Ode To Joy
Aug 12th, 2015 by 'holic
For weeks we were treated to fillet, the pre-season dining was fine,
Three weekends, three trophies, we did it, and toasted the Gunners with wine.
So on Sunday the train journey eastwards, was filled with the growing belief,
That The Arsenal were destined for trophies, a title perchance, oh relief.
Now the first day of any new season is laced with surprises and gloom,
You hope it’s not us, but it was, to the glee of purveyors of doom.
“That Cech, told you so, what a stinker, and don’t start me off on Giroud”,
One by one our faults are transmitted, “that Coquelin, he’s rubbish too”.
But of course we have seen this so often, and more often than not we bounce back,
Though of course we could do with some cover, and a goalscorer in the attack.
But the squad we have now should be able, though they had a bad day it is true,
To get some reward at the Palace, and take points off the red scousers too.
Bank holiday, off to the Geordies, play hard, and battle, in we’ll dig,
Then the chaos will hit three days later, deadline day, and a chance to spend big.
Yes of course it could be so much better, there’s no doubt that the start was not great,
Yet there’s much to look forward to also, and in May we might just celebrate.
*I’ll get me coat…*
147 Responses to “Ode To Joy”
the apparition of these doomers in the crowd
petals on a wet, black bin liner.
*hands the guv his coat, and a large pimms no. 1 cup, and a safari hat.*
Fine poetry ‘holic.
Thanks scruz.
Great to see you Fin. Hope all is ok, other than your piss-poor judgement on what constitutes poetry, of course!
π
Cheers All. I still love this place.
A drink on the bar for all who “know” me and those who don’t.
New season. 37 more league games to go. I’m still optimistic. We still have a chance at 111 more points we won’t win them all but at the start of each game we have a better than usual chance of winning the maximum.
Chins held high all. We are The Arsenal.
I know you lots NorCal, so I have just pulled the cork out with my teeth and added the bottle to your tab! π
It is customary for me to say, at about this point in each bar, something like: “Fine piece Guv’nor”.
COYG
*holds chins high*
Chins π
Reminds me of an old favourite joke.
“Les, you have a bit of gravy on your chin.”
…
“Not that one!”
Heh! Not bad for a load of old bollocks ! π
Interesting print format – each line, I believe, disguising two lots of iambic pentameter.
As one does, of course ! π
Drinking like Dr Z, Holic?
Beware of the Pirates when you drink straight from the flagon.
Can’t resist a poetic response, Holic – (in your own rhythm, sir)
If we don’t get three points at the Palace,
There’ll be calls for the manager’s head,
If he can’t score three goals at the Palace,
It could mean that Giroud’s career’s dead.
If Cech let’s in three goals at the Palace,
He could find himself out in the cold,
Our number three-three at the Palace,
Replaced by Ospina, I’m told. ( not really !)
If we can score three goals at the Palace,
We’ll find ourselves back in the hunt,
With joy for our own Arsene Wenger,
But not Alan Pardew, the cunt.
*pass me my coat while you’re there*
π
Brilliant Trev.
What a load of laureates, the lot of yer. Great stuff….in keeping with this bar. Cheers one & all.
I had an iambic pentameter once, but I swapped it for a bag of marbles and some conkers.
Cheers, H.
Inspired by your own great stuff. π
Norcal..good to hear from you…hope things are well in Mt Shasta. Thanks for the drink….please send your credit card details to the guv’na at the Tollie…Lars will no doubt fill you in with the procedure. π
Cheers Uply!
Hope I can buy you a real drink sometime this season.
Other than the usual fires this time of year, all is well here. Hope the same is with you.
Yes, Uply,
I hope you only have the usual fires too. π
Norcal…is that smoke from the trees or “Northern Californian Finest” you are referring to π
Keep the bar informed when you are coming over…..there’s plenty who will avail themselves of your drink offer. If it co-insides with visit from
Dr Z, better double your spend budget as a minimum.
Trev..heh π
Poetry?
Who’da thunk it?
champion stuff ‘holic
champion
π
.
.
UP THE ARSENAL !
**mentally attempts to convert the high quality of our pre-season dining into similar in-season dining experience.**
Will the Eva Carneiro episode finally lead to Mourinho”s hubris catching up with him?
Like …
Chelsea having a disastrous injury plagued season, say?
23
my ideal would be a run of performances
so unbelievably shite
that even the pompous one
would struggle to blame them
on someone or something else
π
There would still be another 7.125 billion people in the world to blame before himself, cba.
