At what point do the Olympiacos legs turn to lead? And how many more goalkeeping howlers before then? Are either Arshavin or Benayoun actually playing?
A better second half please.
Come on Arsenal.
Please god no.
Please.
Don’t let that injury to Santos be bad.
Please.
agreed SG – can do without that…
What on earth is Mannone doing?
So the back 4 for Everton and City is quite obvious now.
Djourou, PM, Kos, TV.
I can’t believe this. How stupid was it to risk Santos.
Santos I want you fit for Saturday please!
2 RBs injured. 2 LBs injured.
Who said the injury gods are better to us this season?
Why was Santos even playing?
Very strange decision.
ATG – it looks a really bad one.
more of the same, so far. sheesh.
a good moment: nice tackle for a goalkick, dj.
I just finished installing my dishwasher not looking good Snir is it? :O
annnnnd, there’s one. well played!
Benagoooooooooon!
We look lost that’s the issue there is no confidence in our second string!
Yes Yossi!
Yossiiiii!
maybe that’ll clear the collective head a bit.
Goaaaaaal
Come on Beanyoun!
How is it not 3-1?
Ikr Joshua, huge sigh of relief from me…
What the hell is Mannone doing, Jesus!
i will say, though, that even as headless as the arsenal chicken has looked, they’re not giving up. there’s some pretty intense graft going on out there.
Christ…almost undid the good work instantly…ball bounced 3 times in our box….attack the ball Arsenal..
Joshua not too sure myself fella!
We’re building up a head of steam…or something…
Not pleased with Vermaelen there, never though I’d hear myself say those words.
Wind. Do you mean the header that went wide when Mannone came out to claim it? That was Squillaci’s mistake.
i need a drink.
what the hell is going on with passing in the midfield?
Happy to see Rosicky.
I’m sorry TV5, I knew I never say those words in correctiveness!
Squillaci on the other hand…
See that mistake.
Scandalous.
Out in january, Espanyol come and get him!
what an ugly scrum after that olympiakos corner. get it OUT!
More fucking urgency please, these guys should play better than this!
Well if one good thing is gonna happen tonight, its going to be Scruzgooner getting his maiden century hopefully.
Ready Scruz?
to the woodshed with this lot, i think, arthur.
Wear that shirt with pride ffs!
Thawt was better!
now mannone is down with a shoulder injury. holy crap, maybe tv5 WILL be in goal.
Rosicky and Yossi look to be the only players coming out of this game with any credit.
What is that lad doing oh dear!
and flicks it in?
What happened to Fabianski?
oooooh, yes…runs to the corner flag to celebrate…:)
fabs looks to have gotten his leg sliced open.
Take TV off now and play the rest of the game with 10. We can’t risk him.
Get in Scruz!!!!
Wind’s excellent decision to freeze his methods of assisting (laptop) preventing another mis-hit from Scruz!
Well in scruzgooner. More effective than Arshavin.
AtG, Fabianski went off injured. Mannone trying to give Almunia a chance to come back as backup keeper.
Arsene got told off from the 4th official for bouncing the ball down did you see that?
Well in scruz.
One of the highpoints of the evening. 😉
Wind runs up to the corner flag to celebrate with the Arsenal fans with Scruz, although they’re down right now, they are by far not out 😀
What happened to Fabianski and who let in two goals?
thanks, fellas, it certainly is the high point for me, unless the lads can actually convert another try.
cheers for the frozen assist, wind. 🙂
Young left back is our best player. Will ask again, why risk Santos?
Only thing I can think about is the severity of Santos’ injury.
AA and Chamakh have to go, just have to go.
see @303 for fabs, and a goalkeeping mistake by fabs and one by mannone let in their goals. ours was honest, so to speak.
learn to pass the ball from those positions, OX!
as badly as we’ve played, we’re actually still within a shout of drawing this. *shakes head* amazing.
No worries Scruz, glad to help you get off the mark mate 🙂
We just went close with Arshavin and the Ox as well.
I’m in disbelief almost.
Evening all!
Does anyone have a reliable stream for the last couple of mins?
@316….orrrrrrr not.
Offside much?
ffs…
Errrr, s’ok. Don’t bother 🙁
http://www.realtvsport.com/channel-2.php
but it’s all over bar the shouting.
Deserved win for Olympiacos.
I hope Dortmund hold on for the draw or Arsenal will have lost for nothing.
They should have murdered Marseille especially in the first half though.
Fucking fucking fucking utter cunts.
Just as I pressed ‘submit’.
I am a fucking jinx.
Cunts cunts cunts are in the next round now.
Marseille leading 3-2.
agreed, joshua@324, we’ve been kaak.
at least we’re first in the group, and shouldn’t have to play our weakened team much again in the cl.
sorry, but there’s no eyeroll to mark @329.
game over.
Olympiakos can get stuffed.
Dirty play from them, even in light of our god poor performance.
well, fellas, it’s been fun, thanks for helping me break my ‘holic century maidenhead…
Glad that’s over.
These lads need to take charge this looked very ordinary even our second string!
Dortmund lost 2:3 what are they like!
No problem at all Scruz, many more centuries for you to come 🙂
It’s been a long time since I’ve been so gutted by a football evening.
Nevermind us losing, Dortmund just gave up and gave qualifications to the biggest cunts in French football.
And Cuntski won?
A bad bad bad evening. I now expect Santos to be out until the end of the season.