As bath said @20, poetry? π
would be fun waiting on the
“the dog ate my teamsheet” one though, ned
π
Venezuelan ESPN Deportes presenter Jeinny Lizarazo, has posted a video stating that, if her information that we will Sign Karim Benzema during this transfer window is not true, she has agreed to be punished!
Now looking at her rationally, I think I will take her up on her challenge with both hands.
π
I see we’ve launched a new cup kit. Cup being marketing talk for shit.
Jeremy Corbyn, Arsenal fan.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/jeremy-corbyn-signed-motion-saying-arsenal-is-the-best-football-team-in-the-world-10452120.html
@27 –
Jeinny Maria Lizarazo Rodriguez was born on January 13th, 1983.
Here is what Wikipaedia has to say about her –
“Lizarazo was discovered in Miami Beach by a TV producer who invited her to participate in a contest on the popular Telemundo network program Descontrol. She won and was chosen to be a co-host of the weekly dance music show.
Lizarazo has appeared in various novelas since 2010, notably the Telemundo network’s Perro Amor, ΒΏDΓ³nde EstΓ‘ Elisa?, Alguien Te Mira, and La Casa de al Lado; and the Venevision-Univision co-production, El TalismΓ‘n. She is frequently a co-host, presenter, and comic actress on variety shows and talk shows, including Nitido, El Gordo y la Flaca, and Este Noche Tu Night con Felipe Viel.
In addition to modeling, Lizarazo studied at the University of Miami Journalism – Media studies (Radio and TV), including acting Meisner technique under actor-teacher SebastiΓ‘n Ligarde. She also studied under Academy Award-nominated actress Adriana Barraza.”
Clearly the definitive source for information on Karim Benzema.
Carry on ……….
In March 2014, Lizarazo began appearing as a Miami correspondent on the Spanish TV sports program El Chiringuito de Jugones.[1][2][3]
Sorry, the last bit escaped the quote marks – but why wouldn’t it. π
@ 30 – All the more reason for me to take her up on her challenge!
π
I see Alexis is ready for Sunday’s game! π
Rest up Eagles! π
See for yourself!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_BYpjsQguw
What about a day when every contribution has to be in verse? It would elevate us even further above the Grove and Online Gooner
Plb
Drinking in verse?
Can’t see it myself
The standard now bad
Would surely get worse.
*Searches for coat*
TTG,
It might, it might,
But it could be shite !
Speaking purely as an uninvolved observer I don’t see why anybody might think Eva Carneiro would want to “regain Mourinho’s trust” after he humiliated her in public when she did nothing wrong. There are lots of better jobs out there for someone with her qualifications.
http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/33906491
KingGT@27, apparently Jeinny Lizarazo’s idea of punishment is to have Arsenal fans pour buckets of cold water over her.
Each to their own, I suppose.
Agreed, bt8.
She should resign completely as of now on the grounds that she is unable to fulfill her duty of care to the players because she is not allowed near the pitch.
Failing to provide that duty of care would leave her in breach of the conditions of employment as laid out by the Football Medical Association, rendering her unable to do her job.
Of course, the better reason for walking straight out the door would be to leave Mourinho and Chelsea right in the shit.
Where they belong.
Every drink a rhyme?
Where’d we find the time
To moan and groan
Let alone
To persist with a self-assist?
*No really, I don’t need that many coats…*
Ned,
That could make her even more attractive if you, er, catch my drift.
π
I suppose you could see her point, Trev. ?
And what is it about Venezuelan TV presenters and football?
http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/row-zed/naked-news-venezuelan-tv-presenter-5898592
What about a day when every contribution has to be in verse?
No way
JosΓ©
Venezuela gets her, we get Fletch and Sav.
Fucksticks.
or haiku:
there is nothing in
the bar that intimates how
soon jose will fail.
fall sun, green grass is
slick underfoot. only
drinking remains now.
Time to return to the British poetic forms, scruz? :0
Along the lines, bt8b, of
There was a young doc from Gibraltar,
π
a little nash, maybe?
the scum
the scum, if i’m not askant;
supply us humor, laughs, and chant.
let others say they’re skill endowed–
i call it stupid, they’re in our shadow.
ttg, we have had a whole drinks session with pretty much every drink written in verse. Think it was started by the main post also being written in some form of verse. Can’t remember when or what it was about, but it was a few years ago.
Ok Ned, let’s try yours,
There was a young Doc from Gibraltar,
In the papers you’ll probably have caught ‘er,
‘Cos Mourinho the c*nt
Has given her the shunt
For running on when she didn’t oughta.
π
waheeyyy, trev!
Our goalie is not in his prime,
Thirty-three is too far down the line.
I just have a hunch
That ridiculous punch
Has not been seen for the last time.
I prefer David Ospina
His handling is just so much cleaner,
That number thirteen’s
A shot stopping machine,
I think he should be a first teamer.
*zips up coat and leaves*
Lotta singin’ after we lost.
What we’ll happen when we win?
Just tell me the ale you’re on and I’ll switch, immediately.
Ospina scans better than Cech, that’s for sure. π
Ospina IS better than Cech, that’s for sure too. π
Trev@52: top notch.
There was a young Doc from Gibraltar,
On medical skills you canβt fault her
With a hide like a rhino
To tweet off Mourinho
Even JT wouldnβt assault her
POETS day used to be on Fridays in my day…..just saying π
Ned @ 39 That’s what she thinks! π
Carpe diem, Uply. And at our age, that is probably any day you can get…
KingGT@62: In your dreams…
Ned, nice one!
Nutters.
Yes, you! π
Life long support of The Arsenal may have something to do with it Holic π
Now back to the PGA golf….great watching.
ned@ 62 Speak for yourself mate! π
and another on the dock:
there was a young doc from gibraltar,
one whom moaningho couldn’t halter,
she was doing the job
that jose would then rob,
when he found that he couldn’t just halt ‘er.
Agreed on the golf, Uppy. Some course that. I suspect i would need 2 dozen balls to complete a round there. π
Heh ‘holic…think I would still be looking for my balls in the rough ( ooh er missus). Good to see a course where every shot had danger written holic.
Ned 63 . You’re correct – It’s hard enough remembering what day it is nowadays π
Scruz…here’s one back at yer.
There was a doc from Gibraltar
Looks wise you couldn’t fault her
What makes me sad
It’s just too bad
She’s young enough to be my daughter
@ 70. Should be a comma between danger and holic. Hope that’s not even more confusing. Time for sleep me thinks.
The lass from Venezuela
Knows all about Benzaimer
She met him once
They shared some lunch
And played her vuvuzela.
Y’all too sophisticated for me. I like to keep it simple:
Jose Mourinho is dickless
Jose Mourinho is dickless
Terry is a cunt
Terry is a cunt
Jose Mourinho is dickless
Some Goonerholics
Write doggerel bollix
With rhymes perverse
And scanning worse
But droller still
Is their football skill
With weekly analyses
Riddled with fallacies
These mediocrities
Who think they’re Socrates
Γskar
uply, being young at heart can get you a long way… π
There once was a winger called Eden
Lying flat on the ground barely breathin’
When up from the bench
Jumped a sexy young wench
With hands like a porn star from Sweden
Γskar
Uply@70: I can remember this morning as if it was yesterday…
And one for Otd that seems appropriate for this set of drinks:
http://www.philosophyfootball.com/product_images/pimg536956f573f33_front
Wrong Socrates, Ned! Although yours knew a thing or two about doctoring. Even if Women, Cigarettes and Beer were his favourite vices. They may be mine too, if you substitute wine and cognac for cigarettes and beer. We agree on women anyway.
Some advice for Jose. Or did he perhaps write this? http://www.4dfoot.com/2013/10/07/blaming-the-world-for-defeat-ten-tips-for-aspiring-managers/
Γskar
Good morning, good morning
Wipe your eyes, stop yawning
I agreed the mood is currently somber
Until the teams victories begin spawning
The aftermath of Sunday was not great
There was moaning, groaning and self imposed hate
There was reason and optimism ahead of the teams next date
Well only two more sleeps now, not long to wait
Btw: no news, is hopefully good news π
It’s Friday godamn it! Press conference & training photo day, the return of Alexis Sanchez day
* okay, I’ll run for cover*
π
Morning lollygaggers, I hope the weather is better where you are than here.
wine and cognac oskar ?
so ye ain’t half a bitter man
howdy ‘holic
howdy ‘holics
π
(pishing down here ‘hol)
Great story:
http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/20150813/wenger-the-story-of-the-vieira-signing
August 14, pre-Crystal Palace
** TEAM NEWS: Bellerin available for Palace
** Wenger – Defeat is not a blessing
** Boss – We are cautious with Jack
** ‘How you respond makes your season’
** βCoughs and sneezes spread diseases’
** βMichael Aspel makes your morningβ
** βThe sun’ll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar…β
** βWatch out, watch out, there’s a Humphrey aboutβ
** βJose Mourinho? I’ll shit himβ
Press conference ends.