ALLEZ OM
Well I am honestly not sure what to say about all of that. I know it meant nothing but that was about as poor as I can remember. Thank fuck it is over.
Today was utterly horrible.
Not only did Chelsea win, Genk drew with Leverkusen and Chelsea have won the group.
All I can think about right now is AW’s team news about Santos.
I hear that Wenger is looking at bidding for a promising young forward who is looking to leave Chelski – he is french apparently and has previous form – his name is something like St Nick Onnulka?
Only one thing is important right now and that is Santos’ injury. Everything else isn’t important for now.
On a happy note as a Cypriot, Apoel Nicosia finished top of their group, an amazing achievement really. Of course they’ll probably get Man Utd now but all the same it’s not bad going considering they had to play three qualifying rounds just to get to the group stage.
Sod Chelski and silly Dortmund there were 2:1 up and only have them selves to blame!
Good learning curve for the younger ones but I have to say this those more experienced did not turn and they need to sort it out!
Arshavin once a great player is now a sub, that says a great deal about him!
God forbid to keep Santos for a long time please.
Doubles at he bar as I think we can celebrate being top of the group!
Come on you REEEEEDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSS!
Have to say, Sam Lyon from BBC Sport is a Cunt.
That is all.
I hope this was one of those games that the second string learns from their mistakes. The feeling after this game compared to the feeling after the beer cup game vs Citeh couldn’t be more different.
Miquel did enough when he came on to suggest he should have started. He has looked better with each game he’s played this season. I am not too worried about him subbing for Santos in the EPL if that proves necessary.
Yeah NBN, his subbing on led inadvertently to Benayoun’s cracker of a volley.
He’s looked good in the Carling Cup as well in the 3rd and 4th Rounds, he can only get better in my eyes.
One thing about Arshavin, and his decline has been as sad as it has been disappointing, is that it is vindication of AW’s wariness of buying expensive stars. Arshavin was, after all, Arsenal’s record signing at the time (Feb 2009). Admittedly Arshavin is a playmaker and, for whatever reason he has not played in that role for us, but in a wide role for which he no longer has the pace. Yet it also may be the case that AW is just not very good at buying established players. I can’t think of many he has paid big money for that have worked out well. He can spot the potential in lesser talents and develop it so it fits in the team’s system. He can make good players great, but not, it seems, great players greater.
I know we have had some injuries tonight but if Park can’t get a game tonight then you have to wonder what the hell he has been bought for.
AA has to go. Now.
I’m predicting four weeks for Santos.
I was thinking the same thing throughout the whole game, Steve.
Why 4 weeks? What have you heard?
Snir, I get the feeling your slightly worried about Santos.
H2H. If we have so little faith in him then why are we paying him a wage? What a waste.
Ned, I hear you re AA. My view is that we had far too many players who we have bought that all played that role but that for some reason we played out wide. I don’t think we have ever tried to get the best out of AA. Technically he is one if the best at the club.
No God in squad of 3 – hmmmm
Arshavin bye, bye. I’ll put him on the plane myself. Djourou had a poor game, too bad. The Pong needs to be more disciplined, as he was responsible for that 3rd goal. The little the Ox had the ball, he impressed me. Rosicky should have started the game and Benny had a beautiful goal. Our goalies performances were like watching an episode of Laurel and Hardy. Strange game indeed.
H2H – I know I’m going on and on about this but I’m terrified by the fact that we have no healthy full back at the club. Not one.
Steve – Haven’t heard anything…Just from the way it looked I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a sprain. Probably four weeks like Chicharito suffered against Villa.
Re santos. Can I suggest we wait for the official word. Wild speculations just fuel rumours and quite frankly do no one any good.
Good point Steve.
Re AA, flair players like him play on confidence, unfortunatly for us, his is shot.
Rumors? I’m only writing it in this bar. What you do with it is your choice 🙂
I didn’t think this bar is a place for rumors spreading 😀
How obvious is it that United will finish 2nd and get Apoel?
Snir. I said that speculation fuels rumours. I just suggested that we don’t speculate and just wait for the official word. That’s all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT-pNYPYE4g&feature=player_embedded
This is ridiculously funny. 😆
Oh, I know Steve, I was just kidding. Was saying that I’m only speculating and in this bar and if it becomes a rumor it means someone else is to blame 😉
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Fabianski felt a deep cut on the knee and Santos suffered a bad ankle injury. He looks like he will be out for a while.
We have Gibbs coming back in two to three weeks. Hopefully Santos will not be too long but, for Saturday against Everton, he looks to be short. We have as well Vermaelen who can play in his position.
AW on Santos.
Evening Holics
I’m glad we have all kept our sense of humour on a night that can only be described as a Comedy of Errors.
How glad I am that RVP, Theo and Rambo were no where near that game, otherwise our injury list could have been horrendous.
What were our keepers up to, the defence was all over the place and JD had a nightmare. We seemed overawed by the crowd who never let up their fervent support until the last minute when they realised that their efforts had been in vain (apart from Benny’s goal this was the best moment of the night).
Should Santos not be fit for Saturday I would play Miquel , he did OK when he came on and I would be reluctant to move TV5 from the centre.
It appears the kids have still got a lot to learn. Playing away from home, in front of a hostile crowd, is a completely different ball game(no pun intended).
See you all at the Ems on Saturday, when I fully expect to see our first team celebrate our 125th birthday in style.
As always COYRs