Good soundbites, Cynic.
Sorry to hear that cba, but there is a reason for that Emerald Isle tag π
** π
** π
With soundbite skillz like those I should be leader of the Labour party
It may be a pathetic fallacy
But I’m starting to feel all Palacey
Three points for a win
Will bring back my grin
And stop me from feeling so Gallasy
Coat already ordered
Application for Poet Laureate ripped up
Quite correct TTG….it’s nowhere near bad enough for that job π
As we’re heading towards the ton, this will painfully move us on the way!
The team is ready for the game at Palace
They will need to show a lot more malice
Le Coq is there to put it about
Flim Flam will no doubt point & shout
And Pardieu of course is a massive phallus
Now where’s that application form π
90 cynic
blogs has more twitter followers
than corbyn and burnham combined
perhaps time for an arsenal government ?
get yer hat in the ring
π
Let me try to i may just get away with it in between such lovely poetry.
He just ceched in give him sometime,
He is 10-12 points banker anytime.
The cheerleaders are awesome at selhurst park,
Now get 3 points before it gets dark,
Aaron needs to keep it simple and short,
Le Coq needs to remember whom to thwart,
Alexis Sanchez baby Alexis Sanchez ohhhho,
Santi its time to ignite and let it go.
Per should stop waving his hand and stand,
Mesut should assist more with his magic wand.
We are The Arsenal by far the best in the world,
Time to win and let the title challenge unfold.
Well thats my 2 cents.
Brevity and levity.
My aspiration.
Uply @93 almost contending with Dr. T quality. π
… and TTG @91. Palace is a good candidate for rhyming partners, it turns out …
Speculative cross.
Up the wing with ferocious pace, cuts inside and makes a quick inside pass…
…after receiving the speculative cross from ned, of course π
inside pass turned into a corner shot, in fact!
;lol:
Thanks Ned!
(I meant π )
Well in for the ton, KGT. Keeper probably had his head buried in The Complete Anthology of Modern Poetry.
kGT
ye panached the fuck outta that
π
.
8ball 96 π
That goal was dedicated to the return of Alexis!
π
Here’s to a hard graft match this Sunday too! π
Bt8b. Thanks, I think π
Well in for the ton K GT
Ned 103. Fanciful thinking there….footballers picking up a book π
It must have been the colouring book edition, Uply.
things can be simple
yesterday about 4
wee calf dragged out
the business end of it’s mother
head held in a birthing do-dad
arse walloped on the yard
quick bucket of water round it’s chops
15 mins later
it traipsed across the field with it’s mammy
admittedly with all the grace of peter crouch ice-skating
but traipsed it did
rained all night
the wee fecker just sauntered past me
not a bother
just wait to sunday
piece o piss
π
mind you
it did leave a big red mess
in the yard
and the dogs fought
to lick up the mush
so pay no heed to me
.
Can’t pass over Oskar’s contribution @77. π
Ned….heh. Expect most of them get their agent to help them out with it π
Cba..that’s a grand story….Mother Nature is a marvellous thing.
Cheers guys!
I’m amped about Sunday! Hope the lads are too. Will literally be a ‘dog fight’. π
8ball
his 75
last two lines
should have been “us”
then “we’re”
no ?
less maureeny ?
howdy Up
never ceases to amaze me π
.
hope yer well , chief
cba….alls ok thanks. How are things with you? Stocks ok with the home brew….best use it quickly in case it goes off π
Up
good to hear fella π
all grand here
it’s a bugger keeping on top of homebrew
ye can’t forget stock control
no siree !
much like those ronnie drew bearded youngfellas
ye see beatin’ about the place
inked up to their eyeballs
short back n sides too
who
were it not for their nail varnish drying
look like they could “wrastle an ozarks barrrr”
ye have to plan years ahead
to get to the well trodden path
.
.
what was i on about π
.
yup
consume
replenish
tricky
.
i store some bottles for ages
a particularly nice imperial stout
was laid away for a year or more
.
those for quick consumption
have the helpful side effect
of
forgetting i’ve put some in storage
.
anyhoo
.
.
waffling away as usual
(stay safe at the baseball bat bowls buddy)
π
B & B
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avyruPEzU1o
that tune
nope
not fer me
no
not unlike the homesick paddy
who never left ireland
singing songs of dear old eireann
in a touraloura accent
what is the point ?
any angry people i know
just are
for better or worse
they don’t pause to work out the chords
anyhoo
i’ve talked enough shite today π
mind you
wouldn’t take long
to work out those chords
π
You on your own again, cba?
Downright rude. I apologise. What can I pour you. I have whiskey, and I have whisky, and I have…
Oh, that would appear to be it. π
‘holic, i think i see a bottle of uisge beatha hanging around the back bar, too. and arseblog must have been through, ’cause all the bourbon is empty…
G’night cba. π
G’night ‘holic too.
‘hol
the beauty of yer stewardship here
despite yer name being above the door
is anyone who takes a jar here
is on the
“the guvs just nipped out”
.
“no bother”
“sign for it here then ,mate” list
.
.
.
happy to do a singular swally here
just happy its open π
and i’m not barred
π
.
.
though
go ahead
bar me
go on
try it
I KNOW PEOPL…………….
There are only a few shrines in my temple, but this is the only one I would kneel in front of:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SDhUAVKNVg
Come the day you’re barred from this bar, cba, will be the day hell freezes over or John Terry becomes a tolerable human being. So you’ve got plenty of time…
Astral Weeks, Joe. The true catechism.
https://youtu.be/4ech6pZoBJ4
can’t feckin stand van the wee baldy man
sorry
similarly similar over the top emotional emotions
wrenched over the same whaaaa whaaa range
i appreciate i might be missing something
but in true oskar stylee
my head says
highly bloody unlikely
sorry oskar
π
The only record in my short lifetime Ned, where on first hearing, I automatically thought it was a complete masterpiece. And it remains to be the record of my lifetime.
He recorded that, astonishingly, when he was 23. The sad thing believe it or not, is that Morrison doesn’t own it..! If I remember correctly from some interview he gave, the rights are actually owned by some record company…!!
But what a piece of music!
saw him twice
once in a shop in belfast
once after booker T and the MGs
and neil young
Saw Van in Cork, CBA, a few weeks ago.
Another tick on the bucket list completed..!
Waits is the only one remaining for me.
That and old big ears….!
π
seeing people ye love in concert joe
hard to whack
yes indeedy π
big ears is waiting in the wings
oh yes
π
Waits as in pipers or as in Tom, Joe?
My preference is for wine and cognac, cba, but I’ll drink a half (or better still a pint) of bitter with you … or a pint of whiskey if ye prefer. Well, no probs with the beer, but maybe not the latter nowadays.
Once upon a time I used to say ‘I don’t drink any more’ … followed by ‘I don’t drink any less either’ (joke). But it’s no longer true. That second bottle of whisk(e)y shared with a mate would have to be drunk in my sleep now. π
Γskar
Waits as in Tom, indeed Ned. I’ll probably have to travel to see him eventually.
http://www.arsenal.com/match/report/1415/post/under-21/u21s-arsenal-1-0-fulham-match-report
Joe: I once saw not Tom Waits but Tom Petty or it may have been Nils Lofgren flip a somersault off a trampoline while playing his guitar. Double bill with Blondie, if I recall. Seems a long time ago. Well, it was a long time ago…
Nice one ‘h!
A battling three points early on at Selhurst Park (3 – 1 to the Arse) = Doom and Gloomers piped-up for the week. Cech!
Rush back to the local for a Magners-on-ice and to catch the 2nd half of the artificially-doped challengers playing out a physical and dirty scoreless draw with highlights being several month long injuries to Hazard, Silva, Fabregas and Toure. Cech!
Up the Arse all day and night! COYBG!
Now that’s poetry cba, mae Celtic bard! π
Preview this evening, all.
Have a great Saturday.
Holic,
In case you were contemplating another poetic piece for the preview –
The match tomorrow is at the Palace,
Don’t get it confused with Peter Alliss,
He does the golf on SS4 ………
Interesting to see that in , what was apparently an impressive performance by the Under 21s last night, Bielik started at centre back. It will be interesting to watch his progress this season . His partner Pleguezelo is highly rated at the club but had several injuries last season. So don’t expect a CB signing before the window closes. Zelalem scored in a 1-0 win against Fulham
If Cech isn’t who we need.. we may have to recall Jenkinson!
100% record!
π
Hoping Petr remembers to Cech in this time.
The headline is a Palace Pun-chline. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>